Out My Mind
[Youtube=https://youtu.be/78-E1NnGxQo] I’m a Recovering Undercover Over-Lover, Recovering from a Love I can’t Get Over Recovering Undercover Over-Lover and Now my Come-Along Lover thinks he wants another . . . And I’d Lie for you, and Cry for You, Pop for You and Break for You and Hate for You and I’ll Hate You Too . . . If you Want Me To . . . If You Want Me To. . . Yes, I’d Pray for you, Crochet for You, Make it From Scratch for You, Leave off the Latch for You, Go to the Store for You, Do it Some More for You, Do What You Want Me To, Yes I’m a fool for you . . .
Loving someone that desperately either takes something away from you, or it adds so much baggage to your soul it’s hard to break free. Just admitting you love someone that much is enough, but when you begin to take stock of all the things you have done, or are willing to do with/for that love, it’s downright scary. It’s often times a drug, loving like that. You walk around, dope sick. Feenin’ for the moment when he/she tells you they feel the same way. It’s the greatest high you have ever experienced. But Ooooooooh, when the Love Turns to Hate . . . .
[Youtube=https://youtu.be/3EnO9erUo2M] Want to run to me when you’re down and low
But times get tough and there you go
Out the door, you wanna run again
Open my arms and you’ll come back in
Wanna run cause you say your afraid, afraidNever knew what a friendship was
Never knew how to really love
You can’t be what I need you to
And I don’t know why i fuck with you
Whoever E. Badu was talking to in this song, they would have to be stupid as hell not to understand what she was talking about. The internal struggle – To Love or Not to Love – is enough to drive a sane person crazy. But if you start out already messed up, it makes it even harder . . . To reconcile your love for a person, with the utter disgust you feel for them because of their actions.
Having fallen in and out of love with the same person for 10 years, when I first heard this song, I couldn’t face that the above verse was my Truth. But like my Pal Ricky “Oops Imma HeauxMeaux” Martin, it’s time to let my truth out. I held on to the past for FAR to long, hoping that he would come to his senses, and realize how much we were meant for each other. Grasping at straws, when in truth, He Couldn’t Be What I needed Him to Be For ME.
When I then became ashamed of my love for him, my blatantly unrequited love for him, the baggage just got heavier. Fear, added to self-hatred, double bagged with sadness and despair, the baggage just multiplied exponentially. The ONLY thing that saved me from being smothered by my baggage, was looking over at him. The realization that he was living life baggage free PISSED ME OFF. Why am I carrying all this weight, and this n*gga right here is happy and carefree? . . . . FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGG THAT! I’m letting this sh*t go . . .
Bag Lady you Gone Miss Yo Bus
You can’t hurry up . . . Cause you got too much stuff
When they see you comin . . . . Niggas take off runnin
From you it’s true oh yes they do
When this song first came out in 2000, I SO didn’t get it. Thought to myself, why the hell she make a song about homeless women, they don’t have radios! How they gon’ hear it? I know, I’m slow, but still. You don’t understand a song, until you are supposed to. I can honestly say, I have been a Bag Lady most of my life. I got a Daddy Issues Bag, and a Fat Girl Bag, and a 26 Year Old Virgin Bag, and many more than I want to admit I still carry.
I missed out on A LOT of things, because I was so worried about taking my baggage with me. Relationships, job opportunities, you name it, I’ve passed it up for the comfort of all my baggage. But once I had that, “You Can’t Deal with it All,” moment, I started dropping baggage so quick. I’m sure a few people were injured in the drop, because some people in my life were baggage too.
I guess nobody ever told you
All you must hold on to
Is you, is you, is you
I tell my niece all the time, at the end of the day ALL YOU HAVE IS YOU. When no one else is trying to help you save you, you need to be there for you. If you are going to live in this world, full of selfish people, you have to be selfish as well. Think about yourself, first. It’s okay to do that, you can’t save anyone, if you haven’t already saved yourself.
Betcha’ Love Will Make It Better . . .