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RNS (c)AK Vol. 16 – No Seriously, I Am Better Than You….

*Author’s Note: I wrote this entire blog by hand today, during the world’s worst training.  It was the only thing that kept me awake*

When D. Hayes {http://redgumbo.wordpress.com} and I originally created this phrase, it was a tool to adequately describe how we looked at the outside world.  We had both come to the conclusion that we had to be doing something right.  But how did we know how to be on top, and certain folks just weren’t getting it.  When we first started using the phrase, some people took it as a joke.  Many people took it to mean that we were bragging about ourselves.  However, IMO, the phrase is self explanatory.  You should take it literally.  I am, in all honesty, Better Than You.

Nine Times out of Ten, I am going to be Smarter, Classier, and More Accomplished than you.  I have done more in 28 years, than some people will accomplish in their entire life.  The intended purpose of this blog is not to brag about my greatness, but instead to inspire you to step your game up.  Because the MINUTE you are Better than Me, – I WILL take it to the next level – and again be able to say, I am Better than You.

Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better

As I continue to evolve as a woman, the people who I surround myself with will change.  People come in and out of your life for a reason.  But the core of these people, the thing that makes me want to know more about them is going to stay the same. We Know Who We Are.  We are confident in the path that we are taking.  Our time is spent heading toward some kind of goal.  This is not to say that we won’t falter, or lose our way occasionally.  But you can be assured that we will find our way back to where we’re supposed to be, and continue to make you feel like you should step your game up.

The problem with having this often internal confidence is that you might encounter a “Poser.”  One who knows what to say, because they have spent time observing you and your counterparts.  They can talk to the talk, but when it comes down to it, they utterly fail at walking the walk.

IF one lives by the “I Am Better Than You” Credo:

  1. Said person doesn’t have to damage the life/reputation of another, because THEIR life/reputation speaks for itself.
  2. Said person’s popularity is not based on a group of people and how they relate to the outside world.
  3. Said person’s popularity is not based on the favors/information/gifts they give/receive to/from others.

So Remember . . . Before You Use the Phrase .  .  .  . Live The Phrase

I’m Not Perfect, But I’m Still Better Than You

My Life has been pretty much an open book since I discovered MySpace. I blogged about everything that happened, and even things that didn’t.  I don’t have a problem admitting my flaws.  I really don’t care what you think about what I do.  But even in my imperfection, I’m Pretty Fucking Awesome.  With every failure I have learned, and grown, and become better.

I don’t always make the right decisions, but when I DO make the right decision, it’s a beautiful thing.  Even when I make the wrong decision, I come out on top.  Why? Because I Am Better than You.  I don’t let one failure take me out.  If I can turn that failure into a win, I will.  If I have to take one to the chin, I will.

The difference between Me and You . . . .  Motivation.

My Motivation, the reason that I wake up in the morning, is to be Better than You.  Your motivation is to be the prettiest, the most popular, well loved, richest person in the world. WHY?!?! If you have all that, but there is someone better than you, you still ain’t shit.  I’m Just Sayin . . . .

Yes, I am the Bigger Person . . . and that makes me Better Than You

We can use that term literally if you would like.  I’m bigger than you, I could suffocate you with my left boob Paula.  {The Girls are named Paula and Dean – as they provide hours of enjoyment, and could feed the world 🙂 } But beyond that, I have a tad bit more Couth than You.  For my FB Old Heads, you already know that FGS Summer ’07 is often imitated, but will never be duplicated.  We were a rare breed.  Assholes with a heart.  Yes, we would talk all about you on FB, on the walls, in notes, in status messages but with the exception of that BMN Otis, it never got personal.

People are on that newness in 2010.  The Skype Mafia is running around all willy nilly.  Watching the Tweets, and talking to people who can’t even see them.  What makes it even more interesting, is that the Soldier who was asked to put out the hit doesn’t even know why the beef exists anyway.  Because I am the Bigger Person, I haven’t opened my mouth. But keep playing with me, and Imma go straight Elliot Ness on all of yall . . . .

Even though My Life didn’t start out  Better than Yours . . .

I Can Still Be Better Than You

IMO, I had a rough childhood.  According to GID, my childhood was a cake-walk.  You can only aspire to what you are exposed to.  So, I might not know who Bach is, or be able to send Bill Gates an email when I feel like it, but I will figure out a way to.  The Mindset of  “I Am Better Than You” teaches us that even if I didn’t come from your world, that doesn’t mean I don’t belong there.

Judge not my past, instead observe my present and prepare yourself for my future. I might just be using you as a stepping stone. “Any idiot can string together words from the dictionary and sound intelligent,” it’s those that can define those words and then apply them to their life that make a difference.

You might think all of this is Bull.  You might think I am saying this to cover up for some insecurities I have about my life, and the path I have taken.  You are free to make whatever assumption you would like.  But while you are discussing my deep-seated issues, I’m figuring out how to tangibly prove, I Am Better Than You.

An Open Letter to BET Networks

Dear BET:

You came on the scene in the Year of 1980. Two years before I was born, and yet I can remember when you provided the Black Community with a positive outlet for our creativity. From shows such as Video Soul with Donnie Simpson, and later BET News, and BET Tonight with Tavis Smiley, you were able to show the world that Intelligent, Dignified African Americans not only existed, but were able to strive towards greatness everyday.

So what happened? Did my generation miss the memo that said BET was about to become Coontastic Television. Did that bulletin come attached to the free chicken and watermelon you were passing out at 106 & Park after you got rid of Free & AJ? Was it a conscious decision to slowly ruin anyone born after 1995, or was that just an added bonus? Is there a reason that anyone over the age of 23 can’t watch your network without feeling that they have somehow become more ignorant?

I stopped watching BET when I went to College. I think that says alot about your station.

I started college in 1999. For ten years, I have been ashamed that your station existed. You started the destruction of our race slowly, I will give you that. I wouldn’t have noticed it until at least 2005 had it not been for my younger cousins. You started with getting rid of the news shows. Because really, what black person wants to know what is going on in the rest of the world. Replacing the news with BET Uncut was a HUGE step in the Ruin all Black Youth Direction. The next step, getting rid of the College Educated hosts of the one show people actually watched. Introducing us to HitZ from the Streets and to taking us into Cita’s World, I mean who doesn’t like a computer animated ignorant black woman?

Finally, Bob Johnson was able to hand over the reigns to that Black Wunderkind Debra Lee! We as a people just KNEW with a black woman running things, BET was about to get it together. Boy were we wrong! First, you decided it would be a good deal to stop showing videos all together! Except for BET Uncut, because that was making so many young prostitutes rich. (The Mockery that is 106 & Park isn’t even on my radar, thus it’s lack of acknowledgment as an actually TV Show.)

And of course, what the world needed was more “Reality” TV! Because seeing Poor Black People in real life, is SO much better than trying to educate them. Again, I must give you props for the way it was handled. You didn’t just push “College Hill” – the only show about College that doesn’t show people actually going to school – on us right away. You worked your way up to it!

Kudos to you for BET ComicView: The Coontastic Comedy show. Originally hosted by a Black Woman in the Kitchen and Renaldo Ray. I am sure getting him was a FIND! Then you kept the laughs coming with Spring Bling and Baldwin Hills and Finally, the PIECE DE RESISTANCE, the Frankie and Neffie Show. Because every Coontastic character should get their own show. It was bad enough that Keyshia Cole had to include them on her show while trying to show people how she rose above. Now we have to see them every week! Yes BET! Score one for the Team!

But, now BET. Let’s get down to the reason I am actually writing this letter. The 2009 Coon Awards ft. a “Tribute” to the Pop Icon Michael Joe Jackson. Where do I start? Can I first say, I will never watch your station again. I don’t care if Jesus has decided to come back and prove that he is really a negro, I won’t be watching. Honestly, he will probably just go on MTV and be done with it.

Debra Lee, you disgust me. You are the scum between my toes. To actually get on that stage, and ask people to clap for the great “efforts” your staff made is like saying a Jewish Lawyer isn’t Wealthy. Just POINTLESS. Besides the fact that Michael Jackson’s father was in the audience (with Your Favorite Heavily Activated Activist Al “Make It About Me” Sharpton), did you really think that no one would know how horrible of a job you had done?

The Sound Quality was atrocious, the Lighting was off, and half the performers were drunk and/or high. Have you no Couth? Have you no respect for the one black man other than Barack Obama that made black people mean something to the world? When is it EVER acceptable not to have at least a 30 second delay on a live taping? While I did chuckle when Eddie Levert made his slip up, I did not find it funny to see Lil’ Wayne tell me to “Put Up my hands for Michael Jackson in that Bitch.”

Every single performance should have been cancelled! Every single one. If you are going to dedicate a performance to someone, they event should embody that person’s spirit. Michael Jackson did NOT sing about Fucking Every Girl in the World. He did not Hop out of a Bed with his Swag on. He did not ever sing about Birthday Sex. SUBTLETY is what was required at this event. Respect and Dignity. This was an EPIC FAIL for your company, EPIC. I hope you lose all your advertising partners for that Travesty of a show. If you are going to do it, do it well. Or Just Don’t Do It At ALL!

Michael Jackson expected perfection in EVERYTHING he did. I was actually sad to see Janet Jackson come on the stage, because I knew she had seen what came before her. Young Money and their anthem of Ignorance. Have you heard a Michael Song? Did you watch the videos you have been showing for the last few days? Did you take ANY of that into account? Better yet, did you care?

Singing in my kitchen while washing Dishes two nights in a row was a better tribute than what you did. Going to Karaoke and singing Michael Jackson Songs badly is a better tribute. Blasting P.Y.T. out of my car on the freeway is a better tribute. My friends and I had planned a better tribute via Twitter, FaceBook, and MySpace. EPIC FAIL. I can’t say that enough.

BET you now epitomize everything that Dr. Martin Luther King died to prevent. You have SINGLE HANDEDLY destroyed an entire generation of black children. I hope you are proud of yourselves. I will leave you with a lyric from one of the numerous awesome songs by Michael Jackson:

Tell me what has become of my rights
Am I invisible because you ignore me?
Your proclamation promised me free liberty, now

I’m tired of bein’ the victim of shame
They’re throwing me in a class with a bad name
I can’t believe this is the land from which I came

You know I do really hate to say it
The government don’t wanna see
But if Martin Luther was livin’
He wouldn’t let this be . . .

All I Wanna Say is That
They Don’t Really Care about Us

M.J. Williams

My Funny Valentine/New Shoes

This is really like 3 blogs in one, and it has the potential to be kinda long, but we are just going to go with the flow, and let whatever comes out help me release all this pent-up energy.

First Subject: Love/Relationships

Valentine’s Day is tomorrow.  And once again, I don’t have one.  But after a very interesting conversation, followed by on the phone discussion of the situation, I realized I still have some shit that I have to get over, in order to move on.  I, of course want someone that I can’t have.  Actually at this point, I don’t even know if I can’t have them, but this want, that has been here for so long, seems to be grabbing hold of me again.  I have cycles, and usually they go away.  And maybe today is just the crescendo of the cycle or the top of the bell curve if you want to be intelligent.

Love – this kind of love – when you are often in love alone, can tear you apart, shatter your whole world, or complete you.  The problem I am having is that now I really don’t know what I feel anymore.  Friendship, mixed with a sprinkling of good ole’ lust, and some love thrown in there for good measure.  Wanting the best for someone, and understanding that you aren’t it . . . But still hoping that some kinda way you are . . . and knowing that even if you aren’t the one, you will always have a certain spot in their heart that no one else can touch.  To see someone hurting, because of their situation, and just wanting to fix it, and make everything better.

Judging them, even as you secretly hate them for the way they have treated you in the past.  All this stuff is going on in my head, about once a month as this point.  It’s more regular than my period, for real.  But at the end of the day, knowing that you spent a ridiculous amount of money to send a handmade Valentine’s Day Card First Class mail, because you just had to let them know how you really feel.  Oh what a tangled web we seem to weave . . .

And on the other hand, someone tangible, right in my face.  What wants me, wants me so bad that he has to bring it up every time I see him.  That uses the word passion on a regular basis to describe how he feels about me, what he sees in my eyes, waiting to be tapped.  Someone who cares about my well being, and wants to make me feel beautiful, but can’t quite satisfy the part of me that needs to feel special.  The part of me that needs to know that you LOVE me, not lust for me, because, to me . . . one has nothing to do with the other.

Lust is fleeting, and I don’t have time for the temporary.  I NEED, WANT, and DESERVE a little bit of consistency in my life.  With all the upheaval, job wise, friend wise, life wise, family wise, I need someone that will just hold me when I need to be held.  It’s like fighting with myself, CONSTANTLY, knowing that I need to be able to give myself to another person, but not trusting them enough to give in.  For at least a year, this person has wanted me, and at times made me uncomfortable with his demands, because I am just not ready.  And then, sometimes I feel like maybe I am, but I am holding on to that hope again, that maybe The One will figure out that I have been waiting for them all this time.

I gave up on Love.  I gave up on Feelings.  But they seem to be really coming to a head today, this day before we celebrate the Day of Love, which is really based on honoring Death. . . How backwards is that?  (I am starting to believe this is going to be a stream of consciousness blog, yah dig)

Second Subject: New Shoes

How long have you held on to a pair of shoes? Had them on your feet, kept them right by the door, because you could just slip your feet right into them, and just run out.  I bought new shoes today.  Just walked in the store, and bought 2 pair, of non-white gym shoes.  Now, on the purely superficial side of myself, my old shoes were looking just a lil bit crusty.  Add to the fact that I had had them since college, yeah, I needed some new shoes.  But more than that, that was just another comfort zone, another blankie that I needed to let go of.  I need to step into a new pair of shoes, allow myself to walk a different path, not be afraid to step out there, and get my feet wet, if you will.

I finally got a Job today.  It only took 14 months.  God I hate Michigan.  I FINALLY filled out some tax forms, and a direct deposit slip, and all the information.  Got the fingerprints (with Ink and er’thing) presented all my tests, and my clearances, and got a start date.  Maybe it was time, maybe it was luck, I don’t know.  All I know is that this Job, it’s going to change some things.  Not just my plans, but my relevance.  I have worked with children almost forever, and to finally be able to take everything that I have learned, and apply it to a classroom where it will be looked at with open curiosity, and maybe even approval and research is AWESOME!  I am really excited about this next part of my life, because I have a feeling that I am going to be walking in lots of different paths, me and my new shoes

Final Subject: Stupid, Attention Seeking, Dumb Ass People

So yeah, a lot of you have seen me type FTHE on random walls, and Discussion Boards, etc.  While I am not going to tell you exactly what it means, it’s about to become the thing that I say when I notice stupidity.  When I was asked what my biggest pet peeve was today, my answer, Stupid People.  It’s not all about you: you, really, in the grand scheme are worth nothing, especially if you aren’t going to represent something positive in this world.  And ALOT of people that I seem to be running into lately aren’t doing anything positive.

I don’t care if you have the mad photo-shopping skills; if you are a Big Fat Liar . . . I don’t care if you can sing your ass off, if you have a foul ass attitude. .. If I am really going to keep it real, no one likes you.  Being a bitch might get people to the top, but when they get there, someone is waiting right there with a knife, gun, and ax . . . to stab them in the back, shoot them in the foot, and chop them right back down where they belong.  My Nana always said, “You get more flies with Honey than you do with Shit.” Old people know what the hell they are talking about.  There have been ALOT of Shit Fly’s roaming around in my peripheral vision lately, and I’m finna get the worlds largest Fly Swatter and beat them bitches back.

People need to learn humility, and humbleness.  It will take you so much further than knowing everything.  God has truly humbled me in the last 2 years.  I didn’t know I needed that much humbling, and I wish that I hadn’t needed that much, because believe me folks, I have suffered. Poverty, Self-Doubt, Racism, betrayal, and that’s just the stuff that I can tell you about.  And while all this is going on, I have just kept saying it’s all for a reason, there is a reason for this, there has to be.  But it wasn’t until I got off my ass, and started being pro-active, and humbling myself enough to ask people for help, and to help others even when I couldn’t really afford it, that things have started to click, and come together.

I am done now, but I hope that whoever has read this got something out of it, even if it made you think you know a lil bit more about my secrets . . . you don’t though