Confessions of a Single Black Female: Volume 5

Hello Readers. How are you? It’s been a little bit of time, been adjusting to life in the AZ. Those 100 degree days, the Gym, and my infinite search for all songs created by Drake have taken up some of my time. But not all of it. I (along with my friends) have had time to make ridiculous mistakes that (hopefully) every single woman has made at least once. Or, have had to experience the dumbest things imaginable through no fault of their own. Because I have learned that until I put all my (and my friends) business out in the streets, I can’t get over it . . . So Let US Begin.
I know he was in the last note, get over it! He’s my new Favorite 🙂
I’m just saying . . .
Confession #22: If at First you don’t Succeed, it might not be for you.

Every female says they want large “Bedroom Equipment.” If he ain’t packin, he can pack it up, etc. Yes, it would be great if every man we met was 6’7″, at least 9 inches, and curved a lil bit up and to the left. But that my friends, is not realistic. A friend of mine learned this recently. Some people just aren’t meant to be able to handle all that. Some people have small mouths, hands, and nether regions. That doesn’t make you less of a person, if just means that wasn’t for you. In the words of Dominique ” . . .And that’s fine.” Don’t beat yourself up, just take some measurements and move on. Everyone has to know their skill set.

Question #1: When is it EVER okay to actually try to make a girl sloppy seconds?

So we had already accepted the fact that every man is not for you. We have thought about it for 24 hours, and decided to take that specific experience as an Loss. We can be Denver in that first game against the Lakers, and lose with Dignity. We should not, however, ever deem it okay for Kobe to hit us up less than 24 hours later and say, “I could introduce you to my friend, Houston. You might be more compatible.” What in the hell? That is never okay. It never will be. Seriously, like ever. EVER. Two months later, two years later, on my death bed, just never. Okay. Ever.

Yes, this is home for some of us, but . . .
Question #2: Why are all African Men that like Big Girls Illiterate?

I promise I’m not racist. It’s not a biased question, it’s just a question. Recently a friend of mine was contact, via the wonderful dating site of BlackPlanet, by an African who found her attractive. The Following is an excerpt:

Hello, you have a wonderful profile and a beautiful pic which attract the most powerful feelings all human sensual and sentiment of true love. Which had-have bewitched me and my voluptuous ego for true eternal love and friend. Your are wonderful, beautiful unique hidden treasure, beauty among beauties, loveliest among love, voluptuous body tease and baffle mine mind, Your voluptuous body ginger me for eternal Love-thirsty, your eyes shine with love, your smile bright the world, your happy tears bloom the flowers, please this is my cell number .0207695324 hope to hear from you soon.

Seriously? I’m not one to judge (so lying) but I can’t even figure out what he was talking about. Its okay to contact via email/text/IM/etc (Textual Seduction), but please do it with some semblance of literacy. Also, linen pants aren’t popular anymore. Stop wearing them to the club. I don’t care that it’s Arizona, find a different fabric.

Diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiie Already!
Confession #23: I have been activity wishing for the death of another female
And I’m not the only one. The countdown to the Death of Izzie Stevens has been a topic of conversation since she got Cancer. There are many reasons that I yearned for her demise. It could be the assholish way she got Isiah Washington fired, it could be the way she attempted to take up for the gay. It could be her assholish statements toward the writing cast. But I wanted her to DIE. Why won’t that home wrecking, ghost seeing, whiny, nagging, annoying, ridiculously well acting, making me cry every damn episode, stupid bitch just die?!?!? This is, my friends, is called Female Jealousy. I am a victim of it, and I am okay admitting that. I still want her to die though.
….Or So I Thought
Confession #24: Sometimes, Females are the Only People You can Count On.

Yes, we are a hateful species, the females of the world. We sabotage, demean, tear down each other. But it takes just one to make everything okay. Most of my female friends know how I feel about the species in general. But once in a while, someone redeems our whole gender in a day. Being bitter and going to the sex shop will ALWAYS end well. You will always make the customers nervous by laughing at the things are considering purchasing. You will always make the people who work there pleased when you announced that Diabetes and Swine Flu are now communicable Sexually. You will always need that friend to call you even though she is going through something of her own, because she knows how devastated you are. You will always need that friend who tells the cute guy at Applebee’s to put his number in your phone, then tells you if you don’t act on it she will go back and get the number for herself. Sometimes, all you need is a Female Friend.


3 thoughts on “Confessions of a Single Black Female: Volume 5

  1. Hey Girl!
    It just dawned on me, after contemplating Point #1 on my run …
    Seein’s as I’m no giant (and a whiteboy to boot), maybe that friend of yours and myself have a “compatibility match”! Uh, as long as SHE’S not white, that is.
    And that’s no Sloppy Seconds either!
    What was her number again …?

    • LOL, you are funny! She’s not looking, and I can’t give out her number. But she laughed at your message! Make sure you recommend my blogsite to your friends!

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