Tag Archive | Black

Free Write: Souled Out – Jhene Aiko

*This album just appeared in my dropbox.  We don’t ask questions.*

 

48 Minutes of Goodness

Track #1 – Limbo

I got off work early, and felt the need to write. I got home, packed up all my stuff and made my way to my local Starbucks.  The minute I say down, all my motivation left me. I’ve never had that happen to me.  Starbucks in my safe place, my writer’s Haven as it were.  Suddenly the smell of coffee did nothing to entice me.  The creative juices refused to flow.  I tried so hard to get in the groove, looked at blogs I had left in my drafts, and NOTHING. Immediately I was unsettled.  Does this mean my writing talent is gone? Do I hate Starbucks now? WHAT IS LIFE?

Track #2 – W.A.Y.S

Clearly, as I’m currently sitting here {in my Living room} writing, it’s not gone. But I think the need to escape to Starbucks to write had more to do with escaping the clutter I lived in at the time.  A place where I could stretch out and just create.  NowI have that, at home. Crazy! Sitting on the couch in my living room is just as peaceful to me as sitting at the table at Maple and Orchard Lake used to be. I can finally write at home.  That hasn’t happened in . . . 5 years. The last time I wrote at a place I was living was my first Apartment in Arizona.

Track #3 – To Love & Die ft. Cocaine 80’s

I’m currently on a Celibacy Quest until January of 2016.  It’s a Quest because penis’ seem to throw themselves at me.  I’ll be minding my own business, and one will just pop up in my face. I had to fight them off in Michigan! The two years I spent in Michigan – was like Bad Decision Amusement Park.  I tried out all the rides, had entirely too many ups and downs before I landed on my own two feet.  I opened new doors, closed one or two, and tried my best to put my past behind me.  Admitting that you ruined a friendship with sexual tension sucks.

Track #4 – Spotless Mind

I regret some of the choices I’ve made in the past 2 years.  Maybe regret isn’t the right word.  I wish I would have been as mature then as I am now.  I was hurting, and male attention is – and always has been – my coping mechanism. {Read: Daddy Issues} What was supposed to be a one time escapade, became something that somehow cheapened our friendship. Sex really does ruin everything.  He was the first person I’ve ever had sex with, that I felt an actual emotional connection with. It meant something to me. It shouldn’t have, I told him it didn’t. We swore it wouldn’t change our friendship, one that we’d had for 10+ year.  It did tho.  Suddenly, I felt like he wasn’t paying me enough attention.  I wanted to see him all the time, I wanted him to comfort me when I had a bad day at work. Sex is stupid. It ruins everything . . . and I really really really miss my friend.

Track #5 – It’s Cool

Admitting all of that felt good.  So let’s just keep admitting things.  I’m attracted to at least 2 people I shouldn’t be.  Not JUST because they are in relationships, but because liking them violates my personal – although twisted – moral code.  We don’t like our friend’s ex’s.  Ex HumpBuddy, Ex Boyfriend, Ex Fiance, Ex Husband. You don’t do it. But every time I see these two people, I try to justify stepping outside of the boundaries I set for myself in 1997. {Yes, I know the year, it was a very traumatic one for me}

Track #6 – Lyin King

Back when I was a Jezebel . . . I used to call guys I liked, and tell them I had a dream about them in order to peak their interest.  Then say, “Hey, why don’t you come over for dinner, I can tell you all about it.” This usually lead to Bow Chikka Wow Wow.  Best trick ever! In the last 4 days, I’ve had 6 . . . six . . . seis . . . dreams about men in my life. Some very graphic, some super awkward, some very comforting . . . but all of them made me want to reach out to these men, and just talk to them.  However, my current Sabattical restrictions mean I can’t.

Track #7 – Wading (Played this Twice.  It goes)

This whole learning restraint, and practicing it thing . . . I’m kind of proud of myself to be honest.  Most of my friends don’t think I will or can last until 2016. But it’ve done it before . . . of course that was because I didn’t know anyone in AZ and I wasn’t actively trying to meet anyone.  The goal is to focus on self.  To accomplish my goals – the reasons for moving back here – on my own.  Without being able to attribute any failures or successes to anyone but myself. “I was sad because so and so didn’t come over; I missed that deadline because I was hanging out with so and so; etc.” I used to do that all the time . . . blame events/feelings/emotions on other people.  Now that I have acknowledged it, I have to stop doing it, right? That’s the plan anyway. I’ve been here about 100 days, and stayed focused.

Track #8 – The Pressure

That’s not to say shit hasn’t come out of the woodwork since I’ve been back.  People have showed up out of the blue, people I thought I would never talk to again.  Funny the things you choose to deal with, and what you won’t.  When I decided to be celibate, I lost male friends. Because they tried to test me . . . CRAZY to me. When I was 12, my best friend at the time told me, “Boys and Girls can’t be friends for real.  Someone always likes the other one, even if they know it’s just a friendship.” My best friend was a Boy. AWKWARD. I mean, sure I had a crush on him but it’s not like I acted on it.

Track #9 – Brave

Consciousness has ruined my life.  Most of the behaviors I used to put up with/act on/ allow others to justify currently annoy the SHIT out of me. This is another reason I’ve kept to myself.  It’s unfair to assume everyone should think like me. It’s not their fault they don’t see the world the same way I do.  Ferguson brought that to the forefront for me once again.  I had already lost interest in certain movies and music and people when I became conscious of how prevalent Misogyny and Sexism is in the world around me.  Now, once again, I can see all the Systematic Racism in America.

Track #10 – Eternal Sunshine

I’m annoyed easily now.  I want to do more to change the world.  I judge myself that I’m not doing more to help those less fortunate than me.  It’s difficult to put into intelligent words this feeling of . . . Do Better, Be Better. Someone asked on twitter tonight what kind of volunteer work people were doing, and I couldn’t chime in.  At least when I was working full time, I had an excuse.  But now . . . what is my excuse? I can justify my lack of involvement  . . . but it’s a lazy and self righteous justification.  My life isn’t hard right now, so why aren’t I don’t something?

Track #11 – Promises

I refuse to commit to or admit to – on paper or on screen – my true goals.  I’ve become very paranoid about letting people know my wishes and dreams.  I once spoke them freely, and not only did “friends” try to tear them down and destroy them . . . I really think they wished/prayed for me to fail. This lack of trust that lives inside of me is new. It’s unfortunate as well, at least to me. But it’s needed.  Another layer of protection from hurt.  But I need to start working on my plans I made when I first got here.  I’m afraid to fail, because I’ve finally figured out what I want to do.

Track #12 – Pretty Bird

If you had asked me at the beginning of this Free Write the goal . . . I would have said a poem of sorts.  That’s what is so awesome to me about doing a Free Write to music.  I’ve always said you don’t pick the music, the music picks you. This album was a great one to listen to while I tried to sort out my thoughts/feelings.  When I couldn’t write at Starbucks, I felt a way. I had on the wrong type of music. I also wasn’t in my safe space.

But I’m Home Now, and my mind/soul is clear. If you got this far, thanks for reading.  Cop the Album too.  It’s pretty good 🙂

 

 

 

 

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Wait . . . Black People Make Other People Uncomfortable?!?

Well Color Me Brown Skinned.  You mean all this time, people don’t like me because of the color of my skin and my boisterous voice? You mean it’s not my political viewpoints or my religion? It’s JUST the color of my skin? You mean to tell me I don’t get jobs because I’m Black?!?!?

When I tell you I’m SHOCKED! You don’t even know.  This whole time, I thought Racism was gone! After Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. gave the “I Have a Dream” Speech, Racism was already on it’s way out.  We had the Civil Rights Bill (oh wait, they revoked that a few years ago), and Clarence Thomas, and Barack Obama.  No One Sees Color Anymore.  Don’t you Read the Internet?

But Then . . . This Happened.

This less than 30 second Interview has caused an Internet Orgasm of Epic Proportions.  There are so MANY things in this clip, and the reactions to it that I want to rant about.  I’m going to try not to veer from my original point, but Let’s Just Take it Step By Step.

1) OMG A Black Man is Yelling!

First, let me say . . . YOU GEAUX FRAT! Richard Sherman was hype at HELL.  As he should have been.  Did you actually watch the game? Or see the play? If you weren’t that hype after helping take your team to the Superbowl, you should just quit playing sports.  Two Minutes after that kind of play, you ask me how I feel about that play.  You should be glad he didn’t push the reporter (we will get to her later) out the way and scream, “I AM A GOD!”

He wasn’t yelling at her, he was yelling at EVERYONE. That’s what you get for doubting him and his skill.  He did what millions of people have been doing from years, staking their Athletic Claim. The Problem . . . he scared a White Lady.

B) Oh Lawd, You Done Scared the Missus

Black Men are never more out of line than when they make a White Woman scared. Or, it’s perceived you scared her.

Erin Andrews Screenshot

Saving a White Woman from the Mandingo Warrior who lusts to defile her . . . Ya’ll! People have lived that narrative their whole life.  That’s why interracial dating is such a huge deal.  Still. 50 Years after The Loving Case. In My Humble Yet Educated Opinion, that’s why there was outrage.  Because this man used his emotion and it scared PollyAnna. *le sigh*

She wasn’t even scared.  Shocked. I’ll give her that.  But he wasn’t even looking at her.  He was looking straight at the camera, almost as if he was talking to a specific person. Like he was sending a message to someone who needed to hear it . . .

3rd) When In Doubt, He Must Be a Thug

richard sherman

When Angry Black Man isn’t enough, the next step is ALWAYS to call him Uneducated. Because God forbid he’s ACTUALLY Stanford Educated.  That’s right, STANFORD. Ivy League.  ANNNNNND He Graduated! Like, OMG. He Has a Degree and plays a Sport! He should be okay . . . as long as he’s making us money.  But then, he got loud. *le super sigh*

‘To Those Who Would Call Me a Thug or Worse …I show passion on the football field—but that’s only a small part of who I am. If you want to judge me, I can handle it. – Richard Sherman

{I’m not even going to talk about the only real way for a Black Man to get an education of the same caliber of his white counterparts IS to play a sport. Or that whole Breeding to be genetically Superior . . .nope. Not Gonna Do It}

Also, This Happened...

Also, This Happened…

Let Us Make this ONE Incident about Race in America

I have read no less than FOUR articles breaking down this 30 second clip.  These articles weren’t short either. Clearly, as I am blogging about this, I am part of the problem.  EXCEPT, I blogging about the reaction to it.  Why does EVERY Single incident when America shows it’s RACIST ASS do we have to do this?!?! Hey Guys . . . WE KNOW! We know that Racism is real.  We know that Black People make Other People Uncomfortable.  

We know that White Women date Black Men to piss off their parents.  We know that Loud Black Men are always labelled Thugish, Ignorant, and Classless. WE. FUCKING. KNOW. You don’t have to write articles about it, and tweet about it, and create memes about it. Don’t Talk About It . . . BE ABOUT IT.

Be the Change you Want to See.  Online Protesting only works if you actually attack the system. Not Each Other. George Zimmerman was prosecuted because we inundated the Prosecuter with calls, emails, letters etc.  Marissa Alexander is no longer in jail because We Fought Back.  The Revolution will take place online . . . when people stop rehashing and reacting.

If Billy Bob and Jo Sue from Alabama hate all Black People, let them.  Unless Billy Bob is also a Senator or law maker, and he also votes in every election, he really has no say in what’s gonna happen.  Stop paying attention to ignorance. DO SOMETHING!

“I am America. I am the part you won’t recognize, but get used to me. Black, confident, cocky. My name, not yours. My religion, not yours. My goals, my own. Get used to me.” ~ Muhammad Ali

All that Being Said . . . What Are YOU doing?

…And I Still, Haven’t Found, What I’m Looking For…

I love that song.  It’s something I play when I am going through a White Girl Angst type moment.  The message is, I’m still searching.  Even after everything I have been through, I’m still looking for that one thing to make every thing make sense.  Today’s blog is inspired by a late night convo with a frat brother of mine, and his requirements for his next relationship.  

The word he kept repeating over and over was Friend. “I want someone who wants to be friends first, then we can move on to something else.”  This statement prompted several very probing questions on my end {Yes, I’m Nosy} and made me think about Relationship Expectations from a Male Point of View.

I’ve already talked about Lowered Expectations vs. Having Standards when it comes to women looking for their perfect mate.  I hope by now, anyone reading my blog understands I don’t believe the perfect relationship exists. You can BUILD the perfect relationship for the TWO people involved, but you almost never just fall into something perfect for you.  In accepting this, you are committing to work to create the Perfect Relationship for You. If that commitment isn’t honored the relationship usually falls apart.

Some of the reasons relationships fall apart over time are listed here, here, and here. {Please peruse at your leisure} However,  those aren’t the only reasons some relationships don’t work out.  It’s mainly lack of communication and/or insecurities.  This comes from both sides.  Most times, women have a VERY specific and detailed idea of what they want in a significant other, & they aren’t afraid to tell anyone who will listen . . . except their partner.  On the other hand, men have absolutely no idea what they want, until they have to sit down and figure it out.

I’ve found that most of my male friends aren’t vocal about what they want, what bothers them, what turns them on, their pet peeves . . . things that most women would benefit from knowing at the start of a relationship.  Insecurities will cause people to be silent in their relationship because they don’t want to say the wrong thing, or ask for the wrong thing, or make it seem like they are complaining.

So it’s time to call out the men, who know what they want . .. but don’t tell us.

First Up: What Defines a Friend

According to Merriam-Websters Dictionary, a friend is:

friend

: a person who you like and enjoy being with

: a person who helps or supports someone or something (such as a cause or charity)

How do you feel about that definition men? This could be the beginning of a good relationship.  Someone supportive and you enjoy being with.  Quite simple, but then you stick your wiener in them, and everything’s different.  That’s when the questions happen, at least on her part. Things come up in conversation like, ” How far does this friendship go? or “Are we still friends if we’re sleeping with each other? or “Are we still just friends if I know your whole family?” or ” Are we still just friends if we indulge in PDA on a regular basis?”

Sex complicates things.  It always has, it always will.  If you are looking for a friend, why do you complain about being friend-zoned by a girl you like?  Instead of taking it as a bad thing, why isn’t it looked at as a way to slow it down and take baby steps into something different? *At this point, it might be a good time to say this is a Blog for the Grown and Sexy.  This isn’t being written for people 25 and younger.  You still have some Heauxin’ to do.  You go and get your Heaux on, and come back in a few years.  This will all make sense to you then.*

Once you have established this friendship, and basked in it for some length of time that probably makes no sense to her, at what point does the friendship turn into a relationship? Women thrive on the definitive.  We need to know when, what, who, where, and why.  Being vague about the timeline is stressful for some of us.  If it’s not defined, it doesn’t exist.  

It’s not because we want to trap you into something.  In most cases, it’s because we want to behave accordingly.  This is where communication and/or insecurity come into play.  The woman who has to ask a man what they are, will forever question the solidity of her relationship.  Doesn’t matter how much you try to reassure her, that first doubt will always there underneath her skin.  

The Friendship ——–> Relationship Continuum

Introduction —->Basic Knowledge —-> Shared Interests —-> {Possible Group Outing} —-> Frequent Communication —-> Private Outing —-> Daily Communication —-> Dating —-> Declaration or Request of Monogamy —-> Declaration of Commitment —> Relationship.

If at any point during the completion of this continuum, you feel as though this person isn’t going to meet your needs, STOP TALKING TO THEM. It’s not fair to you or her to continue down this path, and one of you knows it’s not going to be forever.  A large number of Bitter Women are bitter because this happened to them.  They started planning for forever, and you (the Man) had already decided this was just going to be for right now. . .without letting them know something wasn’t quite right.  It’s just unfair guys, stop it.

Also, the current prevalence of Social Media brings even more questions a woman will have for you, on officially establishing/announcing your relationship to the world. These questions include (but are not limited to) “Are we still just friends if we post pictures of things that we have done together?” and “Are we still just friends if we subtweet each other every night?” and “Are we still friends if your friends have tagged me in pictures they took of us together?” Social Media is just like Sex, it complicates everything

So What Are You Looking For?

Let’s look at the TYPES of women,  men seem to be looking for {in my experience}.  I  created a very satirical version of this, but some of it was based in truth.  From what I have observed, there are 4 types of women that men seem to be looking for these days.

1) Professional/Educated Woman

Pros: This is the kind of woman who has a Career, not a job.  It doesn’t really matter who she works for, it’s more the fact that she works.  She isn’t depending on anyone to support her and/or her children. This woman usually has a higher education, and maybe even an advanced degree. She is book smart and able to hold a conversation with a group of mixed background without a struggle.

Cons: She is career-oriented.  She has a goal, and has already created her plan in which to acheive it.  Your entrance in her life is a surprise, and not something she was looking for.  This could mean your relationship is more than likely to come second.  Also, if she does have children, then your relationship is going to come in 3rd Place.

There are many men who can’t handle being in 3rd Place.  And if that’s a problem for them, they should vocalize it.  Not liking your standing in a woman’s life breeds resentment and bitterness.  This could lead to cheating in some shape or form.

2) Classy/Twitter/Instagram Heaux

Pros: She is gorgeous. She fits all the Black Twitter Criteria for #WouldYouPullOutOrNah. The proportions are exact, and her hair is always done.  She is the epitome of FAHN.  She has all the right outfits, and knows all the right people.  She has 3,000 plus followers who validate her beauty everyday.  Every person you know wants her, and those who don’t want her are just jealous.  Plus, she will make beautiful babies for you one day.

Cons: She has never had to work hard a day in her life.  She is used to being catered to.  She gets off on attention.  Usually, she is bringing nothing to the table that will enhance the relationship.  In fact, it’s probably not a relationship.  It’s more of a dalliance into her world, and have to be okay with that.

At some point, you won’t be able to provide the level of attention she needs (in any way/shape/form), and the interaction will fade.

3) Mother Material

Pros: She is quite sensible.  She was raised the right way.  She wants to bring forth life on this earth, and nurture the next generation of children who will change the world.  She is soft in nature, and makes choices that show you she is looking into the future.  She understands what’s important in life, and wants to impart that  wisdom to her seed.

Cons: Sexually, she might become conservative.  Once she has a child, she might look at herself as someone’s  mother, not your lover.  She might become more old-fashioned in her views.  Her main focus will be the children, and their activities/well-being. Her concerns are now fitting into a specific peer group, and the latest PTA Potluck.  The sexual side of her may diminish over time.

A lot of this depends on what HER definition of what a mother is, and should look like.  These potential issues could all be avoided through communication.  Before you impregnate her, make sure she is the kind of mother you want for your child. Ask questions, until you get the answers you are looking for.

4) Homie/Lover/Friend

A Homie-lover-friend, is what I’m looking for
She can relate to my sex drive,
Cuffing her booty while we dance, and she don’t mind.

She’s got everything, that a man could ever want and more,
And her sexy gangsta way, she’s got me all up in a day
Homie-Lover-Friend is what I need for always.

Pros: She’s down to earth.  You can talk about anything without feeling awkward.  She understands what you need/want/desire almost before you know you need it.  She’s probably freakier than you, and isn’t afraid to share that side of herself with you, when the time is right.  She knows exactly what needs to happen to make the relationship work.  She’s an ‘Around The Way Girl,’ the Girl Next Door, your Play-Cousin from up the street.

Cons: Because she is so down to earth, you have never really looked at her THAT way.  You fell like you know way too much about her, and the choices she’s made in her life.  IT would kind of be like dating your sister.

It’s my opinion that underneath every relationship that has weathered various storms, the friendship has been a lasting one.  When you’re mad about the toilet seat being left up, or they ate the last piece of bacon, you don’t stay mad for long. This is also the person who see’s a pineapple and laughs because it’s just a weird ass fruit. This is the person who knows all your secrets, and can still look you in the eye at the end of the day.

Which One do You Want? Better yet, which one do you need? Or even, Which one do you have in your life right now? If you can’t be honest with yourself about what you’re looking for, how can she trust you when you say you are ready for a relationship? Are you even ready for a lasting friendship?

I Just Ask the Questions . . . it’s up to you to know the answers. As Always, Thanks for Reading! Comments/Thoughts/Answers Welcomed.

The Black Twitter Guide to Dating

In no way can I claim to be part of the #BlackTwitterElite. My blog is not quoted daily, nor do I have 1000+ followers.  No one buys my cookies online, and I haven’t discovered (then exploited) all the secrets Shea Butter holds.  But What I am, is an observer.  I follow the people to which the aforementioned criteria applies to.  In my observations, I have learned that I have been doing this dating thing all wrong.  I offer to you, The Black Twitter (Male) Guide to Dating.  Enjoy!

Rule #1: You Must Be Physically Perfect

NO EDGES, NO MAN!

This means you can never take a bad picture.  EVER. The only way you are considered an eligible prospect is physical perfection, or making a constant effort to get there. The good thing is, you don’t have to be NATURALLY perfect.  Cosmetic ‘restructuring’ is perfectly acceptable, as long as you don’t expect your man to pay for it.  Ass shots, fake boobs, spray tan, proper photo angles . . . all of these are fine, as long as no one is ever exposed to your flaws.

Where do You Fall?

Rule #1a: Long Hair, they really do care.  If it’s a weave – as long as it doesn’t come out during the two-hour quickies in the middle of the day – the Black Twitter Male has no issue with it.  HOWEVER, ‘Yo Edges Betta Be On POINT!’ Those edges must flourish.  If they don’t, you should have a plan of action in order to improve them.  But make sure you purchase your all-natural products from the right person/company/online store, because this faux-paux is grounds for a breakup and an immediate twitter slandering.

Rule #1b: If you choose to go natural, your hair texture must be between a 2B and a 3F.  Anything other than that is nappy, and that shit ain’t cute.  Cuz we all know, Natural ain’t for everybody.

Rule #2: All Girls must understand/like sports to be considered dating material.  

This means you will sit on the couch during the game (after you have made him the greatest sandwich to ever have been made) and watch the game with him.  Because if you won’t watch the game with him, there will always be another female who will.

Black Twitter Perfection

Rule #2a: You must understand enough about sports to never talk during a game, but not enough to argue a call/play.  No good woman is so into sports she disagrees with her man.  The minute you get the urge to argue a call, just go make a sandwich, or clean something.  It could save your relationship.

Rule 2b: You Must Like Football.  American Football, not Soccer.  This is not an option.

Rule 2c: Either you hate Lebron James, or you know all the stats that make him better than Jordan. This rule also applies to Kobe Bryant.  If your man is having an argument about the Greatness of Jordan/LeBron/Kobe, you should be able to back him up.  Your facts must be up to date, so study while you are making dinner.  This shows your level of dedication to your man.

Rule #3: Chivalry Exists, just not all the time.

. . . This.

It’s unfair to expect a man to have a clearly defined role in your relationship, so stop expecting it.  Yes, he is a MAN. But if he doesn’t want to be the provider, that is his choice.  If you fight him about it, it’s really you being difficult, not him being a bum.  Doesn’t he take out the trash? Doesn’t he always cut the grass three days after you ask? Doesn’t he always drive your car when you are going somewhere? Why are you asking so much of him? Do you want to be single?

Rule #3a: You are not allowed to have an opinion . . . ever. You minute you understand this, you will have a happy relationship.

She knows her place . . . do you?

Rule #3b: All women belong in the kitchen, or at work.  You must choose one or the other, you can’t to both.  The minute you find a man, you have to either become his property or his provider.  The 2013 man isn’t looking for a partner, he’s looking for a caregiver. If you can’t cook, then you better have a good ass job.  Cuz Real Men don’t cook, they only use the grill.  And they drink imported beer.  And who do you think it going to pay for that? Surely not him.  So you better be making at least $75,000 a year.  You can’t support two people on anything less.

Every Man on Black Twitter Looks Like This

Rule #4: Men will be men . . . deal with it.

If you question why he thinks it’s okay to flirt on social media, it’s because he’s a man.  He’s not fcuking her, they just play flirt.  Stop being so sensitive.  You are lucky to even have a man, if you think about it.  You, with your 4b textured hair, and your oddly off-kilter smile.  You are really pushing it by asking him to respect your relationship. Having expectations for your man is why you were single in the first place.

Rule #4a: The Modern Black Woman doesn’t expect the man to do anything but love her.  If you want to go on a $200 date (what you need to know it’s real) then you BEST pay for it yourself.  Or at least pay half.  And if you don’t pay for half of it, you should have a way to say thank you . . . Also, don’t ask for anything. BUT, you better let him know what you are NOT asking for.  Don’t just show up at the crib with your Hair Did, Nails Done, everything did.  You better tell him where you are going first!

. . . and that’s fine. You should be Light Skinned tho . . .

Rule #5: All single women are lonely bitter women . . . and also probably dark skinned.

Because Light Skinned women are perfect.  They fit all the requirements by just existing.  Its not the Black Twitter Male’s fault that you have 2 babies’ fathers.  He didn’t leave you alone and pregnant. He takes care of his 4 kids, $50 a month for each of them. And he sees them on the Holidays.  Why are you so angry? Is it helping, Bitter DarkSkinned Lonely Black Woman.  I doubt it.

Rule #5a: The best kind of woman is a Lady in the Streets, and a Freak in the bed.  And also a Freak on Twitter.  Also a Freak on Instagram.  Also, she is a Twitter Honey. (She’s allowed to have followers, but she can only follow you) And also, she can twerk to any song.  And also, she’s down for a threesome.  Or a foursome.  Also, she will send you nudes on every major life occasion, and then just because.  And, if you as a Black Twitter Male leaks those nudes, well it’s her fault for being a Hoe.

Rule #5b: The Black Twitter Male is looking for a submissive woman.  This means he is in charge all the time.  He sets all the rules that she is to live by, in their relationship.  He is also not bound by these rules, because he is a man. (See Rule #4) She must have read 50 Shades of Grey, and been able to relate to it.  Because all women really just want a man to be in charge, and the perfect woman wants to hand over control the minute she meets a man.

I share . . . because I Care.

Doesn’t all this information make you look at Dating in 2013 in a different light?!?!?!  You, like me, were probably trying to put your best foot forward, and not settle for anything less than perfect.  Now that you know the standards you should be living up to, I hope to see all of my friends wifed up by the end of 2013.  I’m looking for all kinds of wedding invites in 2014.

Thanks for Reading! Comments/Thoughts/Additional Rules Welcomed!

For Colored Girls who Hate Tyler Perry when Common Sense isn’t Enuf . . .

Okay, I was really trying not to have to do this.  Me defending Tyler Perry is like Lady Gaga having lunch with a General who supports Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. Shit is just not congruent. But it must be done. IT MUST BE DONE. I need for all of you sanctimonious, all-knowing, Pegro, au-naturael Black Women to SHUT THE FUCK UP about Tyler Perry and his version of For Colored Girls.  I know, at this point, some of you already hate me, and that’s FINE. You can hate me if you want to, but I’m still gonna say what I need to say.

 

 

I must share, that “For Colored Girls who Considered Suicide/When the Rainbow is Enuf” is my mother’s favorite Book.  When I was 4, I told her about my favorite book {Pat the Bunny} and she told me that her favorite book changed her life.  When I said I wanted to read it, she told me I had to be older.  When I was older, she told me all the poems she could remember.   For her birthday last year, I found her an original Hardcover First edition of the book.  She Cried. {I’m a Good Daughter}

 

For Colored Girls was written in a time of emotional expression and liberation for Black Women.  It made such an impact, because it spoke to the secret problems of an entire GENERATION of black women.  It spoke to the situations they put themselves in, as well as situations they had no control over.  The places they went based on their circumstances, and the struggle to face the world as a Colored Girl.  It’s a POWERFUL statement of the women of that time, this can’t be denied.  But is it the best written play of all time, NO. Are there parts that every women can relate to, yes?  Was it written for everyone, NO.

 

All that being said, Lets Discuss the EVIL Tyler Perry and his movie adaptation.  FCGWHCSWTRiE is a Choreo-Poem.  It involves dancing, singing, and a large stage, usually with several things going on at once.  The only way he would have been able to do the Poem complete justice would have been staging it like the screenplay, and just filming that. But he didn’t, because the impact of some of the poems would have been lost in translation, or to the people that he was making the film for.

 

 

Please Note: I feel that its time for Tyler Perry to let Madea Go. He doesn’t need her anymore to make statements about the world in general.  His best movies, are movies that were orignal screenplays, or things that he adapted.  Why Did I get Married, while it started out as a play didn’t include Madea, and the movie spoke for itself.  The Family that Preys was such a good movie.  Not a sign of Coonery at all. Plus, he was able to turn Sanaa Lathan {The most loved Rom-Com Black Star ever} into a raving bitch, and no one tried to kill him for that.

 

 

 

For Colored Girls is an AWESOME ASS MOVIE. Stop trying to pick at every single thing and compare it to the book/play. It was NEVER meant to be that.  The fact that he was able to take 20 different poems, and make them flow in one movie is a feat in and of itself.  Yes, the delivery of the poems was not done as in the play, but then at times I think it was actually more powerful to see one person do a poem {Anika Noni Rose doing Latent Rapists’} or {Macy Gray doing I Usedta Live in the World}. If you had never read the book, or seen the play, and if Tyler Perry’s name hadn’t been attached to the project, I wonder if people would be so negative about the movie.

 

 

Tyler Perry isn’t male bashing in the movie.  The POEM does that for him.  Actually, the poem doesn’t bash either, it just tells the story.  You take from it what you will. Even Ms. Shange said “Per square inch, there are more negative images of black men in your average rap song or television cop show than in my choreopoem”. He didn’t change any of the male characters, except for creating Hill Harper’s, cuz he didn’t actually exist.  He added a positive role. How is he male bashing? He’s presenting things that actually happen to Black Women.  Maybe, yall are mad because Black Women can relate more to “mean/low-down/triflin/& no count” men than they can a positive male influence.  Or maybe, everyone that had something bad to say about the movie are people who have Good Men and Good Black Male experiences.  You are the EXCEPTION, not the got damn rule.

You live in a bubble, of good men and happy lives.  The reality is, Black Women are taken advantage of all the time.  They are hurt, beat down, bruised and broken by black men from Birth to the Grave.  From the Daddy that never cared, to the Ball Player who raped her, to the Boss who sexually harassed her, to the Husband that cheated.  Life ain’t no crystal stair.  Stop pretending like it is.  Ignoring the problem {Lack of Positive, influence Black Males in the lives of these young women} isn’t going to make it go away.  It’s okay if you have a great life.  It’s great.  {Honestly, TP needs to do more movies about how Black Women tear each other down all the damn time, but that’s another blog for another time.}

But, then again,  what have you done for the people who haven’t had a great life?  How many hoodrats have you talked to today?  We all judge, but make sure your judgement is focused on the right person.  Tyler Perry attempts to relate to Black Women because he knows that Black Men aren’t listening to him.  And that shit is REAL. We, as women, have to also take responsibility for the situations that we put ourselves in.  We aren’t helpless creatures who have been guided down the wrong path {all the time}.

Did he truncate some of the poems, yes.  Did he assign poems to the wrong colors, yes. Was Whoppi’s character Bat Shit Crazy, yes. But the message of Ntozake Shange was still there.  The message that we as Colored Girls have to SPEAK about the problems and the issues, and WORK TOGETHER to help each other deal with them.  In July of 2010, Ms. Shange met with the cast of For Colored Girls, and had this to say . . .

” That ‘For Colored Girls’ continues to resonate so profoundly almost forty years after I first set pen to paper is bittersweet for me. Thought we have achieved many a milestone, the stories and struggles of our lives as women, and in particular, women of color, are still not granted the full address due.”

I will end this rant/review/blog with MY favorite Poem from For Colored Girls entitled – No Assistance

without any assistance or guidance from you
i have loved you assiduously for 8 months 2 wks & a day
i have been stood up four times
i’ve left 7 packages on yr doorstep
forty poems 2 plants & 3 handmade notecards i left
town so i could send to you

you have been no help to me, on my job
you call at 3:00 in the mornin on weekdays
so i could drive 27 1/2 miles cross the bay before i go to work
charmin charmin, but you are of no assistance

i want you to know, this waz an experiment
to see how selfish i couldd be
if i would really carry on to snare a possible lover
if i waz capable of debasin my self for the love of another
if i could stand not being wanted, when i wanted to be wanted
& i cannot
so
with no further assistance & no guidance from you
i am endin this affair

this note is attached to a plant
i’ve been watering since the day i met you
you may water it
yr damn self

Preference or Groupie Luv . . .

*For the purposes of this blog, no organization has been specifically named, but you aren’t stupid (hopefully).*

 

Whenever I hear the word Groupie I think of certain people, and certain actions.  So when I was called a Groupie by someone that knows me very well, I was taken aback.  Not so much insulted, but it did give me pause.  Have I presented myself as a Groupie in recent years? Is this what people think of me? The next question I had to ask was, how do you define a Groupie?

 

According to Dictionary.com a Groupie can be defined as:

1) an ardent fan of a celebrity, esp a pop star: originally, often a girl who followed the members of a pop group on tour in order to have sexual relations with them
2) an enthusiastic follower of some activity: a political groupie

 

I am a member of a Black Greek Lettered Organization {BGLO}.  This must be stated, so that the next few paragraphs have some frame of reference.  My Sorority has a Brother organization.  While most other BLGO’s claim connection to org’s of the opposite sex, they are not “Constitutionally Bound” as we are. Having grown up as an only child, the prospect of having a nationwide network of Sisters and Brothers greatly appealed to me, and was one of the many selling points when choosing to join my Sorority.

 

 

FACT: I don’t like females. I never have.  We, as a species are full of emotions, and drama, and BS. I realized long ago that dealing with males brought less of the three aformentioned qualities into my life.  So, even before I became a member of my Fine Organization, I spent most of my time with males. It was easier to converse and feel safe and unjudged in the presence of males.

So imagine the surprise of most of my childhood friends when I joined a Sorority.  “You mean you volunteerally choose to spend a large part of your college life in the presence of women? That doesn’t even make any sense.” Yet, I love the tenets of my Sorority.  I love everything that it, as an organization, stands for.  I also love the fact that I am affiliated with it for the rest of my life. I honestly didn’t understand how much my Brothers would impact my life.

 

BUT, joining my Sorority didn’t magically make my proclivity to befriend members of the male species go away.  In fact, because the Men I know called Brother were such Men of High Standard, it made me want to spend more time around “My Brothers.” {Sometimes, I hang out with my Sorors.  But the majority of them that I have met and liked I knew before I was Greek or we met using a social medium where we connected based on personality and not the fact that we belonged to the same Sorority.}

 

IMO, a Groupie is a person that goes out of their way to belong to a certain group. A Groupie spends time and substantial effort to make him/herself noticed by this particular group, in order to feel welcomed, loved, and/or accepted.  But, what if you already belong to the group? If you spend the majority of your time with that group because of your affiliation with them, does that make you a Groupie?

If it’s understood that you naturally gravitate toward a certain caliber of people, or look for certain qualities in the people that you associate with, how are you being a Groupie? Based on the stated definition, you aren’t trying to gain acceptance.  You have already been accepted into the group.

I spent most of my time in college {post college as well} with other members of BGLO’s. Most of the people I knew that were in that select group of people thought the way that I did.  We had the same view of the world.  In the reference to the male members of these BGLO’s they are still men. On occasion, I have found myself attracted to some of them.  Not because they were members of these organizations {okay, well maybe a lil’ bit}, but because they were cute, funny, intelligent, etc.

 

 

For the purposes of this blog, I will admit that the majority of the men I have been involved with have been members of my Brother Organization. Not because I actively sought them out, but because I spent most of my time in the presence of members of my Brother Organization.  So does that make me a groupie . . . .

Or just a Whore?

*Okay, I’m not a whore. The purpose of that statement was to create a dramatic segway to my conclusion.  Not my confessions of whoredom.  Focus people.*

 

As a healthy female looking for a mate, I have certain preferences. BGLO’s have just taken care of the vetting process for me.  Why can’t I use my affilation to find suitable mates? Why must I be considered a Groupie/Whore because I choose to surround myself with a specific group of people?  If I happen to date someone in a group in which I am already considered a member, how does the word Groupie even apply?

 

This is not to say, that I haven’t done Groupiesque things, in order to get the attention of a specific male.  This male could even be a member of my Brother Organization.  But at a certain point, his affiliation is no longer relevant.  There are PLENTLY members of my Brother Organization and other BGLO’s that I can’t stand, and make it a point to never be around.  The same can be said about my Sorors,

BUT, if the range of people in which you are currently associating with is considered a group {and by extension you are a member of that group} in and of itself, are you really a Groupie? This blog could be my way of justifying my actions, or my thoughts, or my using the Matrix as my own personal dating service.  All these things could be true, but HONESTLY, what do you think?

 

Seriously People, Get Over Yourselves . . .

By Now, you probably know how I feel about Society’s attack of Chris Brown.  Yes, I root for those who I feel have been disenfranchised by the assholes who are in charge of the world.

So today, we shall discuss the creation of
Team Lebron Has No Integrity.

Yup, he was 16

First: The Decision

Hey Guess What.  Ya’ll have been on Lebron’s Balls since he was in High School. And not even like senior year of High School, like Sophomore Year.  So why in the ass fuck hell are you surprised that he turned his decision into an Event.  ESPN was broadcasting his high school games.  REGULAR SEASON GAMES.  Not even Play-Offs.  I don’t even WATCH Basketball and I knew who he was before he even picked a team.

Keep in Mind.  I left work to watch The Decision.  NOT because I cared what his decision was, but because I KNEW my Twitter Timeline was going to go HAM during the broadcast.  I wasn’t wrong.  Some of the best things I saw.

RT @ambboogie: RT @maronziovance: If Lebron leaves Cleveland, the state of Ohio will go into foreclosure.

@tysofly: Dear Cleveland, If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it! – Love, Lebron

And this was BEFORE the Letter from Dan Gilbert.

@0_oMzJoy: He looks like Santa Claus……..or the Grinch that stole Cleveland’s economy.

@tdixonspeaks: What young 20 something man with money and fame WOULDN’T go to Miami? #duh

So Lebron is Going to Miami with Bosh and Wade. Cuz he wants to Win.

Cue the Riots, Angry Tweets, and FB Stati

So It is Written, So It Shall Be Done

Folks was burning Jersey’s in the street.  Oh woe is Cleveland.  It will never be the same.  We will just continue to rot in the recesses of the Midwest.  What will be do now that our Major Economic Resource has left us?!?!?!

You mean to tell me the ONLY thing that Cleveland had going for itself was ONE MAN. Not even the team, but ONE MAN. Ya’ll can’t think of anything else that you can do to make ya’ll feel better as a city?!?!?

Second: Dan Gilbert is a Douchebag

Not only is he a Douchebag, but he’s a racist, arrogant, assholish prick.  We won’t even discuss that he’s a fucking IDIOT for posting that letter on the teams website.  But what self-respecting white man posts an open letter in blue Comic Sans font.  Dear Sir, You Suck.

The first thing I thought while reading the letter, “You Mad Huh?” Are you seriously that offended that he held a press conference at announce his decision? You mad that he was tired of carrying your damn city.  He’s been doing it since he was 18? Ya’ll couldn’t get it together in that 7 years.  Ya’ll don’t give a hell about him.

Jesse Jackson was on point (IMO) when he said that letter was written with a Slave Owners Mentality.  He was mad because his Prize Stallion decided to leave.  Nothing in that letter said anything about how much LeBron has helped the team (or the City of Cleveland for that matter). My favorite Line:

The self-declared former “King” will be taking the “curse” with him down south. And until he does “right” by Cleveland and Ohio, James (and the town where he plays) will unfortunately own this dreaded spell and bad karma.

Just watch.

Raving Lunatic

Did you just say Just Watch in a business letter?!?!?  Dan Gilbert, You Sir are Fired.  Then, to make matter’s worse, he changed the cost of LeBron’s Fathead.com wall posting from $99 to $17. His explanation, “That’s the year Benedict Arnold was Born.” ARE YOU FUCKING FOR REAL?!?!? Just, Dammit.

Third: Lebron is Selfish?

Okay, seriously people, get over yourself.  Stop with the bitching and moaning about how he’s ruined his Legacy because he left Cleveland.  HE’S 25 YEARS OLD. If his legacy has already been created, I feel sorry for him.  He hasn’t been in the NBA long enough to HAVE a Legacy.  His Legacy is going to be made NOW.

Now that he has taken control of his career, and he knows what he wants to do with it.  Barring any major injuries, this is going to be the time when we see what Lebron is really made of.  When he is part of a team that has players who know how to play, who all have the same common goal.  A team that is not waiting on him to be “Captain Win the Playoffs.”  THIS is when he will get to be Great.

Yes We Did?

Old school players are steady chiming in on his decision. “This would have never happened in the years of MJ & Magic & Bird” OF COURSE IT WOULDN’T HAVE HAPPENED!!! It was a different era.  Money was not the end all be all.  You didn’t really worry about endorsements.  TMZ wasn’t around to catch your every action.  They were around during a time that two parent households were the norm.  A time when your high school coach tried to help you be a man, not sleep with your mom.

He’s a 25 year old man.  He made a decision a 25 year old man would make.  Besides, who wants to be on a team with the guy who slept with your mom.  I mean really.  Maybe Gilbert should have done more to deal with that situation, instead of writing prissy ass letters.

Integrity, Honor, Respect are Learned Behaviors.  If you had no one who looked at you as a child/man who needed to be molded into that (as opposed to a Meal Ticket), are we really expecting him to have all of those?  Instead of being pissed off that people are comparing him to you, Michael Jordan, why don’t you take Lebron under your wing?  That’s right I forgot you are too busy cheating on your wife.

In closing, how ’bout all of you Shut the Fuck Up and Leave LeBron alone.  Let him be great, or at least part of a Great Team.  He’s Earned That.