Confessions of a Single Black Female: Volume 4

Yes people, I have more things to bitch about. Don’t front like you didn’t know it was coming. I mean besides that it’s been in my status message all damn day, it’s been a couple weeks since I wrote about the things that piss me off about being single. I must also make it quite clear: THESE ARE NOT JUST MY THOUGHTS. SO PLEASE KNOW THAT EVERYTHING I AM SAYING DOESN’T APPLY TO ME, PERSONALLY That being said, Let us begin.
Who Me?
This isn’t an option as a Major People.
Confession #18: I didn’t go to college to find my husband(Thanks EK)

When I got accepted to {Insert Your Alma Mater Here}, the first thing I said was not, “Hot Damn, i’ll have a hubby by Christmas.” It wasn’t the second or third thing I said to myself either. At every High School, Sorority, College Reunion, people look at me like I am retarded because I’m not attached to a man. And god-forbid I didn’t bring a date . . . Wasn’t the purpose of this reunion to meet up with people you already know? If my goal was to find a man in college, I could have done that while I was still in high school. It’s easy to find a college man, trust me. And another thing, you are supposed to learn about yourself in college, not have to spend all your time understanding how someone of the opposite sex works. You have plenty of time for that. I’m not knocking those who got married right after high school or college, but stop thinking that I did something wrong because I didn’t choose that path. No, I don’t have a husband, my last name is still the same, and it will be the same until I experience life ALONE for a little bit. Don’t pity the single girl, envy her. Because you get to go have the same sex tonight that you had last night. And I get new sex whenever I want!

Do I Look like Trunchbull? (Ten Points if you know what book this is from)
Confession #19: I’m not Intimidating, you are a Pussy (Thanx LG)

Men seem to be using the term, “You are Intimidatiing,” alot these days. Is that a crutch, or are you just a Bitch Made Nigga? You have a Bachelors, a Masters, and are working on your JD. You own three cars, have two jobs, and a substantial 401(k) Plan. I live with my parents, and have a part time job due to recent Lay-Offs in my field of work. But I intimidate you!?!? Explain that one. I didn’t ask you to pay for my Masters, I asked you to go to the movies. Has it just become easier to use the “I Word”, than to actually try to get to know someone. Or, are you so afraid that I might get in the mix, and find out you are mortgaged to the hilt, the car is your mothers, and the Only JD you are working on is Jury Duty. Man the fuck up, and be honest. Or don’t put all your business in the streets. Because if I hear the I-Word one more time, Imma start typing You’re a Pussy on Folk’s Walls.

Son of a Bitch!
Confession #20: All this Spring Love is some BULLSHIT

If one more Male Friend/Frat Bother/Nigga off the street gets engaged today, I’m slitting my wrist, Real Nigga Shit. This engagement shit is the new water. Every day, somebody’s status has changed. “Insert LoveSick Jerk’s Name” is now engaged to “Insert LoveSick Chick’s Name.” Am I bitter, a tad bit. Not because I feel like a loser, even though I do to some extent. But what is really pissing me off is the people who are getting engaged. People I have known for more than a 3rd of my life, who where Whores (and that is the nice way of putting it) I’m talking about men by the way. I mean like, if I mentioned I had a female friend it was, “Lemme see a picture.” You couldn’t take these dudes out in public without hearing some asinine comment about how they want to hump all the women in the world. Hell, some of them had the words Head and Hump in their Line Names. Now all of a sudden, folks is ready to settle down?!?!? What in the ass hell man! You were supposed to be trying to mack at my wedding “After Party,” now I’m trying to make friends with the bride so I can have an escort down the aisle for play-play. Bullshit I tell you. Penis is going off the market like chinese baby formula these days!

I don’t wanna hear another Love Song!
Confession #21: I’m So Sick of Love Songs

I feel like Ne-Yo in this piece, except I’m not gay or weird looking. Every time I turn on the radio, it’s a love song. Rappers are dropping love songs faster than they drop real rap songs. Everybody is whining with T-Pain, or Akon, or The Dream about the hood-rat they love. Can we make songs about real shit. Pull a Jill Scott and sing about masturbation, pull a Gnarls Barkley and sing about God Knows What, pull an Andre 3000 and actually show your rhyming skills. I’m starting to think I was right in #19 when I said men are turning into Bitch Made Niggas. Why are you telling me to “Kiss You Thru the Phone” Soulja Boy, when your last song was about you “Supamannin’ a Hoe” I don’t believe you, you need more people! However, the females are NO BETTER. Christina Milan’s Low Dippin ass is talking about “Us Against the World,”, Terra Marie is Huntin for Folks. I thought Ciara was doing good with “Never Ever,” then she came right back with “Love, Sex, and Magic.” Just some whining ass people. I miss the times of I Love My Bitch, and Getting some Head, folks keeping it real. *le sigh*

This one ws kinda angry, and that is okay. Because sometimes, Single Women get angry when they think about all the bullshit they have to deal with on a day to day basis. I’m going to get happy, because there is a movie and McDonalds calling my NAME right now. Thanx for reading! Now Comment


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