Archive | May 2007

10 Reasons R. Kelly is the Mu’Fuckin Deal

1) Only R. Kelly can make a song talking to himself, but pretending that he is talking to someone else, and yet you understand exactly what he is talking about; you feel him in what he is saying; you know you have had that conversation at least twice; and you laugh at yourself, for feeding into the “Coonery” that is “Real Talk”

2) There is always one line in a song that is either the funniest shit you have ever heard, the ghetto’est shit you have ever heard, or the realest shit you have ever heard. Case and Point:

  • The Champ: “Ya’ll cats is Fore-Playing, Bitch I’m PREGNANT by the Game!”
  • I’m a Flirt: “You be calling me Daddy, I be calling you Mommy! You be calling him Kelly, when his name is Tommy!:
  • Sweet Tooth:”I’m all up in your Middle, oh it taste like Skittles”

3) Only R. Kelly can be VIDEOTAPED peeing on an underaged girl, say he didn’t do it . . .Get Jesus, and talk about how he is changing his image . . . come out with one album where he used the name Jesus and wasn’t talking about how it felt to do the sex to someone . . . the next album that comes out, the First single is about tossing a Salad on the Kitchen Counter, and he wasn’t talking about Dole . . . and everyone STILL bought the Trapped in the Closet DVD

4) Can do a song comparing a woman to everything but another woman

  1. You Remind Me of My Jeep (Car)
  2. Ignition and Ignition the Remix (the Inner Workings of a Car)
  3. You Knock Me Out (A Boxing Match)
  4. The Zoo (All the animals in the Jungle

5) Can have a whole album about the different ways you want to so the sex to a woman, then the last 4 track are dedicated to: His Momma, Poor People, His Faith, and the Katrina Victims

6) Can make a whole song about his OutGoing Message on his Voicemail, and one of the reasons he might not be able to answer the phone you is because he is Making a Baby

7) He’s is just R. Kelly, or the R-rah, or The Kels

8) All of a sudden he has gotten real street, and he says curse words in every song, and he is on the Hook of every Ghetto Thug Anthem that came out in 2007

9) He can make 2 songs with Ludacris, knowing full well his ass is SELFISH AS FUCK, because them two together are going to be responsible for at least 3 new members of my immediate circle of friends (aka some new babies)

and last but not least

10) I appreciate his hustle and talent enough to continue to defend my love of him and his music. Because like it or not, the man has been in the game for 20 years, and every album is still relevant, and the hotness, and will at least go platinum.

Dammit I Love R. Kelly (and he could the business! {If I was like 15 , I guess})