So this might cause a few phone calls . . . But you know. In for a penny and all that . . .
My Ideal Relationship: Emo, Sex, and a Lil Bit of Both
I need an emotional connection with someone. I need to have someone in my life that I can trust with my deepest, darkest, fears and dreams. I’ve only had that with two people, TBTLNY and MM. Because I didn’t know how powerful a true emotional connection was, I confused those feelings with being In Love with them. I thought all those feelings were supposed to lead to marriage and babies and forever. I wasn’t sexually attracted to either of them. Not because they weren’t unattractive, because both of them are beautiful actually. You saw TBTLNY in my “First Love” blog. I won’t post one of MM . . .because feelings. Anyway, it wasn’t strange to me that I didn’t want to have sex with them, I figured hey, maybe we will get there in time.
But we never did, and I really didn’t care about that we didn’t. I was completely with the intimacy we had. It wasn’t until recently that I started questioning why that was. The only two people I’ve considered myself “In Love” with were not sexual partners. It’s because I don’t think emotions and sex should or can be combined. I’ve never felt a pure emotional connection during sex. This probably mean’s i’ve been doing it wrong. And that’s okay. But I think I want to keep them separate, for now any way.
I need a sex partner. Someone who understands – and doesn’t judge me for – my sexual needs. I need someone who makes me want to lick my lips when I think about them, or grin at inappropriate text messages, or send naughty pictures. Sex is a release of sorts for me, always has been. A way to deal with the stress in my life at the time, or just to get rid of pent up energy. This fabled sexual partner, doesn’t just have to be one person. I’d prefer a roster. Like 3 people with different skill level or set.
I want a Giver of Monster Head that actually lives in the same state I’m in. Maybe I can find a Big Daddy Long Stroke to keep me on my toes. I need someone that’s always down for a good full body massge. I also need for Emo and Sex to get along with each other. It sounds Poly-Amorus . . . Which is like a really white word for “I want my cake and wanna eat it too. And I want it to be Calorie free, and good for me. Also i want a very specific buttercream icing.” And that’s fine too.
I also want a girlfriend. A nice brown-skinned Soft Stud. With curly hair, or a short hair cut, or maybe dreads. Who presents as masculine, likes to wear bowties, and is #ExtremelyWoke. Maybe her major in college was African American Studies, or the African Disporia. She goes to poetry readings, and coffee houses in her free time. But she is rarely free, becaue she spends most of her time attending protests, sometimes leading them. My girlfriend will be my little bit of both. She will get along with Emo, be friends with Sex, and complete me. Filling that space the other two can’t.
Is that too much to ask? How come we have to find everything we want in just one person? Why can’t we pick and choose what we want/need/desire and not hold every person to the various standards we have. Your needs change, you grow with each life experience. So what worked in 2011, might not be what you need for 2015. I’m really tired of setting myself up for failure, because I keep wanting my life to look like what i’ve been told it should.
I am the Master of My Fate, I am the Owner of My Destiny.
And my Fate/Destiny may just happen to be, Two Boys and a Girl.