Tag Archive | Black Love

Dangerously In Love….. a Forever #Mood

Soundtrack to this Blog:

It seemingly takes very little for me to fall for someone.

The Convict: His lightskinnedness (It was the 90’s! JUDGEūüĎŹūüŹĺMEūüĎŹūüŹĺNOTūüĎŹūüŹĺ

TBTLNY: His voice/accent

MM: Our friendship

TOTGA: His hood ass mentality

Bono: Conversation

The Unicorn: Conversation/His accent.

I share this NOT to call people out, but to say it’s never something exceptionally deep at first. It’s usually simple conversation or likemindedness. (Is that a word?) But after I sat on my best friends couch stressed as all the hells this weekend, I realized I’ve never had an issue falling for people. I have an issue letting them go.

If I’ve looked at you as a potential mate, if ive seen that vision in my mind’s eye, I will hold on for much longer than I probably should. To my own detriment, in most instances.

The Convict was my first real crush. The first time my lady parts reacted to a dude. I was 12, he was 17, and I was IN LOVE. Fast forward to 2010, I sho nuff satisfied THAT curiosity. Even though I knew it wasn’t a good look for me.

I was in love with TBTLNY for like 10 years. We ‘met’ June of 2000 and I was attached until August of 2010, when he acted a complete ass and I gave up. Only for me to almost IMMEDIATELY fall for MM (formerly known as HotNeighborGuy).

MM was 2010…he broke my heart. Like DEVASTATED me, and I didn’t know if I was ever going to be okay. But when he showed back up 6 months later….I just took my happy ass right on back. Only for it to fall apart 6 months later. To the point that I left Tucson. And yet……I’m 36.87% sure if he called me today, I’d answer. And smile. (Becuz I’m an idiot.)

TOTGA were college…….and yet. If ever they would like to roll on back in my life…I’d probably let them. (Yes, there are 2 of them)

This brings me to my point. I’m FIERCELY loyal, even to people who’ve hurt me on multiple occasions. For most of my life, I’ve just accepted that. That’s who I am, I’m always there. Part of it has been attributable to my zodiac sign…the other I’ve just assumed was Daddy Issues. I’ve just…….lived with this character flaw.

Because that’s what it is, a flaw. I can cut off a female in a heartbeat if she does anything that violates my personal code of ethics. I’ve cut off family members, CLOSE family members when I felt they’ve violated my trust. I stopped talking to my mom for like a month when I started college, just because we got on each others nerves on the drive up.

But I always seem to leave a window open and a light in that window for the men in my life that mattered. There is always a part of me who knows I’m going to let them back in, if they want to. This knowledge makes me feel weak. Because I’m a strong independent black woman, so I shouldn’t have these issues at all. But I do…and some of those listed above have been let back in.

TBTLNY and I….he’s still around. We figured everything out, and he’s still one of my best friends. I’ve known him half my life. We’ve matured together, laughed together, cried together, and everything in between. But that wasn’t because I stayed….its because we both wanted to do the work to fix everything.

MM changed my life, and I miss the intimacy of our relationship. I think I was so open and free with him because I KNEW we weren’t going to end up together. I risked my heart, 3 times, because I wanted to experience him. I don’t regret it, even though most of my friends would probably say I should.

Bono is so much of everything! Straightforward, no guess work, just fun. Weekly dining experiences and amazing conversation. No want/need to label anything or answer to each other for what we do outside of the time we spend together. It’s basically the best relationship ever…..that’s NOT a relationship!

Both TOTGA……yup they are still around, yay #Friendship.

Usually I try to give people advice about how I’ve coped and the steps I had to take to get there. I can’t give that advice today. Cuz ain’t shit changed. I’m still making dumb ass decisions about dudes. Because when I love, I Love HARD.

Because Stubborn & Aquarian Daddy Issues.

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I’mma Keep Runnin . . . Or My Fan-Girl Reaction to Lemonade

Your. Fave. Could. Never. ¬†That’s the first thing you need to know. ¬†I don’t care who your Fave is. They could NEVER be Beyonce. ¬†Not ever in life. Not with training, not by drinking her bath water. ¬†Not by living with her for 10 years. ¬†YOUR FAVE COULD NEVER. ¬†{YFCN}

Now that I’ve got that out of the way, Lets Talk about Lemonade.

beyonce-lemonade-video-trailer

Lemonade is a visual representation of the Black Woman Struggle. ¬†It’s every part of a Black Woman’s life. ¬†The Lies, the Love, the Tears, the Anger, the Jealously, the Shame, the Ugliness, the Beauty, but most of all . . . The Pride. ¬†If you finish watching Lemonade, and don’t feel like a Proud Black Woman . . . you did it wrong. ¬†Start all over again. I don’t care if you’re Asian, you should feel like a Proud and Strong Black Woman at the end.

BAAAAABY. ¬†Beyonce said, “Keep Trying ME.” The Visuals, the spoken word (shouts to Warsan Shire) the music. ¬†Every track is immaculate. ¬†Yes, I am fan-girling the FUCK outta this album. Thank you to Tidal for this, because . . . yes. ¬†I have to go Track by Track. ¬†That’s really the only it can be done.

Pray that you catch me

1) Pray That You Catch Me

Ever KNEW your man was cheating. ¬†Every sign pointed to him being an Ain’t Shit Type of Nigga, but you wanted to hold on to the part of you that feels like you can’t get played. ¬†That’s this song. ¬†She knows he’s cheating, she is praying that he knows that she knows. ¬†While watching this with my Twitter Family, we were all like . . . hold on wait?!?! Is this about Jay? This is actually my least favorite song on this album. Not because it’s not good . . . they just all get consistently better.
hold up

2) Hold Up

Beyonce was walking down the the street, with a bat. ¬†In wit’ dem micros flowing free. ¬†All types of Bey from Destiny’s Child. ¬†Like . . . everything. ¬†Her in that yellow, smashing windows and breaking shit. She’s my Angry Black Girl Hero. Then she had the nerve to drive over all them cars with a Big Ass Truck. ¬†Look Here, Don’t fuck with Beyonce. She is crazy. ¬†And I LOVE it.

 

Don't Hurt Yourself

3) Don’t Hurt Yourself feat. Jack White

Angry Beyonce who curses is so much of the things. First, Jack White?!?!? Your Fave Could Never. Lets talk about these lyrics tho . . .

Who the Fuck Do you I am?

You ain’t married to no Average Bitch Boy!

You gone watch my fat ass twist boy, 

As I bounce to the next Dick Boy. 

Again, all of Twitter was like wait . . . what did Jay do to her? ¬†Do we gotta hate him now? Is we fighting him in the face? Cuz why is Bey this mad?!?! At this point, Jay’s twitter mentions were in SHAMBLES. Men and women were like “Jay, I mean we can’t even help you out. ¬†You done fucked up now.”

i ain't sorry

4) Sorry

Then she showed up with all her girls, in a bus. Throwing up middle fingers, and saying, “Fuck em’ Girl, Fuck Em'” AND had Serena Williams twerking in a video! But once again, them lyrics. ¬† I have to admit, I was more than a little concerned at this point. ¬†Cuz ummmmm, again, why is she so mad?!?

I love this Beyonce, not afraid to curse, to be real about her life (maybe) and talking about all the facets of her relationship (maybe). Best Line of the Song . . . “He betta call Becky wit tha Good Hair.” Bish WHET?!?!? Now we gotta be mad at any bish named Becky?!?!?

6 inch

5) 6 Inch feat. The Weeknd

Just . . . yes. ¬†I’ve been waiting for this collaboration. ¬†I can’t even tell you what this song is about {honestly, I think it’s about a working girl who wears 6 Inch Heels}. ¬†I got caught up in the sampling of Walk On By by Isaac Hayes. ¬†That guitar riff. ¬†EVERYTHING. Seriously Guys, at this point I was just so much in my feelings at the beauty of the visuals. I had to stop tweeting, and just breathe.

daddy lessons

6) Daddy Lessons

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS Come Through with this Country Song. She said, “Hey Taylor Swift . . . fuck you.” And she started it with Zydeco music. ¬†This visuals for this one were beautiful. ¬†You get this home movie with Beyonce and her Dad which then switched into¬†a video of Blue Ivy and Matthew. ¬†At this point, I think we all breathe a sigh of relief, maybe it was about Matthew and Tina, and not Jay and B. ¬†Okay, maybe that was just me. ¬†Either way. I was able to deal a little bit better.

Love Drought7) Love Drought

At this point, the visuals changed, and along with them the message (at least for me) ¬†From talking about Self, to the purity of having your sister’s behind you. ¬†To having women in your life you can build you up when you are down. These women, in white in a river, gives me this feeling of being cleansed and washing off all the weight of the past.

Sand castles

8) Sandcastles

At this point, I started crying. Because . . . OH MY GOOD SAWEET LORD! It came out that Prince said in an interview, that Beyonce needed to learn to play the piano, it would take her to another level. Like . . . . Seriously. ¬†I’m tearing up right now remembering that clip. ¬†Because This whole WEEK has been shitty. I still haven’t processed the loss of Prince. ¬†It felt like he was saying . . . “If they listen, I will guide them.” Plus, the VISUALS. Jay-Z at his most vulnerable. ¬†With his hand on her ankle, laying in bed just basking in her. Sitting there holding her. Y’all #GOALS.

Black Moms

9) Forward

AGAIN, TEARS. This whole montage of Black Mothers and Children, in PAIN because of their loss at the hands others. ¬†The PAIN in Mike Brown’s mother’s eyes . . . I lost it. These mothers, who raised beautiful Black Men, only to lose them in such a violent way.

Don’t ever say Beyonce doesn’t care about her people, don’t ever say she doesn’t understand or know the plight of her people. ¬†Don’t Ever Say Beyonce isn’t WOKE. ¬†She’s 6 Liters of Monster Energy Drink and 18 Cups of Coffee type WOKE. She doesn’t even have to set alarm clocks, she just wakes up on her own. ¬†

Again, Your Fave Could Never.

Freedom

10) Freedom feat. Kendrick Lamar

Hands down my favorite song on the album.  The message of Black Power, of Black Female Empowerment, of Black Beauty coming in every shade, size (maybe), and age.

Freedom, Freedom I Can’t Move!

Freedom Cut Me Loose!

Freedom, Freedom Where are you?

Cuz I need Freedom too!

I break chains all by myself, won’t let my Freedom rot in Hell,

Im’ma Keep Running cuz a Winner don’t Quit on themselves!

black girls are awesome

Lets talk about this Visual. ¬†You got Zendaya, Chloe and Hallie, and Amandla Stenberg. {Judge me not, I don’t know who the other girls are} Like, WHAT?!?!?

Beyonce called people and was like, “Look, I need you to come sit. ¬†You don’t have a speaking part, I just need you to sit on some stuff. ¬†There may be chairs, steps, perhaps a tree? You Down?”¬†

And EVERYONE SAID YES. Cuz at this point in life, you don’t say no to Beyonce. ¬†You just Don’t.¬†Can we also discuss Michaela Deprince and her ballet. ¬†Yes Chile’ get it. ¬†Beyonce is here for all the little black girls with a dream.
blue feeding Jay

11) All Night Long

At this point, I was so drenched in Love, and Black Pride, and happiness. ¬†And then we get Family Home Videos?!?! Beyonce pregnant, do you SEE how cute Blue Ivy was as a baby! It’s just so much of all the things I needed today. The home movies, plus the beautiful pictures of all kinds of love. ¬†Black Love, and Queer Love, and Interracial Love, and Young Love, and Old Love. ¬†Tina and Richard! Come on now! So Damn Beautiful.

formation

12) Formation

Look here, she didn’t even have this in the Visual Album. ¬†That’s how much she knew we didn’t even need this again. ¬†What she had just given us was MORE than enough. ¬†We thought Formation was the beginning of the Movement, and it was the Culmination of the Journey.¬†

Beyonce

Look, I’ve been an admitted fan of Beyonce since I Am Sasha Fierce. But Lemonade is everything I’ve been trying to tell everyone Beyonce could and can be. ¬†This was like a therapy session, FOR FREE. ¬†Twin said, “This should have been called Daddy issues Part 1,” and she ain’t eva lied.

She talked about generational curses, and the WORK it takes to break free of them, as well as the power that comes to women when they finally break free.¬†I’m not really sure what I expected this to be. But I can tell you what it ended up being for me.

Magic.  

Black Girls are Magic. ¬†Black Girls can do and be whatever the hell we want to be. Beyonce is the most magical Black Girl some people have ever seen. ¬†Beyonce’s Magic appears to be effortless, even as she shows us all her flaws. ¬†As I’m sitting here, watching Lemonade from the beginning on my phone {because it just feels more intimate} I am in Awe of what Beyonce has become. As well as excited for where she is going to take us next.

Also, YOUR FAVE COULD NEVER. 

Thanks for taking this journey with me.  How did Lemonade change YOUR life? Feel free to share.

Confessions of a Single Black Female Vol 7: Why I Love Black Men

BarackSexy

You can NOT deny this man’s Swag!

If you knew me in college, this title has already thrown you off. Because you probably remember the day I skipped all my classes my Sophomore Year to sit in Kennedy Union to stick up for my statement, “There is a 30% chance that I will marry a Black Man. They aren’t even what I’m attracted to.” Yes, I made that statement. I meant that shit. That statement made it to all the black people on my Predominately White Campus is less than an hour. Keep in Mind, this was the year 2000 . . . No Twitter, no Facebook, no MySpace, just phones and text messaging. I was in KU for about 5 hours, and the discussion was intense! I lost the respect of a few people that day, and I don’t know If i ever got it back. Nine years later*, what has changed?

Luke Cage

Captain Save This Heaux 

My environment. I was raised around the Pale People, went to school with them, shopped in their areas, pretty much spent my time with them. So you like what you KNOW. Yeah, our house was in Detroit until I was 14, but I didn’t do anything at my house. The only people I played with on my street were family, literally. So when college was over, after The One that Got Away broke my lil heart, I exposed myself to more black folks, in the hopes of finding his replacement. Don’t Judge, you’ve done it too. So now, my Ode to the Black Men I Know, Love, and Appreciate. (This might not be for those under the age of 18, Thought I would put that out there)
Taye Diggs

We’ve since learned this man is an idiot … But that Smile is still legendary.

Confession #29: White Teeth + Black Man’s Smile = Heaven On Earth
There is a reason Taye Diggs is one of the most popular black actors, and was cast in like every other movie in the later 90’s and early 00’s. It’s not his superb acting ability. It’s the scene in “How Stella Got Her Groove Back” when he’s walking around the corner, and see’s Stella, and had that beautiful smile on his face. Lord Jesus, I just lightweight shivered thinking about it. 

A well kept black man’s mouth makes you want to just grab his face and thoroughly investigate the nooks and crannies . . . with your tongue. Or is that just me? Did I go too far? Does it matter, this is my note. I can say what I want. White Teeth set me off . . . they do! Also, men, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE keep your facial hair tight. If you have discovered you get more attention with facial hair, don’t shave it off. Because the same women who liked you with facial hair, don’t like looking at you now. It’s weird. The proper Goatee/chin strap/Beard can get the BUSINESS. Have Beautiful Teeth too . . . .OVER!

Bald-Head-with-Beard-Common

Whew Jesus This Man is Fine!

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Confession #30: A Bald Head on a Black Man Begs to be Grabbed
That visual you just got . . . Yeah Buddy! Something about a bald head on a black man. Especially a dark Skinned Black Man, whew! Just smooth and round and pretty. Let me focus before I make some phone calls. There is a draw back to this one ladies. Those men that have Bumpy Lumpy Weird Shaped heads. Know your strengths men, honestly. Every man doesn’t look good with a bald head. Take Ne-Yo for example. If that negro had taken that hat off one more time on the Coon Awards, I would have had to vomit. That isn’t sexy, put your M’Fin hat back on boy! That is why you wear them. But know that, when the right man has the RIGHT shaped head, and keeps it looking right and not scruffy . . . GRRRRRRRRRRR!
jesse williams

Classy Woke Bae

Confession #31: Ain’t Nothin’ Better than a Black Man in a Suit
I was in the airport on my way back to the Black Man’s Barren Wasteland that is Tucson Arizona, and I almost got beat up in the airport. In front of me in line was the most beautiful black man I had ever seen. He must have been on his way to or from a meeting. It’s 9 in the morning, he had on a 3-piece, Italian Cut, Black with Gray Pinstripes suit. And on his feet, the non-ghetto Stacy Adams, yes I do know mens shoes. The Lady Behind me was Arabic, and I heard her say, GOT Damn! I turned around and said, I AGREE! Living out here, you don’t see that much, but that mental picture stays with me. A Black man in a Suit is kryptonite for me. He could be ugly as hell, but that suit, if it fits right, might give him a pass . . .
wpid-wp-1447297075412.jpeg
Confession #32: Ain’t Nothing Sexier than Sex with a Black Man
Not the 26 year old Virgin is making a statement! But Y”ll know it’s true. Not just because they come in all shapes, sizes, and colors, but their level of concentration (in the Important moments) is infinite. It’s really not fair that I say this, due to the fact that I haven’t had sex with people other than Black Men, but still. {Seven Years after writing this, and having . . . expanded my horizons racially, this is indeed FACT.}
I have fooled around with a Rainbow Coalition of Men, and the difference is PALPABLE. It just is. I’m going to end this one just like that, because I do have Family on FB . . .
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The AUTONOMOUS Alpha Beta Mu Chapter of Phi Beta Sigma Fraternity, Inc. 

Confession #33: Black Greek Men are in a World of their Own
My Girls already know, and I am willing to admit. I have never talked to a Black Man who wasn’t Greek. No, I’m not a groupie (unless they are Que, then the jury is still out) but It’s just something about a Black Greek Man who knows how to handle his business. He has his priorities in order, knows what his goals are, and then pursues it. Not all Black Greek Men are like this, but the ones that I find attractive are. I will admit, I was sucked into the Matrix on this one. Two dudes, same qualifications and looks. If one is Greek, I will choose him, and often times not even know he’s Greek. It comes up later.

 

Without Fail, every Black man I have been attracted to*, Stalked, or Tried to Holla at was Greek. Even more sad, I can usually look at a group of Black Men and tell you what Org they belong to. I have only been wrong once, and that wasn’t my fault. When have YOU ever seen a Kappa with Dreads down to his ass???!!!???? Considering I didn’t start “dating” Until I turned 18, and I was already a Zeta by then, I guess I was going for what I knew. Yes, there are beautiful black men who aren’t Greek (Crank that Barack Obama) but the Greek World is small, and since dudes use it as a dating pool, why shouldn’t we?

 

Idris Elba

Let me Steal Your Soul

This Note turned out differently than I thought it was going to, LOL. There are more reasons that I love the Black Man, but evidently I had to explain why I am Attracted to them. Yes, the reasons I have listed might seem superficial, but if they don’t meet these requirements, they won’t ever get to the Getting to Know You Phase, where the benchmarks are much more stringent. Just like men tell women all the time, you are nice just not my type . . . I know my type. I LOVE my Type. I’ve noticed that the past often dictates the future. You find one person that ISN’T your type, and they treat you right, they become your type. You are always going to look for someone who reminds you of that person, whether you know it or not.

*I wrote this 7 years ago, and I was in a CRAZY place in my life. ¬†I’m really glad to know, my views on black men haven’t changed. ¬†They’ve actually just become more beautiful in my eyes. ¬†That Que statement . . . I had a Groupie Phase, not even gonna lie.