Last night on SNL, I was introduced to Sam Smith. I might have cried during his second performance. I mean, I’m not going to admit to anything . . . but maybe my eyes have allergies or something. Either way, the song he was singing was called Lay Me Down. There he was, singing my life with his song.
You told me not to cry when you were gone
But the feeling’s overwhelming, they’re much too strong
Can I lay by your side, next to you, you
And make sure you’re alright
I’ll take care of you
And I don’t wanna be here if I can’t be with you tonight
This is how I used to feel, every time I got in a fight with The Mexican. It didn’t matter if he had hurt me, demeaned me, or betrayed me in some way. I just needed to lay down with him, and cry it out. That kind of safety . . . its mostly indescribable.
Two weeks ago, I was betrayed by 3 different people in less than a week. And there was no one there, to lay with. No one there so I could lay my head on his chest, and just cry at the injustice of it all. I couldn’t wallow, not even for a minute that someone stole something from me I couldn’t ever get back.
I’m reaching out to you
Can you hear my call? (Who’s to say you won’t hear me?)
This hurt that I’ve been through
I’m missing you, missing you like crazy
As with everything, I’ll get over it. I don’t miss The Mexican every day. Or once a week. Or even once a Month. I DO miss the Safety I felt at that time in my life. I miss THAT every day. Every time I feel a pang, I wonder if that’s ever going to go away. The sense of urgency that comes when I realize I don’t have that anymore. The understanding that fear isn’t going to let me even open myself up to finding it again. I wonder when Fear isn’t going to be my first response to a new situation.
I wonder . . . Until then I say Thank You Sam Smith, for making me write this very brief blog. And for your music. That’s going to be devoured by your newest fan from here on out.
P.S. Adele gave him a shout out on Twitter like 6 Months ago. I’m so late!