Tag Archive | Black Female

Talk to Me Nice . . .

6 weeks ago, my whole world turned upside down.  Not as a euphemism, but like actually turned upside down.  I left Arizona, headed to MI on a plane on March 30th, with a job and a home. 10 days later, I was going to be homeless because the house I was renting was going on the market. “But we will of course honor your lease,” said the white woman.  My lease was up for renewal at the end of June.

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So I flew back to AZ, and packed up my entire life in less than a week.  Followed by DRIVING 2167 miles from Tucson, AZ to West Bloomfield, MI. Because, why not?  Did I forget to mention my 70 Lb dog . . . whose favorite thing in LIFE is to be in a car with me.  I had to drug him . . . because just NO.

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This is just here to set the scene for the actual point of this blog, because it’s important to know my mindset on this journey from AZ to MI. I was doing what I HAD to do, not what I wanted to do.  My life was in AZ. I started a business, I had friends (well like 10 of them, but still), my life wasn’t great but it wasn’t bad either.

Or so I thought.

I’ve been a Social Worker for 6 years.  Which means I understand things like “Survivor Mode,” and “Secondary Trauma,” but some kind of way, I didn’t know I was dealing with that, and in all honesty probably had been for at least 2 years.  Basically after my seizure, I just went into survivor mode and I haven’t stopped.

So much shit – good, bad, and horrible – has happened to me since I had that seizure.  Gained and lost friends, gained and lost family members, discovered Medicinal Marijuana, fell in and out of love with several people, dealt with my mother’s illnesses, got a dog, etc.

But I’d just been going full force.  Working 12 – 18 hour days, with one off day during the weekend, and usually I had stuff to do so I didn’t get the chance to just de-stress.  I’m actually slightly surprised I managed to function that long without having a serious mental breakdown.

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Looking back, I was in a rut of my own making.  I wasn’t very social.  But then again, Arizona is NOT very social.  There is nothing to do that doesn’t require hiking or swimming in extreme heat.  Which is bullshit, because FAT. Thus leading to the theme of my 2000+ mile journey: “Why the FUCK did I ever think I was Happy in Arizona?!?”

Click here for my definition of Happy

I was miserable.  I was irritable all the time, and I put up with bullshit because it was the best I could get.  I put up with a nigga (and the sex was garbage) because at least he was a Black Man in Arizona that liked me. I ignored my feelings for the only otha Black Man in Arizona that liked me, because I didn’t want to ruin it. I lost myself in AZ.  I forgot I was cute.  I forgot I was sexy, I forgot that I was a GOT DAMN UNICORN.

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I”m a 36 year old Black Woman.  I have 1 degree, and enough professional knowledge to have 2 more.  In multiple disciplines.  I’m the GOT DAMN Autism Whisperer.  My Vagina is a got damn miracle.  It could change your life, if you let it. I’m smart, capable of doing anything, and a cunning linguist. Driving cross country I realized several things about my life going forward.

  1. You never know how people view you.  You can have this thought, that the way you present yourself to someone lands the same exact way, every single time.  It doesn’t. One of the men I love {or am In love with, depends on the day}, (because I’m allowed to love more than one person at a time, SOCIETY) he sees this strong and resilient person, who never gives up and always perseveres.  He thinks I’m a strong person, even though I feel like I call him and cry like once every 3 months.  About completely different things, and I always feel so damn stupid for crying about it, because I’m supposed to be an adult at all times. So I feel weak, and less than for being vulnerable to him. And his take, “You may feel you’re not where you wanna be in life, but you’re right where you are supposed to be.” *thug tears*
  2. Love is Love is Love is LoveIt doesn’t have to look like anything other than something that makes you happy every single GOT DAMN day of your life. You don’t have to choose between the person who makes you laugh, and the person who makes your lady parts tingle.  No one has the right to tell you what your love HAS to look like.  Talk to the people, tell them your preferences.  If they aren’t down with the Get Down, that’s okay.  But don’t compromise yourself, to settle with what other people think is good for you.  We are living in Trump’s whole ass ‘Murica.  The world could end tomorrow, don’t waste it being sad because your needs aren’t being met. 
  3. I’m done apologizing for the way I’ve lived my life thus far.  I’m done feeling ashamed for the missteps I’ve taken.  I’m done trying to make up for the fact that I didn’t feel like I was an adult until a week ago.  I’m over anyone who tries to tell me how I should live my life, and navigate the world.  Be they Family, Friend or Foe – GTFOH with your rules and expectations.  I get to walk through the world in this new body I’m creating for myself.  I get to eat whatever the hell I want, and also RUN A FUCKING MILE for the first time in my life. The only people in this world who get to dictate how I live my life, are the people I choose to listen to.  I’m in charge of this ship now.  No more letting the wind take me wherethefuckever. 

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I’m sure I’ve written in the past that today is the day my life is different.  I’m sure at the time I wholeheartedly believed it.  Maybe things did change, in a way. But this version of MJ, the one writing this blog has already won.  She is living in her GOT DAMN truth.  And it’s Sofa King Fabulous.

Please, join me. 

Let’s live our Best Whole Ass Lives for the rest of 2018. 

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Straight Outta Think Pieces . . . . aka My Thoughts on the Movie

So, this isn’t a think piece . . . per se.  It’s more about how the movie affected me as a fan of Rap, a Woman, a Child of the 80’s, and an avid movie goer.  Thankfully, since I don’t have a huge following, I don’t really have to worry about any blow back from what I say. Hurray Anonymity!

The Movie As a Whole

I actually liked it.  I wish I had been able to see it opening weekend, so I hadn’t spent the last week reading all the articles about the movie, and listening to people discuss it on most of the podcasts that I follow.  I was supposed to see it last Sunday, but I was laying in bed dying from a stupid ass summer cold.  I live in Tucson, so clearly I was the only black person in the theatre, and that was expected.

On August 8, 1988, I was 6. Clearly I wasn’t at concerts singing Fuck the Police.  I had no clue who they were.  I really didn’t start listening to rap until 2Pac. When he hooked up with Death Row, that’s when I knew who Dre was. Ice Cube was Dough Boy, when I snuck and saw Boyz in the Hood. I’ve never professed to be a Gansta Rap aficionado, I just know what I liked.  Eazy E was the dude Dre clowned in the Dre Day Video, and the person who introduced me to Bone Thugs N’ Harmony.  I remember when they announced Eazy had HIV, then AIDS, and like 3 days later he was died.  I wasn’t attached to NWA as a group, so this movie didn’t hold that kind of sentiment for me.  I just wanted to see it.

What I Loved


O’Shea Jackson Jr. was EVERYTHING.  First of all, that man is FOINE.  2ND OF ALL, THAT MAN IS FOOOOOINE. Also, he did an amazing job playing his father.  I actually believed him in the role.  When he walked in that office, in that black hoodie with that bat . . . WHEW. I mighta been a tad bit hot and bothered.

I also liked the actor who played Shug Knight.  Because THAT nigga was crazy.  I don’t know if he was just that good of an actor, but I TRULY believed he would have beat somebody down like that for parking in his spot.  He just seemed . . . not quite right.  Any time I saw him on the screen, I was a little concerned for the safety of everyone in the room.

I absolutely loved the end, and how you got to see how far reaching the group was.  The best part to me, was watching them together as a group.  Seeing that camaraderie while they were making Boyz in the Hood, and how they clowned Eazy when he first tried to rap, was beautiful.  The actors did a great job playing off each other.  You could tell they had genuine relationships with each other.  The movie as a whole was good . . . .not as amazing as everyone has said . . . but it was good.

What I Hated

Why were there so many titties in that damn movie?!?! Like for real, we get it.  Ya’ll had bitches.  I don’t need to see topless women at every damn party.  So many damn naked women, most of them lightskinned.  I remember when the casting requirements got leaked for the female “talent,” I knew then it was gone be some bullshit.  Also, why did Eazy, Dre, and Cube marry the same woman.  Like, they looked exactly the same. Their wives could have been played by the same person, in various wigs.  NO ONE WOULD HAVE NOTICED.

Serious Question: Did DJ Yella and Mc Ren just do nothing else with their lives? Like, they just did that NWA thing, and had nothing else happened?  They were bit characters in the movie, and I feel like they should have had more screen time.  Maybe they didn’t get their dollars up, and weren’t able to pay for that Executive Producer type screen time. The actor who played Mc Ren, Aldis Hodge needed more screen time.  Because . . . . FOINE.

So much misogyny, so little time, Dr. Dre is an abusive asshole.  Yet, no mention of that.  I vaguely knew about his abusive history with Miche’le, and after hearing about the whole Dee Barnes episode . . . I felt a way about supporting the movie.  Because this was a VERY watered down version of them.  No mention of their personal lives, or parents, or children.  It was like, all of that wasn’t important, because Famous. In my continuous effort to #StayWoke, I’m constantly conflicted when supporting people who have done horrible things.  But I’m a hypocrite in this instance, because I saw the movie.

What Could Have Been Done Better

They had a chance to make a better movie.  Like their music did, they could have told the truth.  They could have talked about all the violence that ran rampant in their homes, not just their neighborhood.  They could have talked more about the emotional impact of dealing with the LAPD.  They could have talked about how 1992 isn’t that different from 2015 when it comes to institutional racism.  They could have talked about how they learned to get to the level Dre and Cube are at now.  This movie had the potential to be as impactful as the album it was named for.  But Alas . . . it was turned into a “Look how great we were and still are,” type movie.

Why didn’t they talk more about Bone Thugs N Harmony?!?!?! {That was stated as a hardcare Bone Fan, I just had to get that out}  Why no mention of the East Coast/West Coast Beef?!? Like, all we got was Pac recording one song?!?! I needed the Scorsese Version of this movie.  Like, the 3 hour long version, done by a director who wasn’t best friends with the people the movie was about.  Sometimes, you gotta open your circle. But you know, I don’t know shit.  I just watch a lot of movies.

In Conclusion . . .

The one thing this movie did, was help me realize the impact that NWA had on Hip Hop Culture as a whole.  From movie soundtracks, to actual movies, to inspiring and finding some of my own favorite rappers, NWA was important.  A picture of what NOT to do, but also how the truth can change your life.

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  • If not for Dre, there would be no Eminem.  And he’s my favorite rapper, even though he’s abusive as hell as well.
  • If not for Dre, there would be no Kendrick, and he’s very quickly becoming a permanent member of my Top 10.
  • If not for Cube, there would be no Friday, one of the most quotable movies in the last 20 years.
  • If not for Cube, there would be no Boyz in the Hood, one of the first movies to take “the hood” mainstream
  • If not for Cube, there would be no O’Shea Jackson, Jr. and again . . . FOINE.
  • If not for Eazy, there would be no Bone Thugs N’ Harmony, and my freshman year of high school would have been severely lacking
  • If not for Eazy, there would be no Mc Ren, and Aldis Hodge wouldn’t be on his way to being a household name

So, those are my thoughts.  Thanx for reading, and feel free to comment.