Just Thoughts or the Next Big Thing….

You ever met someone, and think to urself that you were always meant to love them from afar? Like not on a white girl emo tip, but on some real shit.

Like that male best friend who needs a support system and needs you to be that. But you being what they need pretty much means that’s all you will ever be.

Why is that? Why does Adele make so much damn sense on this whole 21 album. You can just listen to every song and think of a relationship that didn’t end the way u wanted it to.

Why am I plagued with having awesome ass male friends who make horrible relationship choices? Like I have to sit back and watch them make these choices, and choose these women that are so bad for them. But I’m still there, helping them pick up the pieces and get themselves back together.

Being the person in their corner, giving them back the self confidence that they lost when that stupid cunt broke their heart into a million pieces.  They never go for the one that puts their heart back together. Nope, they say thank u and move on with their lives.

Sometimes, I wonder if there is a sign on my forehead that says, I’m going to fix you. Please come with me. This is something I need to like actually pray about.

Is my role in life JUST to impact peoples life to get them ready/capable for the Next Big Thing? Will I never be the Next Big Thing for anyone? Will my title forever be Transitional Female Friend? Or Female I’m Comfortable With? Does this have something to do with my physical appearance or my personality?

And if I reject playing that role, where will that leave me? Completely alone? Or have I subconsciously embraced that role becuz it means that at least I matter even if its for a brief period of time. I love how conversations get me to this place. Especially with people I didn’t know mattered until I was too late. So much for guarding my heart.

Well at least Adele understands me…

Next time, I’ll be braver… I’ll be my own Savior…. when the thunder calls for me…..

Next time I’ll be braver, I’ll be my own Savior….standing, on my own two feet


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