CSBF Volume 9: Confessions of a Side Chick/Searching For MySelf

Part 1: Confessions of a Side Chick . . .

Hello, My Name is M.J., and I too have slept with Tiger Woods. Okay, not really. But everyone else is saying it, I wanna be famous too!   I have said it before, and I will say it again . . . I have been a Side Chick. I have done it knowingly and even without knowing I had Side Chick status. Either way, I could quite easily wear a Side Chick Badge.

I am not telling you this because I am proud of it, nor am I sharing this part of my life because I am ashamed of it.  It’s a Fact.  My Side Chick status happened based on my own actions, and I can’t be mad forever at the situations I put myself in. As I am sitting here sipping my Eggnog Latte, I am thinking that there might be a few people who read this title and get Shaky Nervous ( . . . I’ll Never Teeeeeeeeeeellllllll)

The Side Chick serves a very important role in society. She lets other women know what NOT to do. The Side Chick is there for your man, when you aren’t. Plain and Simple. Yes, men have a hard time being monogamous, but Love Shoulda Brought Your Ass Home Last Night. Be mad if you want, that is the truth. The Side Chick didn’t Wreak Your Home . . . She just picked up the pieces and/or picked up the slack.

Again, I am not glorifying The Side Chick, because the Side Chick Mentality is a trifling one. The Side Chick sees something that belongs to someone else, and instead of trying to find her own, takes what doesn’t belong to her. The Side Chick is Lazy. Why do the work, if I can get the benefits for free? The Side Chick has all the benefits of why YOUR man is great, without the pressure to make him stay.

The Side Chick also knows what she is doing is wrong. (And if she doesn’t, she has much bigger issues than just being the Side Chick) But more often than not, The Side Chick really doesn’t care how her actions affect others. Obviously her goal is to satisfy herself, or she wouldn’t be The Side Chick in the first place. She knows about his girl, hell she might have met her on occasion. But in that situation, the Pro’s definitely outweigh the Cons.

The Side Chick Mentality: We don’t really have to have a conversation on the phone. Text Messaging works just fine. Crank that Textual Seduction during the work day, and end our convo with, “I’ll be over after I get out of my Meeting @ 10.” We can talk after we take care of business, and even then please don’t try to make it a deep conversation – I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOUR LIFE! Also, I’m not trying to go see a movie, look longingly into your eyes, and cry as we watch Precious together. Let’s both get off, then you can go home.

Part 2: Searching for Myself

That explanation about The Side Chick Mentality is there to give you a clue as to where my head has been for the last 2 years. Because I was a late bloomer (read ??Year Old Virgin) I really wasn’t trying to find a man. I was trying to get all the experience I should have gotten in and after college. I was trying to catch up to all the rest of my friends, and have stories to tell when we all go out for drinks.

So back to my discussion with TBTLINYC. As I am talking about all this, and how whenever I actually start to look for a relationship what I will and will not put up with, He said, “Shut Up and Play Your Role.” EPIPHANY!

My 1st Reaction: Who Bitch What?
My 2nd Reaction: Oh, Cuz Wow.He really made me think. The Side Chick is a role that I played, because it suited me for a long period of time. Because if I meet a single male, whatever happens could possibly develop into a relationship, thus ruining this whole no strings attached thing I have been actively pursuing for the last two years.On June 26, 2000 I stopped looking for my soul mate. I had found him. I lived in a bubble of love and understanding and someone who got me, FINALLY. Even when the bubble was initially burst, I just knew that wasn’t the end. We were meant for each other. So yes, I talked to other people, had bullshit relationships, patiently waiting for the time when he would figure out that we were meant for each other. He got MARRIED, still didn’t make me believe it was over.

Nine+ years later, now that he’s my best friend who gets me before I get myself, I can listen to him explain what I sometimes can’t put into words. I have been comparing every male that I’ve met to how I felt when I met him. Because he is honestly JUST LIKE ME. He is the male version of me. Loving him wasn’t hard, because I was just loving myself with an East Coast Accent. Loving him required no sacrifice, no changing of my opinion, no looking at the world in a different. Our Relationship is/was the equivalent of Emotional/Mental Masturbation

The only child in me had found the PERFECT relationship. Like Amber said, “Being {in a relationship} requires you to dig deep within yourself to step up emotionally and physically through low times & appreciate someone who AIN’T You!” I have been quite lackluster in my search for a mate, because I’m still not ready to do that. So until I can find Myself, I will be Perfectly Lonely/Single .

Will I continue to be a Side Chick? I don’t want to end up being a liar and say, “Never Again will I ever do that.” [ Because he didn’t get the title TGOMH for nothing] I will say, that my goals have changed. Also, all of my co-conspirators live 2096 miles away, so there is that. Let’s just say, there is a very good possibility that I won’t Play That Role anymore.

*Please Note: I am not trying to steal your man. This is a discussion of my past, not my current plans. Also, let’s not forget the man who has a Side Chick or 4 is an asshole.

Comments/Questions/Concerns/Rants Welcomed


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