I promised NOT to blog about this. Clearly I lied.
Ever had someone tell you they loved you? Ever had that same person say, they can’t picture their life without you in it? Ever had that same person lay with you on a couch for hours, crying about the pain that was their childhood? Ever have that person tell you they can’t/won’t be with you?
Clearly, Sometimes, Love Isn’t Enough . . .
I just got kicked in my chest, by the one person I was willing to sacrifice my personal space for. I invited him into my home, my space, every aspect of me, and he was uncomfortable. 4 hour phone conversations, all day text messaging, and everything else . . . he couldn’t get comfortable.
Instead of being deep, I’m Just going to let the music do the talking . . .
Becuz this is how he feels . . .
And that’s how I felt when he told me he was leaving . . .
And THIS is how I feel right now . . . .
I’m so mad at myself for loving you. For making u matter when YOU said you didn’t think you should matter to anyone. All I wanted to do was love you. Just to love you, and to be there for you. Who walks away from love? Who turns their back on love?
What kind of person are you that you can so easily walk away from everyone you come into contact with. Was everything a lie? Did I once again fall for the emotions behind the words that were whispered in the safey of being 4+ states away? Is it easier for you to live that lie, than to just admit that you can’t see yourself with me.
Everything inside me, the lost girl that I used to be wants to find the flaw in MY actions and make this my fault. To tell myself that I did something to make you treat me like the emotional who’re you made me out to be. But I can’t find it. I can’t find the reason, the event, the episode that led to this. For once, I’m not blaming myself for your issues.
But at the end of the day, I still come home to this empty ass house. And I hate it. I hate that you turned my HOME into such an unhappy place for me. And that I let you do it.
I’m so fucking angry/sad/mad/hurt right now. The fact that you won’t even answer my questions. That you went out of your way, to run away. That you severed all ties . . . . Emotional . . . Physical . . . Communicable . . . .
Do you sleep at night? Was it not even an issue for you, to know that you broke my heart. How could you just look me in my face, and lie. Say that everything was going to be the same. I just don’t even know what to be mad about anymore. . . .