Tag Archive | Mary J. Blige

30 Day Writing Challange: My Tattoos and What They Mean

image

I have 4 tattoos. 

Those are my first two.  The first one is No More Drama in Arabic. In my defense, I got it before 9/11, in Feb 2000 to be exact.  I was clearly inspired by the Mary J Blige song that came out the year before.  I was going to have a whole story down my back.  The second part of said story was the Drama mask (Comedy + Tragedy).  Following that should have been be a peace sign, then finally a ying/yang when I felt balanced in my life.  But the mask hurt WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too much, so the story ended there. (For Know)

My 3rd Tattoo is a Butterfly on my foot.  That hurt like a Son of a Bitch! Evidently, even if your feet are swollen, it’s still the part of your body with the least amount of fat, thus you are basically tattooing muscle.  I cried so hard y’all. My friends made fun of me. I blogged about it too.

image

This is my foot. The Left Foot. Sooooooooooo, there is a weird story about this one.  So I was reading 50 Shades of Grey, and going through a massive break-up.  John Mayer’s Born and Raised had just come out, and I heard the song “Love is a Verb.” I MIGHT have called my ex and sang this on his voicemail.  MIGHT is the keyword.  I had been awake for about 48 hours, and getting this tattoo’ed on my body for the rest of my life, was like the greatest Idea I’d ever had.  Sleep deprivation will make you do some CRAZY things. The songstill means a lot to me.  It’s a reminder to Walk theTalk as it were.

My next Tattoo will be the words, “Adulting is Hard;” as inspired by the SemiColon Project, followed by my nephew’s date of death. Hopefully I will be getting this one before the end of the year.

Advertisements

My Thoughts on the 2010 VMA’s

Okay, once again, I am about to piss all kinds of people off.  I anxiously await the random comments.  As long as no one calls me a nigger, I will even approve them.  Sooooooooo, lets talk about last night’s VMAs, and why they were Such a Train Wreck.  It was so horrible that I couldn’t turn away.

When twitter makes your show better, because people spend their time commenting on it instead of paying attention, you know you have done something wrong.  Do Better MTV, do the Fuck Better. When the 2010 BET Awards are better than the 2010 VMAs, you know the world is coming to an end.  You mean Debra Leeeeeeeeevil put together a better show than the head of MTV.

Fact: Rihanna is a Tasteless, Tacky, Tactless Bitch.

I don’t care if you like her, she’s a bitch.  All that shade she was throwing during Drake’s Performance (which is awesome by the way).  Really Heaux?!?!? You Fancy huh? You dyed your hair with Wylers Flavored Drink, and wore your favorite throwback Rainbow Brite dress, and you got the Nerve, the UNMITIGATED GALL, to throw Shade.  If it wasn’t for Drake, you would have been lost in the wilderness of “Chris Brown beat My Ass for Poppin’ Off at the Mouth” Land. I hate That Heaux.

Fact: TI is a Fuck-Up

I tried to support him.  I had so much hope for him.  The Whites had embraced him and everything, and then he gets caught with drugs in his car! You stupid hood FUCK. They had to change the entire song because you weren’t able to leave ATL. They gone put your ass in jail. For 27 years, because of some Extasy Pills. Fucking Leotard. But, I’m not gone lie, it would be a very smart move if Tiny took that charge for you . . .

Fact: Usher is too Damn Old to be Dancing

Usher, you got 2 kids.  You know you got hip issues.  Nigga, just sing. It’s okay, we still love your voice.  It still takes most women to a happy place.  But seeing you try to become the Club Queen, not the Business.  Not at all.  Every time i hear a song by you lately, I think to myself, “Dammit, where is my Glow Stick? I must have left it at that Rave last weekend!” You are a 30+ black man, start singing about love everlasting and fucking . . . Everyone would respect you more.  Leave the dancing to Justin “Ellen’s Gay Counterpart” Beiber. Train up a child in the way he should go . . .

Fact: MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN FUCK TAYLOR SWIFT

Yeah, I said that shit . . . . so did Kanye last night. Really bitch?!?!  You wrote a WHOLE FUCKING SONG about Kanye West being immature last year, like 3 months after his mother died, and you decided to sing it now.  NOW BITCH?!?!  Ohhh I hate you AND your PR team.  You thought it was going to help everyone remember how Kanye helped you sell 3 more million copies of your last album?

Or how, the majority of people you didn’t listen to country music didn’t know who the fuck you were before he Kanye’d you last year.  You should have wrote a song called, “Thank You Kanye West, you made me relevant.” You thought you would look extra young and innocent if you went barefoot huh, and strummed a guitar? No Bitch, you looked like you were trying too hard.  You and you pale ass monkey feet need to go somewhere.  We are ALLLLL over you!

Fact: Kanye West is a Musical Genius

Kanye West – Runaway (feat. Pusha T) {Click for the MP3 Version of the VMA Performance}

Call me a Pegro if you want to, I’m right.  Any artist who can create what is the ANTHEM for most of the people I know is Musical Royalty in my book.  That song last night was awesome.  the staging of the performance as beautiful.  The red was doing a bit much, but still, that was Awesome.  Those of you who are so “Enlightened” that you can’t like Kanye anymore are posers. Acknowledge his talent, even if you don’t like his personality or his actions.  But either way:

And I always find something wrong,
You been putting up with my shit for way too long
I’m so gifted at finding what I don’t like the most
so I think it’s time for us to have a toast

Lets have a Toast for the Douchebags
Let’s have a Toast for the Assholes
Let’s have a Toast for the Scumbags
Everyone of them that I know

Lets have a toast for the Jerk Offs
That’ll never take work off
Baby I got a plan, Runaway fast as you can

Cuz what he said to Taylor Swift was . . . . . Bitch Boo Bye!

*Shoutout to RockaBye Review for the Lyrics and the MP3*

I Can Do Bad All By Myself/Oh Lord, I Want You to Help Me

Somebody told me once that pain is a game we all gotta play.
Then why am in over time & sudden death every other day
I know that for the good of life there’s a price we all gota pay
But ill pay till im poor and I still dont know . . . . .what it is to have a good day

I wasn’t supposed to write this blog today.  I can tell you that because BOTH my laptops stopped working, at the same time, because these words were on my heart, and I had to get them out.  And The Devil didn’t want me to.  I’m not usually the person that blames the Devil when things go wrong, but I’m going to give him ALL THE CREDIT for this one. Anyway, back to the purpose of this blog.

I lived my life  thinking, I Can Do Bad All By Myself.  I didn’t want anyone to know exactly what my issues were.  It hurts to let people know are weak.  That you can’t deal with the everyday things that most people deal with without major breakdowns.  So I lived my life, hiding the pain and the hurt and the everything else.

Freshman Year of College, 2nd day there, I had a attend the Gospel Music Workshop for the Ebony Heritage Singers.  Our Teacher sang a song that I had known all my life, In The Garden.  ON THE FLOOR CRYING. It was like God was telling me that I wasn’t alone.  That this whole time, he had been walking beside me, just waiting on me to notice.

Everything else in my life had blinded me from the one thing I needed to know, that I wasn’t alone.

You Just Don’t Wanna Know


“Now it’s true that God is always there,  He said He’d never leave.

But at times the human touch is what I need.

And if I had a dime for every time

I tried to call your name.

Some tell me, I’d be wealthy . . . “

I turned my back on a friend, in her time of need, because I really didn’t want to know.  I wasn’t able to deal with her pain, because I was living in mine.  It’s very hard to now try to mend that relationship, because I did to her what I never wanted done to me . . . I walked away.

I think the reason this movie means so much to me, is because I saw my story behind all the theatrics.

If you don’t talk about something, it will never heal.

So all these blogs I have written this year are just that, me talking about it.  ME letting it GO.  This whole healing process had been hard, because at times we don’t want to discuss how much we need the help of others.  We see crying out for help as a sign of weakness, that it someone makes up less than a person.  Because everyone you encounter seems to be perfectly capable of living their life.  Pain/Guilt/Hurt Free.

It wasn’t until I started being HONEST about the things that caused me so much pain, that I found out people I thought had a perfect life were in as much or more pain as I was. This isn’t a blog about my pain, because my pain is gone (or at least it feels that way).

This blog is about that moment, when you realize that you have done all the steps.  You  have admitted all your faults, laid yourself bare for the world to see.  Some people just don”t want to know, and you will find out who they are.  But after you have done all that then what?

Oh Lord, I Want You To Help Me.

You can’t ask the Lord to Heal You.  He doesn’t have a magic healing wand.  You can’t ask God to just make it go away, then wait on him to do all the work.  Just out of your friends, how many people do you know who call on God everyday? He’s got so much work to do.  He can’t be the principle person in your recovery.

“I pray every night girl, and it just doesn’t seem to get better.”

My question to you is, What Are You Praying For? What are you asking of the Lord? Because he can’t make you forget the pain.  He can’t make you forget the times when you felt all alone in the world.  He can’t make it go away.

But He Can Help You.

He can be In The Garden, standing beside you, to be a SUPPORT system when you falter.  But You have to do it yourself. You have to take those steps, The Lord will NEVER push you on your way.  That’s not the Kind of God he is.  If you have tried your friends, and they don’t seem to be able to help you get there, then you are going it alone.

You spent your life hiding behind your pain, and your hurt, and your issues.  So maybe hiding isn’t the solution.  You NEVER know who can relate to your story.  You never know who can fully understand your pain.  So be honest, and ASK FOR HELP.

Not a Quick Fix.

But HELP.

I got Help, from people who don’t even know they helped me.  At times when it seemed the most inappropriate time to ask for help.

“Help Me On My Journey,

Help Me on My Way,

Oh Lord, I Want You To Help Me.”

I met someone this year, who changed my outlook on a lot of things, in a very short period of time.  I tell him all the time, I am so glad I met him.  I don’t know if he knows how very glad I am.  He gave me a reason to share my story, the TRUTH of my story. To be honest about where I have been, and how far I have come.  Even more so, he reminded me how far I have to go.

I Thank You For That . . . You Know who You Are.