The Format of the Blog, it’s color coded. Red for Bad, Blue for Good, Purple for people, and Green for a Life Lesson, hope you enjoy . . .
Shoutout to The Girl: For seeing me laying on the bed, crying like my momma had just died, and instead of pitying me, making me get off my ass and go to arts and crafts. For being such an incredible person, a loving person, and not only the Ambassodor of the Cool New People, but the Ambassodor of Let’s Make it All okay. People like Africa make it a better place in this world, so shout outs to you, for making an emotional breakdown not last as long as it could have . . .
Shoutouts to the Columbus Family Fun Day: For allowing me to simply be happy, and not be stressed about my life situation. For showing me that wherever I go, I am first and foremost a teacher, and no one can take that away from me, not even me or outside people. To the 2 lil’ white girls, who wanted to learn how to make a God’s Eye, because they saw someone doing something different at the craft table. To being in the middle of a park, teaching something new to some kids, that hopefully will stay with them for a while . . .
Shoutouts to Aaliyah: Who refuses to back down, who lives her life the way she wants to, regardless. To having a significant other, whether you want to admit it or not. To having that significant person care enough about you to worry, even if they don’t tell you they worry. To love, in it’s many shapes and forms, in old pictures, and drunken almost fights, and passing out in Paris, and other random shit, to happiness. To a love that will never die, even if we are separated for like 3 years cuz of stupid girls, you will forever be my little sister, and it will always be my right, do tell you what i think is best for you, lol. . .
Shoutouts of Aaliyah’s Mom: For the bomb ass BBQ, and some seriously good Potato Salad, and I don’t even eat Potato Salad. To the bomb house, excuse me castle, and to forcing me to watch an O State game, even though I hate that school. To turning on the Michigan Game, in an all O State House, so that I could see what MY team was doing. To creating such a beautiful family, and guiding them through all the bumps and bruises of life . . .
Shoutout to Pedicures: To sitting in a chair with the whole massage pad thing on the back of it, and letting someone molest my feet for an hour. To the ring of dirt that appeared in the water, that WAS NOT MINE. To the ghetto ass flower on my big toes, that is still elegant at the same time. To the lady sitting next to me and Liyah, laughing at our drunk asses talking about our lives. To the lady fresh off the boat, that didn’t understand anything we were saying, but still laughed, because we were laughing. To the lil girl whose mom was doing our toes, that spent all her time making fake nails out of everything, because she had nothing else to do. . .
Shoutout to Divorce: To breaking people’s hearts, and turning them into crying, whining, depressed ass people. To turning what should have been a night of fun to a night of anger, bitterness, and too much drinking. To making me actually buy my first pack of cigarettes, and smoke 3 of them the first night. To devestating people that I know and love, and turning them into different people, who can’t reconcile the loss, and can’t focus on the world around them and make sense of it . . .
Shoutout to Money: For being wasted on frivolous shit, instead of on things that I needed. To spending 40 on a pedicure that made my toes pretty, and felt good, but my feet still a lil bit crusty. To spending 50 dollars on Liquor and hair products that I didn’t even use, but at least I will have back at home. To being the root of all evil, and a tool of the devil, that could solve all of my problems, but not ever make me happy. To trying to think of a way to make more of it, so that I can pay my rent, and trying really hard not to have to ask people for it . . .
Shoutout to the term Best Friend: To using it without really meaning it, and not really understanding what it truly means to some people. To ruining a “Best Friendship” over some petty bullshit, when all we should have done was talk about it. To being a horrible ass “Best Friend” and even when you get called on your shit, you can’t make a concentrated effort to try and make it better. To me being over trying to fix something that broke along the way, instead of just letting it go. To wondering if the right person is going to read this, and at least make an attempt to REALLY try to make it better . . .
Shoutout to the Word FUCK: To being able to use it and express pure emotion, to making it work in any situation, to being able to yell it in a car, and make someone listen to the words you are trying to say to them . . .
Shoutout to Fuzzy Fat Ass: For being the FOULEST smelling cat ever. To ensuring this weekend that I will NEVER get a cat, even though I think purring is cool, becasue they cost too damn much, and are smelly when they are sick. To getting all over the chair by the window to Paris, and making sure I would never again sit in that chair knowingly. To making the house smell so bad that even people who had been sitting there smoking weed leave the house, because they just couldn’t take it, so they left. To what you did to Assata (sp) in that closet, to make her think it’s okay to just fart in someone’s face . . .
Shoutout to Salt: For being young, and livin’ it up without fear. To letting her youth show, not in a bad way, but just in the way that she is. To having your biggest issue be that you had to wear your work shirt to the club. To being a worse driver than me, and almost killing us at least 3 times on a Friday night . . .
Shoutout to Timing: For always confirming that everything will happen when it’s supposed to. Not even wanting to go out on Saturday Night, but once we got there, after having had my emotional breakdown, I was able to catch a glimpse of the TRUE Marisa Joy Williams, the one who isn’t worried about what other people think or feel. To being able to speak freely, and flirt shamelessly, and not look at someone as a potential mate. To finding my new Gay Boyfriend, and hoping that he comes to visit me real soon, cuz he is freaking AWESOME . . .
Shoutout to the Truth: For always being there, right in your face even when you want to ignore it. For letting you be free, once you fully accept and appreciate it. For just being the basis of most of my relationships, ensuring that they won’t fall apart, or wear at the seams because there is nothing pulling at the sides . . .
Shoutout to Diamond: Who didn’t leave the intervention, even though she wanted to. To actually hearing some of the things that I said, and understanding that it wasn’t advice, it was my view of the current situation. To giving the Best Damn Hugs EVER, even though they weren’t appreciated the way they should have been. To knowing that things change, and people changes, but fuck anyone else that doesn’t have your best interests at heart. To hoping that she finds her happy place, inside her self, and goes back to the Diamond of 2003, when I first met her, and I saw more smiles than tears. To hoping that she knows that regardless of everything else that happened, will happen, or is happening right now, she will always be my wife . . .
Shout out to this long ass blog: That I think is almost finished, and thanks for sitting here and reading it for this long!
Finally, Shoutout to Running Away: For making me realize that sometimes you have to leave home, to really breakdown, so that you won’t hold certain things against a place forever. To Liyah’s bed for accepting my tears, and allowing me to rest even for those 3 hours a night that we got sleep. For singing in the car because that is the best way I know to bringing my true emotions to the surface. To Crossroads by Deitrick Haddon, for allowing me to drive and cry, and sing and cry, and realize that I am at a crossroads, and God and I are the only people that can rescue me. For showing me that walking up the stairs to my apartment is something I want to do for a while, so I need start selling shit out of my house, so I can have one in 2 weeks.
To everyone, and everything that helped me or hurt me this weekend, for making the year of 2006 the best and worse by far. To promising myself that I am going to survive, and not giving up. To Love, and Food, and QAF, and Team America, and everything that is going to help me make it another day, I say
P.S. It took me more than an hour to write this, how crazy!