Sooooooo this is one of those I just need to get some shit off my chest. So it might not make any sense to whoever is reading it. But yeah…so that’s the disclaimer.
1) Family is the most important thing in the world to me. It always has been. Because I’ve seen what not having a supportive family can do to a person. I’ve watched my clients, my friends, and even some of my family suffer because of their lack of support. I’ve even written blogs about it.
There are several different branches of my family. But I’ve never really fit into any of them. My family is my mother. Later in life I added some brothers/sisters/nieces/nephews in there, but my mom is always there.
I’ve never thought my cousins liked me. It wasn’t one specific incident that made me say, ‘Wow they hate me.’ But I never felt welcomed. I wasn’t around when I was younger because I wasn’t invited for the sleep overs, family outings, random get togethers, etc. (The politics of all that is another blog for another time.) But because I missed the random family bonding moment I always felt like the girl on the outside. My first friends weren’t my cousins, they were my classmates.
Today, something happened that was both embarrassing and hurtful. And it made me realize that I get to chose whether nor not to feel left out. When your family laughs at or about you, and never with you…why deal with them? When people believe the words of others without even checking with you, why defend yourself? When your family constantly denies that you have any knowledge in the profession you’ve worked for 13+ years, why give advice?
I can be disrespected by Strangers at work and get paid for it. Taking what I deem as abuse for free is just fucking stupid.
So in that same vain of thought…my circle has just gotten smaller. It was already small so I guess the word is miniscule. I create my family from this point on. And the application progress is grueling as all the hells.