Confessions of a Single Black Female: Volume 3

So, I haven’t written in a while, way too much going on here. ABSOLUTELY nothing in the date department, but still, been a busy time this week. I was supposed to write this one a while ago, but I didn’t have enough confessions to make it worth while, but I have them all now. Let the Confessions begin . . .
I’m Just Sayin . . .
Can a Sista get a text message?
Confession #13: I miss My Jump Off’s
Calling them Friends with Benefits would be wrong, because that would be saying that outside of 16742 Inkster Rd, we actually hung out. But I miss them, and not even mostly for the “conversation.” Moreso for the attention that I had actually gotten used to. The random ass Text Messages, or Yahoo Messages, or “Adult” Conversations we used to have. Now, of course, I do miss their other skills, but even without that, the knowledge that I could make something happen when I wanted to was often enough. Moving 14759023 miles from home, SUCKS. No kind of Prospects, or Options . . .NOT A NOTHIN’. And the random black men you do see out here are either taking the bus, or walking around with their White Girlfriend. Which brings me to the next Confession . . .
I’m just referring to you all because I don’t know your names Individually
Confession #14: I Hate White Girls
Now before you call me a Racist, Bigoted, Asshole, let me explain. They get EVERYTHING! Hair that lays down flat when they blow it dry, All the Successful and Rich White Men, All the Successful and Rich Black Men . . . Could yall leave SOMETHING for the rest of us. I’m not asking for much. I don’t need a Basketball Player, or a Football Player, he doesn’t have to be famous. He doesn’t even have to be BLACK. But can the white girls in Arizona PLEASE stop coming to the GOTDAMN GYM nekkid as hell talking to THE ONE BLACK TRAINER! Like, really? Can I see one Black Man in the greater Tucson Area with a Black Woman. I do also know, this is also the fault of the Black Man, but DAMMIT, White Girls have to admit their role in me not finding any potential mates AT ALL. (I was going to write something else, but that would have just been rude.) All my white friends, you know I LOVE YALL, it’s not personal, it’s a social problem. Talk to your friends, let them know there is a drought in the community, something!
They are out there . . .
Confession #15: The Pickings are STILL SLIM
If you haven’t heard, Real Nigga Shit #43 the pickings are slim. They are even slimmer for those of us that aren’t in peak physical condition by societies standards (Read:Big/Fat/Obese People). Regardless of how confident you are in yourself, you still are going to have to deal with discrimination based on your size. But as I told the trainer at the gym (that’s a whole ‘nother blog in and of itself) “If I can get ass at a size ___, I can get ass at a size 12.” Now, I might not be getting that ass on a regular basis, but I can get it. I just have to work a tad bit harder . . . On the flip side . . .
*~*~* Fat is Sexy*~*~*
Confession #16: Being a Big Girl doesn’t make me Less of a Person
I don’t sit around trying to figure out ways to kill myself because I’m fat. I am not begging for your help and attention. If I am set up on a date with you, you doing the bare minimum is NOT going to get you some ass. It might get you cussed out, or knocked out, but it’s not going to get you laid. I understand we are in a recession, but if you are taking me out on a movie date, just OFFER to get refreshments (I’ll probably say no because the popcorn out here SUCKS). McDonalds isn’t a proper dinner spot, especially if I work there, and you are trying to use my discount. Did you know you can feed two people for $20 at Applebee’s during Happy Hour? I need men to stop thinking that I am so hard up for attention that I will let you treat me any kind of way. . .
Just For Brett!

Confession #17: I’ve Been Using You (Thanx LG)
I know, it’s hard to admit, right after I wrote all about guys trying to take advantage of Big Girls, but I have to be honest. You, my friend, were Confirmation Peen. What, you ask, is Confirmation Peen? It’s the Penis you use in order to figure out if you are ready to stick with the Peen you got at home, or explore other options.

I used you, to make sure:
1) I was over my ex (or)
2) I WASN’T over my Ex (or)
3) I want you to me my next Ex (or)

and this is a Big One

4) To figure out what I was looking for.

This is not to say, that I don’t enjoy your company. Or that you are a horrible person. This just means that both of us have ulterior motives. Now, if we can make these motives work together, that is great! But if we can’t, then we will walk out separate ways, and have no regrets.

I am sure more are to come, and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, don’t take offense to me bitching about all the inter-racial dating I am surrounded by. Actually, if you do take offense, then you don’t know me very well by now! Thanx for reading, NOW MAKE A COMMENT!


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