Confessions of a Single Black Female Vol 10: What These Bitches Want from a Nigga

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Arf Arf! Ayo B**ch! What’s the answer . .. the #4!

. . . DMX really wanted to know. I wonder if anyone ever told him.

Matter of Fact, I wonder if females are ever really honest with themselves about what they want. RNS, do men really want to know what we want? All the men I have ever been completely honest with, I have scared away. Men, don’t ask the question if you aren’t ready for the answer.

So as the unofficial spokesperson for Single Black Females everywhere, I am going to answer your question DMX, with as much honesty as I can, 10 years later . . .

1) A Father Figure

The difference between a Woman and a Lil’ Girl is where they call their man Daddy. The Bedroom or the Grocery Store. All these lil girls calling folks Daddy while he’s on his job and when they go out to eat, it’s a cry for help. I like being told what to do . . . IN THE BEDROOM. You telling me how to run my life isn’t going to go over well at all, unless I asked you what you thought about my choices. Can you take charge without walking all over me?

2) A Teacher

I want you to lead and guide me. I want you to introduce me to things I have never experienced before. What do I look like showing you the best restaurants, places to travel, whats going on in the town we both live in. I know what I Like. That’s Why I Like It! I want you to show me something new, make me step outside my box, and explore the world around me. Can you guide me to new things, without forcing me to do things that make me uncomfortable. Do you know the difference between Teacher and Student? Would you be willing to switch roles from time to time?

3) A Soldier

I want you to protect me. I want to feel safe whenever I am with you. Be it in the club, at the grocery store, during a thunderstorm – I want to feel like My Man Has My Back. The Physicality of that statement notwithstanding, can you protect me from the outside world? Can you be my Superman? Or when the worries of the world – my emotional Kryptonite – comes crashing down to Earth, will you falter in the face of adversity. Can you be strong enough to hold me up, when I am ready to fall? Will you help me fight all my battles: Emotional and Spiritual. Or does that Scare You?

4) A Best Friend/Counselor

We don’t have to trade hair secrets. But will you be there for me when I need a friend? Can I come to you before I go to anyone else to discuss my fears? Can we laugh and joke at anything? Can we stand in the mall and laugh at the weird couples? Do you look forward to the time we spend together? Can I cry on your shoulder, even when you are the person that made me cry? Is the best part of your day, just sitting on the couch with me watching 24 or Grey’s or the OSU Football Game? I don’t want to be your only friend, but I should be your Best Friend.

5) A Spiritual Adviser

If you don’t know A God , let alone My God, how am I going to be able to grow spiritually? Can we talk about our opinions on religion without judging each other? You don’t have to declare a religion, but you do have to believe there is a higher power that has control of our lives. Can you come to church with me, and not be ashamed of what we do at home? Can you defend your faith among those that don’t believe? Are you kind of person who judges those who don’t believe in a higher power? Do you censor your emotions based on what you have been told to believe? How firm are your religious convictions? Does my father having Rev. in front of his name make you nervous?

6) An Orator

Conversation is the world’s greatest aphrodisiac. Can you express yourself without using profanity all the time? Can we talk on the phone for hours, without running out of things to say? Can you convey your level of intelligence without making other people, including me, feel stupid? Can you hold a conversation with the Benetton Ad that is my family without being nervous? Can you turn me on Linguistically? Can you use words to convey exactly how you feel about me? (The words Wanna and F*ck not included)

7) A Musician

You don’t have to be able to sing. You don’t have to be able to play a instrument. You don’t even have to have an extensive music collection. But do you know something about music? Do you understand my love of Motown? Do you know the difference between Hip-Hop and Rap? Do you know who Sam Cooke is? Do you know any song by Donny Hathaway other than A Song For You? Will it piss you off if I play Limp Bizkit at 8 in the morning? Have you ever owned a Hootie and the Blowfish LP? Do you judge me because I have?

8) A Provider

Not to be confused with a Sugar Daddy. I don’t want you to pay my bills, I don’t want you to pay for me to get my hair and nails done. I’m not looking for a Pimp, I’m looking for a Provider. Do you have a Career? Any man can have a job, but do you have a business card? One that your company ordered for you? Do you have health benefits? Because Mine are Sho’ Nuff the Bomb! If you have children, do you provide for them, or do you only do what Friend of the Court says you must? Are you a dependable person? Can I depend on you in a time of crisis, not for financial support, but as a support system. But if I need financial support, will you offer it before I have to ask? Will you make me sign a promissory note about when I will be returning it to you?

9) A Diary

Can I tell you my fears? Can I tell you my shameful secrets, and not be afraid that you will walk away? Do you understand what I mean when I say, “For your Ears Only?” Will your friends know my business? Will you keep our relationship sacred, not to be violated by those who might be jealous? Or, will you give them ammunition they need to destroy us by telling them all the little things I do that bother you? Will you let me be your diary? Will you trust me enough, to show me your weaknesses? Do you have enough respect for me to abide by the, “What Happens in the Bedroom Stays in the Bedroom” Mantra?

10) Mr. Sandman

Can you put me to sleep? Can you take your time with me, spend hours trying to figure out the best way to bring me pleasure? Can you be my teacher, help me in those areas that I might be lacking? Can you tell me what you like, without fear of being called a Freak? Can I tell you what I Like, without fear of the same? Can we experiment, testing our boundaries slowly and thoroughly? But can you tell when the time for sensitivity is over? Can you provide the Good Dick Down, and make me wanna clean the house and make tacos?

Did I answer your question DMX? Do you now know, What Women Want? Hope This Helped . . .

*The Title had you thinking this was about something TOTALLY different, didn’t it? . . . Never Judge a Book by It’s Cover . . .*

Comments/Questions/Concerns are always welcomed.

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3 thoughts on “Confessions of a Single Black Female Vol 10: What These Bitches Want from a Nigga

  1. I think it’s wonderful that you’ve outlined exactly what you want. There are some women (i.e. myself) who tend to be hesitant to tell a man exactly what she wants for fear of scaring them away. But I guess if they run then they weren’t meant for you right? Reading this is inspirational and it lets me know that I’m not the only one who thinks this way and wants some of the same things as listed above.

  2. *waves hands in air a la testimony service* the thing that kills me is men always confuse quality with quantity..if you serve me up those ten things…I won’t need the red sole shoes or the clothes that cost $.59 to make but are marked up at 10000 more. Not a one of those things cost them $$$$ it will cost them ‘self’.

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