Late Night Ramblings of 2010 #6: I Just Wanna Be Successful

Today seems to be an important day in my life . . . It means something, even if I don’t know what yet.  But as I reflect on this date, I am thinking about the things I have done that have gotten me to the place I am right now.  Sitting in my apartment, in the State of Arizona, I can honestly say, 17-year-old me would NOT approve of my life choices.

17 year old me entered college with no set goals.  My Major was Computer Science, because I spent a lot of time on the PC.  I didn’t have a goal path, I just figured it would be pretty fun to play with computers all day.  17 year old me was looking to re-invent herself.  Find a boyfriend who liked to give her hugs, and eventually have 4 kids named Taylor, Kennedy, David and Xavier.  She was going to have a very rich husband, preferably Jewish, and have a butler named Phillips. {If his name wasn’t actually Phillips, we were going to call him that anyway.}

I used to look at the houses in my neighborhood, and think about where my garden would be, and where my children would play.  Everything was planned around the fact that I wouldn’t have to worry about money, or my health, or the economy, or anything that an Adult would worry about.  So yes, they were the thoughts of a child, but they were what I wanted for me.

If I had lived out my dreams at 17-year-old, I don’t think  I would have been proud of myself.  I want to be successful.  I want to have a business card, and a company car, and my name being nationally recognized.  But because of my drive to have that, I have given up a lot.  I have lost friendships, and relationships because they just couldn’t follow my path.

Seemingly, I am focused on some ultimate goal.  The question I am starting to ask myself is what exactly do I plan to do after I reach that goal.  After I no longer have to worry about money, and I can buy my mother the Ferrari I promised her at the age of six.  After the numerous appearances on Oprah, and the national book tours, what then?

The sacrifices that we make, on the road to that Ultimate Goal are many.  The casualties are great.  The wounds take a lot of time to heal.  Is the Fame/Success really all it’s cracked up to be?  Why do I want this success? What’s My Motivation?

I want people to envy me.  I want my family to look at me and say wow, she’s awesome.  I want strangers to want to be my best friend.  I want to impact the lives of millions.  These are all facts about my Motivation.  Is that my only Motivation, no.  Is that the base that my Drive was built on, yes.

I want to Change the World, One Child at a Time . . . then I want everyone to praise me for doing it. And at the end of the day,

I Just Wanna Be Successful . . . .

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2 thoughts on “Late Night Ramblings of 2010 #6: I Just Wanna Be Successful

  1. It’s interesting that you write about this topic. This was the feature of my New Years resolution post. Check it out.

    But this is deep….but real. Everyone should have goals.

  2. Again, so my twin.

    We share the same motivators, and oftentimes when ppl ask me what is my goal in life, i tend to say “it doesn’t matter i just need to be successful in whatever i do.”

    Which is true. To be arrogant, i like to think that i could pick anything–photography, pornography, phlebotomy–and rock the f*ck out. My only motivation for a PhD is to say im an expert in something. Who doesn’t want to be referred to as a doctor or an expert in their field?

    Of course, none of this makes it easy to figure out what the hell do to with life. At least you were able to envision a future, complete with children’s names, ideal homes and such. I never saw any of that growing up. Never saw myself being uber-rich or obtaining international celebrity… just knew i’d get older.

    A little sad huh?

    In any case, I’m currently (re)reading “I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was: How to Discover What You Really Want and How to Get It” by Barbara Sher. Its pretty old (1995) but has a bunch of anedotes and excersizes on working through dead-ends in your personal and professional life. As you can imagine, a lot of our ideals and motivations in being successful are influenced by our upbringing, and this books addresses such. It’s kinda like “What Color Is Your Parachute?” but not as dense.

    I’ve officially written on your blog more than my own.

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