Tag Archive | Dayton

30 Day Writing Challenge: 10 Interesting Facts about Myself


#10 – I’m kind of Obsessed with Hello Kitty

So here’s the thing. I grew up poor. Not hungry, but poor. So when Hello Kitty was 1st popular in the US, (early 80’s) my mom couldn’t afford to buy me all the cool stuff. So now that I can afford it, I buy Hello Kitty stuff all the time! Because….trauma.

#9 – I used to wish Mariah Carey and Ronnie Devoe were my Secret Parents

Okay, I know that sounds crazy…but just listen. So I used to get in trouble ALOT in 1st-4th grade. Like, all the time! Cuz I wasn’t being challenged enough, and I had a really active imagination. So whenever they made me stand in the corner, I would imagine that Mariah Carey pulled up in her Limo to rescue me and then Ronnie Devoe would be there and life would be great. Okay look, reading that back to myself, I was a lil special. But whatever, we don’t judge.

#8 – I am Both an Only Child, and The Youngest

So I was raised as an Only child, my mom’s only child. However, I have 3 older half siblings, 2 step siblings,  a slew of foster brothers, and frat brothers galore. But I’m the youngest amongst them. So basically I’m the Baby. And I was usually treated as such. So I’m THE WORST. At least I know that now. I used to be in denial.

#7- I used to own every book written by Nora Roberts

I tried to sell my collection (140+ total, 50 Hardcovers) when I moved back to MI and I was told they would give me $10. For the entire collection. That was THOUSANDS of dollars worth of books. And they said ten damn dollars. I no longer buy books. If it’s not on the Kindle, I won’t own it. AND I found out how to get ebooks for the low low cost of not a got damn penny! Never again, never again!

#6 – I don’t see myself giving birth to a child or children of my own

It’s just never been something I longed for, with the exception of two VERY brief periods of my life. Besides the fact that it’s super yucky, I’ve raised SEVERAL generations of kids at this point. Plus, I work in the Foster Care System, there are plenty of kids out there who need parents. You don’t always have to give birth to your family. Sometimes you can create it.

#5 – I’m a Spoiled Brat

This might not be a surprise to people who know me. But back to that only child thing, my entire world revolved around me growing up. It’s still very hard to convince others that it still should now.

#4 – A Different World made me become Greek

If I hadn’t seen college life, and the relationships and trials and tribulations they all went through, I don’t think college would have been on my radar. My mother insisted I go to college, so I knew of it only as this thing after high school. Then A Different World came on after the Cosby Lie Show, and I was hooked. It had a much larger impact on my life than any other show on TV at the time, or frankly since.

#3 – I Wear a Size 12 in Women’s Shoes

That’s not really interesting. I just need to put that out there because cute shoes are hard to find.

#2 – All of my Close Friends live elsewhere.

Anyone who has known me more than 5 years doesn’t live where I am now. It’s a really difficult thing not being able to see all or any of your friends face to face. They are spread all over the world at this point, NYC, MI, D.C., Dayton, Cleveland, Cincinnati, Colorado…. Just all over the globe. Which is WHACK. Cuz Social Workers don’t make enough money to be traveling all the damn time! This also leads me to my last “Interesting Fact”….

#1 – University of Dayton was the best choice I’ve ever made in my life.

If it had not been for the Flyers on my side….where would I be?!?! Seriously, I was kind of floating around until UD. I become sure of myself, created a me I wasn’t ashamed of or afraid of, and kind of came into my own.  Dayton taught me to love everyone, be adventurous, try new things. Maybe put myself out there every once in a while.

Without Dayton there would be no Zeta Phi Beta Sigma, no MJ the teacher…pretty much no me as I am today. I’m forever grateful they sent me my first acceptance letter!

So that’s a sneak peak into what makes me tick….

Picture it: Ohio, Summer of 2006 or . . . The Good Ole’ Days

Best Album of 2006

When this album came out, my life changed.  I don’t mean that in the metaphorical sense.  I mean my entire life changed.  I had just recently moved out of my mother’s house, and into my first apartment that wasn’t paid for my Sallie Mae.  I was living in a beautiful apartment, and I was losing a best friend.  The Summer of 2006 taught me what kind of person I should be, and who in my life was important.

The first time I heard this song I thought, “Well, that’s a new sound for Cee-Lo.” Then all of a sudden it was EVERYWHERE! Every commercial about a new product, every reality tv show, every radio station (white or black.) It was like the second of Christ for some people when they heard this song.  But the reason this album still means so much to me is the memories this song represents.  The moments where everyone told me I was being irresponsible with my time, and it didn’t seem to phase me. A time in my life where my biggest worry was working 4-9hour shifts at work so I could take half of friday off and drive to Dayton and/or Columbus.

These Two Ladies Saved My Life . . .

These Two Ladies Saved My Life . . .

I used to be (and kinda still am) the epitome of Living Paycheck To Paycheck.  I traveled every two weeks, on a Friday that’s I got paid.  I would spend about $300 in one weekend, then come back and take care of bills.  But it was worth it!  Keep in mind, this was before Facebook, (yes I’m that old) and all we had was MySpace. I wrote blogs everyday, and we sent emails during the work day to plan out our weekends of debauchery. For a while, it’s was just traveling the state of Ohio to attended various Pride events.  The real fun began during the 4th of July Weekend.

Please Notice the AMOUNT of liquor on the Entertainment Center

Please Notice the AMOUNT of 

liquor on the Entertainment Center

The Summer of 2006 is the last time I drank on a daily basis.  The amount of money we all spent on liquor and food was just . . . Thank God my Uncle was having his annual invite everyone you know BBQ.  So we ate for free that weekend . . . more $ for Liquor! When we weren’t having random photo shoots, we were walking around malls harassing strangers.  And the whole time, St. Elsewhere was playing in the background.

This is not to say there weren’t some dark times that Summer. There was that one time when this chick tried to kill herself and we had to call the cops to go find her. And in that same weekend, we all decided to get “Frivolous White Girl Tattoos.” That summer a marriage ended, and my roommate moved out leaving me alone with a $849 a month rent (because she was in love with her boyfriend). *it should be noted my former roommate is now happily married to this man*

Blogging about how much fun we were having . . .

Blogging about how much fun we were having . . .

The ups and downs of Summer 2006 are why I love thinking about that summer, because everyday brought something different. I think I wrote like 12 blogs a month.  I was in a place where everything meant something.  Every experience meant something life changing.  I was so damn EMO that Summer.  This was the first time I had to worry about money, and having enough of it.  I didn’t have my mom to borrow money from every other day. 

I <3 Cuz she cooks for me!

I ❤ Her cuz she cooks for me!

How can you hear that song and NOT want to make new friends in public.  While dressed provocatively. And slightly drunk.  I mean really. The majority of the Summer of 2006 . . . was FUN.  I mean like crying laughing type of fun.  For every tear shed in sadness, there were 1000’s shed while rolling around laughing on the floor.   It’s the summer I met The Girl, and she made me the greatest fried Chicken I’ve ever had. She is the reason (while 100% sober) I wrote this little song:

Ode to Chicken

(To the Tune of Ode To Joy)

Chicken, Chicken, It’s Delicious
Love to eat it everyday!
Chicken, Cook it, Fry It, Love It,
Chicken, eat it Everyday!

Chicken, Chicken, I love Chicken
Chicken, it’s been good to me . . .
Chicken, Chicken, Finger Lickin’
Chicken brings me Ecstasy!

You don’t know you are happy until you look back at it.  But MAN, I was so happy that summer.  I did what I wanted to do, without fear of what people would think of me.  In my mind, my actions didn’t effect anyone but me.  There was no such thing as a repercussion.  That’s the summer I learned that Love has not age limit or sexual orientation.  It’s just love. The usual end of Summer is celebrated Labor Day Weekend. And Celebrate it we did! The Blog Title for that weekend: Liquor, A Smelly Cat, 2 Bathroom Orgys, a Spanish Serenade, and  A Gay Chicken. *please click that, it’s worth the read*

I don't even remember TAKING this picture

I don’t even remember TAKING this picture

The most enduring part of Summer 2006. . . The memories I didn’t get a chance to write about, because I was having too much fun.  It’s the songs we sang at the top of our lungs while driving up & down the highway. It’s the outfits we coordinated the day after labor day, because they were all white, and we don’t give a damn about your rules.  It’s the fact that every picture we took that summer had us in the same order. It’s every mile we put on my leased car.  It’s every bottle of liquor we finished, that ended in laughter and merriment. . . And strangely, the Blog I wrote as a tribute to the people who made it so great still stands!

Shout-out to The Girl: For  making me get off my ass and go to arts and crafts.  For being such an incredible person, a loving person, and the Ambassador of Let’s Make it All okay.  People like her make it a better place in this world, so shout outs to you, for making an emotional breakdown not last as long as it could have . . .

Shout-outs to Aaliyah: Who refuses to back down, who lives her life the way she wants to, regardless. To love, in it’s many shapes and forms, in old pictures, and drunken almost fights, and passing out in Paris, and other random shit, to happiness.  To a love that will never die, even if we are separated for like 3 years cuz of stupid girls, you will forever be my little sister, and it will always be my right, do tell you what i think is best for you, lol. . .

Shou-tout to the Word FUCK: To being able to use it and express pure emotion, to making it work in any situation, to being able to yell it in a car, and make someone listen to the words you are trying to say to them . . .

Shout-out to Diamond: To giving the Best Damn Hugs EVER, even though they weren’t appreciated the way they should have been.  To knowing that things change, and people change, but fuck anyone else that doesn’t have your best interests at heart.  To hoping that she finds her happy place, inside her self, and to hoping that she knows that regardless of everything else that happened, will happen, or is happening right now, she will always be my wife . . .

When was the last time you danced?

Moment of Clarity or The Man of My Dreams . . .

When I was younger, my mother would say I had ‘Second Sight’ because I would make statements, say the most ridiculous things about people, and they would be (or come) true. I knew what I knew because I would dream it.  It wasn’t always clear to me what it meant, but I would always share it with my mom.  I was the Fish Dream QUEEN until I hit puberty.  About then, my dreams started to be less detailed and more like everyone else’s.

Honestly, the ability to see other people’s lives in my dreams used to scare me.  I never told anyone but my mom about it, because I thought it made me just a little too different.  On occasion, I would have a dream that was warning me of something or someone and I would trust it.  The only by-product of this pre-pubescent skill seemed to be the ability to pick lottery numbers for one of my mother’s friends.  Any time he would ask, I would give him winning numbers.  Sadly, we didn’t get money, but I did get pretty dresses.

Because I still remember what my dreams used to tell me, I believe and trust them.  They help explain (frequently to myself) the rationale behind something which has already happened in my life.  Nonetheless, I ALWAYS I know I am dreaming.  I have a Moment of Clarity (usually at the beginning of the dream) in which I state, “This isn’t real.” It helps me process what I’m experiencing during the dream, as well as after.

This morning, I dreamt  about The One that Got Away. *He will always be known as that, I think we would have been an amazing couple.  If only I hadn’t been so shy when I was younger.* I had gone to Dayton to visit some friends, and we happened to be in the same place.  We saw each other from afar and made eye contact.  In my mind, he should have immediately come and spoken to me.  For some reason, he chose not to.  I was PISSED.  I said in front of everyone in the restaurant, “I’m standing here trying to figure out why *********** hasn’t walked over here and spoken to me.” I then walked away, grabbed a straightening comb and went to find a plug.

He quickly followed me out of the room, and the restaurant morphed into my father’s house.  I walked into my childhood bedroom and he joined me.  I lay down on the bed, and he sat beside me.  We started conversing about everything I’ve gone through in the last 2 years and after telling him about it,  I experienced such a feeling of peace.

The kind of peace you only experience post-Church Service that was speaking to your soul. We just laid there, I put my head on his chest and slept. Before I fell asleep, he said, “I’ll be here when you wake up.”  When my alarm went off, he wasn’t there.   I cried, HARD. He had broken his promise to me.

I really had to tell myself, MJ it was a dream. After thinking about this dream all day, and talking to TOTGA, I finally interpreted  the dream.  It wasn’t so much about him, but men in my life. It must be stated, I’m an open book.  I don’t hide anything from people I meet, especially if I plan on being emotionally intimate with them.  With the exception of 1 person, they have all broken their promises (or gone against their word). Be it, “No one will know,” or “I’ll never judge you,” or “Our friendship will always be important to me,” they have all been proven false.

I hold people to incredibly high standards.  That’s how I was raised by both of my parents, and it’s something I apply to my everyday life.  (That’s a whole other blog though)

In the case of my Father, he has broken so many promises to me in my lifetime (in my opinion) trusting him isn’t really an option at this point.  As a grown woman, I shouldn’t’ need to rely on his promises, right?  I should be looking at my ‘Mate’ for that kind of security.  The problem is, every man I have ever been involved with romantically has been some version of my father in some way.  This shouldn’t have come as such a surprise to me, as I’ve spoken about my Daddy Issues at length in other postings.

In my experience, Moments of Clarity are the by-product of a subconscious accepting of something you have been struggling to comprehend/understand/deal with.  When it clicks in your soul, you can finally face it in your mind. I’m there now.

I can finally admit there was nothing I could have done to change how my relationship with MM ended.  There were too many reasons it wasn’t working, and only a few reasons it was.  I can admit I failed.  I made a promise I wasn’t able to keep, and THAT’S what hurt the most.  I am and have been living with the guilt that I am Just Like My Father.  Talk about MindFuck.  Yeah, all that.

This Moment of Clarity comes at a hard time for me personally.  I’ve lost 2 friends this year, mostly due to my own inability to deal with the loss of MM.  I don’t blame people for writing me off.  I can only hope they eventually understand  my side of it, and we are able to move past everything. When TOTGA asked me about my life, I told him it was ‘Manageable.’ His advice: Work on your management skills, it’s bound to get better.

 Thank God for Granting Me, this Moment of Clarity.

I’m glad it was delivered by the Man of My Dreams.

Confessions of a Single Black Female Vol 12: You’re Just Runnin’ ‘Cross My Mind…

I can’t even try to count the number of men I have had a crush on in my life.  Hell, freshman year of college was at least 12.  Men are and always have been there, in the corner of my eye, on my mind in some way, shape, form, or fashion.  I had my first boyfriend (Christopher Allen Greer)  in PRE-SCHOOL!! He was in Kindergarten, and we got in trouble for kissing on the indoor monkey bars.

In the Story of my Life, there are only 3 men that made an impact to the point that I can STILL remember our first meeting, the first time we touched, and how I felt when they broke my heart.  Because all of them did.  Maybe they didn’t mean to, but they did.  My recent trip home, while filled with laughter and merriment was also been filled with some soul-searching and letting things/people go.  I had to see a few people, and realize that I had moved on, even though I didn’t know I had.

Angel of Mine

When I was 12, I fell in love with a Boy. He was no ordinary boy, he was almost a man.  On the cusp of becoming a grown-up.  He made me laugh, he talked to me when I talked to him, and we bounded over our mutual love of Bone Thugs in Harmony. (I remember while writing this, he is the Reason I liked them). He was the first man I ever found sexually attractive. The first time I saw him, I felt something in a place I didn’t know existed.

Watching him walk, all the pent-up anger/frustration making his muscle bunch and release whenever he made a move. If I had to compare his gait to any animal it would be a cougar. Halting and yet fluid. I did all kinds of things to get him to notice me, but he was 17.  He couldn’t see me………. But I still remember how I used to feel when he did pay attention to me. That rush of adrenaline, that hope that maybe this time is going to be the one that makes him stay and converse for hours like I want to. He was my 1st Crush and my first case of Puppy Love . . .

I Keep On Fallin’ . . . .

I met who I still consider to be my Soulmate when I was 18. The connection was instantaneous. There was no question about how we felt about each other. It was like we had spent our entire lives waiting for confirmation that someone else existed that understood us. From the food we liked to eat to the songs we sang in the shower we were completely in sync with each other.  We plotted out our children’s names. Where we were going to live, the kind of jobs we would have. Our future was waiting for us to conquer it.

I loved him in a way I didn’t even think was possible. Crazy as this sounds, I loved him more than I loved myself. He knew it, so did I and we were just fine with that.  The first time we broke up, I can remember screaming so loud that my next door neighbor knocked on the door to see if someone was attacking me. I took a shower for two hours. Sang the entire “One Wish” album by Deborah Cox three times. I slipped into what I later realized was clinical depression.

And yet, when he came back we started all over again. It was a crazy type of relationship. Emotionally draining and yet filling at the same time. Over time, our relationship turned into friendship. He’s still my soulmate, just changed the connotation of the word. He knows me better than I know myself. I look for pieces of him in almost man I pursue. But nothing will ever compare to that first connection……..

I Don’t Wanna Let You See . . . . .

The One that Got Away. The first time we met it was because I was yelling at him. He came into my world and tried to challenge everything that I had built and cultivated in a three-year period. Who would have the audacity, the unmitigated gall to step up and criticize me?!?!? I took his attack hella personal. But oh when I saw him,  Good Lord!  I forgot to be mad. He was the Epitome of Good Black Man. Smart, sexy, ambitious. He knew where he was going. It was up to you to either catch up or get left behind. I ran like a mu’fucka. I was NOT gonna be left behind.

In the back of my mind, I always thought we would end up together. Thinking about it now, I don’t think we ever discussed relationship type things. It was unspoken. Everyone in our immediate circle knew it. We knew it, at least I think we did. We just fit together. Physically and mentally, he aroused me and challenged me without being over bearing or blatant about it. I wanted to be there to see him succeed, to see him come into his own and be the Man I knew he would be.

If Only………..They say everything happens for a reason, but I often wonder where we would have ended up if I had been vocal about what I wanted instead of assuming he knew? What if he had come to visit for my birthday that year?  I loved him, with a gentle kind of love that would have lasted 60+ years. I went a long time without seeing him. Partially because we don’t live near each other anymore, but more because I knew that I wasn’t ready to see him yet. My heart was still a little bruised and no one was to blame but me. . . . .

You’re Just Runnin’ ‘Cross My Mind . . . .

We all sometimes look back at our lives and think about what might have been.  In the area of Love/Relationships I have often looked back to see the mistakes I’ve made, in order to not make the same mistakes again.  Trying to navigate this new relationship, I can’t help but look back into the old ones.  Fear of Failure at something that has become an important investment to me is compelling me to think about my past.  Thankfully, I look back at these three men with smiles, not tears.  They all taught me something about Life, Love, and Myself.  So every time they ‘Cross My Mind I’m thankful they were in my life, and even more thankful that they still are.

RNS (c) AK – Vol 15: I’m Not That One

Key Phrase: I’m Not The One

Meaning: I am Not the One to put up with Your Shullbit

This isn’t going to be a nice blog.  You should know that now.  So when you are surprised at my wording, and the way I express myself in this blog vs. everything else I have written this year, let that isht go.  Because Today, I’m not trying to subtly motivate you.  I am trying to beat you over the head with COMMON DAMN SENSE.

Fact: I am a College Graduate

You Should Be Too.  But it’s okay if you aren’t.  Everyone’s situation is different.  Sometimes, you can’t control how the cards fall financially, or based on your family.  But have you made any kind of effort to further your education? Have you taken a Community College course, hit up University of Phoenix Online, taken a cooking class? READ A BOOK?  Read a Pamphlet? Have you done anything to educate yourself after high school? Better yet, do you want to?  If we can’t hold a conversation without me having to explain every other word I type/say/text, we can’t be together.

I’m not judging you, I’m Just Not That One.

I can’t dumb myself down for you.  I enjoy conversation about current events.  This doesn’t require you to read the Wall Street Journal (hell I don’t even read that) but can you watch The Daily Show? The Colbert Report? CNN.com? Twitter? TMZ? I can’t try to make you understand simple concepts while we talk, I do that with the 4 year olds I teach everyday. #dobetter

Fact: Birds of a Feather Flock Together

What are the life goals of the people around you? What do they want to be when they grow up? Where do they see themselves in 3 years? In the same apartment, with the same female he won’t call wife/wifey? At the same job? Doing the same illegal activities? Is that okay with you? You are the dumbest smart person I have ever met.  It’s not that hard to just move the ufck on! You consistenly complain about how ignorant the people are around you, and yet you STAY around them.  So what does that say about you?

I’m not Judging You, I’m Just Not That One.

Never be complacent in a situation.  I’m not sure if it’s fear of success or fear of failure -but at 25+ you HAVE to be afraid of something to not have moved on.  If the people around don’t have the same mindset you have, they will start to rub off on you.  You used to want to get out the hood, now you like the hood mentality.  Why? Is it because it allows you to be the Big Fish in the Minuscule Pond.  Eventually, those little fish are going to attack you, and eat you, then where will you be? Dead.

Fact: You Don’t Love Him Anymore

You met the love of your live (or so you thought) at 18.  You did everything you could to be with him, and you got him.  Then you found out he wasn’t everything you wanted him to be. He didn’t love you like he said, he wasn’t who he presented himself to be, he’s a liar.  But you’re still with him? Why? You Don’t Love Him Anymore. You know he doesn’t love you. But you continue to let him back into your life.  Maybe you love the image you had in your head, not him.

I’m Not Judging You, I’m Just Not That One

If he don’t want you, he doesn’t.  The pain of rejection is so much less than the day to day pain of being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t love you.  It will take you so much less time to get over him if YOU DO IT. Because him breaking up with you is going to hurt you more.  Rip off the Bandaid, Let That NWord GO!

Fact: I’m Fat

I know it.  You know it when you see me.  But that doesn’t mean that I think less of myself for being fat.  It doesn’t mean that I have to accept less than what I deserve.  It doesn’t mean I don’t  deserve someone of a Quality Caliber in my life.  Fat does not equal sub-human or less than.  I am SO tired of women who SETTLE FOR SOMETHING, because they think it’s the best they can do.

I’m Not Judging You, I’m Just Not That One.

I Like Me.  I know what I am worth.  Call it arrogance, call it whatever you want to, but I Deserve the Best.  If you aren’t the best, then I don’t want you.  I know what I can bring to the table, if we aren’t even close to being on the same level, WHY WHY WHY WHY would I pretend that I am happy with you.  Especially if the fundamental thing that makes me ME, is being stifled.  I want to look up to whoever I am with.  I want him to inspire me to be even better than I already am. If you can’t do that, You Aren’t For Me.  & That’s Okay.

Fact: It’s Okay to be Selfish

When did it become a crime to like yourself? To just want to spend time with yourself, until you figure out exactly what you want in your life? I have a 2 bedroom apartment for a reason, because I have A Lot of Stuff.  Not because I want you to guilt me into letting you move in  – “Because you have all that room.” NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. If you live with me, I won’t have room.  You’ll eat my food out the refrigerator, make comments about me walking around topless, and get mad when I ask you to move out.

I Know You Judge Me, But I’m Not That One

I don’t want a man who wants to spend every waking moment with me.  Honestly, a long distance relationship (where both parties are emotionally invested) is exactly what I need right now.  I love you, but I don’t have to see you all the damn time. I’m socially retarded. I am using the word retarded in it’s literal sense, meaning delayed in development.  Everything I have done in life is on a 4 year Delay.  Things I should have done in Middle School = High School for Me.  What I should have found out about the world at large in College = After College Graduation.

So no, I’m not trying to marry you, or get wifed up, or be your babies mom.  I Like Myself, and if you like me too that’s great.  But I’m not ready for all that commitment because I’m not where I want to be for myself.  I can’t love you, if I don’t love myself.  I Like Me, but I haven’t fallen in love with myself  yet.  So until then, either you wait or you move on.

So In Conclusion, to use these new concepts in everyday life:

Ex 1: I’m Not the One to call when you get in a fight with your ex-wife.  I told you that ibtch was crazy, YOU told me that ibtch was crazy.  So why are you surprised that she emailed you on some Simple Isht.

Ex 2: I’m Not the One to force you to better yourself.  I shouldn’t have to tell a grown man that he needs to do better.  If you don’t have any goals and aspirations, me telling you would they should be isn’t going to make you suddently have then.

Ex 3: I’m Not the One to complain to when your boyfriend continues to show his natural azz in public.  He does what you allow him to do.  If you told him to stop doing it, and he didn’t, and you still stayed with him, that’s on you.

Introducing the Triad – Aaliyah

It took me a while to write this, becuz I wasn’t quite sure how to phrase how I feel about her.  She inspires me to be a better person.  To be more conscious of the world around me, and what being a member of that world truly means.

She’s one of those really deep people, you know.  Like understands the underground movements of the world, and i truly knows herself.  One thing I must say about her, is there was never a time when i thought, that child is so confused.  There were times when i thought she was crazy, but never confused, lol.

But in this rather short blog, I must say this, I love her.  I am so glad that MySpace brought us back together.  With all the drama, and love, and tears, I am glad i have her back.  And i hope she never leaves!

I’m talking about Ms. Asadi, future revolutionary, and my lil’ sis.  From the day I adopted her on UD’s campus, my life has been more interesting, fun, and different!  I love you Lil’ Sis.  Never Change, and remain UnBreakable!

Introducing the Triad – Diamond

Ever thought about what true love is.  You should think about it.  True love doesn’t always mean that you want to have sex with that person.  To me, true love is knowing that at 3:33 in the morning, you can call a person, and they will be there.  Doesn’t matter if you are crying over a dude, or happy about a dude, or just want to hear that person’s voice.

True Love is calling me at 4:30 in the afternoon, and leaving me a voice mail that says, “Have you ever farted so much in your own car that you had the roll down your windows?!?”  That is truee love to me.  True Love is driving 209 miles to stay just OVERNIGHT, so that you can introduce someone to the current man in your life.  True Love is also having the current man in your life get interrogated 10 minutes into the 1st meeting.  True love is threatening to drive 209 miles after the current man in your life acts stupid.

True Love is my Ex-Wife!  I love her! No I am not a Lesbian, we broke up cuz i wanted to have sex with men, and she wasn’t havin’ it!  But I got off with Alimony, and all I have to do is drive to Dayton occasionally.

My Tru Love is prolly reading this and saying, This Bitch is crazy!  But I know she is gonna cry in like 15 minutes.  I just had to put it all out how much I love her, so that the world will know!

Life Observations based on my Trip to Miami

  • It is still very awkward to be walking out of an elevator in a halter top and 3 inch wedge heels at 6 in the morning, even if you are a grown ass woman on vacation. Especially if the person who says good morning to you in a 50+ white man with a handle bar mustasche. That trip from the elevator to your room still feels like the walk of shame . . .
  • ..   It’s finally okay to not hate the girlfriend of your Best Friends little brother. She didn’t know that you had been plotting to marry him since he was 13, and you saw the potential he had. You even waited 2 years to ask his dad if you could marry him, because you could tell that by the time he got out of undergrad, he would be the greatest catch this side of the Miami County. And it’s definitely okay to tell her that you hated her, without ever meeting her because she was the smart one that B. S. said yes to. (Probably because she is so FREAKING AWESOME!)
  • ..   Flying into Miami for 3 days is a pain in the ass. The only flight that leaves Detroit to get there leaves at 9, so you don’t get into MIA until midnight (if your flight isn’t late) and to get home, you have to be at the airport at 4 in the gosh darn morning, even though the bag check and the security points don’t open until 5. Yeah, there was a lot of waiting around while I was still in my pajamas.
  • ..   Ft. Laurderdale is NOT close to Miami. That 30 exit difference between the hotel and ANYWHERE we were supposed to be was a BITCH. And Gas went from 3.59 a gallon to 3.89 a gallon every 15 minutes. But you gotta love the Ford Escape that will be both me and Clarissa’s next new car/truck. No, I am so serious about that, I shall have that car in 2009, yes yes I will!
  • ..   The Hilton Discount is the SHIT, and Stacey is so friggin awesome for setting me up with the bomb ass rate, the week before she left the Hilton Network.
  • ..   Miami’s version of Mister Softee is gross, and a friggin Rip Off! And the man in the truck steals money from Little Kids. And B. S. already said that he won’t prosper, so there!
  • ..   If you ever want to know, what the PERFECT marriage looks like, take a trip to the Smith household in Cinci. Dee Dee and B. S. should teach classes.
  • ..   Hawaii in 2009 is a reality, and the goal is to bring someone of the male persuasion with me, I need to get on that . . . P.S. Yes, I said Hawaii
  • ..   Going to UD for my undergrad experience was the smartest decision that I was ever forced to make. And I will be there for my 5 year reunion to see how bad they have screwed the campus up.
  • ..   Even if we live hundreds of miles away, real friends don’t expect anything more of you than a night sitting around talking at T.G.I. Fridays until the wait staff got off work, and taking pictures in the parking lot with the Smith Family Blackberry Collection. I might have been converted this weekend, because if I get a Blackberry, I won’t ever have to buy another digital camera again in LIFE. Plus, they kinda just look cool.
  • ..   Jasmine Smith is my fashion Role Model. I used to braid her hair for school when she was 7, AND I now pray every night that some of WHATEVER she has rubbed off on me while I was in Miami.
  • ..   Allana Destiny Smith is going to be a forced to be reckoned with in 4 years. She and Jasmine will be on billboards everywhere by 2012. You heard it here first!
  • ..   Michael and Krist’le Hardy are the world’s funniest couple. They need a show on ABC, because the whole world needs to experience a night in their presence.
  • I am really looking forward to seeing all my friends find their happiness in life.  Seeing Shea reach her goals, Clarissa smiling and happy again, Kris happy in love makes me want the same thing.
  • Sigma’s from Louisiana are FREAKING awesome. Whether you live there now, or your family originates from there, if you have some LA in you, you are on my list of Favorite People.
  • My mom is like the best mother of life of ever! Even when I am having fun in MIA, i missed her.
  • Drunk people in the club will never get old.  What get’s old really quickly – ignorant, disrespectful, asshole-type, dumb, harrasing people.  And also, the UD crew are NOT the people to try in the club, cuz even the girls fight.
  • My friends are grown ups, and seeing lil kids TRY to be grown proved to me just how grown we are.
  • Once you step over that line, and do something you can’t take back, living with the fallout is like waiting for the other shoe to drop.  And as a grown up, I am learning that everything can’t be solved with a text message, phone call, or really nicely worded voice mail message.
  • I am really starting to remember the good and bad that is me.  Mama Joy, the girl in charge of everything, and the one that sometimes sticks her foot in her mouth in front of someone’s mom.  But I still love me, and that is all that matters.
  • I am starting to actually like all these ghetto ass, only should be played in the club, makes you wanna grind on the person next to you, horrible name calling, everyone’s ringtone, songs they are playing on the radio.  I never thought that I would have BOTH versions of Plies Bust It Baby on my phone . . . where did all my common sense go?
  • And why make a remix to a song, 1 week after the original gets released on the radio – USHER. Even though I love the remix, why not just release 2 songs, and stop changing the format of the song, damn dummie!
  • Why is it that Lil’ Wayne makes the most random songs for himself, but his verses on certain songs/remixes are that HOT FIRE?

    I had fun in Miami, and I already know that Hawaii is going to be THAT DEAL!

Roadtrippin’ The Light Fantastic

So this weekend was the fuckin’ deal!  Everyone, including myself told me that the worst thing to do, would be to go out of town, in my car, with it’s 12,000 miles that are over the limit.  But seriously, who is being responsible, who’s doing that?  And just getting on the road was a hassle.  I didn’t leave Mich til like 2, then I took a detour, because I thought I was gonna be a smart ass, and ended up losing a good 45 minutes.  Didn’t get to the CO until like 6:00, and PROMPTLY got into bed.  Gotta love a field trip that lands you right in bed for a nap as soon as you get there! Fuckin’ Awesome!

Psuedo nap, trip to Mom’s house (that would be Aaliyah’s Mom) in pajamas, when Liyah was in Mexican Hooker Shoes, and me and The Girl looked like some damn rejects.  Kicked it with Noma and Maya, and Maya gave me a hug . . . Next time she might even say hi.  I am working my way up on her totem poll yall, shoooooooot!

Went back to the crib, to get ready for what I can only describe as a Night in NYC, but in the CO!  BOMA is my new favorite place. You would think, that Detroit would have thought to take an Old Chuch, convert it into a Modern Art Museum, then turn that into a club, but NOOOOOOOOOO.  Detroit is feeeehckin’ stoopid.  Anyway, had waaaaaaay too much fun at the club, saw some dudes jittin’ (if you aren’t from the D, you don’t know) saw some quality ole’ school break dancin’, had me a couple drinks!  It was an AWESOME Night.

Played Taboo, and sucked at it.  But you gotta love playing Taboo with 7 other moderately intoxicated people, and still kickin’ ass because the boys SUCKED at describin stuff.  Except Dante, but he wasn’t really playin, lol.  Went to bed, woke up, and then proceeded to not do ANYTHING at all for the next like 8 hours.  Had a fat girl meal of Stoffers Mac and Cheese and Popeyes Chicken, and then thought it would be a great idea to get in the car and drive to Cinci, because I wanted to see Shea.

Such a smart decision, I love random ass road trips.  Kicked it for about an hour, then me and Shea were like, Chalk it, and then went to sleep.  I drove an hour and a half to talk to Shea for like 3, when we could have just done it on the phone like we always do.  But where is the fun in that.  Tried really hard to leave Cinci at like 1, so i could be home to take care of some business, but stopped in Dayton instead.

It was a good idea though.  Got the Bomb ass Sugar Cookies from Pop’s (that would be Diamond’s Dad) repaired the break with the wife, saw my BFF, with that crazy hair, but still lookin’ like a million bucks. Didn’t even pretend to get on the road until like 4.  Then, went the wrong damn way on 675, went like 40 minutes out of my way, then had to stop and get food and gas.  By the time I got on the road like I was for real gonna go home, it was like 5pm.

Then, because I was just ass tired of listenin’ to the same music, I thought, hey, I should stop at that Sam’s Club, and buy some CD’s.  Except it was Lima, and the only CD they had was Dreamgirls, which I was supposed to burn from The Girl, but I forgot.  So I proceeded to sit in my car, and learn every damn song.  But the stop in Lima took a good 30mins, and on top fo that I was talking to Don Q, and trying to figure out if i wanted more than Dreamgirls.

Then I realized that I should have gotten the 2 disc collectors edition, because the one disc is really just like a highlight reel.  Feeeeehck, so I had to go get that one too.  You would think I had a job or something.

I bought the book I been lookin’ for for about 1 month, and Sleepers on DVD.  Happy Christmas to me!  So I am writing this blog, listening to Dreamgirls, and feeling happy for the first time in a long time.  Even though I have been stressed for like the whole weekend about finding a car.

As SOOOOOOON as I walked in the house, my phone rang.  The guy who has the car that I actually want, is gonna sell it to me, and he is going to let me pay for it the way that I want to.

So I had to leave, so that I could come back to the house in a great mood, and pick up the phone, and tell him I want the car.  So this play by play was posted to say this . . . Shoutout’s to the people that made my weekend Fuckin’ Awesome . . .

Aaron: For the fuckin’ awesome slide show, and the X-Men DVD, which I am holding hostage, until you come up here for New Years! (And for helping me get Cat Herpes too!)

Aaliyah: For just being you!

Amber: For being The Girl, GOT DAMN I LOVE YOU!

Asadi: For being the best Lil’ Brother to my Lil’ Sister, and making me laugh with your drunken revelations!

Rza: For being Feeeehckin’ Awesome, and getting your hair braided while biting a comb.

Shea: For your ever so strong faith, that got me a car.  You just had to say the words!

The Wife: For being The Wife, and keepin’ it real about what is really going on! I love you just for that, and for scammin’ the lemon cookies from Pops!

Damn, I love Ohio!

A Myriad of Shout-Outs

The Format of the Blog, it’s color coded.  Red for Bad, Blue for Good, Purple for people, and Green for a Life Lesson, hope you enjoy . . .

Shoutout to The Girl: For seeing me laying on the bed, crying like my momma had just died, and instead of pitying me, making me get off my ass and go to arts and crafts.  For being such an incredible person, a loving person, and not only the Ambassodor of the Cool New People, but the Ambassodor of Let’s Make it All okay.  People like Africa make it a better place in this world, so shout outs to you, for making an emotional breakdown not last as long as it could have . . .

Shoutouts to the Columbus Family Fun Day: For allowing me to simply be happy, and not be stressed about my life situation.  For showing me that wherever I go, I am first and foremost a teacher, and no one can take that away from me, not even me or outside people.  To the 2 lil’ white girls, who wanted to learn how to make a God’s Eye, because they saw someone doing something different at the craft table.  To being in the middle of a park, teaching something new to some kids, that hopefully will stay with them for a while . . .

Shoutouts to Aaliyah: Who refuses to back down, who lives her life the way she wants to, regardless. To having a significant other, whether you want to admit it or not.  To having that significant person care enough about you to worry, even if they don’t tell you they worry.  To love, in it’s many shapes and forms, in old pictures, and drunken almost fights, and passing out in Paris, and other random shit, to happiness.  To a love that will never die, even if we are separated for like 3 years cuz of stupid girls, you will forever be my little sister, and it will always be my right, do tell you what i think is best for you, lol. . .

Shoutouts of Aaliyah’s Mom: For the bomb ass BBQ, and some seriously good Potato Salad, and I don’t even eat Potato Salad.  To the bomb house, excuse me castle, and to forcing me to watch an O State game, even though I hate that school.  To turning on the Michigan Game, in an all O State House, so that I could see what MY team was doing.  To creating such a beautiful family, and guiding them through all the bumps and bruises of life . . .

Shoutout to Pedicures: To sitting in a chair with the whole massage pad thing on the back of it, and letting someone molest my feet for an hour.  To the ring of dirt that appeared in the water, that WAS NOT MINE.  To the ghetto ass flower on my big toes, that is still elegant at the same time.  To the lady sitting next to me and Liyah, laughing at our drunk asses talking about our lives.  To the lady fresh off the boat, that didn’t understand anything we were saying, but still laughed, because we were laughing.  To the lil girl whose mom was doing our toes, that spent all her time making fake nails out of everything, because she had nothing else to do. . .

Shoutout to Divorce: To breaking people’s hearts, and turning them into crying, whining, depressed ass people.  To turning what should have been a night of fun to a night of anger, bitterness, and too much drinking.  To making me actually buy my first pack of cigarettes, and smoke 3 of them the first night. To devestating people that I know and love, and turning them into different people, who can’t reconcile the loss, and can’t focus on the world around them and make sense of it . . .

Shoutout to Money: For being wasted on frivolous shit, instead of on things that I needed.  To spending 40 on a pedicure that made my toes pretty, and felt good, but my feet still a lil bit crusty.  To spending 50 dollars on Liquor and hair products that I didn’t even use, but at least I will have back at home.  To being the root of all evil, and a tool of the devil, that could solve all of my problems, but not ever make me happy.  To trying to think of a way to make more of it, so that I can pay my rent, and trying really hard not to have to ask people for it  . . .

Shoutout to the term Best Friend: To using it without really meaning it, and not really understanding what it truly means to some people.  To ruining a “Best Friendship” over some petty bullshit, when all we should have done was talk about it.  To being a horrible ass “Best Friend” and even when you get called on your shit, you can’t make a concentrated effort to try and make it better.  To me being over trying to fix something that broke along the way, instead of just letting it go.  To wondering if the right person is going to read this, and at least make an attempt to REALLY try to make it better . . .

Shoutout to the Word FUCK: To being able to use it and express pure emotion, to making it work in any situation, to being able to yell it in a car, and make someone listen to the words you are trying to say to them . . .

Shoutout to Fuzzy Fat Ass: For being the FOULEST smelling cat ever.  To ensuring this weekend that I will NEVER get a cat, even though I think purring is cool, becasue they cost too damn much, and are smelly when they are sick.  To getting all over the chair by the window to Paris, and making sure I would never again sit in that chair knowingly.  To making the house smell so bad that even people who had been sitting there smoking weed leave the house, because they just couldn’t take it, so they left.  To what you did to Assata (sp) in that closet, to make her think it’s okay to just fart in someone’s face . . .

Shoutout to Salt: For being young, and livin’ it up without fear.  To letting her youth show, not in a bad way, but just in the way that she is.  To having  your biggest issue be that you had to wear your work shirt to the club.  To being a worse driver than me, and almost killing us at least 3 times on a Friday night . . .

Shoutout to Timing: For always confirming that everything will happen when it’s supposed to.  Not even wanting to go out on Saturday Night, but once we got there, after having had my emotional breakdown, I was able to catch a glimpse of the TRUE Marisa Joy Williams, the one who isn’t worried about what other people think or feel.  To being able to speak freely, and flirt shamelessly, and not look at someone as a potential mate.  To finding my new Gay Boyfriend, and hoping that he comes to visit me real soon, cuz he is freaking AWESOME . . .

Shoutout to the Truth: For always being there, right in your face even when you want to ignore it.  For letting you be free, once you fully accept and appreciate it.  For just being the basis of most of my relationships, ensuring that they won’t fall apart, or wear at the seams because there is nothing pulling at the sides . . .

Shoutout to Diamond: Who didn’t leave the intervention, even though she wanted to.  To actually hearing some of the things that I said, and understanding that it wasn’t advice, it was my view of the current situation.  To giving the Best Damn Hugs EVER, even though they weren’t appreciated the way they should have been.  To knowing that things change, and people changes, but fuck anyone else that doesn’t have your best interests at heart.  To hoping that she finds her happy place, inside her self, and goes back to the Diamond of 2003, when I first met her, and I saw more smiles than tears.  To hoping that she knows that regardless of everything else that happened, will happen, or is happening right now, she will always be my wife . . .

Shout out to this long ass blog: That I think is almost finished, and thanks for sitting here and reading it for this long!

Finally, Shoutout to Running Away: For making me realize that sometimes you have to leave home, to really breakdown, so that you won’t hold certain things against a place forever.  To Liyah’s bed for accepting my tears, and allowing me to rest even for those 3 hours a night that we got sleep.  For singing in the car because that is the best way I know to bringing my true emotions to the surface.  To Crossroads by Deitrick Haddon, for allowing me to drive and cry, and sing and cry, and realize that I am at a crossroads, and God and I are the only people that can rescue me.  For showing me that walking up the stairs to my apartment is something I want to do for a while, so I need start selling shit out of my house, so I can have one in 2 weeks.

To everyone, and everything that helped me or hurt me this weekend, for making the year of 2006 the best and worse by far.  To promising myself that I am going to survive, and not giving up.  To Love, and Food, and QAF, and Team America, and everything that is going to help me make it another day, I say


P.S. It took me more than an hour to write this, how crazy!