Late Night Ramblings #2: Choices/Priorities/Regret

Life is a series of choices. It’s not really a matter of making the right choice, but of dealing with the consequences of your actions. That being said . . .
In the course of your lifetime, your priorities are going to change. You outgrow things and situations. You begin to see the world in a different way, and again the choices you make based on your new set of priorities affect other people.

I regret few things in my life. Probably less things than I should. It’s not easy to admit you were wrong, or that you made a mistake, or that maybe you aren’t the best person you should be.

But I have made my choices, and I have to live with them. At the end of the day, when it’s 4 in the morning, and I am listening to Shekinah Glory Ministries – Yes , it’s just me . . . .

“There is More, that I, require of thee . . .”

My Mother and I say all the time, no one is like the Henry’s. We were born with a certain Moral Code (for lack of a better term). Being so close to my family, I have never had to really spell out the “Requirements” or “Standards” or “Rules” that I live by.

My Moral Code is one that I have had most of my live. I hold the people around me to the same Moral Code. The problem is they aren’t a Henry Child. They don’t understand that some things just aren’t done because Aunt Joyce or Uncle Charlie or Uncle Jimmy or Uncle Son wouldn’t approve. Henry Children just live by the Code. Some examples of said Code:

You can’t say anything you want to an adult.

You can’t turn your back on family, even if you hate their guts.

If you hate their guts, you can tell them, as long as you aren’t a child.

If you are a child, you better keep that shit to yourself until you are an Adult.

You aren’t an Adult until you have a Child of your own, Have your own house, Have a Job with Benefits, Can Support Yourself, and/or any combination of the 4.

Whenever I deal with people, the ins and out of that code are in my head. “What would My Mom think of this?” {It’s kind of What Would Jesus do? with more fear.}

So today, I will admit to anyone reading this, I have judged you. I am a judgmental person. I tell you not to judge me {cuz you don’t know my story} because I am secretly (well not any more) judging your every move.

“Many have fallen short . . . “

I’m not perfect. It’s unfair of me to think less of a person because they aren’t. But I do it. Everyone does. The difference between me and everyone else – it’s a lot easier for me to walk away from a person/situation if I make the choice that I no longer want to/can handle them/it. I can’t fix everyone. I can’t make everyone think like I do. If they did, my life would be SO much easier.

“You aren’t the Chief Judge…”

My father has unrealistic expectations of people. He expects that people do things his way, because his way is the only way. His way is the right way. Those who don’t understand that are deemed less than worthy, and they are made to understand that they have been deemed so. I was deemed far less than worthy a long time ago. Living in his house for the past 11 months took a toll on me mind, body, spirit, and soul.

But today I face the fact that I am indeed my Father’s Child.

“I’m Sorry For . . . . 2009”

So I’m sorry . . . to anyone who has felt unjustly persecuted in knowing me. To anyone who has felt that I have been unmovable in a situation that called for flexibility and understanding. I can’t change the past. I can only deal with the present, and hope that the future will be different. This is not to say that tomorrow I am going to be a brand new, open and loving, non-judgmental person. Truth be told, if I became that I wouldn’t like me.

I am 27 years old, very soon to be 28. I like me. I understand me. I am not made of stone, so there is room for change. Take my public acknowledgment of my character flaw as me saying I understand what I did and how I have {in the past} made things worse than they had to be. That is all I have in me to give.

“After You’ve Done All You Can. . . .”

Having purged all the things in my head for the time being, there is nothing left to do but go back to my Moral Code. According to the book of Richard and Mary Henry, Chapter 6 {What Would Charles Edward Do}, we survive. We try to bring happiness into the lives of those around us. But we also understand that everyone isn’t going to approve of our choices, and sometimes no explanation will suffice to heal the hurt done.

” . . . and That’s All I Have to Say About That.”


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