In a Sentimental Mood/Am I Crazy?

Just the title of a song, and a recurring thought in the back of my head . . .

Am I Crazy?

When things are superficial, I am often verbose and full of hyperbole when expressing my emotions.  Faking the funk, in order to assimilate my life to that of those around me.

Yet, in this instance, all that seems to come to my mind is, Am I Crazy? It’s entirely too easy for me to feel this way, some might call it flaky.  Or consistently inconsistent.

The reality is, I’m trying to find my place in a new world. Trying to get in where I fit in, in a world where for the last 17 months I have been invisible.  So imagine my surprise when someone notices me.

I am an open book, with Secret Chapters.  Honest and Loving, Secretive and Afraid.  Still caring enough about the opinions of others to be slightly offended, and yet not effected enough to do something about it.

Am I Crazy?

For seeking happiness, and validation, and still needing a constant reminder that someone does indeed value my time,  space, and efforts.  Not sharing all the sadness, but instead trying to focus on the things that bring a smile to my face.

The 17 months of invisibility have indeed taken a toll.  Turning me into someone I don’t often recognize, yet aspire to be.  Facing all my demons, one at a time, and finding solace in meeting someone who has done the same, and can relate to that journey.

Removing the Elements of Fear that have bombarded me, and trying to replace them with something “Normal,” something that will be appreciated and recognized, and SEEN.

I’m In a Sentimental Mood it seems . . . but I’m still wondering . . . Am I Crazy?


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