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No More Mediocre 

I’m tired of mediocre people. I’m tired of mediocre people in power. I’m tired of mediocre people with power and privilege. I’m tired of mediocre people with power and privilege having any sort of say in the everyday workings of my life. 
I’ve spent most of my adulthood, being forced to deal with mediocre people in positions of power. There was a time when I didn’t really care. But it seems that since around January 20th, 2009…this shit has really come to the forefront. My contemporaries elected the first black President, and folks lost their gotdamn minds. 

The people who voted for the Only President I will ever claim, all of a sudden felt all their years of benefiting from their privilege no longer mattered. They felt they should be rewarded for their charity, and race should no longer be a part of any dialogue. 
You shouldn’t be rewarded. No one is going to clap for you. No one cares about your political act of charity. The movie Get Out just solidified some things I’ve been thinking out for the past year. I’m tired of mediocre people in positions of power (both minute and great) demanding respect they haven’t earned. 

I don’t have to respect, like, or care about you (or your feelings) just because you are a liberal (white) woman. I have the right to deny you that respect. Because, my people are free. I am notafraid of you, and in truth never have been. Because you didn’t earn your power, it was handed to you. 
The anger that comes, from knowing I’m better than people and yet I’m not afforded the same access and privilege they are. Some of this I can’t control….but there is a reason I have a therapist. Cuz sometimes that anger can be overwhelming. The difference between them and me…my knowing I’m better than you doesn’t make me address you differently. 

I don’t want your power. I don’t even want your privilege (I mean the good credit yes, but other than that….) I’m good.  
Being black is beautiful. It’s a blessing. At 35 I can say that and understand that phrase. There is nothing better in this world than an intelligent black American woman. Because we have carried the burdens of this country since it’s inception. 

The difference between “Us and Them”, we don’t want your power or your privleges. We just want to be able to create our own, without you trying to take it and make it yours. 

I don’t want your job. I know I can do your job better than you can. So do you, and that’s why you hate me.  I’m starting to believe that it’s some times in the very nature of mediocre people, to ruin any semblance of greatness. LET ME BE GREAT! My greatness doesn’t block your shine…its not meant to. 

I’m great at everything. This country created me to be a jack of all trades. I have to master everything, because survival is key. That’s why I can adapt to everything, because genetically I’m here because my ancestors did the same thing. The strong and resilient ones were the ones that lived. They killed the rest of them. 


I’m so tired of having to dim my light to make mediocre people feel comfortable. I’m so tired of code switching to keep my attitude in check. I’m so fucking tired of being told to stay in my place, because some sensitive ass mediocre bitch is sensitive and feels challenged. 
Wanna know why everyone likes me, cuz I’m honest. I know exactly who and what I am. When I say to them, “We dont judge,” its not empty words. I actually mean that shit. People gravitate towards truth, and those who try to destory it will never win. 

Call this a manifesto of sorts, if you will. My light is finna blind (but not block) these mediocre ass people. 

I am Amazing. I am Beautiful, I am a Genius, and I am indeed Better Than You. This is my truth. I’m living in it. 

Sorry, Not Sorry.

Awaken My Love…

I had two goals for this trip home. To see the people who matter to me, and get all the food I’m about to give up for the rest of my life. The latter isn’t working out all that well. But this blog is really about the former goal. 

I’ve stated since college, that I created my own family.  I’ve picked and chosen who I was going to rely on and trust.  I’ve actually been doing it since high school though.

My freshman year of high school, I met my best friend. Our relationship has been through so many things, sometimes I’m in awe that we’ve made it this far. But during this trip home I realized she’s my sister. We don’t even have to talk to have a whole conversation. We became a Triad our sophomore when I introduced her to a friend from biology class. From that point on, there is no picture that I could find that isn’t the 3 of us. 

We were always together, even after I changed schools. We did everything together. I was a triplet for about 6 years.  As friendships do, folks starting fighting over dumb shit (read: boys, drugs, and money) and I was the friend in the middle for a while.  Then I was the friend alone. We made up, in some shapes and forms after college, but that closeness from high school seemed to be unattainable.

In college, Zeta brought me my brothers, and another 2 sisters. They looked out for me, even when I didn’t know they were. Even though some of us didn’t develop our relationships fully until 7 years ago, the foundation started there. It’s hard to meet people, and instantly connect. Let alone if that connection stays through kids, heartbreak, marriages, and location changes. 

This trip, I got to finally introduce my high school best friend to some of the other people who make up my core. And it brought me so much Joy. Cuz she gets it now.  Why these people matter so much to me. Why I am who I am now, because of these relationships. 

In October, I sat down with the other triplet and just talked it out.  It wasn’t pretty but it was necessary. Because we let something small become something huge that changed our lives forever.  This trip, the 3 of us went to lunch. 4 hours went by so fast! It was like old times, a conversational ebb and flow that I’d forgotten could exist. 

I’m so glad we did that. I don’t know where it’s going to go, but I know that friendship isn’t stuck in the past anymore. We are grown ass women, which grown ass lives, who can still make each other laugh, cry, and think. I had missed that so much more than I probably wanted to admit to myself.

In the past, I refused to mix friend factions. Everyone had to stay in their proper lane, no merging.  I can totally understand why I did that, because I wasn’t secure in those friendships. I had yet to realize that I mattered to them as much as they mattered to me. But now…I want them all together all the time!

This trip for me has firmly solidified for me why my core group of people are so important to me. It’s also shown me, that if thrown in a room together they would probably all love each other. The mix of personalities and humors and world views would always lead to good conversations and adventures. To road trips, and girls weekends, and grown ass sleepovers. 

Cuz it’s all love. I can bask in being the hub for all this love, being the person who could bring them all together, and not be worried that I might lose them to each other.  I think they all kind of like me at this point 😀. 

A Book Series I Love: The Black Dagger Brotherhood

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Here’s the Thing.  The reason I fell in love with this series, was because it provided everything I needed after I moved back to Michigan.  I needed something to think about, so I could stop dwelling on my life and what not.  Thankfully, I joined this great Facebook group, and someone in the group gave me access to all the books.  Let me just share some need to know things . . .

1) These aren’t your average Vampires. 
They are WARRIORS. They have an actually enemy, The Lessers, who don’t die.  They just get recycled back into the main bad guys – The Omega – bloodstream.  Sound Complicated? It so IS. And that’s what I love about it.  It’s a complete world.  Its not just Vampires hiding from humans, its told in real time, and they live in the Boston Metro Area.  Yaaaaaas for the Accents. They have their own slang, and if you spend enough time reading, you will start to talk like them.  Okay, maybe that’s just me. Either way, it’s a really good series to read and fully immerse yourself into.

2) Vishous is #Bae
Every single on of these Vampires is Sexy in their own way.  You will have a favorite, or several favorites.  V is my favorite because . . . Dominant.  All the Kinky Sex.  Him and Butch – Human turned Vampire – have this beautiful sexual tension.  I’m still waiting for something to pop off.  Like a foursome with them and their wives – Shellans – Or just a whole chapter of someone’s Wet Dream.  Speaking of sex . . . It’s SO GOOD in this series.  Very Primal, nothing pretty and cutesy about it. Even the characters that have sexual hang-ups, still have all the good sex. 

3) Each Brother has their own Story
The Best Part of the Series, is you can choose who you read about.  I highly recommend reading all of them in order, tho.  You will become invested easier that way.  You will also get the back story of the Vampire Society as a whole, as well as the fight against The Omega and the Lesser Society.  So far, there are 13 books, plus an off-shoot that JUST came out about their training academy.  Each book is anywhere from 300 – 780 pages, so even if you are a fast reader like me, it might take you an entire day to read some of the books. But it’s totally worth it.

4) It’s kind of a really Big Deal
There are BDB groups all over the place.  There are all over FB.  The Author, J. R. Ward, won’t turn the series into a movie.  But people have been guessing for years what each of the Brother’s looks like.  Some people are stupid, and try to make the Shadows – The Two Black People – white, but even J.R. has called them stupid for that.  Below, I have posted a graphic of who I think would play them in a movie.  Personally, I would like to see a NetFlix Series about them.  Like each book gets 2.5 hours, then they just do another season that has the every day adventures of the Brotherhood.  So J. R., if you read this, you heard it here first.

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Enjoy The Series! Please feel free to share your thoughts.

30 Day Writing Challenge: I totally suck at keeping up with this

Day 19: Five Fears You Have
1) That I won’t make an impact in all the children’s lives that I work with.
2) That I will never get over the loss of MM and it’s impact on my life.
3) That I’ll never be able to, or willing to, fully open up to a new person again
4) That I don’t matter to the people who matter the most to me.
5) That I won’t be able to travel the world like I want to because of Isis.

Day 21: Your Horoscope and whether it

fits you

One of the people in your life is going through an emotional period right now. Their typical sunny disposition is getting clouded over, and they could start to get very irritable. Do not let this scare you off from talking to them, though. They need your input and good ideas desperately — they just don’t know how to ask. A gently worded email would be a great way to remind them that you are there for them whenever they need you. They will love the gesture.

It actualy does.  I just had to try to be a support for a few people in the last few days, because they were having issues.  At least I know I was doing the right thing.

Day 23: A Family Member You Don’t Like
BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, 1 . . 2. . . . 3. . . .4 . . . FIF!

Day 24: Something You Miss
I miss having the freedom to travel when I want to.  I used to be able to drive anywhere whenever I I wanted to.

Day 25: Four Weird Traits you Have
1) I bite my nails once they’ve reached an average length.  I can’t stop myself.  I like the act of tearing off the white part.  The only thing that stops me from doing it, is having gel or acrylic overlay on them.
2) I organize my music like most people organize their homes.  Everything has a place where it fits, and if thinks are out of order I have a conniption fit.
3) I’m afraid of Clowns, but that didn’t happen until I was like 23.  One day, a Clown came to our Daycare and I lost my mind. 
4) Igot nothing fro this one 😦

Day 26: Things You Would Say to An Ex
To BTB: I’m sorry I wasn’t able to make it work.  I iwsh I had known going in, that I wasn’t going to be able to make it work.  I’m sorry we got that damndog, that was really te end of something beautiful.  I hope you find someone who will accept you just as you are, and that you are able to communicate with them in a way you weren’t with me.
To MM: You disappointed me.  You were supposed to be better than that.  It sucks that you weren’t.

Day 27: What You Wore Today
A University of Dayton Elite 8 Hoodie, my only pair of jeans, and some Pink/Purple Flip Flops.  Welcome to Winter in Tucson.

30 Day Writing Challange: My Tattoos and What They Mean

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I have 4 tattoos. 

Those are my first two.  The first one is No More Drama in Arabic. In my defense, I got it before 9/11, in Feb 2000 to be exact.  I was clearly inspired by the Mary J Blige song that came out the year before.  I was going to have a whole story down my back.  The second part of said story was the Drama mask (Comedy + Tragedy).  Following that should have been be a peace sign, then finally a ying/yang when I felt balanced in my life.  But the mask hurt WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too much, so the story ended there. (For Know)

My 3rd Tattoo is a Butterfly on my foot.  That hurt like a Son of a Bitch! Evidently, even if your feet are swollen, it’s still the part of your body with the least amount of fat, thus you are basically tattooing muscle.  I cried so hard y’all. My friends made fun of me. I blogged about it too.

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This is my foot. The Left Foot. Sooooooooooo, there is a weird story about this one.  So I was reading 50 Shades of Grey, and going through a massive break-up.  John Mayer’s Born and Raised had just come out, and I heard the song “Love is a Verb.” I MIGHT have called my ex and sang this on his voicemail.  MIGHT is the keyword.  I had been awake for about 48 hours, and getting this tattoo’ed on my body for the rest of my life, was like the greatest Idea I’d ever had.  Sleep deprivation will make you do some CRAZY things. The songstill means a lot to me.  It’s a reminder to Walk theTalk as it were.

My next Tattoo will be the words, “Adulting is Hard;” as inspired by the SemiColon Project, followed by my nephew’s date of death. Hopefully I will be getting this one before the end of the year.

30 Day Writing Challenge: 10 Interesting Facts about Myself

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#10 – I’m kind of Obsessed with Hello Kitty

So here’s the thing. I grew up poor. Not hungry, but poor. So when Hello Kitty was 1st popular in the US, (early 80’s) my mom couldn’t afford to buy me all the cool stuff. So now that I can afford it, I buy Hello Kitty stuff all the time! Because….trauma.

#9 – I used to wish Mariah Carey and Ronnie Devoe were my Secret Parents

Okay, I know that sounds crazy…but just listen. So I used to get in trouble ALOT in 1st-4th grade. Like, all the time! Cuz I wasn’t being challenged enough, and I had a really active imagination. So whenever they made me stand in the corner, I would imagine that Mariah Carey pulled up in her Limo to rescue me and then Ronnie Devoe would be there and life would be great. Okay look, reading that back to myself, I was a lil special. But whatever, we don’t judge.

#8 – I am Both an Only Child, and The Youngest

So I was raised as an Only child, my mom’s only child. However, I have 3 older half siblings, 2 step siblings,  a slew of foster brothers, and frat brothers galore. But I’m the youngest amongst them. So basically I’m the Baby. And I was usually treated as such. So I’m THE WORST. At least I know that now. I used to be in denial.

#7- I used to own every book written by Nora Roberts

I tried to sell my collection (140+ total, 50 Hardcovers) when I moved back to MI and I was told they would give me $10. For the entire collection. That was THOUSANDS of dollars worth of books. And they said ten damn dollars. I no longer buy books. If it’s not on the Kindle, I won’t own it. AND I found out how to get ebooks for the low low cost of not a got damn penny! Never again, never again!

#6 – I don’t see myself giving birth to a child or children of my own

It’s just never been something I longed for, with the exception of two VERY brief periods of my life. Besides the fact that it’s super yucky, I’ve raised SEVERAL generations of kids at this point. Plus, I work in the Foster Care System, there are plenty of kids out there who need parents. You don’t always have to give birth to your family. Sometimes you can create it.

#5 – I’m a Spoiled Brat

This might not be a surprise to people who know me. But back to that only child thing, my entire world revolved around me growing up. It’s still very hard to convince others that it still should now.

#4 – A Different World made me become Greek

If I hadn’t seen college life, and the relationships and trials and tribulations they all went through, I don’t think college would have been on my radar. My mother insisted I go to college, so I knew of it only as this thing after high school. Then A Different World came on after the Cosby Lie Show, and I was hooked. It had a much larger impact on my life than any other show on TV at the time, or frankly since.

#3 – I Wear a Size 12 in Women’s Shoes

That’s not really interesting. I just need to put that out there because cute shoes are hard to find.

#2 – All of my Close Friends live elsewhere.

Anyone who has known me more than 5 years doesn’t live where I am now. It’s a really difficult thing not being able to see all or any of your friends face to face. They are spread all over the world at this point, NYC, MI, D.C., Dayton, Cleveland, Cincinnati, Colorado…. Just all over the globe. Which is WHACK. Cuz Social Workers don’t make enough money to be traveling all the damn time! This also leads me to my last “Interesting Fact”….

#1 – University of Dayton was the best choice I’ve ever made in my life.

If it had not been for the Flyers on my side….where would I be?!?! Seriously, I was kind of floating around until UD. I become sure of myself, created a me I wasn’t ashamed of or afraid of, and kind of came into my own.  Dayton taught me to love everyone, be adventurous, try new things. Maybe put myself out there every once in a while.

Without Dayton there would be no Zeta Phi Beta Sigma, no MJ the teacher…pretty much no me as I am today. I’m forever grateful they sent me my first acceptance letter!

So that’s a sneak peak into what makes me tick….

30 Day Writing Challenge: My First Love/My First Kiss

My First Kiss

His name is Christopher Allen Greer.  Yes, I still know his whole name, I thought we were going to be together forever.  He was in 1st grade, I was in Kindergarten.  We attended the best school in Detroit, Michigan Institute for Child Development, and our lives were happy.  We held hands on the playground, and ate lunch together.  One day, we decidd we were ready to take the next step.  We met at the indoor monkey bars.  We sat on the bottom step, I pursed my lips together, and got ready to kiss him.  SMACK SMACK SMACK.

No, that wasn’t the sound of our lips touching, that was the sound of my teacher’s ruler hitting MY lips.  She tore my lips UP! Stinging pain, cuz I was in Kindergarten when teachers were allowed to smack you with whatever they chose at the moment.  I vowed never to kiss a boy again! Later that year, Christopher cheated on me with my then best friend Kara, cuz she wore a skirt that day,and he said her legs were prettier than mine.  Boys ain’t Shit.

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My First Love

His Name is The Boy That Lives in New York.  Names have been changed to protect the guilty.  I can reveal that we met online, on June 26, 2000, in am AIM chat, because that’s what was hot in the street.  We were introduced and instantly felt like we had been waiting our whole lives for each other.  We talked on AIM for hours, and eventually we migrated to the phone.  He used to have this deep ass Barry White type voice, just sucked you right in.  Add the New York accent, and I was SET. He was just exotic enough for me to be totally in love.  He had the good hair, and he wasn’t JUST black, so we were gonna have pretty babies (I was young, don’t judge me) We were gonna have twin girls, named Crayola and Rose Art, and then purposely treat them differently.  Yes, we were completely off, and rude.

But he got me! We completed each other’s sentences, and ordered the same food at Applebees, and liked the same songs.  It was just love . . . Innocent and pure.  Without sexual overtones, just emotional connection.  It was the purest form of affection, where secrets were revealed without fear of having to look each other in the face the next day.  Yes, I fell in love over the interwebs.  It was before Catfish, we used to mail each other pictures of ourselves.  It’s a REALLY long story, if you search my blog far back enough you will find it.

We finally met 10 years later.  Yeah  . . . That’s my first love.