Archive | March 24, 2011

‘Cuz I Want It That Way…….

“You want it to be one way…….but its the other way.” – Marlo Stanfield.

A while back I wrote a blog, which I still need to locate on FB, about having unrealistic expectations in life and love. Thinking back, I know I talked about who and what my ideal man would be. At the time I was dating (sexing) a man who will forever be thought of as the biggest mistake I ever made. Was I trying to justify my choice? Probably. But I still had some valid points.

With that blog in mind, I would like to tell you a story….

Once upon a time, there was a little girl who just wanted to feel safe. She wanted the stability of knowing that someone would always be there to make sure she was happy, and that life hadn’t gotten the best of her. She kept looking to the people she felt were supposed to provide her with that special kind of stability – her father, her siblings, boys that she had encountered in her young life – but none of them could give her what she needed.

So this young girl wandered through life, just looking for someone to keep her safe. Along the way, she met some wonderful people who gave her all kinds of “good advice.” Things like: “Only God will give you that feeling,” & “The sign of a Weak Women is one who goes looking for a man,” & “You can always hug yourself.” This young girl got so used to finding momentary safety and the feeling of False Security, that the concept of actual stability seemed like an unrealistic expectation.

Six years ago, this young girl – now a young lady – met a man who told her he thought she was beautiful. This young lady quickly deemed him crazy and did her best to convince him of her {what she considered} numerous flaws and short comings. She rebuffed his advances, didn’t show up for arranged meetings and moved away without telling him.

3 days ago, she was sitting in her car and he came to her mind. She sent a text, just to say hello and was quite surprised at his response, “I Miss You.” How could he miss me, she thought in shock? He doesn’t even know me to miss me.

That’s why he’s so weird because he likes me. No one in their right mind would ever like me, just because of who I am. Because who I am is so unworthy of that kind of love. The kind if Love that comes from a recognition that goes beyond the physical.

The Young Lady had spent her whole life searching for someone who saw the part of her she hid from the world, and suddenly she realized that someone was right there the whole time. This man had been saying to her, FOR YEARS, “I just want to make you happy.” & “It makes me happy every time I make you laugh.” & “You are such a beautiful person.”

Had the Young Lady become so accustomed to BS that she just couldn’t fathom anyone being Genuine? Did she rebuff the Man because he wasn’t what people would expect of her? Was it because she thought he was crazy for taking an interest in her?

Or, was it because he scared her? Was she so afraid of putting her heart on the line that she would just rather deal with BS? Could she be so used to various forms of rejection, that Acceptance seemed like the wrong thing? Or, is she just completely over thinking like she always does, and needs to go for it?

Whatever the ending to this lovely story, I hope the Young Lady finds the safety and stability that she has been looking for, for 29 years, and finally gets that hug that leads to Happiness.

Am I, Your Fire?
Your one, Desire?
I know, its too late…..
But I Want It That Way. – The Backstreet Boys