Words and Sounds of My Life Vol. X: The Fact Is . . .(I Need You)

Been feeling some kind of way for about a week, without being able to put it into words.  Sometimes happy, sometimes sad, mostly just pissed off.  It goes without saying, I try quite hard to not be an Angry Black Woman.  I also work really hard to not be a stereotypical Black Female., all “I Need Me a Man.” But in real life, I Need Me a Man.

I could be congresswoman or a garbage woman
Or police officer or a carpenter
I could be a doctor and a lawyer
Or a mother and a Good God Woman whatcha done to me
Kind of lover I can be

Not a boy, or a thug, or some random nigga off the street, but a Man.  I can be and do anything in this world, alone.  I can raise a child, and hold down two jobs, and excel in my profession, and be happy.  But will I feel complete? I doubt it.  Fact is, I Need You.  Whoever you may be, I need you.  I need you there when I get off work, to ask me about my day, and listen to me bitch and moan if I so choose.

And even though I can do all these things by my damn self
I need you
I do, I do, I do, I do

I’m 28 years old, six months (to the day) away from 29, and I go to sleep alone.  Oh, I could choose not to.  I have someone willing to sleep with me every night, but “I’m Lonely, Whenever He’s Around.” I spend so much of my time telling other people not to settle, I was judging myself for settling.  This is not to say that he’s not a great man, because he is.  He just isn’t a great man for me.

So where are you? Are you waiting on me to call you out.  Well consider this my Siren Call.  I Miss You.  I know that I don’t know who you are yet, or rather I don’t know HOW you are yet, but I miss you.  Everyday, things happen to me, and I keep them to myself, because I can’t wait to tell YOU.  To see YOUR face light up when I tell you about the Guy with the Coconut (#AllSATC). Somethings were only meant for you.

I could be a computer analyst
The queen with the nappy hair, raising her fist
Or I could be much more and a myriad of this
Hot as the summer, Sweet as the first kiss

It seems weird to be writing a love letter to someone who doesn’t exist in my life right now.  I see Love everywhere I go these days.  Love and Babies.  My Biological Clock isn’t ticking . . . the Alarm has gone off.  Everyday, I think about the children I haven’t had yet.  I think about what they are going to look like.  Will they have your hair? Will they have my eyes? Little midget ears like me? A big nose like you?

I can even raise the child we`ll make
Make sure he`s loved and knows what God gave us
I can teach him how to walk and stand
But I need you to help him be a man
We need you

Most of the girls I know would give me the Prince Side Eye for admitting my NEED to be a mother.  But it’s who I am.  I see children in places that other people don’t.  Do you know what it’s like, to walk in a store and have children stop talking to each other, so they can smile at you.  While it warms my heart, it’s also kind of devastating. Because I Want That.  I want to laugh at my baby because she made a funny face, or get angry with you because you forgot to put on an undershirt on him on a cold day.

And even though I can do all these things
I need you
And even though I can do all these things
We need you
(And you need us too)

I’m judging myself, and anticipating judgement when this blog gets posted.  But I had to get it out, because it’s killing me at this point to hold it in.  I Need You.  In case you didn’t know, I thought I would say it again.

Advertisements

One thought on “Words and Sounds of My Life Vol. X: The Fact Is . . .(I Need You)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s