Tag Archive | Fat Kids

Feelings are NOT Facts . . .

It’s that thing when you have so much you need to say, and you can’t think of a clever way to say it.  I try to make my blogs cute and funny, but also reflective fo my current or past struggles.  Sadly, I’m in a place right now when I FEEL like anything I would have to say is going to offend or hurt someone’s feelings. This is going to be a cacophony of thoughts.  Then, I’ll try to bring it all together at the end okay.  Lets Go . . .

1) I’m Flattered But . . .

Recently, a guy from my past popped up out of nowhere.  We went to the same church when we were younger.  Due to my perpetual status as on outsider, we didn’t have much interaction.  He was cute, but he didn’t talk to me, probably because I was the awkward fat girl.  For some reason, he’s intent on convincing me that I am the one person he needs to make his life better.  Except, he’s doing it all wrong!

If you have to beg me to pay attention to you, you aren’t worth my time. Conversely, I shouldn’t be worth yours. The minute a girl says to you, I’m not ready for a relationship, believe her!  My aversion to anything that looks like a relationship aside, why are you trying so hard? And who told you the way to a woman’s heart was begging? Like, thanks for paying attention to me 20 years later . . . but no thanks.

Underneath this new – more curvy, less chunky – figure I am the SAME awkward Fat Girl from the Teen Choir.  I haven’t changed at all.  I said when I started losing weight, the men who started paying attention to me {but didn’t give me the time of day when I was at my largest} would be the first men to get told off.  Because I don’t care what kind of society we live in . . .If you didn’t like me at my ‘worst’, Fuck you Very Much at my very Best.

2) I’m In Love with Another Man . . . 

First of all, let me just say Jazmine Sullivan took my WHOLE entire existence with this song when I first heard it 3+ years ago.  But the words are ringing true to me currently. What’s crazy is, I’m not in love with a specific person.  I’m in Love with an image.  It’s the image I’ve cultivated over the last few years of what/who I’m looking to spend the rest of my life with.

I’m in Love with my Best Friend.  I don’t even know if I could be attracted to someone I didn’t trust with all my secrets FIRST.  Sexual Attraction is such a great idea….But it’s not gonna keep me warm in the middle of the night.  It’s not going to buy me Hello Kitty accessories because they saw them while they were out. I’m looking for the guy who knows my mood based soley on the Spotify Playlist playing while I’m washing dishes.

The person you should end up with, in my very humble opinion, is the person you think about when bad shit happens.  It’s the first person you call when you need to cry (more on that later).  Its the person whose face you know would make you feel safe.  In all of my relationship travels, there have been very few people that I’ve thought had the potential to be that person for me. 

Of course, my track record with falling in love with my Best Friend hasn’t gone so well in the past . . .

 3) WE, are Never Ever, Ever, Getting Back Together . . . 

In the same vein . . . I’m really tired of people telling me how I should feel about my Ex.  I’ve decided I’m allowed to hate him whenever I want to.  I am allowed to love him whenever I want to. I am allowed to miss him whenever I want to.  I want to be able to say I don’t ever want to see him again, and that be okay.  The Happy I Felt when we were together is something I should say I want again in my life.  But I don’t want that.  Ever.  Because if you have it, you can lose it.

Losing it almost broke me.  Few people I was on the verge of Suicide when I moved back to Michigan. *Well, now everyone knows I guess* I left AZ because the stress of knowing he was so close and yet so far was getting to me.  Staying in AZ gave me a false sense of hope.  I’ve learned that Hope should only apply to Barack Obama and the Dreams of Suckers. {10pts if you get this movie reference}

I don’t want to EVER see him again.  I don’t want to hear his voice, or smell him, or listen to his favorite song. I don’t even like seeing pictures of him.  Because 1st, I remember the Happy.  But IMMEDIATELY after that, I remember the Sad.  And that Sad almost took me out.

See how my thoughts don’t make any sense.  Those three things I just posted, in complete conflict with each other.  But Wait, there’s more…

4) Being Honest Is Hard

I’ve stopped telling people stuff I think might hurt their feelings.  I’ve stopped making statements that might offend ‘outsiders.’ Now, I do have a circle of friends who accept everything that comes out of my mouth.  But . . . even amongst some of my “Close” Friends, I don’t say what I think.  I think being in social work has stunted my emotional freedom.

I used to ‘react’ quickly to things that offended me.  I used to stand up for myself when I felt slighted.  I don’t do that anymore either.  That could be the result of being told my feelings don’t matter.  It could be because my feelings are never validated, because they don’t go along with the desired emotional direction of “The Team.”  But whatever has caused this emotional retardation that has made me sensitive to everyone but me, it’s time out for that shit.

  5) Stop being a Baby

I cry too fucking much.  Like, I spent a SOLID 28 years, never crying.  We are talking maybe one ugly cry a year.  Since 2010, I swear I’ve cried on average 4 times a month.  Like, I cry watching tv shows.  I cry watching movies.  I cry listening to music.  I cry during phone conversations.  What the fuck is wrong with me?

Crying is for weak people, who can’t suck it up and deal with what life hands them. This crying all the damn time thing isn’t even something I would have ever thought I would go through.  *Boy, was that Psychic Wrong*  I still handle problems and get shit done.  But it’s fucking embarrassing.  Everyone shouldn’t see my tears.  They haven’t earned the right to see me this vulnerable. I’m starting to think I should have gone to therapy once I moved back to Michigan.  I might be in a better place emotionally.

So Yeah, that’s it for now.  I doubt this makes any sense.  I don’t really think it was meant to.  But I put it all out there, so that’s something right?

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Picture it: Ohio, Summer of 2006 or . . . The Good Ole’ Days

Best Album of 2006

When this album came out, my life changed.  I don’t mean that in the metaphorical sense.  I mean my entire life changed.  I had just recently moved out of my mother’s house, and into my first apartment that wasn’t paid for my Sallie Mae.  I was living in a beautiful apartment, and I was losing a best friend.  The Summer of 2006 taught me what kind of person I should be, and who in my life was important.

The first time I heard this song I thought, “Well, that’s a new sound for Cee-Lo.” Then all of a sudden it was EVERYWHERE! Every commercial about a new product, every reality tv show, every radio station (white or black.) It was like the second of Christ for some people when they heard this song.  But the reason this album still means so much to me is the memories this song represents.  The moments where everyone told me I was being irresponsible with my time, and it didn’t seem to phase me. A time in my life where my biggest worry was working 4-9hour shifts at work so I could take half of friday off and drive to Dayton and/or Columbus.

These Two Ladies Saved My Life . . .

These Two Ladies Saved My Life . . .

I used to be (and kinda still am) the epitome of Living Paycheck To Paycheck.  I traveled every two weeks, on a Friday that’s I got paid.  I would spend about $300 in one weekend, then come back and take care of bills.  But it was worth it!  Keep in mind, this was before Facebook, (yes I’m that old) and all we had was MySpace. I wrote blogs everyday, and we sent emails during the work day to plan out our weekends of debauchery. For a while, it’s was just traveling the state of Ohio to attended various Pride events.  The real fun began during the 4th of July Weekend.

Please Notice the AMOUNT of liquor on the Entertainment Center

Please Notice the AMOUNT of 

liquor on the Entertainment Center

The Summer of 2006 is the last time I drank on a daily basis.  The amount of money we all spent on liquor and food was just . . . Thank God my Uncle was having his annual invite everyone you know BBQ.  So we ate for free that weekend . . . more $ for Liquor! When we weren’t having random photo shoots, we were walking around malls harassing strangers.  And the whole time, St. Elsewhere was playing in the background.

This is not to say there weren’t some dark times that Summer. There was that one time when this chick tried to kill herself and we had to call the cops to go find her. And in that same weekend, we all decided to get “Frivolous White Girl Tattoos.” That summer a marriage ended, and my roommate moved out leaving me alone with a $849 a month rent (because she was in love with her boyfriend). *it should be noted my former roommate is now happily married to this man*

Blogging about how much fun we were having . . .

Blogging about how much fun we were having . . .

The ups and downs of Summer 2006 are why I love thinking about that summer, because everyday brought something different. I think I wrote like 12 blogs a month.  I was in a place where everything meant something.  Every experience meant something life changing.  I was so damn EMO that Summer.  This was the first time I had to worry about money, and having enough of it.  I didn’t have my mom to borrow money from every other day. 

I <3 Cuz she cooks for me!

I ❤ Her cuz she cooks for me!

How can you hear that song and NOT want to make new friends in public.  While dressed provocatively. And slightly drunk.  I mean really. The majority of the Summer of 2006 . . . was FUN.  I mean like crying laughing type of fun.  For every tear shed in sadness, there were 1000’s shed while rolling around laughing on the floor.   It’s the summer I met The Girl, and she made me the greatest fried Chicken I’ve ever had. She is the reason (while 100% sober) I wrote this little song:

Ode to Chicken

(To the Tune of Ode To Joy)

Chicken, Chicken, It’s Delicious
Love to eat it everyday!
Chicken, Cook it, Fry It, Love It,
Chicken, eat it Everyday!

Chicken, Chicken, I love Chicken
Chicken, it’s been good to me . . .
Chicken, Chicken, Finger Lickin’
Chicken brings me Ecstasy!

You don’t know you are happy until you look back at it.  But MAN, I was so happy that summer.  I did what I wanted to do, without fear of what people would think of me.  In my mind, my actions didn’t effect anyone but me.  There was no such thing as a repercussion.  That’s the summer I learned that Love has not age limit or sexual orientation.  It’s just love. The usual end of Summer is celebrated Labor Day Weekend. And Celebrate it we did! The Blog Title for that weekend: Liquor, A Smelly Cat, 2 Bathroom Orgys, a Spanish Serenade, and  A Gay Chicken. *please click that, it’s worth the read*

I don't even remember TAKING this picture

I don’t even remember TAKING this picture

The most enduring part of Summer 2006. . . The memories I didn’t get a chance to write about, because I was having too much fun.  It’s the songs we sang at the top of our lungs while driving up & down the highway. It’s the outfits we coordinated the day after labor day, because they were all white, and we don’t give a damn about your rules.  It’s the fact that every picture we took that summer had us in the same order. It’s every mile we put on my leased car.  It’s every bottle of liquor we finished, that ended in laughter and merriment. . . And strangely, the Blog I wrote as a tribute to the people who made it so great still stands!

Shout-out to The Girl: For  making me get off my ass and go to arts and crafts.  For being such an incredible person, a loving person, and the Ambassador of Let’s Make it All okay.  People like her make it a better place in this world, so shout outs to you, for making an emotional breakdown not last as long as it could have . . .

Shout-outs to Aaliyah: Who refuses to back down, who lives her life the way she wants to, regardless. To love, in it’s many shapes and forms, in old pictures, and drunken almost fights, and passing out in Paris, and other random shit, to happiness.  To a love that will never die, even if we are separated for like 3 years cuz of stupid girls, you will forever be my little sister, and it will always be my right, do tell you what i think is best for you, lol. . .

Shou-tout to the Word FUCK: To being able to use it and express pure emotion, to making it work in any situation, to being able to yell it in a car, and make someone listen to the words you are trying to say to them . . .

Shout-out to Diamond: To giving the Best Damn Hugs EVER, even though they weren’t appreciated the way they should have been.  To knowing that things change, and people change, but fuck anyone else that doesn’t have your best interests at heart.  To hoping that she finds her happy place, inside her self, and to hoping that she knows that regardless of everything else that happened, will happen, or is happening right now, she will always be my wife . . .

When was the last time you danced?

2011 in Review: The World of @ImNotAJeaux

Last year, I created a list of quotes on my FB Page, based on things I had seen/heard/done. I obviously stole the idea from my Frat Brother Kevin, but I still did it.  This year, instead of quotes, I am going to list the Tweets that I Favorited this year. As with the quotes, no names will be posted (Unless I said It, or it was a response to a Celeb), just the tweets.  It’s up to you to guess who said it, and in what context.  Enjoy!

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Word of the year from my dad: It’s not about gettin your Dick of Coochie on.  Get yourself in order

You ever be on Wikipedia and see a dudes name and be like, “Damn I’ve seen that nigga naked?” Yeah, Me neither . . . 0_o

Listening to John Cry Baby Boenher’s Speech . . . It sounds like, “Blah blah blah, defeat the nigger.  Blah Blah Blah, kick his ass”

RT @Tyrese Food is todays crack heroin&every other drug out there. There is NO DIFFERENT when you can’t STOP YOURSELF • ur Retard is showing

If I ever go to the clink, fuck Jordans and Magazines, BTICH SEND ME SOME OLAY. With the Body Butter ribbons

Dear Airport workers. I’m fat. You have Body Scan . . . Sorry. BWHAHAHAHA

I just farted in the line at the grocery store. Old white dude standin behind me.  Gonna do it again

Her: I’ve on fuzzy socks, sweatpants, nite shirt, hoodie, throw blanket, and a comforter & I’m still cold Me: bitch, U have Herpes her: Oh ok

I’m not a whore, I just have a friendly Pussy

I was thinking of faking being a douche to trick a female into liking me. But then she’d leave once I held the door for her.

 

Kid1: Who is this singing? Me: TLC Kid2: The Learning Channel has a singing group? Me: Son of a gotdammit…just fuck

Then again . . . this is Twitter. Where I’m either preaching tot he choir or offending people

That’s because you work with nigger babies. I have Caucasian and Hispanic Children, half of them don’t understand slang

Hell, fuck a Senator. I’m just glad I’m a fat black lady. I got that “Mammy Safe Chest” thing going, it keeps me safe.

Once you go black . . . you’re a single mom.

Don’t be made at me and her.  Shoulda joined a sorority that gave u a backbone instead of feeding you neckbones -_-

Dear Koolaid, How does it feel to the official drink of an Entire Nationality.  Black People thank you. Sincerely, Me

Clearly y’all (The Zetas) need to recruit the First Lady, u know cuz she’s big on getting rid of Obesity Me:BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

The front-facing camera may well be the end of ugly chicks gettin play off their phone voice.

Waiting for the announcement of the Breezy/Bieber tour w/ Special Guests Jaden & Willow Smith….. I would buy tickets, iWould #TeamBreezy

Far East Movement: the only music group withOUT groupies cuz of the Dick Rumors

Her: u hate him why Me: He kicked her dog! No one deserves to get beat unless their name is Rihanna, but who is kicking dogs tho Her: IHateU

Him: Do we call White Jesus on the mainline, Or is that black Jesus Me: indian Jesus  answers the mainline, outsourcing

$5 on Ciara because Ms. Island crazy is all talk, but clearly got her ass beat by a dude driving a stick shift • #SheGetsMe

RiRi probably said the same shyt before Breezy rearranged her face… #imjussayin • EXACTLY. I stay tellin folk she provoked

Obviously, Rihanna can take a beating and keep on ticking so…… • You Ain’t Shit At All

RT @rihanna Ciara baby, I love u girl! U hurt my feelings real bad on TV! I’m heartbroken! That’s y I retaliated this way!• #SheAintShit

And the war of SubPar singers just got deeper….Beyonce is drinking melted gold with Gwenyth singing Fuck You with Jigga and Chris laughing

If @rihanna & @Ciara really do fight it better be in baby oil & cost $12.99 for 3 hrs. Other than that they both can STFU (it needs 2Happen)

RT @ciara Rhi u know its always been love since day 1! Apology accepted. Let’s chat in person • you dumb bitch. She was being SARCASTIC

I know we all have our issues….but twitter is NOT the place to beg your parents/Significant Others/Friends to love you. Get A Blog.

Adele is like, i’m fat & redheaded & i smoke & i wear side ponytails & bitch you will bow to my musical flawlessness • THIS

Bitches get sensitive about dumb inconsequential shit. I feel like saying, Shut Up Heaux, he just said Hi

Months? You bleed for months.. and don’t die? #WolverineTweet • Im what u call a strong heaux

RT @OMGFacts Lady Gaga wrote her new single “Born This Way” in ten minutes!. • yeah, we could tell…

I like to imagine that pretty women don’t take shits. They excrete sunshine, blueberry muffins, and good credit.

I don’t understand how Nate Dogg didn’t have money for his funeral? Holdddd up. Waiiiiiiiiiiit….

Dear Dwayne, Seriously, I just wanna lick your tattoos. Twice. And maybe call u Daddy. But that’s it. Sincerely, A Fan.

Oh. Yeah. He’s got the opposite of the jungle fever – uhh…the cul-de-sac cold? • #HeAintShyt but iLaughed..

#Random I feel like horn players probably give REALLY good head. Like good breathing control, lip and tongue control…I’m probably right

Can’t keep up w/ u & ur nicknames & acronyms, that’s like keeping up with the latest nigger words for “Dressed quite spiffy”

FOX News gone be like, “This has nothing to do with Pres Obama, he died of Kidney Failure.” – Thanks to @Luvvieig I was twitter famous for hours for this one!

I just realized I have no clue about negro “holidays”. Do we barbecue on Juneteenth? Do we get tested for Diabetes on Sweetest Day?

So Cinco de May is like Juneteenth for those spicy people, no??

Its not secret RT @ImNotAJeaux Why is LeBron almost as much of a Bitch as Kobe. Is there a secret Bitch Basketball Players club?

Shit said over the phone: I’ve had many a dick in my mouth

Men my age think their girlfriend should be a Heauxtrepreneur. A heaux in the bedroom, & an independent women everywhere else

If I point out a character flaw in u, its cuz U don’t seem 2 kno its there. I kno I’m fucked up. This is how I’m superior.

I don’t even know Ebe, but my credit score dropped 6 points just typing her name

You Bear In The Big Blue House looking, Avon makeup wearing, wet, wild and willy looking BITCH.

For all yall Captain Save a Clown Face Hoe.. Notice the person cunt punting Ebe’s hijab aint got SHIT to do with FGS..

If this is a ploy to get me to spend more money on extra sauces, yall can get the McFuck outta here wit that @McDonalds.

#Fact I predict baby Jayoncé will be born sometime between January 4th and February 4th. Also, its twins. Jayoncé and Beyen. #MarkMyWords

Floyd might be an asshole…but I wanna lick his teeth tho. They so pretty.

Don’t judge me. His teeth look like they taste like Wintergreen and Wealth.

Ray J will get arrested on a weapons charge within 3 months….favorite this

Me: Oral sex in moving vehicle is the reason our economy has collapsed Him: ?? Me: Cuz the need to have that happen on a regular basis is why white men got greedy.

Her: Clearly you’re smarter than the average….Zeta. Me: You could have said Bear, as those words are synonymous Her & Me: BWHAHAHAHAHAHA

Fat girls be having such pretty faces and awesome personalities• u forgot huge boobs and well lubricated vaginas

that’s right, you speak Oklahoma Negro. Lemme try again: gunshot, tornado, tumbleweed rustle, gunshot, icebox, intolerance.

Otis is SUCH a bitch Made NIGGA. LIKE REALLY THE BIGGEST BITCH EVER. YES. YOU, ARE A BITCH. SERIOUSLY. A BITCH.

You better get you a jaded older woman with a career, at least 4 digits before the decimal point each check, and a high libido.

Justin Beiber is 2 years away from neck tattoos, domestic abuse, and possession charges…favorite this tweet

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Yes, that was My Year, in Tweets.  The Introspective Blog is coming . . . I Just Needed a Laugh for right now!

But I Loves Me a Big Girl Tho . . .

Okay, now we know that I have talked, at great length, about the problems that have plagued me in the dating world as a Big Girl.  I’ve discussed everything from Obesity being a Scary Word, to being told by several people that i need to Lower My Expectations because I’m fat. Please read those two blogs for background information if you need to.  For now,

Let’s discuss my complete and utter hatred for the phrase:

I Love Me a Big Girl

1) I know I’m considered a Big Girl. I embrace my Big Girl Status.  In 2011, with every Big Girl under the sun deciding that Fat is Ugly and losing weight, I kinda pride myself in being one of the last Big Girl’s standing.  Take Note, I in no way promote Morbid Obesity, but everyone wasn’t meant to be skinny.  We all know someone who used to be a Big Girl, lost all the weight, and just isn’t quite right.  Like that Lutha’ Curl Cedric the Entertainer was talking about, they just can’t quite get it together.  I don’t hate myself, I don’t hate being Fat. I don’t hate being considered Obese.  I hate that it’s the only thing you see about me.

2) As per my “Save a Horse – Ride a Big Girl” blog, I know that we are sexier than most women.  I know the sex is phenomenal, life changing even.  I know that some dudes only date Big Girls, because they know the sex is the shyt.  I don’t care.  You do what the hell you feel you need to do.  But how dare you come at me like, “The only reason you matter is because you are a Big Girl.” I’m trying to figure out exactly where the Big Girls are that fall for this, because all the ones that I know would probably punch a dude in the face if he even alluded that was the reason he was talking to her.

3) I’d love for a dude to walk up to a Skinny Bitch, and be like “Got damn girl, I love me a heaux that don’t eat food.” Or for a girl to walk up to a dude and be like, ” You walk with the Big Dick Swagger, I’m trying to holla at you.” It doesn’t matter that you’re thinking it.  It matters that you can’t keep that shit to yourself.  I know that I appeal to a certain type.  Every dude isn’t going to look at me, and be like I’m trying to hump.  But really, is that supposed to make me like you MORE? I often question men that are so quick to say they are attracted to Big Girls, because of the WAY they say it.  They say with an expectation, like I am just going to fall in love with them because they take pity on my fatness.  I could be wrong, but I honestly don’t think I am.  I have been fat for the majority of my life, some shit you just figure out.

4) Also, don’t dudes lie anymore?!?!  Like don’t you wanna pretend that you are trying to do something other than hump.  Or have we, as women, been asking for so much honesty in everything else that a man thinks it’s okay to approach you and tell you, “I’m looking for a Cutty Buddy.” Did you think that because I’m Fat, I would be okay with that?  Like oh, a man is paying attention to me.  That’s more than I usually get, so I am going to jump at this opportunity.  I just . . .

5) Gotdammit, Fat Girls everywhere, stop falling for the okey-doke.  You are more than just the fat rolls and overly lubricated Vagina.  That fat is a part of you, not the whole of you.  Stop letting these men use that as the way they describe you. “This is my Big Girl *insert name here*. She is cute for a Big Girl ain’t she.” No Mu’Fucka, I’m cute got dammit.  I’m not cute for a fat girl!

6) Are there some things we probably all want/need to chage about ourselves? Yes.

But that doesn’t mean that you need to go from a size 24, to a size two.  I can tell you right now, I will NEVER see a single digit size.  Not because I don’t think it’s possible, but because I don’t want to be that small.

Am I going to go back to the gym, and meet with the really sexy Mexican trainer that was my motivation to go to the gym? Yes.

But I’m not there to suddently have a happy life because I’m not fat anymore.

Skinny only Equals Happiness for Rich White People.

I will never be that.  When I tell you I am so pissed off.  Not even so much that men think it’s okay to say things like that.  It’s moreso that we, as Big Girls, Skinny Girls, Tall Girls, Short Girls, Black girls, White Girls, Crippled Girls, Deaf Girls, Slutty Girls have allowed these labels to continue to define us.   I know that looks matter, and so does physical attraction, but . . .

That’s. Not. All.

I couldn’t even make the effort to try to explain to this 25-year-old Man, who came from Philly, to live with his mother, who met me as I was getting out of my CAR, while he was standing at a gas station looking like a bum, and talked to me about me going to WORK at 7 in the morning, WHY I was insulted.

I REFUSE to take what the hell is handed to me.  I am not going to drink the “Fat Girl” Koolaid……

….and neither The FUCK should you!

Your Thoughts?

Save a Horse – Ride a Big Girl

*For the Purposes of this Blog, the term Big Girl refers to any female who wears Size 14 and Above.  Her thighs touch, she might have a stretch mark or two, but she is still DAMN SEXY.*


Let keep it real folks.  Big Girls get a bad rep. We are portrayed in the Media as either Loud and Boisterous (Mo’Nique) Stern and Motherly (Ester Rolle) or as a Judge (Every Version of Law and Order). It’s about time a Big Girl kept it real about why we are the best girlfriend you’ve never had.  This isn’t going to be a me pleading our case, instead, I am just gonna tell you what you need to know about the Big Girls of the World. Some folks may not agree with me, and that’s fine.  But as a Big Girl, I get to say this with Pride . . . Big Girls Rule!


Fact: Big doesn’t Mean Ugly.

Just because we actually have meat on our bones doesn’t mean we aren’t attractive.  You can be beautiful at any size, regradless of what society says.  There is a common misconception that just because you might be fat, means you are also dirty.  We shower.  We bathe. We probably take better care of ourselves than that skinny chick you’re dating.  We have just as much sexy clothing as the next girl, ours just looks better.  Tell me men, does a halter top look better on 32 B’s or on 40 DD’s. Keep  in mind, there are some big girls that think just because Lane Bryant or Torrid sells it, they should own it. {We aren’t talking about the musty Big Girl at the club.}

Fact: Most Big Girls Have a Job

We have needs.  Our clothes cost more than the scraps of clothing that Becky wears, so we work to get what we need.  Because we have to deal with the knowledge that people aren’t going to automatically choose to cater to us, we have to hone our skill set.  We are probably on the fast rack to advance in our career, because we handle our business.  Big/Fat doesn’t mean lazy.  We probably don’t need you to pay for anything {Hair, Nails, etc.} because when you met us, it was already taken care of. Plus, we know how to cook.  HELLO!!!!!! The Big Girl you meet that doesn’t know how to cook a full course meal is a failure. At Life, At Fatness, and at relationships.

Fact: Some Big Girls don’t have Self-Esteem Issues

We know we have it together.  We don’t need you to tell us how important we are to you every other minute.  We Like Us. We aren’t fragile creatures who will break at the littlest things.  Matter of Fact, it takes alot to get us to that point.  {For those of us who have been Big the majority of our lives, you really can’t come with anything that we haven’t already had to deal with.} Our self-confidence often borders on arrogance.  In our minds, I am just as great as anyone else, and if you have an issue with it, you can just move the F*ck on.

Fact: Your Heat Bill will Go Down

Stop Laughing! Seriously, Big Girls love to Cuddle! You have your own Electric Blanket! It’s like a human Snuggie.  Real Talk, some Big Girls just exude heat, you don’t even have to be that close to us.  We just wanna sit on the couch and hang out.  We don’t have to put our head in your lap.  Honestly, it would probably be more comfortable if you put your head in our lap. Plus, it’s gonna be rare that you accidentally get poked in the side by a bony elbow or knee. Lay your head on my pillows . . . and just relax, relax, relax . . .

Fact: The Sex is Better

If you take nothing else from this blog, understand this. Sex is Better with a Big Girl.  There are many reasons this is true, but lets just focus on three major points.

1) Flexibility: We are more flexibile, and less likely to be injured during the act.  “More Cushion for the Pushing,” it ain’t just a saying.  I’m not just saying this from personal experience, I have many male friends who are dating/engaged to/married to Big Girls, and they all say the same thing, “Best Sex I’ve Ever Had.”

2) Oral Skill: I’m gonna try to not be vulgar on this one.  But think about it logically.  It’s safe to say, your average Big Girl has a well developed sense of taste.  As the mouth is the most sensitive area on the body, we get pleasure from placing things inside of it, right? So doesn’t it stand to reason that anything placed inside our mouth would gain as much pleasure as we would gain from putting it inside there? #ImJustSayin

3) Sex Drive: Stamina and Frequency. We require both.  I’m willing to bet you will get tired before a Big Girl will.  Again, this is not based on my opinion, but on conversations with numerous people.  Skinny chicks will start to complain about their Pelvic Bones hurting, and they think they pulled a muscle when you slammed them up against the wall . . . Big Girls say, “Is That It?”

I didnt write this blog to boost my already enormous ego. Nor did I write so that some man would magically fall in love with me. I wrote it because I’m real tired of Big Girls getting the short end of the stick. Everybody needs love, and if the only reason you wont talk to the Big Girl in your office is because you arent sure what your boy is going to say about it, Grow The F*ck Up.

When you call to ask his advice, he wont pick up. The Big Girl he met at the club this weekend just made some Ox Tails and Pinto Beans and is giving him the bomb ass….

………………………………..He’ll Call You Later

RNS (c)AK Vol. 16 – No Seriously, I Am Better Than You….

*Author’s Note: I wrote this entire blog by hand today, during the world’s worst training.  It was the only thing that kept me awake*

When D. Hayes {http://redgumbo.wordpress.com} and I originally created this phrase, it was a tool to adequately describe how we looked at the outside world.  We had both come to the conclusion that we had to be doing something right.  But how did we know how to be on top, and certain folks just weren’t getting it.  When we first started using the phrase, some people took it as a joke.  Many people took it to mean that we were bragging about ourselves.  However, IMO, the phrase is self explanatory.  You should take it literally.  I am, in all honesty, Better Than You.

Nine Times out of Ten, I am going to be Smarter, Classier, and More Accomplished than you.  I have done more in 28 years, than some people will accomplish in their entire life.  The intended purpose of this blog is not to brag about my greatness, but instead to inspire you to step your game up.  Because the MINUTE you are Better than Me, – I WILL take it to the next level – and again be able to say, I am Better than You.

Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better

As I continue to evolve as a woman, the people who I surround myself with will change.  People come in and out of your life for a reason.  But the core of these people, the thing that makes me want to know more about them is going to stay the same. We Know Who We Are.  We are confident in the path that we are taking.  Our time is spent heading toward some kind of goal.  This is not to say that we won’t falter, or lose our way occasionally.  But you can be assured that we will find our way back to where we’re supposed to be, and continue to make you feel like you should step your game up.

The problem with having this often internal confidence is that you might encounter a “Poser.”  One who knows what to say, because they have spent time observing you and your counterparts.  They can talk to the talk, but when it comes down to it, they utterly fail at walking the walk.

IF one lives by the “I Am Better Than You” Credo:

  1. Said person doesn’t have to damage the life/reputation of another, because THEIR life/reputation speaks for itself.
  2. Said person’s popularity is not based on a group of people and how they relate to the outside world.
  3. Said person’s popularity is not based on the favors/information/gifts they give/receive to/from others.

So Remember . . . Before You Use the Phrase .  .  .  . Live The Phrase

I’m Not Perfect, But I’m Still Better Than You

My Life has been pretty much an open book since I discovered MySpace. I blogged about everything that happened, and even things that didn’t.  I don’t have a problem admitting my flaws.  I really don’t care what you think about what I do.  But even in my imperfection, I’m Pretty Fucking Awesome.  With every failure I have learned, and grown, and become better.

I don’t always make the right decisions, but when I DO make the right decision, it’s a beautiful thing.  Even when I make the wrong decision, I come out on top.  Why? Because I Am Better than You.  I don’t let one failure take me out.  If I can turn that failure into a win, I will.  If I have to take one to the chin, I will.

The difference between Me and You . . . .  Motivation.

My Motivation, the reason that I wake up in the morning, is to be Better than You.  Your motivation is to be the prettiest, the most popular, well loved, richest person in the world. WHY?!?! If you have all that, but there is someone better than you, you still ain’t shit.  I’m Just Sayin . . . .

Yes, I am the Bigger Person . . . and that makes me Better Than You

We can use that term literally if you would like.  I’m bigger than you, I could suffocate you with my left boob Paula.  {The Girls are named Paula and Dean – as they provide hours of enjoyment, and could feed the world 🙂 } But beyond that, I have a tad bit more Couth than You.  For my FB Old Heads, you already know that FGS Summer ’07 is often imitated, but will never be duplicated.  We were a rare breed.  Assholes with a heart.  Yes, we would talk all about you on FB, on the walls, in notes, in status messages but with the exception of that BMN Otis, it never got personal.

People are on that newness in 2010.  The Skype Mafia is running around all willy nilly.  Watching the Tweets, and talking to people who can’t even see them.  What makes it even more interesting, is that the Soldier who was asked to put out the hit doesn’t even know why the beef exists anyway.  Because I am the Bigger Person, I haven’t opened my mouth. But keep playing with me, and Imma go straight Elliot Ness on all of yall . . . .

Even though My Life didn’t start out  Better than Yours . . .

I Can Still Be Better Than You

IMO, I had a rough childhood.  According to GID, my childhood was a cake-walk.  You can only aspire to what you are exposed to.  So, I might not know who Bach is, or be able to send Bill Gates an email when I feel like it, but I will figure out a way to.  The Mindset of  “I Am Better Than You” teaches us that even if I didn’t come from your world, that doesn’t mean I don’t belong there.

Judge not my past, instead observe my present and prepare yourself for my future. I might just be using you as a stepping stone. “Any idiot can string together words from the dictionary and sound intelligent,” it’s those that can define those words and then apply them to their life that make a difference.

You might think all of this is Bull.  You might think I am saying this to cover up for some insecurities I have about my life, and the path I have taken.  You are free to make whatever assumption you would like.  But while you are discussing my deep-seated issues, I’m figuring out how to tangibly prove, I Am Better Than You.

Words and Sounds Of My Life Vol VIII: Out My Mind/Green Eyes/Bag Lady

Out My Mind

 

[Youtube=https://youtu.be/78-E1NnGxQo]
 
I’m a Recovering Undercover Over-Lover,
Recovering from a Love I can’t Get Over
Recovering Undercover Over-Lover
and Now my Come-Along Lover thinks he wants another . . .
 
 
 
 
 
And I’d Lie for you,  and Cry for You,
Pop for You and Break for You and Hate for You
and I’ll  Hate You Too . . . If you Want Me To . . . If You Want Me To. . .
 
 
 
 
 
Yes, I’d Pray for you, Crochet for You, Make it From Scratch for You,
Leave off the Latch for You, Go to the Store for You,
 
Do it Some More for You, Do What You Want Me To,
 
Yes I’m a fool for you . . .

Loving someone that desperately either takes something away from you, or it adds so much baggage to your soul it’s hard to break free.  Just admitting you love someone that much is enough, but when you begin to take stock of all the things you have done, or are willing to do with/for that love, it’s downright scary.  It’s often times a drug, loving like that.  You walk around, dope sick.  Feenin’ for the moment when he/she tells you they feel the same way.  It’s the greatest high you have ever experienced.  But Ooooooooh, when the Love Turns to Hate . . . .

Green Eyes:

 

[Youtube=https://youtu.be/3EnO9erUo2M]
 
Want to run to me when you’re down and low
But times get tough and there you go
Out the door, you wanna run again
Open my arms and you’ll come back in
Wanna run cause you say your afraid, afraidNever knew what a friendship was
Never knew how to really love
You can’t be what I need you to
And I don’t know why i fuck with you

Whoever E. Badu was talking to in this song, they would have to be stupid as hell  not to  understand what she was talking about.  The internal struggle – To Love or Not to Love – is enough to drive a sane person crazy.  But if you start out already messed up, it makes it even harder . . . To reconcile your love for a person, with the utter disgust you feel for them because of their actions.

Having fallen in and out of love with the same person for 10 years, when I first heard this song, I couldn’t face that the above verse was my Truth.  But like my Pal Ricky “Oops Imma HeauxMeaux” Martin, it’s time to let my truth out.  I held on to the past for FAR to long, hoping that he would come to his senses, and realize how much we were meant for each other.  Grasping at straws, when in truth, He Couldn’t Be What I needed Him  to Be For ME.

When I then became ashamed of my love for him, my blatantly unrequited love for him, the baggage just got heavier.  Fear, added to self-hatred, double bagged with sadness and despair, the baggage just multiplied exponentially.  The ONLY thing that saved me from being smothered by my baggage, was looking over at him.  The realization that he was living life baggage free PISSED ME OFF. Why am I carrying all this weight, and this n*gga right here is happy and carefree? . . . . FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGG THAT! I’m letting this sh*t go . . .

Bag Lady

Bag Lady you Gone Miss Yo Bus
You can’t hurry up . . . Cause you got too much stuff
When they see you comin . . . . Niggas take off runnin
From you it’s true oh yes they do

When this song first came out in 2000, I SO didn’t get it.  Thought to myself, why the hell she make a song about homeless women, they don’t have radios! How they gon’ hear it? I know, I’m slow, but still.  You don’t understand a song, until you are supposed to.  I can honestly say, I have been a Bag Lady most of my life.  I got a Daddy Issues Bag, and a Fat Girl Bag, and a 26 Year Old Virgin Bag, and many more than I want to admit I still carry.

I missed out on A LOT of things, because I was so worried about taking my baggage with me.  Relationships, job opportunities, you name it, I’ve passed it up for the comfort of all my baggage.  But once I had that, “You Can’t Deal with it All,” moment, I started dropping baggage so quick.  I’m sure a few people were injured in the drop, because some people in my life were baggage too.

I guess nobody ever told you
All you must hold on to
Is you, is you, is you

I tell my niece all the time, at the end of the day ALL YOU HAVE IS YOU.  When no one else is trying to help you save you, you need to be there for you.  If you are going to live in this world, full of selfish people, you have to be selfish as well.  Think about yourself, first.  It’s okay to do that, you can’t save anyone, if you haven’t already saved yourself.


Betcha’ Love Will Make It Better . . .