Perfectly Lonely/Single

Almost a year ago to the day, I wrote a note called Scared of Lonely/Hello. The note was partially based on my obsession with Beyonce’s new album. But it also came from my frustration at being a single black woman staring down the barrel of the “Why aren’t you in a relationship like everybody else?” 12 Gauge Shot Gun.

It was born from every woman’s innate fear that they will end up old and alone, with 150+ cats and no teeth. We all, secretly, have that fear. At that time the chorus of Beyonce’s Song, Scared of Lonely, really helped me put my thoughts and fears into words.

I’m Scared of Lonely
I’m scared of being the only
Shadow I see along a wall . . .

And I’m scared the only heart beat
I hear a beating is my own
And I’m scared of been alone

I can’t seem to breathe when I am lost
In this dream, I need you to hold me
I’m Scared of Lonely . . .

So, a year has passed. How do I feel about being “alone” in a sea of happy loving relationships? At least four people very close to me are engaged. Every new person I have met since moving to Arizona is married or in a long term committed relationship. Three of my good friends who were scared of lonely right along with me, are now happy and content in the arms of a man who loves them. My personal feelings then,

“I am TERRIFIED of Lonely, cuz she’s a sneaky Hoe. Sitting in her ’86 Ford Escort, with the souped up engine that her Ex bought her . . .That Bitch is there, waiting, lurking, hoping for the chance when something will trigger her to come back. . .

This is Lonely’s Ride

For such a long time, being single seemed to be portrayed as the ultimate failure for a woman. Somehow you weren’t doing something right, you weren’t good enough, you were somehow at fault for being another single female in this world. I don’t know when I realized that Single doesn’t equal Lonely or Alone. But I am so glad that I did!

Oooooh, Now I Get It!
It was such an “Ah Ha!” moment for me. You mean, it’s OKAY for me to like myself?!? I don’t have to be completed by the presence of a male in my life?!? Son of a Bitch! After that epiphany, and the required conversation with my mother to confirm my suspicions that I had been lied to for YEARS by the media, I immediately started to embrace what Single means.

Single Means: When it’s time for overtime at the office, you get called first, because you don’t have kids or a significant other that are waiting for you

Single Means: I choose what I want to do with my time

Single Means: I choose what I do with my money

Single Means: I can hit as many houses as I want to for the Major Get-Free-Food Holidays

Single Means: If I choose to spend all my money on an impromtu trip to Detroit, the only person who suffers is me

Single Means: I can be as selfish as I want to be!

If my embrace of the word Single wasn’t enough, the Famous White Man Crush aka John Mayer, put my feelings into such beautiful words I actually had to open my Twitter Account {@ThatLadyJoy No PreauxMeaux} to tell him how much I appreciated his lyrical Genius on the song Perfectly Lonely!

Nothing to do
Nowhere to be
A simple little a kind of free

Nothing to do
No one but me
That’s is all I need

I’m perfectly lonely
I’m perfectly lonely
I’m perfectly lonely
Yeaah…
Cause I don’t belong to anyone
And nobody belongs to me

I mean really! The man is a genius! But more than marveling, it made me think about the fact that I don’t answer to anyone but myself. I do what I want, when I want, how I want. And a great big F*ck You if you have a problem with it. I’m still entirely too selfish to be in a relationship right now, and that’s actually okay.

Are You Ready for This?
My Soror Amber Pratcher was recently pontificating on the misconceptions many young women have in regards to finding a man. She herself is married, and she posted some of the most truthful things about what marriage/committed relationships require.

“Being married requires you to dig deep within yourself to step up emotionally and physically through low times & appreciate some1 who AINT U”

I can honestly say I am not ready for that, not at all. So until then, I am Perfectly Happy being Single! Big Ups to Natasha Bedingfield for this Oldie but Goodie!

This is my current single status
My declaration of independence
There’s no way I’m tradin’ places
Right now a star’s in the ascendant

I’m single (Right now)
That’s how I wanna be
I’m single (Right now)
That’s how I wanna be !

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One thought on “Perfectly Lonely/Single

  1. extra extra EXTRA co-sign!!!
    ps: I’m an event planner who does weddings.. so…. sometimes that feeling of being lonely/single is EXTRA hard.

    but i just booked a free flight to Miami.. soo… guess who will become Sasha Fierce??? ; )

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