Definition of Self

Often times, we begin to define ourselves by those who surround us.  You start to look at yourself as others see you, good or bad.  Sometimes, your concept of yourself gets lost in those definitions.  When all You really want to do, is live your life based on your thoughts, your fears, your happy times.  So how do I define my life . . .

~As the place where watching TV for 12 hours straight isn’t being a fat ass, it’s a time to bond with your sister

~As the friend that is often times in the middle of a feud, or a misunderstanding, who just wants everyone to get along

~ As a straight girl, who just so happens to have a girl crush on Tha AO

~ As a straight girl, whose most fun friends happen to be gay, or they just love the Gays

~ As a black girl, who just this weekend realized that 20 miles outside of home, you can still be treated like shit, ignored, and looked at as a second class citizen

~ As a black girl, who likes a black boy, who is in denial of who and what he really is

~ As a fat girl, who finally is comfortable enough in her own skin, to wear her hair in a fro, with some ghetto hoops and a hoodie, and feel beautiful

~ As a fat girl, who can order food at a Pool Hall, and ask for a carry out with pride, because I didn’t eat like a fat girl

~ As Joy, searching for understanding in everyone and everything and not getting it.

Trying to get back to the basics is easier said than done.  I don’t want to get back to basics, I want to get down to the heart of the matter.  To not trying to be deep, or trying to be a grown up, or trying to read into everything you see or hear.  I want to be defined not by others, but by my actions.  By what I stand for, and who I have helped, and what I have been through in my life.

I love my friends, all of them, and I hope they love me.  Every friendship comes in cycles, the best ones cycle around once a year, so that the drama doesn’t last for long.  Every person is put in your life for a reason, some for a season, some for a lifetime.  But my peeps, they will be there.  Either in mind, body or spirit.  And I hope, when they think about their definitions, I am in their explainations as well.

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