Confessions of a Single Black Female Volume 8: The Definition of a Heaux – A Tutorial
Posted by: Mz. Joy on: November 2, 2009
No Promo
Of course, his Note is from the Male Perspective. But it’s important to have two different views on the same subject. This blog was originally going to be written after I realized that the size of my breasts made certain people think I was easy. Then I was going to write it when a guy approached me in the club and said I was sexy, “For a Biggun.” Both time, I wasn’t able to be objective. However, since my move to the desolate wasteland that is 11 months without appropriate male contact, I am more than able to state my thoughts on the subject. {The Globetrotter doesn’t count folks, it was soooooo wrong}
For starters, there are many different kinds of heauxs. We use the spelling Heaux to make it seem a tab bit more elegant, but we mean Hoe, Ho’, and all other variations of that word. Today, we are going to touch on 5 different types of Heauxs. While my opinion might differ from yours, these findings are based on years of observation and interaction with Heauxs. Keep in mind, Heauxs are EVERYWHERE. The first Heaux we are going to tackle, The Club Heaux.
Strengths: Wearing Clothes but looking Naked, Drinking whole bottles of Moscato in less than 5 minutes, Swallowing an entire Sprite Can.
Weaknesses: Can’t keep a Job, Will take your Man, Will take your Girl, Thinks she’s a model
Role Models: Lil’ Kim, Foxy Brown, Tila Tequilla
Strengths: Street Smart, Owns at least one formal piece of clothing. Can talk her way into almost anything
Weaknesses: Her Credit, Her Saggy Breasts, Her Shady Baby’s Father
Role Models: TMS, Tyra Banks, Vivica {The Queen of the Aging Heauxs)
Strengths: Still in school even though she skips class 50% of the time, Knows the Value of Hard Work {in various forms}, Can still be Saved
Weaknesses: No Guidance, Sexual inexperience, doesn’t know the definition of a Lady
Role Models: Nicky Minaj
Strengths: Actually knows she needs help, Can Function Normally sometimes
Weaknesses: Low Self Esteem, Denial, Guilt, Cyclical Behavior
Role Models: None
Strengths: Smarter Than You, Hard-working, Goal Oriented, A Real Go-Getter
Weaknesses: Makes bad Relationship Choices, Does not understand the 80/20 Rule, Low Self Esteem, Has Tunnel Vision
Role Models: Alicia Keys, Denise Richards, Rocsi from 106 and Park, Angelina Jolie, that Chick that had John Edward’s Baby, etc
Lest we not forget, the greatest Heaux of them all, the Heauxfessional. She got her Job, being a good Heaux. The Heauxfessional has brains, and beauty, and drive. She is the amalgamation of all things Heaux. Often times, she turns into the Heaux that Took Your Man. She is in a high level position, and is known in certain circles as the premier Heauxfessional. She’s good at her job, that is how she keeps it. The problem with the Heauxfessional, she often times talks to friends, and messes it up for herself, and everyone around her. Be careful of the Heauxfessional, she can ruin your life.
Best Places to Find a Heaux-Fessional: The Detroit Yacht Club, Sorority Fundraisers, Fraternity Fundraisers, any Black Tie Event {$100 ticket or more} Washington D.C., New York City, Detroit
Strengths: Business Savvy, Always in the Right Place at the Right Time, Well Connected
Weaknesses: Her hatin’ ass Best Friend, Kym Worthy, Her Big Mouth
Role Models: Christine Beatty, Monica Conyers, Monica Lewinski, the guy that outted Governor McGreevy
We at Confessions of a Single Black Female hope this tutorial helped you to properly identify the Heauxs around you. Maybe reading this will lead you to help a Young or Misguided Heaux. Maybe it help to Identify yourself, as an Aging or a Club Heaux. We at Confessions of a Single Black Female are here to help you!
Questions? Comments? Concerns? All are Welcomed and Appreciated
Ms. Risa Explains It All: You Forgot You Were a N*gger
Posted by: Mz. Joy on: September 18, 2009
Dear Rich & Famous Black People,
I know this might come as a shock to you. But You, are Still, a Nigger. Doesn’t matter how much money you have, or how many white friends you have in your perspective industries. You are still a Nigger. Oh No, they would never call you that to your face, ever. Because they are hip and understanding. They feel for you and you inner Nigger angst, and feel bad for their ancestors part in your Nigger Pain and Suffereing. Hell, they even voted for Obama! How’s that for being down for the cause?!?
And yes, the White Masses, they love you. As long as you are spending your money on frivolous shit. Keep buying cars, and gym shoes, and jewelry from Jacob the Jeweler. Keep spending $100,000 on a purse or a vacation. Keep mortgaging houses so you look good for the next season of Real Housewives of Some City where Black People Live. They will sign that pay check that keeps you on TV, because they laugh at the Step and Fetch It routine you have perfected.
But please remember Rich & Famous Black People, you are still a Nigger.
They aren’t hanging you from a tree, because they can just hang you on television. They don’t have to put Coloreds Only at the door of the Club, because you stay in your area anyway. They don’t have to limit your resources, because we all know the only thing you will ever be good at is Sports and Entertainment. They don’t have to have a telethon to help your community, because you are too busy Choking Internet SuperStars.
Rich Black People, I know this seems harsh. I know you feel as though I am attacking you out of no where, without any form of evidence or validation. And never would I want to persecute the Nigger Race without facts. So Allow me to show you, Point By Point, what has provoked me to remind you that You – Yes You, Rich & Famous Black Person that you are - are indeed still a Nigger.
Example #1: The Unfortunate Demise of Football Star Steve McNair
Just because you are famous, doesn’t mean you can just go around and mingle with everyone. Or at least if you mingle, know what you are getting yourself into. How many interracial couples have you seen that involve an Arab/Muslim Woman and a Black Man? Just Sayin’. It’s not done. Sure, Love can transcend all boundaries, but usually, it’s done in secret in other states so your family doesn’t see. Maybe If you aren’t from Tha D, you don’t understand. But Steve McNair forgot He Was a Nigger. That girl’s Family would rather see her DEAD, than see her with Steve McNair.
*Historical Reference: Emmet Till was Beaten and Murdered for “whistling” at a White Woman
Example #2: The Kanye West/Taylor Swift Incident
But Jump on Stage and snatch the mic from the “White Virginal” Taylor Swift, all hell broke loose. He had to go on Leno. He had to blog an apology twice. He had to talk to her momma. He had to call her. The President called him a jackass. Rush Limbaugh got all in his ass for days on end. What is the difference between 2005 and Now? Kayne “attacked” a country Music Star. A WHITE Country Star. The Young, Virginal Embodiment of Country Music. And they will not stand for that! Kayne might have good music, but he is still just a Nigger with Swirly Shit in his head. Who showed up on the Red Carpet, with a half full Bottle of Hennesy. Because there is NOTHING more Niggerish than ‘Henny.
Example #3: Jimmy Carter vs. Barack Obama
“I think people who are guilty of that kind of personal attack against Obama have been influenced to a major degree by a belief that he should not be president because he happens to be African American.
“It’s a racist attitude, and my hope is and my expectation is that in the future both Democratic leaders and Republican leaders will take the initiative in condemning that kind of unprecedented attack on the president of the United States,” Carter said.
President Obama immediately stepped up and said Carter was wrong, and it wasn’t racism. At first I was hella pissed to read that. Then I remembered, Obama is still a Nigger. What do you think would have happened if he had been like, “Yeah. All them Crackers is Racist!” We would all be in mourning. Call President Obama an Uncle Tom, a Weak Man if you want. But he is trying to keep his life.
Some will rebuke me for saying all this, for letting the truth be known. But it’s been weighing on my heart for a while. We are not very far removed from a time when the FBI was actually legally allowed to go into a Black Man’s Home and massacre him under the guise of protecting the American People from Radical Hate Groups (read: The Black Panther Movement). December 4, 1969 is NOT just Sean Carter’s Birthday. {You like how I found a way to bring this all back to Jigga, don’t you} Google FBI CounterIntel-Pro one day . . . Will blow your mind.
I’m not a radical, these aren’t off the wall thoughts. I’m just a person who knows my history, and got the rude awaking in 2006 that even I, the Greatest Token Negro of all Time, was still seen as JUST a Nigger. Please Refer to my Notes My Fight With the Man Parts 1 & II for more on that Rude Awakening.
In the eyes of the people who still run this country, YOU ARE STILL A NIGGER. It would serve you well, not to forget that.
Sincerely,
Radical Nigger who Knows her History
Real Nigga Shit (c) AK Volume 11: I’m So Ambitious . . .
Posted by: Mz. Joy on: September 7, 2009
Life’s a Game, but It’s not Fair,
I Break the Rules so I Don’t Care.
So I’ll keep doing my Own Thing,
Walking Tall Against the Rain.Victory’s within the Mile,
Almost There, Don’t Give Up Now,
Only Thing That’s on My Mind,
Is Who’s Gonna Run This Town Tonight?
It’s been a while, RNS Readers. I had to wait for the proper motivation. My motivation today comes from an entire 72 hours listening to nothing but Jay-Z (there was a brief Eminem Interlude inspired by his Flyness on Renegade). I didn’t know I was a Jay-Z Fan, until I looked through my MP3 library, and noticed I have EVERY album. Even most of the underground Mixtapes. I might not have listened to them, but I have them. And I BOUGHT his albums. Like on CD. Who does that?!?
Even though I downloaded The BluePrint 3, I already ordered my copy from Amazon.com, so I will own that one too. I am almost proud of myself for being Loyal to Jigga for this long. (I can’t even be loyal to what kind of ToothPaste I Like!) I didn’t even listen to him until college, but I quickly understood that he knew what he was talking about. Going through his entire Discography this weekend, I realized WHY I Love Jay-Z . . .
Evolution . . .
Sean Carter aka Jigga aka Iceberg Slim aka S. Carter (You Must Try Harder) aka Hova aka Jay-Z has evolved. He went from Rappin’ about the Dope Game, to rappin’ at the Inauguration of the First Black President. In Less than 15 years.
People can claim to be a Role Model, but do they know what that means? Soulja Boy swears he’s a Mogul-in-the-Making, but that Fool can’t even spell his name. Everyone isn’t meant to be the next leader of the generation. What has T-Pain done for the Youth, other than lead them into his personal land of Coonery?
Yeah, Diddy was tweeting about the Protests on Howard’s Campus (where he attended, but didn’t graduate) but what group has he ever created and given financial freedom to? The reason he is so rich is because he owns the Publishing to every group he has ever worked with. Back to MJ and Jodeci. So yeah, he is ballin out of control, and is Locked In for the Cause . . . But he’s more of the problem than he is the solution.
Some would say, you can’t look up to a former Drug Dealer. Why Not? Stupid Republican folks look up to a Former Drug Addict (Rush Limbaugh)and a Flaming Idiot (Glenn Beck). Yeah, he was a Drug Mogul . . . But that isn’t where he stayed. He was smart enough to realize that this might pay the bills, but it would also get him killed. So he moved on. Look at the things he has done since he left the drug game, they far outweigh his years on the street.
Nowadays, folks listen for a good hook and a cute dance move. But Lyrically, he didn’t name those albums The Blueprint for nothing. He’s like GIVING people the key to be as big as him. But instead, they listen to Durrough and T-Pain and look for strippers and cars with an Ice Cream Paint Job.
Every person you consider a close friend should be down for your cause. And not just think it’s a good idea, but be actively willing to help you reach that goal. Providing you the motivation you need when you are afraid to fail. Even if they think in their head you are going to fall on your face, they still should be down to ride.
I have surrounded myself with so many people who enable me to be less than what I am. After a while, you stop believing in yourself. You get yourself stuck in a rut, and you can’t figure out which way is out.
Cut them Busters LOOSE! I
f they aren’t on your level, and they aren’t trying to get there, why are you with them again? I’d rather not get to talk to you when I want to because we are both busy making something of ourselves, to be honest. If either one of us is easily accessible all the time, what the F*ck are we doing?
This is not a F*ck you to all those people I don’t talk to very often, it’s just a call to arms. Are you on your Grind? Are you on the corner hustlin’ or are you on the Couch watching TV. When you think about where you will be in the next 5 years, does it include the words Debt Free? or Does it include the words, Dealing with the same BullSh*t?
I Love that Song, really I do! It speaks the truth about so much. Why do men put so much emphasis on getting Money? Power? Fame? Because they are all trying to get laid. Here is my question?
What kind of P-U-S-S-Y are you trying to get?
Because it seems to me that ya’ll are doing all that work to get sub-standard affection? Club Hoes are the one’s who are benefiting from your hard work. You worried about that cough you got since you hit up that chick at Club Esco last week, meanwhile she is on to the next dude that bought her a drink.
Who are you trying to impress?
It must not be real females. Because RNS, We ain’t Impressed. Everything you have, you worked for. So Did We! You spend all your time working, to give your money away. That’s like renting a Condo, don’t make no sense. Then you get mad because the Club Hoe you thought was gone be the Bonnie to your Clyde has 4 Baby Daddies and 2 Kids, has been on Maury 6 Times, and has a bad case of the Herp. Yeah, that P-U-S-S-Y was powerful, and you ain’t the only one who thought so.
Plans Change. At the age of 20, I was going to be the world’s best teacher, changing the way that people taught children. At the age of 24, I was gonna save the Black Youth in Detroit, one non-reading 3rd Grader at a time. At 26, my home daycare was going to revolutionize the industry. At 27, I’m going to use my verbal skills to mold the minds of Teachers, who will then go back and change their students lives.
Sh*t Happens. So does Toilet Paper. Clean up your mess, and move the F*ck on!
If one thing doesn’t work out, you HAVE to move on to the next one. I am still helping children, which has been my underlying goal since I was 10 and I thought I was going to be a pediatrician. I just have to keep adjusting the way that I am doing it. Flexibility isn’t just good in the bedroom (shout out to that Downward Dog Position I just Learned in Yoga) If you aren’t willing to change your habits when you are kicked out of your comfort zone, when will you be?
Because I was actually listening to some of Jay-Z’s lyrics, and the bomb ass interview he did on Real Time with Bill Maher, I realized that his main ambition was not only changing his environment, but finding new environments to Explore and Conquer. I mean, that’s in the Bible. Evolution, moving past what you know, and seeking things you don’t. Understanding that you have a higher purpose, that you aren’t meant to work at McDonald’s or Meijer’s or Kroger’s forever, unless you are working your way up the Corporate Food Chain.
I leave you friends with the Chorus to So Ambitious, my favorite Song on The BluePrint 3
The Motivation For Me
was Them Telling Me What I Could Not Be, Oh WellI’m So Ambitious . . .
{sic}Hey I’m on A Mission
No Matter What The ConditionsF*ck all your PERSONAL ISSUES
When You Know What I Been ThroughHey, If You Believe It,
Then You Can Conceive It
Comments are Always Welcome!
Diane Warren Ruined my Life (or, I’m So Sick of Love Songs)
Posted by: Mz. Joy on: July 31, 2009
Now before you say that I am blaming that white woman for the problems that affect me and my friends, listen to my case okay.
Quick, name the first song you heard that made you think to yourself, “Damn, I can’t wait to be in Love.” That Heffa Wrote it. Was your song I Turn To You when Christina Aguilerra sang it? Or was that song, The Arms of the One Who Loves You . Or maybe, if you don’t listen to R & B, it was How Do I Live (the Trisha Yearwood Version) .
All those songs, She is responsible for. All the Bullshit, that people have been made to believe about what love really is, she wrote it. Just sending those words out into the world all willy nilly. With no warning labels or NOTHING! I wonder how she does it? Does she just sit down at her piano and think, “How can I cause some young girl to think that a random dude is heaven on earth.” She probably does just that. Then she cackles her Evil Succubus Cackle, and begins to write her “Masterpieces of Love.”
Pretty Much the gist of this song is: Regardless of what I think is right, true, or sane – I Will Do Whatever You Ask Me To Do. Like The United States Postal Service before me, I won’t let Rain, Hail, Sleet or Snow stop you from getting what you want in life. Because that is what real loov is all about!
I will be your savior, do things normally impossible, because I Love You. Who the hell is this woman?!?! Like who sits at home like, “I would Do this for someone, I think I will write a song about it.” As a 14 year old girl, if this is what you are hearing on the radio, and you don’t have a solid background to explain that this is FICTION and DayDreams, this is your definition of love! Are you Serious? People wonder why young women stay in Horrible Relationships, long after a sane people would have left . . . DIANE FUGGIN’ WARREN!
First of all, this song is great. But that’s beside the point. The real point I am trying to make, is once again, listening to this song fugged up my view of what Love/Relationships should be about. According to this song, when you can’t make it, it’s the job of the person you love, or the person who is in love with you, to make everything better. Because let’s face it, You can’t do anything on your own. You can’t solve your own problems, you need a significant other to fix the broken pieces of your life. How unfortunate for those of us that are single, and alone in the world. We will never be loved the “Right Way.” Never know what “Real Love” is like, until we have someone who loves us. Someone who would go above and beyond the call of duty, just to make us feel loved.
Are you starting to understand why I Hate Diane Warren yet?
No?!?!
Okay, I will give you another example.
Just to show that I’m not biased, and think it’s only the songs that women sing that are ruining the lives and relationships of the people I know, I’ll use this song for example. It pretty much follows the same vein as the first 2 “Love Songs” I mentioned above. I’ll do anything you ask me to do, because that is what being in love means. But what happens when the man you love, doesn’t do that? What happens when you aren’t his first priority, and he doesn’t move heaven and earth to make you happy?
You break up with him. Call him a selfish bastard who doesn’t care about you at all. You make all kinds of mix CD’s with all the Love Songs you grew up listening to, so that you can remind yourself how that man failed you.
Did you ever think that maybe you were the one who was wrong? Of Course Not! Diane Warren and all the rest of these songwriters who write beautiful love songs never tell us we are wrong. Then, just when you think that maybe you were a tad bit harsh, maybe you jumped to the wrong conclusion, maybe you should try talking to the person you love about how you feel and what you expect, Diane Fuggin’ Warren sends you a song that let’s you know you were right all along!
This is such a beautiful song. It’s all about getting over the person who did you wrong, and rising above all the pain. I have a friend who considers this song part of the reason she was able to get over her 10 year abusive relationship. But for some of us who live vicariously through music, this song subtly tells us that we don’t really need that asshole man. Oh, No. There is someone even better out there. Someone who will love us like Celine, and Monica, and Meatloaf said they should.
This is why I am so sick of Love Songs. Because they don’t tell the truth. Yes, there are songs out there that are realistic about live and love. I suggest all things India Arie. I was going to say Anthony Hamilton, but I recently discovered one of my favorite songs by him, “Do You Feel Me?” from the American Gangster Soundtrack was written by none other than Diane Fuggin’ Warren. She is tainting EVERYONE. Ne-Yo is running a close second though.
How do you create a song CALLED “So Sick (of Love Songs) then spend the next THREE DAMN YEARS writing them for other people. Hypocrite Much? I must say, there are some songs that continue to touch my heart, that will forever hold a place in my heart, even though I know they are complete and utter bullshit. But I think the first step to not being sucked into Diane Warren’s web of Lies and Deceit is the be on guard!
So I wrote this blog for you friends, to make sure I exposed you to the TRUTH. For it shall set you free. Diane Warren has forever skewed my view of Love. Forever made me find songs that match how I feel about whoever I am dating/sexing/crushing. Sing songs while I’m driving because I’m just that in Love. She doesn’t have to do the same for you. There is still hope that you will stop listening to songs, and LIVE YOUR LIFE. Stop letting Love Songs guide you down the Path of MisUnderStanding, and instead embrace Your Heart. Not Diane Warren’s.
Because Face It, it’s probably a dark soulless abyss that leads straight to hell.
Not that I am Judging her, I’m Just Sayin’.
Confessions of a Single Black Female Vol 7: Why I Love Black Men
Posted by: Mz. Joy on: July 26, 2009
If you knew me in college, this title has already thrown you off. Because you probably remember the day I skipped all my classes my Sophomore Year to sit in Kennedy Union to stick up for my statement, “There is a 30% chance that I will marry a Black Man. They aren’t even what I’m attracted to.” Yes, I made that statement. I meant that shit. That statement made it to all the black people on my Predominately White Campus is less than an hour. Keep in Mind, this was the year 2000 . . . No Twitter, no Facebook, no MySpace, just phones and text messaging. I was in KU for about 5 hours, and the discussion was intense! I lost the respect of a few people that day, and I don’t know If i ever got it back. Nine years later, what has changed?
My environment. I was raised around the Pale People, went to school with them, shopped in their areas, pretty much spent my time with them. So you like what you KNOW. Yeah, our house was in Detroit until I was 14, but I didn’t do anything at my house. The only people I played with on my street were family, literally. So when college was over, after The One that Got Away broke my lil heart, I exposed myself to more black folks, in the hopes of finding his replacement. Don’t Judge, you’ve done it too. So now, my Ode to the Black Men I Know, Love, and Appreciate. (This might not be for those under the age of 18, Thought I would put that out there)
There is a reason Taye Diggs is one of the most popular black actors, and was cast in like every other movie in the later 90’s and early 00’s. It’s not his superb acting ability. It’s the scene in “How Stella Got Her Groove Back” when he’s walking around the corner, and see’s Stella, and had that beautiful smile on his face. Lord Jesus, I just lightweight shivered thinking about it.
A well kept black man’s mouth makes you want to just grab his face and thoroughly investigate the nooks and crannies . . . with your tongue. Or is that just me? Did I go too far? Does it matter, this is my note. I can say what I want. White Teeth set me off . . . they do! Also, men, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE keep your facial hair tight. If you have discovered you get more attention with facial hair, don’t shave it off. Because the same women who liked you with facial hair, don’t like looking at you now. It’s weird. The proper Goatee/chin strap/Beard can get the BUSINESS. Have Beautiful Teeth too . . . .OVER!
That visual you just got . . . Yeah Buddy! Something about a bald head on a black man. Especially a dark Skinned Black Man, whew! Just smooth and round and pretty. Let me focus before I make some phone calls. There is a draw back to this one ladies. Those men that have Bumpy Lumpy Weird Shaped heads. Know your strengths men, honestly. Every man doesn’t look good with a bald head. Take Ne-Yo for example. If that negro had taken that hat off one more time on the Coon Awards, I would have had to vomit. That isn’t sexy, put your M’Fin hat back on boy! That is why you wear them. But know that, when the right man has the RIGHT shaped head, and keeps it looking right and not scruffy . . . GRRRRRRRRRRR!
I was in the airport on my way back to the Black Man’s Barren Wasteland that is Tucson Arizona, and I almost got beat up in the airport. In front of me in line was the most beautiful black man I had ever seen. He must have been on his way to or from a meeting. It’s 9 in the morning, he had on a 3-piece, Italian Cut, Black with Gray Pinstripes suit. And on his feet, the non-ghetto Stacy Adams, yes I do know mens shoes. The Lady Behind me was Arabic, and I heard her say, GOT Damn! I turned around and said, I AGREE! Living out here, you don’t see that much, but that mental picture stays with me. A Black man in a Suit is kryptonite for me. He could be ugly as hell, but that suit, if it fits right, might give him a pass . . .
Not the 26 year old Virgin is making a statement! But Y”ll know it’s true. Not just because they come in all shapes, sizes, and colors, but theoi level of concentration (in the Important moments) is infinite. It’s really not fair that I say this, due to the fact that I haven’t had sex with people other than Black Men, but still. We all hit RedTube up once in a while, and I have tried to watch the regular stuff. That lasts about 30 secs, then it’s on to Ebony. I have fooled around with a Rainbow Coalition of Men, and the difference is PALPABLE. It just is. I’m going to end this one just like that, because I do have Family on FB . . .
My Girls already know, and I am willing to admit. I have never talked to a Black Man who wasn’t Greek. No, I’m not a groupie (unless they are Que, then the jury is still out) but It’s just something about a Black Greek Man who knows how to handle his business. He has his priorities in order, knows what his goals are, and then pursues it. Not all Black Greek Men are like this, but the ones that I find attractive are. I will admit, I was sucked into the Matrix on this one. Two dudes, same qualifications and looks. If one is Greek, I will choose him, and often times not even know he’s Greek. It comes up later.
Without Fail, every man I have been attracted too, Stalked, or Tried to Holla at was Greek. Even more sad, I can usually look at a group of Black Men and tell you what Org they belong to. I have only been wrong once, and that wasn’t my fault. When have YOU ever seen a Kappa with Dreads down to his ass???!!!???? Considering I didn’t start “dating” Until I turned 18, and I was already a Zeta by then, I guess I was going for what I knew. Yes, there are beautiful black men who aren’t Greek (Crank that Barack Obama) but the Greek World is small, and since dudes use it as a dating pool, why shouldn’t we?
This Note turned out differently than I thought it was going to, LOL. There are more reasons that I love the Black Man, but evidently I had to explain why I am Attracted to them. Yes, the reasons I have listed might seem superficial, but if they don’t meet these requirements, they won’t ever get to the Getting to Know You Phase, where the benchmarks are much more stringent. Just like men tell women all the time, you are nice just not my type . . . I know my type. I LOVE my Type. I’ve noticed that the past often dictates the future. You find one person that ISN’T your type, and they treat you right, they become your type. You are always going to look for someone who reminds you of that person, whether you know it or not.
An Open Letter to BET Networks
Posted by: Mz. Joy on: June 29, 2009
Dear BET:
You came on the scene in the Year of 1980. Two years before I was born, and yet I can remember when you provided the Black Community with a positive outlet for our creativity. From shows such as Video Soul with Donnie Simpson, and later BET News, and BET Tonight with Tavis Smiley, you were able to show the world that Intelligent, Dignified African Americans not only existed, but were able to strive towards greatness everyday.
So what happened? Did my generation miss the memo that said BET was about to become Coontastic Television. Did that bulletin come attached to the free chicken and watermelon you were passing out at 106 & Park after you got rid of Free & AJ? Was it a conscious decision to slowly ruin anyone born after 1995, or was that just an added bonus? Is there a reason that anyone over the age of 23 can’t watch your network without feeling that they have somehow become more ignorant?
I stopped watching BET when I went to College. I think that says alot about your station.
I started college in 1999. For ten years, I have been ashamed that your station existed. You started the destruction of our race slowly, I will give you that. I wouldn’t have noticed it until at least 2005 had it not been for my younger cousins. You started with getting rid of the news shows. Because really, what black person wants to know what is going on in the rest of the world. Replacing the news with BET Uncut was a HUGE step in the Ruin all Black Youth Direction. The next step, getting rid of the College Educated hosts of the one show people actually watched. Introducing us to HitZ from the Streets and to taking us into Cita’s World, I mean who doesn’t like a computer animated ignorant black woman?
Finally, Bob Johnson was able to hand over the reigns to that Black Wunderkind Debra Lee! We as a people just KNEW with a black woman running things, BET was about to get it together. Boy were we wrong! First, you decided it would be a good deal to stop showing videos all together! Except for BET Uncut, because that was making so many young prostitutes rich. (The Mockery that is 106 & Park isn’t even on my radar, thus it’s lack of acknowledgment as an actually TV Show.)
And of course, what the world needed was more “Reality” TV! Because seeing Poor Black People in real life, is SO much better than trying to educate them. Again, I must give you props for the way it was handled. You didn’t just push “College Hill” – the only show about College that doesn’t show people actually going to school – on us right away. You worked your way up to it!
Kudos to you for BET ComicView: The Coontastic Comedy show. Originally hosted by a Black Woman in the Kitchen and Renaldo Ray. I am sure getting him was a FIND! Then you kept the laughs coming with Spring Bling and Baldwin Hills and Finally, the PIECE DE RESISTANCE, the Frankie and Neffie Show. Because every Coontastic character should get their own show. It was bad enough that Keyshia Cole had to include them on her show while trying to show people how she rose above. Now we have to see them every week! Yes BET! Score one for the Team!
But, now BET. Let’s get down to the reason I am actually writing this letter. The 2009 Coon Awards ft. a “Tribute” to the Pop Icon Michael Joe Jackson. Where do I start? Can I first say, I will never watch your station again. I don’t care if Jesus has decided to come back and prove that he is really a negro, I won’t be watching. Honestly, he will probably just go on MTV and be done with it.
Debra Lee, you disgust me. You are the scum between my toes. To actually get on that stage, and ask people to clap for the great “efforts” your staff made is like saying a Jewish Lawyer isn’t Wealthy. Just POINTLESS. Besides the fact that Michael Jackson’s father was in the audience (with Your Favorite Heavily Activated Activist Al “Make It About Me” Sharpton), did you really think that no one would know how horrible of a job you had done?
The Sound Quality was atrocious, the Lighting was off, and half the performers were drunk and/or high. Have you no Couth? Have you no respect for the one black man other than Barack Obama that made black people mean something to the world? When is it EVER acceptable not to have at least a 30 second delay on a live taping? While I did chuckle when Eddie Levert made his slip up, I did not find it funny to see Lil’ Wayne tell me to “Put Up my hands for Michael Jackson in that Bitch.”
Every single performance should have been cancelled! Every single one. If you are going to dedicate a performance to someone, they event should embody that person’s spirit. Michael Jackson did NOT sing about Fucking Every Girl in the World. He did not Hop out of a Bed with his Swag on. He did not ever sing about Birthday Sex. SUBTLETY is what was required at this event. Respect and Dignity. This was an EPIC FAIL for your company, EPIC. I hope you lose all your advertising partners for that Travesty of a show. If you are going to do it, do it well. Or Just Don’t Do It At ALL!
Michael Jackson expected perfection in EVERYTHING he did. I was actually sad to see Janet Jackson come on the stage, because I knew she had seen what came before her. Young Money and their anthem of Ignorance. Have you heard a Michael Song? Did you watch the videos you have been showing for the last few days? Did you take ANY of that into account? Better yet, did you care?
Singing in my kitchen while washing Dishes two nights in a row was a better tribute than what you did. Going to Karaoke and singing Michael Jackson Songs badly is a better tribute. Blasting P.Y.T. out of my car on the freeway is a better tribute. My friends and I had planned a better tribute via Twitter, FaceBook, and MySpace. EPIC FAIL. I can’t say that enough.
BET you now epitomize everything that Dr. Martin Luther King died to prevent. You have SINGLE HANDEDLY destroyed an entire generation of black children. I hope you are proud of yourselves. I will leave you with a lyric from one of the numerous awesome songs by Michael Jackson:
Tell me what has become of my rights
Am I invisible because you ignore me?
Your proclamation promised me free liberty, nowI’m tired of bein’ the victim of shame
They’re throwing me in a class with a bad name
I can’t believe this is the land from which I cameYou know I do really hate to say it
The government don’t wanna see
But if Martin Luther was livin’
He wouldn’t let this be . . .All I Wanna Say is That
They Don’t Really Care about Us
Sincerely,
Marisa Joy Williams
My Reflection on the Life and Death of Michael Jackson
Posted by: Mz. Joy on: June 26, 2009
I’ve been accused of being crazy, horribly verbose, and simply off today. Yes, I write all the time. Most times, I tag people and beg for comments. Not today. Today this is my personal letter to Michael Jackson. Much like my BlogFriend Effie I feel the need to tell him everything he meant to me, and attempt to explain my actions of the last 24 hours.
Remember going to the BAD Concert Tour. Sitting in traffic going toward the Palace of Auburn Hills, bouncing in the car, making sure we were really going to the concert. Being under the age of Ten, and seeing Michael Jackson come onto the stage and realizing this is the greatest concert experience wyou will ever see. Breaking your Brand New Glasses less than 10 into the show because you Jumped Up and Danced. Yelling, Bad? Who’s Bad? Loud enough that you couldn’t speak for he next week.
Michael was the Purity of Musical Talent. The Purity of Musical Sound. The Purity of Childlike Innocence. Michael opened up his heart to the world, and gave everything he had. And maybe it will end up that he was just tired. Tired of the persecution, and blame, and lies, and hurt, and pain.
But He will never know that I Loved him. That I cried when I found out, and called my mother. But I did, and I still do. And as I sit here typing and crying, I wonder if anyone understands? If they understand how it feels to love someone you never actually spoke to, to the point that you can’t do anything but sit and mourn.
Confessions of a Single Black Female Vol 6: I Shouldn’t Be Better Than You
Posted by: Mz. Joy on: June 24, 2009
Call me a snob, or stuck up, or whatever you want. But when I look at myself in the mirror, I tell myself all the time, to Step My Game Up. So why don’t I require that of you? Why is it ok for me to improve myself, but you won’t? If I am trying to go back to school, why can’t you? Why am I settling for your half-ass way of living? If I am ashamed for living with my father at the age of 27, why aren’t you ashamed that you are 29 and you live with your mom? It doesn’t matter if you had a rough period in your life, 5 YEARS AGO. Are you actively pursuing to get out of your mom’s house? Or are you just “Helping Her with the Bills?” Yes, I should be judging you. The problem is you don’t judge yourself. You haven’t set standards for yourself, so I lower mine so that I can feel better about myself for dealing with you. Men will NEVER get it together, if women keep letting them get away being sub-par. Think about it . . .
He’s not. Unless he is the world’s most confused man, he went to the club to chill with his boys, ogle half-naked women, and maybe find someone to get some ass from. Let’s be honest, didn’t you go to the club for the same reasons? So regardless of what he might tell you at 2 in the morning, he’s most likely not serious. { I say most likely, because I do know a few people who found people they ended up with at a club. It wasn’t a regular club night, it was a function, but still.} But if when he met you, you were half naked, half drunk, and half way humping his leg on the dance floor, he has already put you in the category of freak ass girl. Even if that isn’t you, it’s what you are to him. Is that you? Is that what you would be in front of your parents? Don’t let these video “models” make you think that Slut is the new Wifey. It ain’t, and it never will be. Once again, why are you lowering your personal standards, to get some momentary affection? I know that Lonely is a tough place to be, but so is Jump Off, Club Rat, and Freak Ass Girl. Try going somewhere else to find a husband, man, boyfriend, significant other. Now, if you are looking for your next sexual partner, then DO YOU. Because he will.
You have gut instincts for a reason. If he says something off the wall, question him! When did it become okay to avoid the obvious, for the sake of “Happiness”? Are you really happy? Every time he comes home late, or doesn’t call you, are you happy? If he tells you to meet him at the local Circle K (7-11 for my Detroit People) and he then walks over to the passenger side of your car, and you don’t ask why he’s not getting in his car – you look stupid. When he tells you that he lost his car keys, but he works for the same company that makes his car, HE’S A LIAR. If he has enough time to twitter every hour on the hour, but can’t return a phone call from a week ago, He’s Just Not That Into You. How many times can you ignore what’s in your face, before it beats you upside your head? If you can’t name 5 times when he has proven himself worthy, but you can name at least 10 when he’s shown himself to be a flake – Why are you with him again?
I can do anything better than you. That mindset is KILLING relationships. It’s killing women everyday, trying to be a man. YOU AREN’T ONE! And that’s okay. This is coming from a Single Woman looking at many of the messed up relationships my friends are in. You spent all this time looking for a “Real Man” then you emasculate him at every turn. If you want to get biblical about it, you are supposed to submit to your husband/man/significant other. That doesn’t mean he is supposed to run all over you, but you are supposed to let him be the man. Remember, you aren’t supposed to be better than your man. And if you are, you aren’t supposed to make him feel bad about it.
Example #1: If you are a Lawyer, and your Man is a teacher, respect him for his choice. It’s what he choose to do. It doesn’t make you better than him. He’s not beneath you because of his Salary/Life Choice. As long as he is doing his best, he is still your equal.
Example #2: Looks aren’t everything. Most of the extremely beautiful men I know are complete assholes. People spend so much time stroking their egos, they aren’t worth a damn. He’s not better than you because the Lord chose to put his face together like that, stop thinking that he is. It still stinks when he farts, and occasionally there will still be skid marks in his underwear.
Example #3: “Pretty” women are ruining it for EVERYONE! Ya’ll think every man in the world owes you something, and you treat men like crap. So after you break his heart, and I have to pick up the pieces, he’s bitter and angry. Stop being pretty and get your life right. One day, someone is going to show you just how pretty they are, and ruin your life. Just Sayin’ (And no, I’m not saying that I’m ugly.)
Thank you for letting me get all that off my chest. I hope something I wrote inspired you to leave a comment, because I base my self-worth on how many comments I get on my blogs/notes. Seriously, you don’t want to diminish my self worth do you? DO YOU?
Real Nigga Shit (c) AK Vol 10: The 30 is NOT the New 20 Edition
Posted by: Mz. Joy on: June 17, 2009
The Move to Arizona was not only about the sucky Michigan economy, it was a way to start over. Because even though people lie and say that you have until you are at least 35 to get it together, why is that acceptable? 30 in NOT the new 20. It’s 30. And by 30, if you are a College Graduate, with ample work experience, and you still live at home with a parent, it just might be you. Everything isn’t the economy/recession. You might be the thing that needs some fixin’.
If I had understood at 14, what I have had to learn the hard way by the age of 27, I would be a different person. If I had stopped talking during Biology, and stayed at Mercy, my whole life would have been different. If I hadn’t made the stupid ass decision in March of 2003, and stayed at UD, I could have been married to (Then) the Man of my Dreams. If I had not fought for that extra 4 dollars an hour, I could be making more money than my mother EVER has.
Your 20’s is the time to completely screw up your life. Because the outside world will look at you like, “Oh, she’s just 24, 25, 26, she has no clue what she is doing.” You can get arrested for public Drunkeness, then leave the police station and get on the road to Ohio for the weekend. You can live paycheck to paycheck because you have the need to travel at least once a month. You can be selfish, because it isn’t like you have anyone else that depends on you (unless you have children, but that is a WHOLE different blog). You can do dumb shit, then recover from it. Because You are just learning from life.
After you get to about 27, it’s time to take stock of your life. Have a small “Quarter Life Crisis” as Eva the Diva would say. This isn’t going to work for everyone. I’m not saying that everyone has to have their life together, I’m just saying that some of us do. It’s time to step out of the Greek Matrix and get a real job. It’s time to stop being a Club Hopper and move out of your mother’s house. It’s time to stop being a damn heaux and find a STABLE relationship.
It’s hard enough to be a Smart, Educated, Common Sense having Black (or White) Person in society. But when all you see on BET, MTV, VH1 is coonery and tomfoolery, it’s time to step up and be better. Try to be better. Society expects us to fail, that is why they were about ready to kill themselves when Obama got Elected. Find a lil’ cousin who spends all their time watching 106 & Park, and take them to a museum. Do something! Because it’s not looking too good right now. The class of 2012 is looking like the Coons of 1889 at this point (STILL PISSED ABOUT WHIP IT LIKE A SLAVE!). Never should watching TV make me want to volunteer at the Boy’s and Girls Club!
Because someone did something for you. You wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for Ms. Davis up the street who used to call your mother when you went past the 3rd tree down the block. At the time you hated her for being a snitch, but that Snitchin’ Ass Old Lady up the Block was looking out for you. She made sure you didn’t get attacked by the killer dog up the street, or the crackhead down the road.
30 is NOT the new 20. It’s 30. Most of the people I tag in this note are probably on the same page as me. Then again, I might be wrong. But I didn’t tag you because I think this is something you need to hear, or because I think your life is in shambles. I tagged you because I trust you to read this, then spread it around to those who aren’t fortunate to be as smart as us 
Thanx for Reading. NOW COMMENT!
I am My Mother’s Daughter/The Sins of My Father
Posted by: Mz. Joy on: May 24, 2009
I see my mother allow my father to walk all over her everyday. She cooks, she cleans, she slaves all day at home, without a word of thanks. He’s never cheated, he’s never hit her, but he’s never allowed her to be her own person. I feel like he is punishing her for something only he knows she did wrong. I will NEVER be like her.
So this girl moves away from home, finds a new life in the Big City! Get’s glamorous jobs, meets and befriends famous people, lives the Sex and the City Life. She has even found her Big. Or what she thinks is her Big. They don’t live together, but she is always at his place. Every time she does something he doesn’t approve of, he finds a way to make her undo it. She changes her hair for him – “I thought I would try it, blondes do have more fun right?” – Get’s rid of all her male friends – “They were always being rude to him” – Put up with his slacker ways – “At least he is exciting.” But at least she’s nothing like her mother.
I never could understand why my mother and my father ever got together, they are nothing alike. When I asked my mom what she saw in him, her answer, “The Conversation was amazing.” They were only married for a few years, she got out before he ever hit her (or so she told me) She left and struggled for the rest of my life, all because of a man. Because he broke her. Turned her into a shell of herself. I will NEVER be like her.
So this girl, afraid of ending up just like her mother, does everything she can to not get caught up in a relationship. She longs for male attention, because her father doesn’t give her any. She has never had a real relationship in her life, because her mother was able to live without one. But every once in a while, The Conversation is Amazing. She gets sucked in by the words, and doesn’t pay attention to the actions. Even when she knows that it’s all lies, she is somehow surprised when he turns out to be an asshole. And, as she tries to forget the mistakes she has made, pretends he didn’t steal part of her, she finds an outlet for the pain. She writes, she sings, she reads. But at least she’s nothing like her mother.
I know my parents aren’t perfect. My father wasn’t always faithful, he didn’t always stay at home. Yes, he is a man of God, he’s active in the church. They both are. He has Rev in front of his name, and my mother has always been there for him, even though he is almost never there for her. It hurts me to see how he treats her, and how she allows herself to be treated, I will NEVER be like her.
So she tries her best to be independent. Because if you don’t have to depend on a man for anything, he can’t hurt you. She looks for love, and thinks she has found it. Falls head over heels, and does everything she can to support that man, even though he doesn’t do the same for her. And when he breaks her heart, she moves on, taking that as a lesson all men are the same. Even though she swears she’s over it, the hurt can easily be seen in her eyes, and heard in he voice. But at least she is nothing like her mother.
How long are women going to suffer for the sins of their fathers?
How long are we going to be our Mother’s Daughters?
