I am not going to write it. Maybe someday but right now, I just need to share my thoughts and such . . .
As I lived through one of the worst days I have had at work, ever, I tried to figure out what would make me feel better. Of course, I went to the music in my car. The first song was It’s Not Over – Karen Clark Sheard. And I realized that it isn’t. Even with all the bullshit, my boss watching my every move, and trying to gently nudge me in the “right direction.” Trying to show me the things her boss has an issues with. To me, if you had problems, you come to me, talk to me. This getting it from another source, some serious bullshit.
The next song, courtesy of Ms. X-tina, The Voice Within.When there’s no one left Look inside yourself, Like your oldest friend, just trust the voice within then you’ll find the strengh that will guide your way If you’ll learn to begin to trust the voice within
It made me remember, there were times in my life when I was happy, times when I everything was going well, and I had no issues at all. It was when I did everything for me. It was when I was true to myself. When I wasn’t worrying about what other’s thought about me, my actions, my thoughts, my anything. The only time I was like that, was in college. I have to get back myself. I was on the road there, running away to Dayton/Columbus every weekend. Because those people know the true me, the get a random tattoo Joy, the pierce my tongue Joy, the buy a Halter Top Joy. I have spent so much time trying to get in the good graces of people, that I have lost track of me, and my goals . . . So from this day (actually Thursday) forward, imma get back to me.
The next Song, in my soundtrack of re-discovery, Keep Singing My Song, Ms. X-Tina strikes again.I see every lesson completely I thank God for what I got from above I believe they can take, anything from me But they, can’t suceed in taking my Inner Peace They can say, all they wanna say, about me But I’m gonna carry, Imma keep on Singing My Song
People think they can get away with alot. People feel they can talk about me, say shit to me, not listen to me. I work in an environment where my boss can’t control half of her staff, why? Because they are friends of the BOSS. They are family members of the BOSS. Nepotism runs RAMPANT at my job. A parent accused a teaching assistant of telling a child Shut Up . . .did she get reprimanded, does she ever get reprimanded? No. She talks however she wants, to whomever she wants. If i did half the shit she does, i would have been fired the minute it came out of my mouth. I am even gulity of purposely avoiding conflict with her . . .But at what cost, lost of myself, my goals, and my position as a leader. So fuck that, she leaves soon, trust, i am more excited about her leaving than she is. So i just have to hold out . . .
The Last song, Soar, again by X-Tina
Now in life, theres gonna be time when your feelin low,
and in your mind, insecruities seem to take control
We start to look outside ourselves, for acceptance and approval
We keep forgetting that the one thing we should know is . . .
Don’t be scared to fly alone, Find a path, that is your own
Love will open every door, see in your hands the world is yours
Don’t hold back and always know, All the answers they will unfold
What are you waiting for, Spread your wings and soar!
I’m soaring people, trust and believe . . . Remember, a New Year always brings a new life. Of course, last New Years, I was doped up on Vicadin, Codine, and Penicillan… And we know how this year is going so far, lol.
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