Tag Archive | #Growth

No More Mediocre 

I’m tired of mediocre people. I’m tired of mediocre people in power. I’m tired of mediocre people with power and privilege. I’m tired of mediocre people with power and privilege having any sort of say in the everyday workings of my life. 
I’ve spent most of my adulthood, being forced to deal with mediocre people in positions of power. There was a time when I didn’t really care. But it seems that since around January 20th, 2009…this shit has really come to the forefront. My contemporaries elected the first black President, and folks lost their gotdamn minds. 

The people who voted for the Only President I will ever claim, all of a sudden felt all their years of benefiting from their privilege no longer mattered. They felt they should be rewarded for their charity, and race should no longer be a part of any dialogue. 
You shouldn’t be rewarded. No one is going to clap for you. No one cares about your political act of charity. The movie Get Out just solidified some things I’ve been thinking out for the past year. I’m tired of mediocre people in positions of power (both minute and great) demanding respect they haven’t earned. 

I don’t have to respect, like, or care about you (or your feelings) just because you are a liberal (white) woman. I have the right to deny you that respect. Because, my people are free. I am notafraid of you, and in truth never have been. Because you didn’t earn your power, it was handed to you. 
The anger that comes, from knowing I’m better than people and yet I’m not afforded the same access and privilege they are. Some of this I can’t control….but there is a reason I have a therapist. Cuz sometimes that anger can be overwhelming. The difference between them and me…my knowing I’m better than you doesn’t make me address you differently. 

I don’t want your power. I don’t even want your privilege (I mean the good credit yes, but other than that….) I’m good.  
Being black is beautiful. It’s a blessing. At 35 I can say that and understand that phrase. There is nothing better in this world than an intelligent black American woman. Because we have carried the burdens of this country since it’s inception. 

The difference between “Us and Them”, we don’t want your power or your privleges. We just want to be able to create our own, without you trying to take it and make it yours. 

I don’t want your job. I know I can do your job better than you can. So do you, and that’s why you hate me.  I’m starting to believe that it’s some times in the very nature of mediocre people, to ruin any semblance of greatness. LET ME BE GREAT! My greatness doesn’t block your shine…its not meant to. 

I’m great at everything. This country created me to be a jack of all trades. I have to master everything, because survival is key. That’s why I can adapt to everything, because genetically I’m here because my ancestors did the same thing. The strong and resilient ones were the ones that lived. They killed the rest of them. 


I’m so tired of having to dim my light to make mediocre people feel comfortable. I’m so tired of code switching to keep my attitude in check. I’m so fucking tired of being told to stay in my place, because some sensitive ass mediocre bitch is sensitive and feels challenged. 
Wanna know why everyone likes me, cuz I’m honest. I know exactly who and what I am. When I say to them, “We dont judge,” its not empty words. I actually mean that shit. People gravitate towards truth, and those who try to destory it will never win. 

Call this a manifesto of sorts, if you will. My light is finna blind (but not block) these mediocre ass people. 

I am Amazing. I am Beautiful, I am a Genius, and I am indeed Better Than You. This is my truth. I’m living in it. 

Sorry, Not Sorry.

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Awaken My Love…

I had two goals for this trip home. To see the people who matter to me, and get all the food I’m about to give up for the rest of my life. The latter isn’t working out all that well. But this blog is really about the former goal. 

I’ve stated since college, that I created my own family.  I’ve picked and chosen who I was going to rely on and trust.  I’ve actually been doing it since high school though.

My freshman year of high school, I met my best friend. Our relationship has been through so many things, sometimes I’m in awe that we’ve made it this far. But during this trip home I realized she’s my sister. We don’t even have to talk to have a whole conversation. We became a Triad our sophomore when I introduced her to a friend from biology class. From that point on, there is no picture that I could find that isn’t the 3 of us. 

We were always together, even after I changed schools. We did everything together. I was a triplet for about 6 years.  As friendships do, folks starting fighting over dumb shit (read: boys, drugs, and money) and I was the friend in the middle for a while.  Then I was the friend alone. We made up, in some shapes and forms after college, but that closeness from high school seemed to be unattainable.

In college, Zeta brought me my brothers, and another 2 sisters. They looked out for me, even when I didn’t know they were. Even though some of us didn’t develop our relationships fully until 7 years ago, the foundation started there. It’s hard to meet people, and instantly connect. Let alone if that connection stays through kids, heartbreak, marriages, and location changes. 

This trip, I got to finally introduce my high school best friend to some of the other people who make up my core. And it brought me so much Joy. Cuz she gets it now.  Why these people matter so much to me. Why I am who I am now, because of these relationships. 

In October, I sat down with the other triplet and just talked it out.  It wasn’t pretty but it was necessary. Because we let something small become something huge that changed our lives forever.  This trip, the 3 of us went to lunch. 4 hours went by so fast! It was like old times, a conversational ebb and flow that I’d forgotten could exist. 

I’m so glad we did that. I don’t know where it’s going to go, but I know that friendship isn’t stuck in the past anymore. We are grown ass women, which grown ass lives, who can still make each other laugh, cry, and think. I had missed that so much more than I probably wanted to admit to myself.

In the past, I refused to mix friend factions. Everyone had to stay in their proper lane, no merging.  I can totally understand why I did that, because I wasn’t secure in those friendships. I had yet to realize that I mattered to them as much as they mattered to me. But now…I want them all together all the time!

This trip for me has firmly solidified for me why my core group of people are so important to me. It’s also shown me, that if thrown in a room together they would probably all love each other. The mix of personalities and humors and world views would always lead to good conversations and adventures. To road trips, and girls weekends, and grown ass sleepovers. 

Cuz it’s all love. I can bask in being the hub for all this love, being the person who could bring them all together, and not be worried that I might lose them to each other.  I think they all kind of like me at this point 😀. 

Dear 2015 . . . Thank You!

Happy New Year!!! Before I can talk about 2016, I want to write a love letter to 2015, as she treated me exceptionally well. So here goes . . .

Dear 2015,

Ino-one-said-a-relationship-would-be-easy-quote-1 started my year laying in bed with someone I thought I loved.  I was looking forward to exploring that relationship, and seeing where it would take me.  I ended this year in a bed in a hotel room, sleeping.  I consider that progress. BTB, as he was referred to via text, was a great person, who just wasn’t the greatest person for me.  Thank you, 2015, for teaching me what I really need from a relationship.

11226a69ba8bcfcff240192ffe7267dfSpeaking of relationship needs, 2015, thank you for giving me closure with MM.  Thank you for allowing Adele to create Hello, which gave me the in to make the phone call. Thank you for the tears, the dropping of all my walls for the first time in 4 years, and understanding I’ll never get over the loss of him, and finally being okay with it.  Thank you for helping me to finally be adult enough to deal with him, and understanding me not being in his life, is HIS loss, and no longer mine.

12068774_10156193040040613_5727737327877461904_oAlso, 2015, thank you for all the travel I’ve been blessed enough to have this year.  Thank you that most of it has been not at my expense.  Thank you that I’ve been blessed enough to explore new places, and experience new food, and open myself to new people.  Thank you for the single serving friends I made while stranded in the Dallas airport, who stayed awake with me and shared their lives for that brief 16 hour clusterfuck.  Thank you for Seattle, and Tiffany.  Thank you my trip back to Detroit, and the $1300 in Travel Vouchers I earned by simply taking a later flight.

11890334_10156032907620613_7158217206638298298_oThank you, 2015, for finally finding my career.  For showing me, almost every day, that I CAN make a difference in the life of a child in more than one way. Thank you for combining my greatest life skill, Stalking People on the Internet, with my passion for helping children and making them work.  Thank you for giving me jobs which provided me with the autonomy I’ve always needed to succeed when working for others

11058219_10156449265155613_4546870432011955837_oThank you, 2015, for my God-Children, and all the children I’ve ever taught or worked with, who still remember me and are a part of my life.  Thank you for my Parents, with all their eccentricities.  Thank you that they are still alive, and well, and a part of my everyday life.  Thank you for the blessing of being able to call them when I need them, but also being able to call them without needing a thing.  Thank you for my family, immediate and extended, in all shapes, colors, ethnicities, and ages.  Thank you for the family I’ve created, and the family God gave me.  We are a work in progress.

dca470a731a288455632a65bf85058b1Lastly, but most importantly 2015, thank you for my Friends.  Thank you for reminding me who they are, and who they were, and that they love me.  Thank you for giving me the opportunity to see 85% of them while I was in Detroit/Dayton/Cincinatti, and spend quality time with them.  Thank you for the astonishing realization that all of us are ADULTS, who make adult decisions every day, and are happy in our lives.  Thank you for helping us to navigate life together, and sometimes apart, and still be able to look each other in the eye with pride.

Thank You 2015, even for the earth shattering losses of this year.  Thank you for all the tears, and fears, and self-doubt, and bad times.  Because I’ve grown so much more than I even knew until recently. Thank you for Everything, 2015. You’ve definitely made me a a better person.

Sincerely,

Mz. Joy