Listen to This Song While you Read . . .
Today, during the Memorial Day Family gathering, my Sister in Law and I were talking about my current “relationship” and how the family has reacted to it. I was actually quite surprised at the lack of outrage. I expected all kinds of phone calls, and pow wows, and threats to tell my mother. None of that came. While I’m quite pleased that I didn’t have to curse out all my family, it left me feeling kinda weird.
I think I was waiting for the fall out, so that I could prove to everyone that I am a grown ass woman, and I can make my own decisions, etc. Except, maybe I have said it so many times, they actually believe me now. I’m so used to fighting to be understood that I didn’t even realize I didn’t have to fight anymore. I have made so many decisions based on the fear of what others would have to say. I have cut people out of my life, and stopped talking to close family members because they refused to see the way I looked at a situation.
When did I really become a grown up? When did they stop looking at me as the spoiled brat who didn’t know what she was doing, and instead started looking at me as a woman who can make decisions on her own. I’ve waited so long for people to see me as an adult, and talked so much about being an adult, I’m starting to wonder if I really believed it? I understood the things that I did to lead me down the Path to Adulthood, but did I TRULY believe my own words?
I think, for the majority of life I felt like no one was listening to me. So I would shout and scream, and write, and tell people the same thing 1,000,000 times because they never listened to me.
GID listens to me, and it’s always disconcerting every time I say something to him, and he goes, “I know, you told me that already.” What do you mean, I told you that? You mean you remember what I say?!?! Who does that! Clearly he does, and it always warms my heart a little bit. Because my voice isn’t going unnoticed. He Listens to Me. My Words Matter to Him.
Conversely, I don’t think I ever respected most people enough to offer them the courtesy of listen to them, because in the back of my mind, they weren’t really listening to me. So why should I listen to them? Yes, I Hear You. I might even be able to tell you the gist of what you said, but that is about it.
So yeah . . . . I’m Listening Now . . . . Do You Have Something to Say?