Tag Archive | I Like Me

Save a Horse – Ride a Big Girl

*For the Purposes of this Blog, the term Big Girl refers to any female who wears Size 14 and Above.  Her thighs touch, she might have a stretch mark or two, but she is still DAMN SEXY.*


Let keep it real folks.  Big Girls get a bad rep. We are portrayed in the Media as either Loud and Boisterous (Mo’Nique) Stern and Motherly (Ester Rolle) or as a Judge (Every Version of Law and Order). It’s about time a Big Girl kept it real about why we are the best girlfriend you’ve never had.  This isn’t going to be a me pleading our case, instead, I am just gonna tell you what you need to know about the Big Girls of the World. Some folks may not agree with me, and that’s fine.  But as a Big Girl, I get to say this with Pride . . . Big Girls Rule!


Fact: Big doesn’t Mean Ugly.

Just because we actually have meat on our bones doesn’t mean we aren’t attractive.  You can be beautiful at any size, regradless of what society says.  There is a common misconception that just because you might be fat, means you are also dirty.  We shower.  We bathe. We probably take better care of ourselves than that skinny chick you’re dating.  We have just as much sexy clothing as the next girl, ours just looks better.  Tell me men, does a halter top look better on 32 B’s or on 40 DD’s. Keep  in mind, there are some big girls that think just because Lane Bryant or Torrid sells it, they should own it. {We aren’t talking about the musty Big Girl at the club.}

Fact: Most Big Girls Have a Job

We have needs.  Our clothes cost more than the scraps of clothing that Becky wears, so we work to get what we need.  Because we have to deal with the knowledge that people aren’t going to automatically choose to cater to us, we have to hone our skill set.  We are probably on the fast rack to advance in our career, because we handle our business.  Big/Fat doesn’t mean lazy.  We probably don’t need you to pay for anything {Hair, Nails, etc.} because when you met us, it was already taken care of. Plus, we know how to cook.  HELLO!!!!!! The Big Girl you meet that doesn’t know how to cook a full course meal is a failure. At Life, At Fatness, and at relationships.

Fact: Some Big Girls don’t have Self-Esteem Issues

We know we have it together.  We don’t need you to tell us how important we are to you every other minute.  We Like Us. We aren’t fragile creatures who will break at the littlest things.  Matter of Fact, it takes alot to get us to that point.  {For those of us who have been Big the majority of our lives, you really can’t come with anything that we haven’t already had to deal with.} Our self-confidence often borders on arrogance.  In our minds, I am just as great as anyone else, and if you have an issue with it, you can just move the F*ck on.

Fact: Your Heat Bill will Go Down

Stop Laughing! Seriously, Big Girls love to Cuddle! You have your own Electric Blanket! It’s like a human Snuggie.  Real Talk, some Big Girls just exude heat, you don’t even have to be that close to us.  We just wanna sit on the couch and hang out.  We don’t have to put our head in your lap.  Honestly, it would probably be more comfortable if you put your head in our lap. Plus, it’s gonna be rare that you accidentally get poked in the side by a bony elbow or knee. Lay your head on my pillows . . . and just relax, relax, relax . . .

Fact: The Sex is Better

If you take nothing else from this blog, understand this. Sex is Better with a Big Girl.  There are many reasons this is true, but lets just focus on three major points.

1) Flexibility: We are more flexibile, and less likely to be injured during the act.  “More Cushion for the Pushing,” it ain’t just a saying.  I’m not just saying this from personal experience, I have many male friends who are dating/engaged to/married to Big Girls, and they all say the same thing, “Best Sex I’ve Ever Had.”

2) Oral Skill: I’m gonna try to not be vulgar on this one.  But think about it logically.  It’s safe to say, your average Big Girl has a well developed sense of taste.  As the mouth is the most sensitive area on the body, we get pleasure from placing things inside of it, right? So doesn’t it stand to reason that anything placed inside our mouth would gain as much pleasure as we would gain from putting it inside there? #ImJustSayin

3) Sex Drive: Stamina and Frequency. We require both.  I’m willing to bet you will get tired before a Big Girl will.  Again, this is not based on my opinion, but on conversations with numerous people.  Skinny chicks will start to complain about their Pelvic Bones hurting, and they think they pulled a muscle when you slammed them up against the wall . . . Big Girls say, “Is That It?”

I didnt write this blog to boost my already enormous ego. Nor did I write so that some man would magically fall in love with me. I wrote it because I’m real tired of Big Girls getting the short end of the stick. Everybody needs love, and if the only reason you wont talk to the Big Girl in your office is because you arent sure what your boy is going to say about it, Grow The F*ck Up.

When you call to ask his advice, he wont pick up. The Big Girl he met at the club this weekend just made some Ox Tails and Pinto Beans and is giving him the bomb ass….

………………………………..He’ll Call You Later

RNS (c) AK – Vol 15: I’m Not That One

Key Phrase: I’m Not The One

Meaning: I am Not the One to put up with Your Shullbit

This isn’t going to be a nice blog.  You should know that now.  So when you are surprised at my wording, and the way I express myself in this blog vs. everything else I have written this year, let that isht go.  Because Today, I’m not trying to subtly motivate you.  I am trying to beat you over the head with COMMON DAMN SENSE.

Fact: I am a College Graduate

You Should Be Too.  But it’s okay if you aren’t.  Everyone’s situation is different.  Sometimes, you can’t control how the cards fall financially, or based on your family.  But have you made any kind of effort to further your education? Have you taken a Community College course, hit up University of Phoenix Online, taken a cooking class? READ A BOOK?  Read a Pamphlet? Have you done anything to educate yourself after high school? Better yet, do you want to?  If we can’t hold a conversation without me having to explain every other word I type/say/text, we can’t be together.

I’m not judging you, I’m Just Not That One.

I can’t dumb myself down for you.  I enjoy conversation about current events.  This doesn’t require you to read the Wall Street Journal (hell I don’t even read that) but can you watch The Daily Show? The Colbert Report? CNN.com? Twitter? TMZ? I can’t try to make you understand simple concepts while we talk, I do that with the 4 year olds I teach everyday. #dobetter

Fact: Birds of a Feather Flock Together

What are the life goals of the people around you? What do they want to be when they grow up? Where do they see themselves in 3 years? In the same apartment, with the same female he won’t call wife/wifey? At the same job? Doing the same illegal activities? Is that okay with you? You are the dumbest smart person I have ever met.  It’s not that hard to just move the ufck on! You consistenly complain about how ignorant the people are around you, and yet you STAY around them.  So what does that say about you?

I’m not Judging You, I’m Just Not That One.

Never be complacent in a situation.  I’m not sure if it’s fear of success or fear of failure -but at 25+ you HAVE to be afraid of something to not have moved on.  If the people around don’t have the same mindset you have, they will start to rub off on you.  You used to want to get out the hood, now you like the hood mentality.  Why? Is it because it allows you to be the Big Fish in the Minuscule Pond.  Eventually, those little fish are going to attack you, and eat you, then where will you be? Dead.

Fact: You Don’t Love Him Anymore

You met the love of your live (or so you thought) at 18.  You did everything you could to be with him, and you got him.  Then you found out he wasn’t everything you wanted him to be. He didn’t love you like he said, he wasn’t who he presented himself to be, he’s a liar.  But you’re still with him? Why? You Don’t Love Him Anymore. You know he doesn’t love you. But you continue to let him back into your life.  Maybe you love the image you had in your head, not him.

I’m Not Judging You, I’m Just Not That One

If he don’t want you, he doesn’t.  The pain of rejection is so much less than the day to day pain of being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t love you.  It will take you so much less time to get over him if YOU DO IT. Because him breaking up with you is going to hurt you more.  Rip off the Bandaid, Let That NWord GO!

Fact: I’m Fat

I know it.  You know it when you see me.  But that doesn’t mean that I think less of myself for being fat.  It doesn’t mean that I have to accept less than what I deserve.  It doesn’t mean I don’t  deserve someone of a Quality Caliber in my life.  Fat does not equal sub-human or less than.  I am SO tired of women who SETTLE FOR SOMETHING, because they think it’s the best they can do.

I’m Not Judging You, I’m Just Not That One.

I Like Me.  I know what I am worth.  Call it arrogance, call it whatever you want to, but I Deserve the Best.  If you aren’t the best, then I don’t want you.  I know what I can bring to the table, if we aren’t even close to being on the same level, WHY WHY WHY WHY would I pretend that I am happy with you.  Especially if the fundamental thing that makes me ME, is being stifled.  I want to look up to whoever I am with.  I want him to inspire me to be even better than I already am. If you can’t do that, You Aren’t For Me.  & That’s Okay.

Fact: It’s Okay to be Selfish

When did it become a crime to like yourself? To just want to spend time with yourself, until you figure out exactly what you want in your life? I have a 2 bedroom apartment for a reason, because I have A Lot of Stuff.  Not because I want you to guilt me into letting you move in  – “Because you have all that room.” NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. If you live with me, I won’t have room.  You’ll eat my food out the refrigerator, make comments about me walking around topless, and get mad when I ask you to move out.

I Know You Judge Me, But I’m Not That One

I don’t want a man who wants to spend every waking moment with me.  Honestly, a long distance relationship (where both parties are emotionally invested) is exactly what I need right now.  I love you, but I don’t have to see you all the damn time. I’m socially retarded. I am using the word retarded in it’s literal sense, meaning delayed in development.  Everything I have done in life is on a 4 year Delay.  Things I should have done in Middle School = High School for Me.  What I should have found out about the world at large in College = After College Graduation.

So no, I’m not trying to marry you, or get wifed up, or be your babies mom.  I Like Myself, and if you like me too that’s great.  But I’m not ready for all that commitment because I’m not where I want to be for myself.  I can’t love you, if I don’t love myself.  I Like Me, but I haven’t fallen in love with myself  yet.  So until then, either you wait or you move on.

So In Conclusion, to use these new concepts in everyday life:

Ex 1: I’m Not the One to call when you get in a fight with your ex-wife.  I told you that ibtch was crazy, YOU told me that ibtch was crazy.  So why are you surprised that she emailed you on some Simple Isht.

Ex 2: I’m Not the One to force you to better yourself.  I shouldn’t have to tell a grown man that he needs to do better.  If you don’t have any goals and aspirations, me telling you would they should be isn’t going to make you suddently have then.

Ex 3: I’m Not the One to complain to when your boyfriend continues to show his natural azz in public.  He does what you allow him to do.  If you told him to stop doing it, and he didn’t, and you still stayed with him, that’s on you.