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I’mma Keep Runnin . . . Or My Fan-Girl Reaction to Lemonade

Your. Fave. Could. Never.  That’s the first thing you need to know.  I don’t care who your Fave is. They could NEVER be Beyonce.  Not ever in life. Not with training, not by drinking her bath water.  Not by living with her for 10 years.  YOUR FAVE COULD NEVER.  {YFCN}

Now that I’ve got that out of the way, Lets Talk about Lemonade.

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Lemonade is a visual representation of the Black Woman Struggle.  It’s every part of a Black Woman’s life.  The Lies, the Love, the Tears, the Anger, the Jealously, the Shame, the Ugliness, the Beauty, but most of all . . . The Pride.  If you finish watching Lemonade, and don’t feel like a Proud Black Woman . . . you did it wrong.  Start all over again. I don’t care if you’re Asian, you should feel like a Proud and Strong Black Woman at the end.

BAAAAABY.  Beyonce said, “Keep Trying ME.” The Visuals, the spoken word (shouts to Warsan Shire) the music.  Every track is immaculate.  Yes, I am fan-girling the FUCK outta this album. Thank you to Tidal for this, because . . . yes.  I have to go Track by Track.  That’s really the only it can be done.

Pray that you catch me

1) Pray That You Catch Me

Ever KNEW your man was cheating.  Every sign pointed to him being an Ain’t Shit Type of Nigga, but you wanted to hold on to the part of you that feels like you can’t get played.  That’s this song.  She knows he’s cheating, she is praying that he knows that she knows.  While watching this with my Twitter Family, we were all like . . . hold on wait?!?! Is this about Jay? This is actually my least favorite song on this album. Not because it’s not good . . . they just all get consistently better.
hold up

2) Hold Up

Beyonce was walking down the the street, with a bat.  In wit’ dem micros flowing free.  All types of Bey from Destiny’s Child.  Like . . . everything.  Her in that yellow, smashing windows and breaking shit. She’s my Angry Black Girl Hero. Then she had the nerve to drive over all them cars with a Big Ass Truck.  Look Here, Don’t fuck with Beyonce. She is crazy.  And I LOVE it.

 

Don't Hurt Yourself

3) Don’t Hurt Yourself feat. Jack White

Angry Beyonce who curses is so much of the things. First, Jack White?!?!? Your Fave Could Never. Lets talk about these lyrics tho . . .

Who the Fuck Do you I am?

You ain’t married to no Average Bitch Boy!

You gone watch my fat ass twist boy, 

As I bounce to the next Dick Boy. 

Again, all of Twitter was like wait . . . what did Jay do to her?  Do we gotta hate him now? Is we fighting him in the face? Cuz why is Bey this mad?!?! At this point, Jay’s twitter mentions were in SHAMBLES. Men and women were like “Jay, I mean we can’t even help you out.  You done fucked up now.”

i ain't sorry

4) Sorry

Then she showed up with all her girls, in a bus. Throwing up middle fingers, and saying, “Fuck em’ Girl, Fuck Em'” AND had Serena Williams twerking in a video! But once again, them lyrics.   I have to admit, I was more than a little concerned at this point.  Cuz ummmmm, again, why is she so mad?!?

I love this Beyonce, not afraid to curse, to be real about her life (maybe) and talking about all the facets of her relationship (maybe). Best Line of the Song . . . “He betta call Becky wit tha Good Hair.” Bish WHET?!?!? Now we gotta be mad at any bish named Becky?!?!?

6 inch

5) 6 Inch feat. The Weeknd

Just . . . yes.  I’ve been waiting for this collaboration.  I can’t even tell you what this song is about {honestly, I think it’s about a working girl who wears 6 Inch Heels}.  I got caught up in the sampling of Walk On By by Isaac Hayes.  That guitar riff.  EVERYTHING. Seriously Guys, at this point I was just so much in my feelings at the beauty of the visuals. I had to stop tweeting, and just breathe.

daddy lessons

6) Daddy Lessons

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS Come Through with this Country Song. She said, “Hey Taylor Swift . . . fuck you.” And she started it with Zydeco music.  This visuals for this one were beautiful.  You get this home movie with Beyonce and her Dad which then switched into a video of Blue Ivy and Matthew.  At this point, I think we all breathe a sigh of relief, maybe it was about Matthew and Tina, and not Jay and B.  Okay, maybe that was just me.  Either way. I was able to deal a little bit better.

Love Drought7) Love Drought

At this point, the visuals changed, and along with them the message (at least for me)  From talking about Self, to the purity of having your sister’s behind you.  To having women in your life you can build you up when you are down. These women, in white in a river, gives me this feeling of being cleansed and washing off all the weight of the past.

Sand castles

8) Sandcastles

At this point, I started crying. Because . . . OH MY GOOD SAWEET LORD! It came out that Prince said in an interview, that Beyonce needed to learn to play the piano, it would take her to another level. Like . . . . Seriously.  I’m tearing up right now remembering that clip.  Because This whole WEEK has been shitty. I still haven’t processed the loss of Prince.  It felt like he was saying . . . “If they listen, I will guide them.” Plus, the VISUALS. Jay-Z at his most vulnerable.  With his hand on her ankle, laying in bed just basking in her. Sitting there holding her. Y’all #GOALS.

Black Moms

9) Forward

AGAIN, TEARS. This whole montage of Black Mothers and Children, in PAIN because of their loss at the hands others.  The PAIN in Mike Brown’s mother’s eyes . . . I lost it. These mothers, who raised beautiful Black Men, only to lose them in such a violent way.

Don’t ever say Beyonce doesn’t care about her people, don’t ever say she doesn’t understand or know the plight of her people.  Don’t Ever Say Beyonce isn’t WOKE.  She’s 6 Liters of Monster Energy Drink and 18 Cups of Coffee type WOKE. She doesn’t even have to set alarm clocks, she just wakes up on her own.  

Again, Your Fave Could Never.

Freedom

10) Freedom feat. Kendrick Lamar

Hands down my favorite song on the album.  The message of Black Power, of Black Female Empowerment, of Black Beauty coming in every shade, size (maybe), and age.

Freedom, Freedom I Can’t Move!

Freedom Cut Me Loose!

Freedom, Freedom Where are you?

Cuz I need Freedom too!

I break chains all by myself, won’t let my Freedom rot in Hell,

Im’ma Keep Running cuz a Winner don’t Quit on themselves!

black girls are awesome

Lets talk about this Visual.  You got Zendaya, Chloe and Hallie, and Amandla Stenberg. {Judge me not, I don’t know who the other girls are} Like, WHAT?!?!?

Beyonce called people and was like, “Look, I need you to come sit.  You don’t have a speaking part, I just need you to sit on some stuff.  There may be chairs, steps, perhaps a tree? You Down?” 

And EVERYONE SAID YES. Cuz at this point in life, you don’t say no to Beyonce.  You just Don’t. Can we also discuss Michaela Deprince and her ballet.  Yes Chile’ get it.  Beyonce is here for all the little black girls with a dream.
blue feeding Jay

11) All Night Long

At this point, I was so drenched in Love, and Black Pride, and happiness.  And then we get Family Home Videos?!?! Beyonce pregnant, do you SEE how cute Blue Ivy was as a baby! It’s just so much of all the things I needed today. The home movies, plus the beautiful pictures of all kinds of love.  Black Love, and Queer Love, and Interracial Love, and Young Love, and Old Love.  Tina and Richard! Come on now! So Damn Beautiful.

formation

12) Formation

Look here, she didn’t even have this in the Visual Album.  That’s how much she knew we didn’t even need this again.  What she had just given us was MORE than enough.  We thought Formation was the beginning of the Movement, and it was the Culmination of the Journey. 

Beyonce

Look, I’ve been an admitted fan of Beyonce since I Am Sasha Fierce. But Lemonade is everything I’ve been trying to tell everyone Beyonce could and can be.  This was like a therapy session, FOR FREE.  Twin said, “This should have been called Daddy issues Part 1,” and she ain’t eva lied.

She talked about generational curses, and the WORK it takes to break free of them, as well as the power that comes to women when they finally break free. I’m not really sure what I expected this to be. But I can tell you what it ended up being for me.

Magic.  

Black Girls are Magic.  Black Girls can do and be whatever the hell we want to be. Beyonce is the most magical Black Girl some people have ever seen.  Beyonce’s Magic appears to be effortless, even as she shows us all her flaws.  As I’m sitting here, watching Lemonade from the beginning on my phone {because it just feels more intimate} I am in Awe of what Beyonce has become. As well as excited for where she is going to take us next.

Also, YOUR FAVE COULD NEVER. 

Thanks for taking this journey with me.  How did Lemonade change YOUR life? Feel free to share.

The Day My Life Changed….

So I wrote the blog right before this one on the day my life changed.  Part of me feels like maybe I was bragging too much.  There has always been an internal fear of mine, that someone in my life, that I don’t know is rooting against me.  That this mystery person will see my proclamation of happiness, and immediately pray for my demise and downfall.  98.65% of me knows that’s a stupid fear.  But there is indeed a SOLID 1.35% me right now, that’s wondering if they won again.

At 6:25pm (approximately), I had a Grand Mal (translation: Very Bad) seizure while I was working out at the gym.  Thankfully, I wasn’t on any equipment at the time, I’d just gotten off the PreCor Elliptical, my all time favorite machine.  I walked over to get a sip of water, and the next thing I remember, I was in an ambulance.  Never in my life have I had that kind of seizure, or any confirmed seizure of any kind for that matter.

So I can’t explain the how’s or the whys, not with any real concrete reason.  I have some testing coming up, so maybe that will help me figure everything out.  The one thing that’s important to note, I’m Still Alive.

My Friend and Sister Amber Pratcher had a seizure in July, and died.  So I don’t for one second take it for granted that I am still here to type this blog.  But I will never be the same. If i thought I appreciated who I was put on this earth to be before . . . BABY its like times 100000000000000 now.  Yes, having a dislocated shoulder hurts like a bitch, but that’s the worst that happened.

My tongue is almost completely healed, once i man up and face the pain of moving my upper arm, It should be okay too.  I can work, I didn’t lose any of my basic life and daily functions. So yeah, writing is kind of difficult with my arm in a sling, i can’t really do much of anything with my right hand right now, but I’m here dammit.  And that counts for something.

I’m Feelin’ Myself

There comes a time in every woman’s life, that she realizes her true worth.  This moment can last a lifetime, or it can be a fleeting/passing thought.  But every woman will have this moment.  I had mine on October 28th, 2015.  After a two hour phone conversation with MM, I realized that for the 1st time since we “broke up”, I was happy again.    I was actually able to say to him, “I wish I had met you now, because I’m amazing and you don’t even get to experience that.”
5 years ago, he was the most interesting person in the world to me.  I’d never met anyone like him.  He added something to my life that was missing, in my opinion. 

I had a job I loved, and apartment that felt like home, friends and family that were close enough to see when I wanted, but far enough I didn’t have to worry about them dropping by unannouced.  I was content. Out of the blue, I found someone to share it with. I could come home, and talk to another person about my day, and know they understood my angst, frustrations, and triumphs. That’s what had been missing, and I didn’t even know that was something I needed to get to that next level. 

I’m there again in my life.  I can finally say I’m back to the point in my life that I’m consistantly happy at the end of the day.  I walk into my home that I love, after working my 2 jobs that change children’s lives, and can look around and be pleased with myself.  I’ve gotten to the point where I know who/what I need in my life at any given moment.  My emotions are no longer scary, I’m no longer compelled to eat my way through them.  I can hold myself accountable financially, and even put money in a savings account and not touch it. 

I know what I want my next relationship to look like.  I know where I want to be in 12 years.  I have a plan now.  I have so much knowledge about the wrold, and how it works.  Some of the knowledge came from difficult times, but it’s valued just the same.  Somewhere in the last year, I’ve become this new person.  This new me: She knows her worth.  She is no longer afraid to speak her mind.  She no longer hides behind ‘What I should Be,’ instead, she basks in Who I Am.

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Who Am I
1) A Social Worker – I work every day to find family members, and bring them back together.  To get kids out of the Foster Care system, and find them a forever home. I’m able to use my powerful skills of conversation, to make people look at the world differently, and use my own story to help them let go of some of their pain.  I’ve found the perfect job for me – I get paid to stalk people on the internet, then convince them to do what I want them to.  Because . . . Awesome!

2) My Mother’s Child – Personality Wise, we are pretty much the same person at this point.  She’s my hero, and I wanna be like her when I grow up. I want to raise a child the way she raised me, and hopefully make the same impact on their life that she has made on mine.  I’m so happy to consider my mother my friend now, it’s been a journey I wouldn’t trade for anything.

3) A Proud Member of Zeta Phi Beta Sorority, Inc – I’ve finally found a chapter that is going to help me become more active in the community, and eventually the country.  I’m finally ready to get back to that side of me, MJ the Super Zeta. I’m ready to introduce a new generation of kids to greek life.  To invite children to stepshows, and involve them in community service.  To network in the city of Tucson, and the state of Arizona. To do this Zeta thing the RIGHT way this time, and use all my life experiences to make my community a better place.

4) A Registered Behavioral Technician – I work with kiddos on the Autism Spectrum and help them to be the best version of themselves possible, be it at home, in public, or at school.  And I’m Damn Good at it. Now, I am Nationally Certified to do so.  I’ve been working with kids on the spectrum since my frist year of teaching, even though we didn’t know at the time one of my students was on the spectrum.  There is a special kind of blessing that comes from helping a child open up to the world, when they have only been in their own world for so long.

5) A Child of God – Most of my life, I’ve struggled with my religious identity.  Being raised in the church, I often felt bad for questioning certain things.  Adulthood and life has lead me to understand that God is in everything.  He/She/They doesn’t just have to live in a baptist church, or in Jesus, or in Allah.  God is Love.  God is Living a life of Service to others.  God is finding the Beauty in even the most Ugly of situations.  I can finally say, “Giving Honor to God who is the head of my Life,” and know what that means, which is a blessing in and of itself.

I’m sure there are more labels that apply to me.  These are the 5 I choose to highlight today.  Everyday, I thank God for the person he has allowed me to become, and hope I stop fighting him so much when he takes me down a path I wasn’t expecting.  I guess this is going to be my “Me at 34,” birthday blog, just a little bit early.  Thanks for Reading 🙂

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I Think I Might Love Writing Challenges

So, my life is super busy.  I rarely have time to sit down and write an in-depth blog anymore.  Because writing a blog for me, takes about 2 – 3 hours, depending on the topic.  And If I have to search for images, or song lyrics, or some clip or point of reference . . . That’s gonna take even longer.  The problem is, I only sit down at a keyboard 3-4 times a week, and I’m actually working then.  So I think for a while, I’m going to just do some writing challenges, with the occasional deep ass blog thrown in when I have time.

To my new readers, thank you so much for following my blog!  I never expected anyone to follow this thing, and I’ve been for 9+ years.  I hope you find things that amuse, help, make you laugh, etc.  You might also find some things you don’t agree with  (Probably everything written from 2007-2009.  That was my anything goes/Sarcastic Asshole phase.)

And now, for today’s topic: 5 Ways to Win My Heart

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1) You Need to Be Dominant
I’ve wholeheartedly accepted that I’m submissive when it comes to relationships.  Seriously, I wrote two blogs about it. So I’m not here for you if you want me to take care of you.  I can be supportive, and affectionate, but I refuse to be in charge in our relationship.  I won’t respect you, and the relationship will end VERY quickly.  This doesn’t mean you should beat the crap outta me, this means I should be able to trust you enough to let you be in charge.

a-man-is-not-a-financial-plan-quote-12) You have to have AT LEAST what I Have.
I’m not a parent, I shouldn’t be taking care of you.  If you don’t have at least what I have, we aren’t going to work.  If I’m working two jobs, you have to AT LEAST be working one full time job.  You don’t have to own a Tesla, cuz me and my Buick Century are just fine.  You don’t even have to OWN your house, but you need to have one.  What do i look like introducing you to my friends and family, and I have to explain what you bring to the relationship? I’ve done that, it makes me feel stupid.  I don’t care how great the sex is, if you embarrass me, I shouldn’t be dealing with you.

images-13) Don’t Woo me, if you can’t keep it up
If i meet you, and every night is eating at fancy restaurants, and movies, and Dave and Busters, Keep That Shit Up.  You set the expectations, if you stop living up to them one of two things is going to happen.  A) I’m going to take it personal, and assume you have started to think less of me or b) I’m gonna get pissed off and break up with you.  If your circumstances change, it’s understandable if some things have to be put on the back burner for a while.  But you have to put in the work consistently. Consistency is Key to keep me focused on you and/or our relationship.

09d1e7e1135c1c82dbdb118ea8cbdab3-612x612x14) Introduce me to something new
Is it bad I need to be Wowed? I’ve seen some pretty amazing things, not gonna lie.  So you are going to have to step my game up. Cuz I like new stuff.  I have new interest ADD.  I like to explore all the things.

image5) Be Woke
I can’t be with you if you aren’t knowledgable about societal issues.  You can’t be a Republican.  You can’t be watch Fox News.  You have to know who Chris Hayes and Rachael Maddow are.  You have to be able to tell the difference between an actual news story, and a hoax post. You need to know who Deray, Netta, and Luvvie are.  You don’t have to be Black, honestly.  But if you are White, you need to know what Privlege is, and acknowledge yours.  You have to be able to deal with me being upset when a Black Child Dies.  You need to be able to deal with my anger about another White Man killing innocent people and not being called a terrorist. You Have To Be Woke.

So that’s it.  Not too bad right?  

30 Day Writing Challenge: Your Current Relationship

So this might cause a few phone calls . . . But you know. In for a penny and all that . . .

My Ideal Relationship: Emo, Sex, and a Lil Bit of Both

Emo:
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I need an emotional connection with someone.  I need to have someone in my life that I can trust with my deepest, darkest, fears and dreams.  I’ve only had that with two people, TBTLNY and MM.  Because I didn’t know how powerful a true emotional connection  was, I confused those feelings with being In Love with them. I thought all those feelings were supposed to lead to marriage and babies and forever.  I wasn’t sexually attracted to either of them.  Not because they weren’t unattractive, because both of them are beautiful actually.  You saw TBTLNY in my “First Love” blog.  I won’t post one of MM . . .because feelings. Anyway, it wasn’t strange to me that I didn’t want to have sex with them, I figured hey, maybe we will get there in time.

But we never did, and I really didn’t care about that we didn’t. I was completely with the intimacy we had. It wasn’t until recently that I started questioning why that was.  The only two people I’ve considered myself “In Love” with were not sexual partners. It’s because I don’t think emotions and sex should or can be combined.  I’ve never felt a pure emotional connection during sex. This probably mean’s i’ve been doing it wrong.  And that’s okay. But I think I want to keep them separate, for now any way.

Sex:
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I need a sex partner.  Someone who understands – and doesn’t judge me for – my sexual needs.  I need someone who makes me want to lick my lips when I think about them, or grin at inappropriate text messages, or send naughty pictures.  Sex is a release of sorts for me, always has been.  A way to deal with the stress in my life at the time, or just to get rid of pent up energy.  This fabled sexual partner, doesn’t just have to be one person.  I’d prefer a roster.  Like 3 people with different skill level or set.

I want a Giver of Monster Head that actually lives in the same state I’m in. Maybe I can find a Big Daddy Long Stroke to keep me on my toes.  I need someone that’s always down for a good full body massge. I also need for Emo and Sex to get along with each other.  It sounds Poly-Amorus . . . Which is like a really white word for “I want my cake and wanna eat it too.  And I want it to be Calorie free, and good for me.  Also i want a very specific buttercream icing.” And that’s fine too.

Lil Bit of Both
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I also want a girlfriend.  A nice brown-skinned Soft Stud.  With curly hair, or a short hair cut, or maybe dreads.  Who presents as masculine, likes to wear bowties, and is #ExtremelyWoke.  Maybe her major in college was African American Studies, or the African Disporia.  She goes to poetry readings, and coffee houses in her free time.  But she is rarely free, becaue she spends most of her time attending protests, sometimes leading them.  My girlfriend will be my little bit of both.  She will get along with Emo, be friends with Sex, and complete me.  Filling that space the other two can’t.

Is that too much to ask? How come we have to find everything we want in just one person? Why can’t we pick and choose what we want/need/desire and not hold every person to the various standards we have.  Your needs change, you grow with each life experience.  So what worked in 2011, might not be what you need for 2015.  I’m really tired of setting myself up for failure, because I keep wanting my life to look like what i’ve been told it should.

I am the Master of My Fate, I am the Owner of My Destiny.

And my Fate/Destiny may just happen to be, Two Boys and a Girl. 

30 Day Writing Challenge (3 Day Catch-Up): Ageism ad Fruit

How do I feel about Ageism?

Like, It’s a thing I guess? I think coming from the African American Community, ageism doesn’t really affect me because we keep our old folks around.  Nana is always going to live with someone, and have somebody taking care of her (usually).  I think I have the privlege of surronding myself with people who value the wisdom and strength that comes from having older people in their lives.  Lots of my friends have close relationships with their grandparents, even great grandparents and treat them with the utmost respect.  I feel like maybe it should be a big deal to me, but it’s not. Alas, I’m more worried about kids being threatened on college campus’ than Old people not getting jobs? You know, because Priorities.

A Fruit You Dislike and Why?

I don’t like Watermelon.  It’s gross.  I hate the taste of it, the texture of it, and the smell of it.  I hate watermelon flavored anything, and I hate most fruit cups becausxe they use melon as a filler.  You know what else I hate, that I am now allergic to my two favorite fruits, Mango and Pineapple.  I blame watermelon, because why not.

30 Day Writing Challange: My Tattoos and What They Mean

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I have 4 tattoos. 

Those are my first two.  The first one is No More Drama in Arabic. In my defense, I got it before 9/11, in Feb 2000 to be exact.  I was clearly inspired by the Mary J Blige song that came out the year before.  I was going to have a whole story down my back.  The second part of said story was the Drama mask (Comedy + Tragedy).  Following that should have been be a peace sign, then finally a ying/yang when I felt balanced in my life.  But the mask hurt WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too much, so the story ended there. (For Know)

My 3rd Tattoo is a Butterfly on my foot.  That hurt like a Son of a Bitch! Evidently, even if your feet are swollen, it’s still the part of your body with the least amount of fat, thus you are basically tattooing muscle.  I cried so hard y’all. My friends made fun of me. I blogged about it too.

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This is my foot. The Left Foot. Sooooooooooo, there is a weird story about this one.  So I was reading 50 Shades of Grey, and going through a massive break-up.  John Mayer’s Born and Raised had just come out, and I heard the song “Love is a Verb.” I MIGHT have called my ex and sang this on his voicemail.  MIGHT is the keyword.  I had been awake for about 48 hours, and getting this tattoo’ed on my body for the rest of my life, was like the greatest Idea I’d ever had.  Sleep deprivation will make you do some CRAZY things. The songstill means a lot to me.  It’s a reminder to Walk theTalk as it were.

My next Tattoo will be the words, “Adulting is Hard;” as inspired by the SemiColon Project, followed by my nephew’s date of death. Hopefully I will be getting this one before the end of the year.

30 Day Writing Challenge: Catch Up Post (Place to Live & Someone who Fascinates Me)

So Like, LIFE has been taking up a lot of my time lately. So I had to double up today in order to catch up . . .

London

A Place to Live that I Haven’t Visited.

London! I love British everything! The accents, the countryside, the TV Shows.  Plus, if i move there, I won’t have to learn another language.  Also, it’s a metropolitan place with access to lots of different countries.  I could head to Rome for the weekend, or hop on a train to Paris like it’s NOTHING.

I always wanted to backpack through Europe when I was in high school, then my mom reminded me that I was Black, and poor, and I couldn’t do everything my white friends did.

That’s okay though, cuz the summer after I turn 40 . . . this is the plan. Not to move there, but to at least spend a month exploring Europe.

Someone who Fascinates Me

Honestly, all people fascinate me.  I can’t really pick just one person.  My Top Five: Jill Scott, Dave Chappelle, Bill Gates, Oprah, and Jesus.

Jill Scott – Because her music has always spoken to me, but her life views have been off putting in the past.  I’d love to pick her brain.

Dave Chappelle – Cuz I think he’s a genius.  I love the way he thinks about the world, and we have the same taste in music.

Bill Gates – I just wanna talk him into giving me money.  That’s it.

Oprah – Yeah, I gots some bones to pick with her.  Cuz she can educate African Girls, but she can’t answer all the letters i sent her in high school about helping me building a child care center in the hood.

Jesus – I just need to know his stance on Homosexuality, Poly Amory, and Racism. That’s it. I need him to verify that the Bible is JUST  a book, not a way to govern our life.  Yeah, that’s all I would need from him 🙂

30 Day Writing Challenge: 10 Interesting Facts about Myself

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#10 – I’m kind of Obsessed with Hello Kitty

So here’s the thing. I grew up poor. Not hungry, but poor. So when Hello Kitty was 1st popular in the US, (early 80’s) my mom couldn’t afford to buy me all the cool stuff. So now that I can afford it, I buy Hello Kitty stuff all the time! Because….trauma.

#9 – I used to wish Mariah Carey and Ronnie Devoe were my Secret Parents

Okay, I know that sounds crazy…but just listen. So I used to get in trouble ALOT in 1st-4th grade. Like, all the time! Cuz I wasn’t being challenged enough, and I had a really active imagination. So whenever they made me stand in the corner, I would imagine that Mariah Carey pulled up in her Limo to rescue me and then Ronnie Devoe would be there and life would be great. Okay look, reading that back to myself, I was a lil special. But whatever, we don’t judge.

#8 – I am Both an Only Child, and The Youngest

So I was raised as an Only child, my mom’s only child. However, I have 3 older half siblings, 2 step siblings,  a slew of foster brothers, and frat brothers galore. But I’m the youngest amongst them. So basically I’m the Baby. And I was usually treated as such. So I’m THE WORST. At least I know that now. I used to be in denial.

#7- I used to own every book written by Nora Roberts

I tried to sell my collection (140+ total, 50 Hardcovers) when I moved back to MI and I was told they would give me $10. For the entire collection. That was THOUSANDS of dollars worth of books. And they said ten damn dollars. I no longer buy books. If it’s not on the Kindle, I won’t own it. AND I found out how to get ebooks for the low low cost of not a got damn penny! Never again, never again!

#6 – I don’t see myself giving birth to a child or children of my own

It’s just never been something I longed for, with the exception of two VERY brief periods of my life. Besides the fact that it’s super yucky, I’ve raised SEVERAL generations of kids at this point. Plus, I work in the Foster Care System, there are plenty of kids out there who need parents. You don’t always have to give birth to your family. Sometimes you can create it.

#5 – I’m a Spoiled Brat

This might not be a surprise to people who know me. But back to that only child thing, my entire world revolved around me growing up. It’s still very hard to convince others that it still should now.

#4 – A Different World made me become Greek

If I hadn’t seen college life, and the relationships and trials and tribulations they all went through, I don’t think college would have been on my radar. My mother insisted I go to college, so I knew of it only as this thing after high school. Then A Different World came on after the Cosby Lie Show, and I was hooked. It had a much larger impact on my life than any other show on TV at the time, or frankly since.

#3 – I Wear a Size 12 in Women’s Shoes

That’s not really interesting. I just need to put that out there because cute shoes are hard to find.

#2 – All of my Close Friends live elsewhere.

Anyone who has known me more than 5 years doesn’t live where I am now. It’s a really difficult thing not being able to see all or any of your friends face to face. They are spread all over the world at this point, NYC, MI, D.C., Dayton, Cleveland, Cincinnati, Colorado…. Just all over the globe. Which is WHACK. Cuz Social Workers don’t make enough money to be traveling all the damn time! This also leads me to my last “Interesting Fact”….

#1 – University of Dayton was the best choice I’ve ever made in my life.

If it had not been for the Flyers on my side….where would I be?!?! Seriously, I was kind of floating around until UD. I become sure of myself, created a me I wasn’t ashamed of or afraid of, and kind of came into my own.  Dayton taught me to love everyone, be adventurous, try new things. Maybe put myself out there every once in a while.

Without Dayton there would be no Zeta Phi Beta Sigma, no MJ the teacher…pretty much no me as I am today. I’m forever grateful they sent me my first acceptance letter!

So that’s a sneak peak into what makes me tick….

30 Day Writing Challenge: My First Love/My First Kiss

My First Kiss

His name is Christopher Allen Greer.  Yes, I still know his whole name, I thought we were going to be together forever.  He was in 1st grade, I was in Kindergarten.  We attended the best school in Detroit, Michigan Institute for Child Development, and our lives were happy.  We held hands on the playground, and ate lunch together.  One day, we decidd we were ready to take the next step.  We met at the indoor monkey bars.  We sat on the bottom step, I pursed my lips together, and got ready to kiss him.  SMACK SMACK SMACK.

No, that wasn’t the sound of our lips touching, that was the sound of my teacher’s ruler hitting MY lips.  She tore my lips UP! Stinging pain, cuz I was in Kindergarten when teachers were allowed to smack you with whatever they chose at the moment.  I vowed never to kiss a boy again! Later that year, Christopher cheated on me with my then best friend Kara, cuz she wore a skirt that day,and he said her legs were prettier than mine.  Boys ain’t Shit.

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My First Love

His Name is The Boy That Lives in New York.  Names have been changed to protect the guilty.  I can reveal that we met online, on June 26, 2000, in am AIM chat, because that’s what was hot in the street.  We were introduced and instantly felt like we had been waiting our whole lives for each other.  We talked on AIM for hours, and eventually we migrated to the phone.  He used to have this deep ass Barry White type voice, just sucked you right in.  Add the New York accent, and I was SET. He was just exotic enough for me to be totally in love.  He had the good hair, and he wasn’t JUST black, so we were gonna have pretty babies (I was young, don’t judge me) We were gonna have twin girls, named Crayola and Rose Art, and then purposely treat them differently.  Yes, we were completely off, and rude.

But he got me! We completed each other’s sentences, and ordered the same food at Applebees, and liked the same songs.  It was just love . . . Innocent and pure.  Without sexual overtones, just emotional connection.  It was the purest form of affection, where secrets were revealed without fear of having to look each other in the face the next day.  Yes, I fell in love over the interwebs.  It was before Catfish, we used to mail each other pictures of ourselves.  It’s a REALLY long story, if you search my blog far back enough you will find it.

We finally met 10 years later.  Yeah  . . . That’s my first love.