Tag Archive | Late Night Ramblings

2018: (A Series) Maybe Its Time…

If you’ve read a blog I’ve written this year, you know my life is crazy as all the hells. It’s become this thing I couldn’t have planned for if I tried. More frequently than I’d like to admit, I’ve had to stop myself and say, “This is Real!”

I had this conversation with my Blacko-Rican Best Friend, about us being ‘Late Bloomers.’ We seem to be living our lives about 10 years behind. Changing careers at 35, having major adult epiphanies right now. After we’ve watched almost everyone else we went to college with, seemingly prosper. They have great jobs, and happy families.

Yet we, just aren’t there yet. And we’ve finally accepted it. Without shame, or fear of judgement. We are becoming the Best Versions of ourselves, with the knowledge gained from 10+ years of ‘not living up to our potential.

That recognition, that we’ve paved our own path is so….freeing. It’s a weight lifted off our shoulders, that we were so used to carrying, we forgot it was there.

I dance, all the time. In public, around people I don’t know. I Sing Again…I found my voice again.

Because, the weight has lifted.

I’m not trying to get my shit together anymore, I’ve actually done it. When my car broke down, I didn’t scramble and cry….I looked at my budget and figured that shit out.

Maybe Its Time, To Let The Old Ways Die…..

I’ve lost 82lbs this year, with minimal effort. In 12 months, I went to the gym 3 months out of the year. Now, those 3 months were INTENSE, but it was just 3 months. The rest of the time, I’ve just been moving.

Teaching 6th grade, having to work around that big ass classroom everyday, I was averaging between 13,000 to 17,000 steps a day. When I lived in AZ, I struggled to get 6,000 steps a day.

I should have done this 10 years ago!

I think if I had, I wouldn’t appreciate it as much.

The Best Benefit of being a Late Bloomer….you’ve actually made all the mistakes. You’ve learned from them. You’ve struggled, and worked those emotional muscles….you already know you can make it through anything…because you already have.

I had to make the decision, to stop doing things the way I always had. It wasn’t working for me. I was beating a dead ass horse (FUCK YOU PETA). My arms got tired.

The minute I did something different, every single thing in my life changed.

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Late Night Ramblings of 2010 #6: I Just Wanna Be Successful

Today seems to be an important day in my life . . . It means something, even if I don’t know what yet.  But as I reflect on this date, I am thinking about the things I have done that have gotten me to the place I am right now.  Sitting in my apartment, in the State of Arizona, I can honestly say, 17-year-old me would NOT approve of my life choices.

17 year old me entered college with no set goals.  My Major was Computer Science, because I spent a lot of time on the PC.  I didn’t have a goal path, I just figured it would be pretty fun to play with computers all day.  17 year old me was looking to re-invent herself.  Find a boyfriend who liked to give her hugs, and eventually have 4 kids named Taylor, Kennedy, David and Xavier.  She was going to have a very rich husband, preferably Jewish, and have a butler named Phillips. {If his name wasn’t actually Phillips, we were going to call him that anyway.}

I used to look at the houses in my neighborhood, and think about where my garden would be, and where my children would play.  Everything was planned around the fact that I wouldn’t have to worry about money, or my health, or the economy, or anything that an Adult would worry about.  So yes, they were the thoughts of a child, but they were what I wanted for me.

If I had lived out my dreams at 17-year-old, I don’t think  I would have been proud of myself.  I want to be successful.  I want to have a business card, and a company car, and my name being nationally recognized.  But because of my drive to have that, I have given up a lot.  I have lost friendships, and relationships because they just couldn’t follow my path.

Seemingly, I am focused on some ultimate goal.  The question I am starting to ask myself is what exactly do I plan to do after I reach that goal.  After I no longer have to worry about money, and I can buy my mother the Ferrari I promised her at the age of six.  After the numerous appearances on Oprah, and the national book tours, what then?

The sacrifices that we make, on the road to that Ultimate Goal are many.  The casualties are great.  The wounds take a lot of time to heal.  Is the Fame/Success really all it’s cracked up to be?  Why do I want this success? What’s My Motivation?

I want people to envy me.  I want my family to look at me and say wow, she’s awesome.  I want strangers to want to be my best friend.  I want to impact the lives of millions.  These are all facts about my Motivation.  Is that my only Motivation, no.  Is that the base that my Drive was built on, yes.

I want to Change the World, One Child at a Time . . . then I want everyone to praise me for doing it. And at the end of the day,

I Just Wanna Be Successful . . . .