Happiness Vs. Contentment/The Road to Hell

The Road to Hell is paved with Good Intentions . . . .

First time I ever heard that, I was in my apartment @ 1520 Brown St in my Senior Year of College.  I had just opened my copy of Lauryn Hill’s MTV Unplugged, and I was hella excited.  For once, my Roommate wasn’t home, and I had the house to myself.  I was sucked in from the 1st guitar strum.  I listened to the words, and was like, “Damn That’s Deep.” But I didn’t really know . . . I had No Idea what she was talking about.

We give rise to ego, by being insecure
The advice that we go desperately searching for
the subconscious effort to support our paramour
Too engaged in denial, to admit we’re immature

We all have a goal for ourselves.  We look into our future, and see what we want to be.  As a child, when people would ask me what I wanted to be, I used to say a doctor.  I could see myself in the white coat, and a brightly painted office, helping children stay well. Later in life, when everything I was doing would have made that goal too hard to reach, I looked into other things.

In my journey to find Happiness, I frequently equated it with the word Easy.  My ego was such, that everything was easy for me.  I was “Happy” because I didn’t have to work hard.  Things just came to me, and I was perfectly happy with that.  For a while, things went well . . . But the search for Happy/Easy made me change my path a myriad of times.  I have walked away from things when they became difficult, thinking whatever I went to next wouldn’t matter, because everything was Easy.

hap·py

adjective
1. delighted, pleased, or glad, as over a particular thing 

The problem in searching for Happy: you are looking for a momentary thing. Happy implies a particular state of being, not an overall feeling of Peace.

Happiness comes in so many forms, but is a very fleeting emotion.  It’s contingent upon too many things.  Are my bills paid? Does he like me? Do I feel fat? Did they call me back for that audition? Did I win that argument? If things didn’t go my way, I was very unhappy.  The search for Happiness has led me nowhere . . . .

con·tent

adjective

1. satisfied with what one is or has; not wanting more or anything else.

All this time, I should have been looking for Contentment.  Happy is like heroin addictiton.  The first time you get it, you have to have more.  Because the buzz of Happy goes away after a while, you need it in bigger, stronger doses.  You being to search in places you would never have gone before, for just a taste.  Your Intentions, are just to make yourself  Happy.  To feel that rush, that says . . .  Yes What you just did was accepted, valued, and for a reason.  Just like the dope fiend, who steals copper for a Yellow Top {Wire Reference} you start to go to extraodinary measures just to get to Happy.

Wake up you’ve been sleeping, take up your bed and walk
Stop blaming other people, it’s nobody else’s fault
Accept the truth about you
You know that life goes on without you . . .

Today, I let go of my search for Happy.  Instead, I start my journey for Contentment.  I can start it by admitting to myself, that I need a break.  Not a Bullshit, turn off my phone for a day type break.  But a, move back in with my mother, and spend 3 months getting to know the person “The Search for Happiness” has turned me into.  Talking to some kind of God, and really understanding What and Who I want to be.

Please dont be mad with me, I have no identity
All that i’ve known is gone, all I was building on

I know now I have to face, the temptations of my past
now that i know the truth, now that its no excuse

Thank You Ms. Lauryn Hill, who even in your crazy, has helped me figure out what I want . . . .

Contentment

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4 thoughts on “Happiness Vs. Contentment/The Road to Hell

  1. once again…i feel in a certain type of sync with the words you type. i’ve recently experienced (yet another…) set-back in my life but i’ve been working on collecting myself enough to carry on…

    ok. i’ll stop with the stan-speak. but it’s…comforting to know i’m not the only one feeling like i need a complete re-evaluation of everything i know to be who i am.

  2. Word. anytime im asked if I’m happy, I always say I’m content, not realizing, upon definition, I’ve been chasing happiness. Happy is the here and now while content is like that 5th level Maslow. Interesting. Who knew being happy could be so sad?

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