You Get What You Settle For/I’m So Sick of Being Lonely

Let me preface this post with the acknowledgement that I have talked about settling in relationships before. We all know (if u are a regular reader) where I stand on that issue. But today I want to look at it from a different angle, so to speak. The conversations I had with various female friends during my time in my hometown of Detroit really made me look at the act of settling, and the motivation behind it.  What makes a perfectly sane, highly educated, well-rounded female settle for less than she deserves?

I have very intelligent friends, we are a group of females that strive to be the best at whatever our chosen fields are. Be it the pursuit of a career in academia, law, various fields of medicine, or education – we are not by any means on the bottom of the totem pole. So why is it, I continue to see women struggling in bad relationships based on some innate fear of loneliness?

I wrote a blog sometime back about being Scared of Lonely and how it had affected my choices in men, but the crucial part I left out of the blog was the admission that it’s not so much the fear of lonely, but the thought of others judging me as some kind of broken female based on my lack of a serious relationship.

You know the feeling you get when you are in a room of people and they are all talking about something you know absolutely nothing about? That’s the feeling many of my female friends encounter while hanging out with a portion of their friends from high school/college. You listen to the stories of my husband this, and my fiancée that, and you think to yourself “Why isn’t this me?  Why can’t I be a part of this conversation?” We all have the same entry qualifications. What is so wrong with me that can’t become a part of this seemingly exclusive group of people that I spend my time with?

One friend hypothesized the But Can you Whistle Theory. You put two girls right next to each other. Exact same background and lifestyle. But one can whistle. She is the one with a lil bit more, so she is the one who gets choosen.

But as my friends and I journey toward that increasingly scary life milestone of thirty years old, have we indeed just given up on all our hopes and dreams – relationship wise – so that we can settle…down? Does the hope of obtaining that MRS. degree trump your own common sense when it comes to the men you date? Have we just decided that its easier to be in a unhealthy relationship than to be single?

What got us to this point? What happened, during the growth of our generation of professional intellegent women, that is allowing us to settle as opposed to searching for Happiness.   What is it about society, the media, outside influences that has helped to make us feel less than, just because we don’t have a significant other? Do our peers seem to think less of us? Or are we so afraid of the stigma that Single and 30 brings from a societal standpoint that we choose to forego our common sense?

There are no easy answers to the questions I just asked, but I would really like to know what some of the people who are nice enough to read my blog on a fairly regular basis think. These questions can be answered by men as well, I would love our opinion.


3 thoughts on “You Get What You Settle For/I’m So Sick of Being Lonely

  1. Once again, you hit the nail on the head. Relationships these days seem in some ways to be a status symbol, so those who are a certain age and still single are seen as having something wrong with them. On the “can you whistle” point, relationships seem more selfish than in years past. A person can choose a mate because “they can whistle” but don’t consider what they themselves can bring to the table. They may not consider if that “whistle” can help build themselves as a couple or that person as an individual. I could go on for days but leave it here for now. Keep up the good work!

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