The Constants of Adulthood

In my continuing exploration of those things that make us adults, I have discovered that there are a few things that seem to remain constant in my adulthood, and I feel the need to explore them blog style for a few minutes. This blog has been in my mind since Tuesday night, but I had to get it just right in my head before i wrote any of it down.

As an adult, we all have to deal with things that we don’t want to. Have confrontations that we don’t feel like having, and often, these things separate us from people, permanently, because we realize that they just aren’t where we thought they were. On Tuesday night, I got pulled into some drama, and I didn’t even see it coming. You know how you get to the point where you see the good in everyone again, because it just takes too much time to assume that EVERYONE is only out for themselves.

So to say that my roommate and I ended on not so great terms is an understatement, but I was dealing with it. Who I thought was a mutual friend came over, “to help me pack.” She was only there for about an hour, but it was cool. I got some stuff done, and I had company which helps to motivate me usually. During the course of her being over, she of course asked what was going on with me and my Former Roommate, and like the adult that I am becoming, all I said was, “Nothing, we have some unfinished business, but other than that, nothing.” And left it at that.

Imagine my surprise when less that 30 minutes after she left, I got a text from the aforementioned Former Roommate, stating, “We don’t have unfinished business, and I know you have my mail. I don’t want to have to report you for stealing my mail, etc” Now, If she had said, You have my mail, and I need it, or anything like that, I would have just thought it coincidence, but to use the term unfinished business . . .

Yes, the “mutual friend” had a goal when she came over, and it was to start drama, and/or be involved in the drama. Now, MF, for short, is a young one. You know how you have that train wreck of a friend, who is young and Naive, and you decide to help them. When all of the people who she calls friends are talking about what a loser she is, and how they really don’t like her all that much, you decided that you are going to help, she was my “project.” The person that reminded me so much of myself as a youth, that I wanted to guide her into a better life than I had. She likes to be apart of things, likes to feel that she is just as adult as all of her “friends” people who are on average 4 years older than her.

Now, the Old Marisa Joy, she would have gotten all in her face, demanded that she come over, cussed her out, then proceeded to do the same thing with my Former Roommate. Ahhhhhh, but the new, more adult Marisa Joy did no such thing. When the FR came over to get her mail, I gave it to her, and calmly told her to refrain from calling me a liar, and to keep my name out of her mouth.

Then I called the MF, and of course she didn’t pick up her phone, so I left her this message . . . ” MF, I know that as soon as you left here, you must have called FR, because what she said to me was verbatim what I said to you when you were over here. So in the future, don’t discuss me and my business with anyone, especially her. You aren’t going to be considered a good friend, if you continue to try to stir up drama, so just some advice from me, watch who you talk to about me.”

Great message right, I know. I was kinda proud of myself for it. And we aren’t going to say that I am not disappointed that because of the drama with FR I have lost a pretty good set of MF’s, but yet and still, I will get over it. I calmly deleted all of the friends from buddy lists on instant messengers, and on Myspace and Facebook. I didn’t send any messages, or write the angry blog I wanted to, I just quietly did what needed to be done.

And that seems to me a new constant, the lack of confrontation in my life. I have been known to tell a person off with the best of them,and if they don’t listen to me the first time, emails will be sent on a regular basis. But now, it’s not that deep. Cutting someone quietly out of your life has a much better effect, because they try to get back, and they need to make sure you aren’t going all over town bad mouthing them.

And that is another thing that I no longer understand, the whole spreading of half-truths or lies to further your position as the damaged one. If you were telling people the truth, I would understand it. But I can guarantee just by the conversation that I had with my FR Tuesday night, I have become a Liar, a Theif, and a Cheat. And of course that hurts, but in the end, I am going to survive.

So More Signs that I am becoming an adult:

  • >I realize that you can’t tell everyone everything that is going on in your life, because they don’t always wish the best for you.
  • >Having friends or associates that are more than 3 years younger than you is like an invitation for drama to occur on a regular basis.
  • > Don’t live with your friends, it will ruin the friendship.
  • > Don’t live with a stranger, because you don’t have a basis of trust in that relationship.
  • > Don’t live with another person unless you are married to them. Note that I said MARRIED to them.
  • >If you know you are in the right, and God does to, everything will work out the way it’s supposed to.
  • >Friends don’t let friends get lied on. If they don’t squash the rumor when they hear it, they aren’t your friend.
  • >You can find true friends anywhere, but you won’t find them every where.
  • >Don’t throw the word Best Friend around all willy nilly, because even if you consider 4 people your best friend, you might not be theirs.
  • >In one week, the 3rd phase of my life begins, and I know that when I move from this apartment, I will be leaving more people behind than I wanted to.
  • >People don’t want you to do well, unless it also looks good on them.
  • >Conversations with your Best Friend can change your life, or just confirm the things you thought were just happening to you.
  • >Communication is EVERYTHING, as long as you do it wisely.
  • >Life isn’t always going to be fun, but it shouldn’t make you miserable, and if it does, you aren’t living the right life for you.
  • >Love has made me do some really dumb shit, but Love has brought me 2 people that I wouldn’t trade for all the money in the world.
  • >16742 has an open door policy, but not to everyone.
  • >Most people I know are about to be treated like Vampires, they will have to be invited in before they can try to kill me . . . and I tend to be seeing a WHOLE lot of fangs lately . . . Be Gone Devils
  • >I like Adulthood, it’s those who haven’t reached it yet that I can’t stand.

What do you think guys, is this just me?

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