Tag Archive | Rihanna

2016: A Year In Review

Usually when I do my end of the year blog, I have a set list of things I want to talk about.  This year it’s going to be kind of a free write.  Spotify did this great thing, where they put together a list of the Top 100 Songs you listened to this year.  For me, it’s been a true portrait of what this year has done to me.  Yes, done to me.  So I’m going to let the music guide me in what I write about.

Be Alright – Ariana Grande

Baby, don’t you know
All them tears gon’ come and go
Baby, you just gotta make up your mind
That every little thing is gonna be alright

This part of my “I Will Survive” Playlist.  I needed songs this year that took me to the After place.  After all the bullshit, After all the tears, After all the pain.  This song is the perfect vibe for that.  You are going to be alright.  It’s not gonna be like this forever.  Sometimes, when you’re stuck in the middle of a storm that seems to be pulling you down, musical lyrics can be the life preserver that pulls you up to the surface.  I still think Ariana is wasting her voice . . . but that’s a whole ‘nother blog.

Rise – Solange Knowles

Fall in your ways so you can crumble
Fall in your ways so you can sleep at night
Fall in your ways so you can wake up and rise

A good reminder that you can rise above.  Even when you don’t want to, or you feel like you can’t.  You have to rise above.  Even if the only satisfaction or acknowledgement you will ever get is from yourself. That’s what it has felt like this year.  I’ve been patting my own damn self on the back. Cuz the hater’s been hatin’ like a muthafucka in 2016. It’s hard, to not just fight everyone in the face. {Maybe that’s just me…} This song is a great way to calm myself down when I’m ready to fight, which has been frequently this year surprisingly.

Needed Me – Rihanna

Don’t get it twisted
You was just another nigga on the hit list
Tryna fix your inner issues with a bad bitch
Didn’t they tell you that I was a savage
Fuck your white horse and a carriage
Bet you never could imagine, Never told you you could have it

When you have to explain on countless occasions that you are NOT like these other females.  I can be attracted to you, even see a future with you, and not be trying to tie you down.  I can understand that we want different things right now, and either I can take what you wanna/can give, or I can move the fuck on. A Bitch has Options.

If I tell you I’m trying to engage in some Hump & Go type action, why do you THEN feel some kind of way? Especially if you told me that’s all you have the possibility to give me.    It’s just a matter of us being HONEST. Why must people lie and placate?  Or tell people what they THINK the other person wants to hear.  9 times out of 10, we are thinking the same thing, or want the same thing.  But you are too scared to be honest.  Weak People Suck. Like SO MUCH.

Better ThanGretchen Parlato

This precious heart, broken apart
just leave it there and let it go
cuz all i know’s there’s nothing better than

how it keeps beating
it keeps repeating
a blessing in disguise
dry my eyes and realize there’s something better than

So like, I know a guy who told me a story about his friend trying an edible for the first time. Supposedly, this album was the music in the background while this friend of a friend was trippin’ balls. Which lead to some major life revelations.  My friend told me that his friend heard the lyrics to this album for the 1st time, and realized why it was her favorite album to fall asleep to.

This friend of a friend felt like she was having a private conversation with God while this album was playing.  And after she got done trippin’, she was seeing her whole life in a completely different way. At least, that’s what my friend told me happened.  I wasn’t there, so I can’t say what’s the truth.  That’s only what I heard when someone told me the story.

F**kin’ Wit Me – Tank

Every time I lick it, you be losin it
These young boys didn’t know what to do with it
You got it all on my face, I love the way that it taste
When you put it all on my plate
It won’t go to waste

It’s rare that I don’t know about songs like this.  My sexytime playlist is quite extensive. But this song . . . This song reminds me of a promise made, but never kept. Folks be talking so TOUGH, beforehand.  Then, in the heat of the moment, they lose their nerve. Cuz once again, I’m not like these other females.  I bring my A game all the time, and people don’t know how to hang.  Let me stop . . . I’m supposed to be working on being subtle, and not blaming or shaming people . . . 

Perm – Bruno Mars

You need activate your sexy (activate your sexy)
Silky, smooth and snap (silky, smooth and snap)
Now lean with it (lean), throw a lil sheen in it (sheen)
Then pat, pat, pat ’til it’s flat

Yall know this song goes.  This whole album – minus Versace on the Floor & Callin’ All My LoveliesGOES. This is the new getting ready to hit the club and be fly album.  It’s so much 90’s fun.  My chair dancing routine to this song is intricate, and makes people so jealous when they see me doing it . .. in my car . . . on the way to work. Bruno put his FOOT in this album. Also, you know your girl loves any song with a good Diva Finger Snap {no seriously, I have a whole playlist of songs which inspire the Diva Finger Snap} in it. I almost made this my ringtone . . . then I remembered my phone is always on vibrate because I work so much.

Alright – Kendrick Lamar

When you know, we been hurt, been down before, nigga
When our pride was low, lookin’ at the world like, “where do we go, nigga?”
And we hate Popo, wanna kill us dead in the street for sure, nigga
I’m at the preacher’s door
My knees gettin’ weak and my gun might blow but we gon’ be alright

Aye look . . . . this is my current morning alarm.  I gotta wake up every morning, remembering my people have survived some shit in the past.  The current political climate of the US might be leading to the worst shit since Slavery.  That’s not even hyperbole on my part.  I really believe that shit.  When it becomes a bit much, when I can’t seem to get out of the bed in the morning, so I can’t face another person telling me to give that asshole a chance, this song can get me through.

Ultralight Beam – Kanye West feat. Chance the Rapper, The Dream, Kelly Price, & Kirk Franklin

I’m tryna keep my faith
But I’m looking for more
Somewhere I can feel safe
And end my holy war
I’m tryna keep my faith

This is the only song on his new album I listened to.  Legit, I didn’t go past this song.  There was no need.  This is Kanye West’s best song {maybe ever} . . . not because his verse was great (cuz it wasn’t) . . . but because of everyone ELSE’S verses.  This song is such a beautiful way of expressing what I think we all go through with our faith.  Sometimes it’s so hard to keep the faith, and trust that God really has your back.  Especially when you see people who are supposed to have  your back {read: family} don’t.

I was raised in the church, and taught I should have unwavering faith in God. In all honesty, it took me awhile to get there.  My issue, I don’t have faith in people AT ALL. There are lots of people in the world who don’t have faith at all.  These people are hurting and for whatever reason, the way they cope is hurting other people. This song got me through the first part of 2016. It was played on repeat at loud volumes every morning. Because having faith isn’t hard, keeping it is. 

Father, this prayer is for everyone that feels they’re not good enough.
This prayer’s for everybody that feels like they’re too messed up.
For everyone that feels they’ve said “I’m sorry” too many times.
You can never go too far when you can’t come back home again.

So that’s my year in review.  Hope you enjoyed it 🙂

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2011 in Review: The World of @ImNotAJeaux

Last year, I created a list of quotes on my FB Page, based on things I had seen/heard/done. I obviously stole the idea from my Frat Brother Kevin, but I still did it.  This year, instead of quotes, I am going to list the Tweets that I Favorited this year. As with the quotes, no names will be posted (Unless I said It, or it was a response to a Celeb), just the tweets.  It’s up to you to guess who said it, and in what context.  Enjoy!

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Word of the year from my dad: It’s not about gettin your Dick of Coochie on.  Get yourself in order

You ever be on Wikipedia and see a dudes name and be like, “Damn I’ve seen that nigga naked?” Yeah, Me neither . . . 0_o

Listening to John Cry Baby Boenher’s Speech . . . It sounds like, “Blah blah blah, defeat the nigger.  Blah Blah Blah, kick his ass”

RT @Tyrese Food is todays crack heroin&every other drug out there. There is NO DIFFERENT when you can’t STOP YOURSELF • ur Retard is showing

If I ever go to the clink, fuck Jordans and Magazines, BTICH SEND ME SOME OLAY. With the Body Butter ribbons

Dear Airport workers. I’m fat. You have Body Scan . . . Sorry. BWHAHAHAHA

I just farted in the line at the grocery store. Old white dude standin behind me.  Gonna do it again

Her: I’ve on fuzzy socks, sweatpants, nite shirt, hoodie, throw blanket, and a comforter & I’m still cold Me: bitch, U have Herpes her: Oh ok

I’m not a whore, I just have a friendly Pussy

I was thinking of faking being a douche to trick a female into liking me. But then she’d leave once I held the door for her.

 

Kid1: Who is this singing? Me: TLC Kid2: The Learning Channel has a singing group? Me: Son of a gotdammit…just fuck

Then again . . . this is Twitter. Where I’m either preaching tot he choir or offending people

That’s because you work with nigger babies. I have Caucasian and Hispanic Children, half of them don’t understand slang

Hell, fuck a Senator. I’m just glad I’m a fat black lady. I got that “Mammy Safe Chest” thing going, it keeps me safe.

Once you go black . . . you’re a single mom.

Don’t be made at me and her.  Shoulda joined a sorority that gave u a backbone instead of feeding you neckbones -_-

Dear Koolaid, How does it feel to the official drink of an Entire Nationality.  Black People thank you. Sincerely, Me

Clearly y’all (The Zetas) need to recruit the First Lady, u know cuz she’s big on getting rid of Obesity Me:BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

The front-facing camera may well be the end of ugly chicks gettin play off their phone voice.

Waiting for the announcement of the Breezy/Bieber tour w/ Special Guests Jaden & Willow Smith….. I would buy tickets, iWould #TeamBreezy

Far East Movement: the only music group withOUT groupies cuz of the Dick Rumors

Her: u hate him why Me: He kicked her dog! No one deserves to get beat unless their name is Rihanna, but who is kicking dogs tho Her: IHateU

Him: Do we call White Jesus on the mainline, Or is that black Jesus Me: indian Jesus  answers the mainline, outsourcing

$5 on Ciara because Ms. Island crazy is all talk, but clearly got her ass beat by a dude driving a stick shift • #SheGetsMe

RiRi probably said the same shyt before Breezy rearranged her face… #imjussayin • EXACTLY. I stay tellin folk she provoked

Obviously, Rihanna can take a beating and keep on ticking so…… • You Ain’t Shit At All

RT @rihanna Ciara baby, I love u girl! U hurt my feelings real bad on TV! I’m heartbroken! That’s y I retaliated this way!• #SheAintShit

And the war of SubPar singers just got deeper….Beyonce is drinking melted gold with Gwenyth singing Fuck You with Jigga and Chris laughing

If @rihanna & @Ciara really do fight it better be in baby oil & cost $12.99 for 3 hrs. Other than that they both can STFU (it needs 2Happen)

RT @ciara Rhi u know its always been love since day 1! Apology accepted. Let’s chat in person • you dumb bitch. She was being SARCASTIC

I know we all have our issues….but twitter is NOT the place to beg your parents/Significant Others/Friends to love you. Get A Blog.

Adele is like, i’m fat & redheaded & i smoke & i wear side ponytails & bitch you will bow to my musical flawlessness • THIS

Bitches get sensitive about dumb inconsequential shit. I feel like saying, Shut Up Heaux, he just said Hi

Months? You bleed for months.. and don’t die? #WolverineTweet • Im what u call a strong heaux

RT @OMGFacts Lady Gaga wrote her new single “Born This Way” in ten minutes!. • yeah, we could tell…

I like to imagine that pretty women don’t take shits. They excrete sunshine, blueberry muffins, and good credit.

I don’t understand how Nate Dogg didn’t have money for his funeral? Holdddd up. Waiiiiiiiiiiit….

Dear Dwayne, Seriously, I just wanna lick your tattoos. Twice. And maybe call u Daddy. But that’s it. Sincerely, A Fan.

Oh. Yeah. He’s got the opposite of the jungle fever – uhh…the cul-de-sac cold? • #HeAintShyt but iLaughed..

#Random I feel like horn players probably give REALLY good head. Like good breathing control, lip and tongue control…I’m probably right

Can’t keep up w/ u & ur nicknames & acronyms, that’s like keeping up with the latest nigger words for “Dressed quite spiffy”

FOX News gone be like, “This has nothing to do with Pres Obama, he died of Kidney Failure.” – Thanks to @Luvvieig I was twitter famous for hours for this one!

I just realized I have no clue about negro “holidays”. Do we barbecue on Juneteenth? Do we get tested for Diabetes on Sweetest Day?

So Cinco de May is like Juneteenth for those spicy people, no??

Its not secret RT @ImNotAJeaux Why is LeBron almost as much of a Bitch as Kobe. Is there a secret Bitch Basketball Players club?

Shit said over the phone: I’ve had many a dick in my mouth

Men my age think their girlfriend should be a Heauxtrepreneur. A heaux in the bedroom, & an independent women everywhere else

If I point out a character flaw in u, its cuz U don’t seem 2 kno its there. I kno I’m fucked up. This is how I’m superior.

I don’t even know Ebe, but my credit score dropped 6 points just typing her name

You Bear In The Big Blue House looking, Avon makeup wearing, wet, wild and willy looking BITCH.

For all yall Captain Save a Clown Face Hoe.. Notice the person cunt punting Ebe’s hijab aint got SHIT to do with FGS..

If this is a ploy to get me to spend more money on extra sauces, yall can get the McFuck outta here wit that @McDonalds.

#Fact I predict baby Jayoncé will be born sometime between January 4th and February 4th. Also, its twins. Jayoncé and Beyen. #MarkMyWords

Floyd might be an asshole…but I wanna lick his teeth tho. They so pretty.

Don’t judge me. His teeth look like they taste like Wintergreen and Wealth.

Ray J will get arrested on a weapons charge within 3 months….favorite this

Me: Oral sex in moving vehicle is the reason our economy has collapsed Him: ?? Me: Cuz the need to have that happen on a regular basis is why white men got greedy.

Her: Clearly you’re smarter than the average….Zeta. Me: You could have said Bear, as those words are synonymous Her & Me: BWHAHAHAHAHAHA

Fat girls be having such pretty faces and awesome personalities• u forgot huge boobs and well lubricated vaginas

that’s right, you speak Oklahoma Negro. Lemme try again: gunshot, tornado, tumbleweed rustle, gunshot, icebox, intolerance.

Otis is SUCH a bitch Made NIGGA. LIKE REALLY THE BIGGEST BITCH EVER. YES. YOU, ARE A BITCH. SERIOUSLY. A BITCH.

You better get you a jaded older woman with a career, at least 4 digits before the decimal point each check, and a high libido.

Justin Beiber is 2 years away from neck tattoos, domestic abuse, and possession charges…favorite this tweet

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Yes, that was My Year, in Tweets.  The Introspective Blog is coming . . . I Just Needed a Laugh for right now!

Confessions of a Single Black Female Vol 17: We All Want Love

First, let me start by saying, yes I’m still single.  For those of you who follow me on Twitter or FB, you might have seen me referring to my recent life situation . . . but let me assure you, I am single.

All that being said, let me also say I am still a Shirt Wearing Member of #TeamBreezy.  But I can appreciate a good Album, and Talk that Talk by Riri FiveHead is just a good ass album.  So good in fact, it’s inspired me to write this blog.  It could actually fall into Words and Sounds of Me, but this blog is more about relationships than the music. Now that that’s all out of the way, please press Play, and Let Us Begin . . .

I can pretend that I’m not lonely 
But I’ll be constantly fooling myself 
I can pretend that it don’t matter 
But I’ll be sitting here lying to myself

Sometimes, in our efforts to pretend that being Strong, Black {or Insert Your Race Here}, and Independent keeps us warm at night, we lie to each other.  “I don’t need the stress of a relationship, I’m trying to focus on my career.” We laugh with our girlfriends about how we see heauxs at the club, just trying to get chose.  “I would never have my ass hanging out like that, just to get a dudes attention.” But when we go home, and get into our beds, we secretly admit to ourselves how nice it would feel to get chose.

We all want someone there to hold 
We all wanna be somebody’s one and only 
We all wanna be warm when it’s cold 
No one wants to be left scared and lonely

For much of this year, I have been alone.  Not just lonely, but ALONE. None of my friends – my close friends anyway – live anywhere near me.  I saw ONE of my best friends this year, just one of them.  I haven’t seen my mother in more than a year.  I’ve lived this stressful year, alone.  So yes, I know what being lonely feels like.  I also know that most of my friends judge me for putting myself in my current situation.

So I guess I’m a fool, I’m a fool in love
But I’m willing to stay here, And bask in the glory of his heart
I guess I’m a fool in love . . . 
But I’m willing to look so stupid, ‘Till I’ve had enough.

When I wake up every morning, I’m happy.  I haven’t been able to say that for a VERY long time.  Yes, just 6 months ago, this same person shattered my world into like, a gazillion pieces.  But before that happened, I was HAPPY.  I know the difference between Happy and Content.  I’m going  for Happy right now, because Content is a LONG way away.  I’m learning, Love takes many different forms. A Mother’s Love is unconditional {in most cases}. It’s always going to be there.  No matter what dumb ass life choices you make, your mother is going to be there to help you pick up all the pieces.  {My} Father’s Love is solely based on whether or not I need something from him.  It’s there, underneath the clouds of smoke, and looks of disappointment, but if I was relying on it, I’d die.

You see a monster, I see a smile
You say it’s danger, And I’m in denial
But somehow I feel so safe right now

Your friends, the family that you have chosen just want you to be Safe and Happy.  They want you to make decisions that they understand, and they can justify.  Because I understand this, because I have felt the EXACT same way because of my friend’s life choices, I shouldn’t be hurt that no one understands mine.  But does it hurt, yes it does.  However, in real life, they aren’t here to hold me and keep me warm at night, are they?

Cause you know how to give me that, You know how to pull me back
When I go runnin, runnin . . . Tryin’ to get away from loving ya
You know how to love me hard, I won’t lie, I’m falling hard
Yep, I’m falling for ya but there’s nothin wrong with that

In trying to listen to all my friends thoughts/opinions, and worrying about what everyone else would think, I’ve stopped myself from being honest.  In real life, I go to sleep with his arms around me, and wake up looking in his face..  Nope, we aren’t dating.  Nope, I’m not in a relationship.  I’m just Happy.  And right now at the end of 2011 aka the Year From Hell, that’s enough.

I’m able to close my eyes, Yet my heart’s not so blind
I feel so entitled, LOVE OWES ME . . . I want what’s mine
And some say love ain’t worth the buck
But I’ll give ’em the last dime, To have what I’ve only been dreaming about.

Have You No Couth?!?!? – Things that Pissed Me the F*ck Off in 2010

Last Year 2 years ago, I wrote a blog about all the things that had happened in 2009 that pissed me off.  For a recap click here —> http://bit.ly/fxfOnU <—– I will do the same now.  Except, there is alot more stuff that pissed me off, and I am going to try my hardest to offend at LEAST 5 people.  If I offend you, please let me know.  I like to know when I have reached my goals.  So without further ado, Here is My List of Things that Pissed Me the Fuck Off in 2010 .  .  .

Famous Ass Homewreaking Whores

We all know, as a confessed former Side Chick, I can’t really talk about folks that cheat, except, I’m finna.  Alicia Keys, Gabrielle Union, Fantasia Barrino, That Bish John Edward’s got pregnant, that tattooed Nazi Bish that was Humping on Jesse James, all of Tiger Wood’s Heauxs . . . CLEARLY this list is never ending.  2010 was the year of the Side Chick Come Up.  Folks getting TV Shows, and book deals, all because they had the wherewithall to suck a dcik. Never in my 28 years would I have thought that I would see the day when being a lying, cheating, whore would be something that made other people famous.

Alicia Keys got a beaknosed baby and a Gonzo-Looking husband out of the deal.  Gabby Union gets to go to basketball games for free. The Tattooed Nazi Bish got all kinda of magazine ad’s and free publicity for her website, Tiger’s Woods main heaux is currently on Celebrity Rehab for Love Addition. {Pause: What the FUCK is Love Addiction? How is that even a disease that needs to be cured? I love you Dr. Drew, but really?} Sadly, all Fantasia got was an ugly ass Nupe, 4 Grammy nominations, and her show getting cancelled.  At least she got proven in court to not “really” be a homewreaker. Didn’t really see that blasted all over the news though, did you? Speaking of which . . .

The Racist Ass Media

I already have issues with the media because I’m not a part of it.  But 2010 was SURELY the year of biased ass news coverage regarding the plight of the famous.  The first clue for me that the media was horribly racist was the converage of the Tiger Woods Debacle.  Yes, it started in 2009, but it just kept getting bigger and bigger.  He wasn’t the first sports figure to be a whore while he was married, but he was the first Black Man who got caught by his white wife cuz he was humping white girls all over the country.

The vilification of Michael Vick, even after he served his time in prison, is another example. Tucker “Closested Bigot” Carlson said he should be executed for his crimes? For making dogs fight each other.  MuthaFucka for real? For killing Dogs? He got more time in jail for killing dogs than Ben Roethlesberger got interviewed for being accused of rape.

Fox News and their coverage of President Obama is another GLARING example of how racism is becoming the back bone of all kinds of media coverage. The fact that he is almost never referred to as President Obama, but instead of as Barack or just Obama is so damn disrespectful! It’s not just Fox News that does it, other media outlets do as well.  

They always talk about the things he hasn’t gotten done, but never discuss what he HAS gotten accomplished.  If you would like to know what he’s done so far click here —> http://bit.ly/eN4058 <—— I could rant for daaaaaaaays about this, but then I wouldn’t have to talk about how the Media and the Law refuses to leave Kwame the FCUK alone . . . .

LEAVE KWAME THE FCUK ALONE

The man had a party that was his ultimate downfall.  Every TRUE Detroiter knows someone who was actually at the party. Half the gotdamn city was there.  Yes, Carlita punched some heaux in the face for giving her man a lapdance.  Yes, Kwame did some shady stuff while he was in office.  Yes, his father is a douchebag. Yes, he should pay back the city for the money they spent to cover up his lie.  But must we really spend our entire life, Kym “Pissed cuz Kwame didn’t want me” Worthy, to bring the man down.  He really can’t get no lower.  What’s the point now? I mean really, he doesn’t have any more money to give, he will never be able to run for office anywhere? Are we trying to take the man’s dignity and will to live at this point? Note: If he really did get that girl killed, he deserves to sit in prison for the rest of his life. But I’m so damn tired of hearing about how horrible a person Kwame is!

Famous Black Men continuing to Fcuk Up

Seriously, I mean SERIOUSLY. Between T.I and Chris Brown, light skinned men don’t got no role models right now.  You spent an entire year redeeming yourself from some admittedly fcuked up mistakes on your part, only to stick your foot in your mouth less than a  year later.

T.I: SIR. Really, dental work turned you into a drug addict? Why did you get your teeth fixed in the first damn place? Your fans don’t give a hell you had chicklet teeth.  We thought it was cute. But your teeth were hurting so you had 50 Ecstasy pills and weed in your Maybach. Because that makes sense . . . It does. When you get out of jail this time, just sit your Beige ass down somewhere.

Chris Brown: You know I love you.  I STAN for you. I have written several blogs regarding my love for you, but if you don’t get your light skinned dancing ass off Twitter, you are never going to be able to make a record people pay for again.  Yes, I know that RazBerry was baiting you and he was being a douche, but you NEVER NEVER NEVER get back at an asshole by talking about their claims of rape or molestation.  

You beat up RiRi Five Head, we saw the pictures.  He was trying to get people to pay attention to him, becuase the 4 youtube plays didn’t work. You played right into his hands.  Now the Racist Ass Media has you looking like a Homophobe. I will admit though, calling him a Peter Pan Dcik in the Booty Azz Boy was HIGHLARIOUS. Get rid of your twitter Hunny, I love you too much to see you fail.

Kanye: Shut the Fcuk Up. Don’t talk, ever on TV. Ever. Just make beats and albums, and SHUT THE FCUK UP.

Republicans

Not all Republicans are evil, but the majority of them are dumb as hell.  Their view of the world is so skewed it’s like when they talk they see a different place.  The growing popularity of the Tea Party Movement and their racist propaganda {that is largely ignored by the mainsteam media} scares the shit outta me. The fact that Sarah “I can see Russia from my House” Palin has a fighting chance at being a candidate for President in 2012 just makes me want to scream.

Sadly, the thing that I find the most frustrating is also something I think Black Folks and Democrats could learn from.  Their singular focus on meeting whatever goal it is they have has turned a Moment of Change into a Whimper of Hope. They have made this country miserable for 10 years, and it ain’t lookin’ too good for getting better anytime soon.

John Edwards

Dear John Edwards, Fcuk You. You seem to be the epitome of having no couth in 2010. Not only did you cheat on your wife while she was dying of Cancer, but before she died or you had gotten a divorce, you were planning your new life with the bish you knocked up? I mean really, picking out wedding venues? Were you planing on paying for the event with the life insurance from the policy you had on Elizabeth? The only thing that makes me smile is know that you will NEVER be able to run for a public office, because women across the country hate your stinking GUTS. With Utter Disdain, Me.

SubPar Singers

Yes, I’m talking to you Ciara, Keyshia, Rihanna, and Keri. I feel like, maybe if you guys formed a super group of half nekkid dancing bishes you might get more album sales.  You can let Soulja Boi rap on half the songs, and help his stupid ass out too.

Keyshia: I know your life was hard, but you have GOT to stop singing like your screech is gonna take you to the promise land.  You need to get back to the Keyshia Cole that TuPac told people was going to be a famous singer at 9. Stop trying to be like everyone else, and be yourself. Also, stop with the Tattoos, it’s not now nor will it ever be cute.

Ciara: We know you can dance, we get it. We also know you have a STRONG ass jaw.  This doesn’t help the fact that you couldn’t sing on key if your life depended on it.  I just really need you to get a vocal couch and just BREATHE. Also, please do me a favor and tell Kim K to stick to helping black men win championships with her vajayjay. No one wants to hear her sing . . . NO ONE.

Keri: Go back to writing songs.

Rihanna: I JUST figured out that you were from an island.  You should go back there, and like un-learn the RiRi Five Head Yodel.  This is not to say that you don’t have some catchy ass songs.  I have about 10 of your songs on my phone right now {Oh Na Na . . .hWhat’s My Name}. But you need to do better. Also, just because your BFF is Katy Perry, it doesn’t mean you can have Red Hair. It’s not okay.

Stupid People on Twitter

Lastly, let’s discuss the stupid people on twitter.  It’s not just random people I don’t know, it’s also famous people who say the most ignorant shit.  I have lost respect for so many people just based on the things they tweet.  #SelvesofSteam {Self esteem} #DefenseMagnesium {Defense Mechanism} #LactoseandTolerants {Lactose Intolerant}. That is just the tip of the Iceburg.  This year has truly shown me how important my education is to me, and how far we have to go as a people regarding common damn sense.  For a full overview of the 25 Dumbest Tweets of 2010 click here —-> http://bit.ly/fQuVPj <—–

There is more from 2010 that I could comment on, and I may come back and add to this.  But right now, it’s also 7 in the AM, and this is all I care to discuss.  Feel free to share things that bothered you this year too!

Happy New Year Guys!

My Thoughts on the 2010 VMA’s

Okay, once again, I am about to piss all kinds of people off.  I anxiously await the random comments.  As long as no one calls me a nigger, I will even approve them.  Sooooooooo, lets talk about last night’s VMAs, and why they were Such a Train Wreck.  It was so horrible that I couldn’t turn away.

When twitter makes your show better, because people spend their time commenting on it instead of paying attention, you know you have done something wrong.  Do Better MTV, do the Fuck Better. When the 2010 BET Awards are better than the 2010 VMAs, you know the world is coming to an end.  You mean Debra Leeeeeeeeevil put together a better show than the head of MTV.

Fact: Rihanna is a Tasteless, Tacky, Tactless Bitch.

I don’t care if you like her, she’s a bitch.  All that shade she was throwing during Drake’s Performance (which is awesome by the way).  Really Heaux?!?!? You Fancy huh? You dyed your hair with Wylers Flavored Drink, and wore your favorite throwback Rainbow Brite dress, and you got the Nerve, the UNMITIGATED GALL, to throw Shade.  If it wasn’t for Drake, you would have been lost in the wilderness of “Chris Brown beat My Ass for Poppin’ Off at the Mouth” Land. I hate That Heaux.

Fact: TI is a Fuck-Up

I tried to support him.  I had so much hope for him.  The Whites had embraced him and everything, and then he gets caught with drugs in his car! You stupid hood FUCK. They had to change the entire song because you weren’t able to leave ATL. They gone put your ass in jail. For 27 years, because of some Extasy Pills. Fucking Leotard. But, I’m not gone lie, it would be a very smart move if Tiny took that charge for you . . .

Fact: Usher is too Damn Old to be Dancing

Usher, you got 2 kids.  You know you got hip issues.  Nigga, just sing. It’s okay, we still love your voice.  It still takes most women to a happy place.  But seeing you try to become the Club Queen, not the Business.  Not at all.  Every time i hear a song by you lately, I think to myself, “Dammit, where is my Glow Stick? I must have left it at that Rave last weekend!” You are a 30+ black man, start singing about love everlasting and fucking . . . Everyone would respect you more.  Leave the dancing to Justin “Ellen’s Gay Counterpart” Beiber. Train up a child in the way he should go . . .

Fact: MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN FUCK TAYLOR SWIFT

Yeah, I said that shit . . . . so did Kanye last night. Really bitch?!?!  You wrote a WHOLE FUCKING SONG about Kanye West being immature last year, like 3 months after his mother died, and you decided to sing it now.  NOW BITCH?!?!  Ohhh I hate you AND your PR team.  You thought it was going to help everyone remember how Kanye helped you sell 3 more million copies of your last album?

Or how, the majority of people you didn’t listen to country music didn’t know who the fuck you were before he Kanye’d you last year.  You should have wrote a song called, “Thank You Kanye West, you made me relevant.” You thought you would look extra young and innocent if you went barefoot huh, and strummed a guitar? No Bitch, you looked like you were trying too hard.  You and you pale ass monkey feet need to go somewhere.  We are ALLLLL over you!

Fact: Kanye West is a Musical Genius

Kanye West – Runaway (feat. Pusha T) {Click for the MP3 Version of the VMA Performance}

Call me a Pegro if you want to, I’m right.  Any artist who can create what is the ANTHEM for most of the people I know is Musical Royalty in my book.  That song last night was awesome.  the staging of the performance as beautiful.  The red was doing a bit much, but still, that was Awesome.  Those of you who are so “Enlightened” that you can’t like Kanye anymore are posers. Acknowledge his talent, even if you don’t like his personality or his actions.  But either way:

And I always find something wrong,
You been putting up with my shit for way too long
I’m so gifted at finding what I don’t like the most
so I think it’s time for us to have a toast

Lets have a Toast for the Douchebags
Let’s have a Toast for the Assholes
Let’s have a Toast for the Scumbags
Everyone of them that I know

Lets have a toast for the Jerk Offs
That’ll never take work off
Baby I got a plan, Runaway fast as you can

Cuz what he said to Taylor Swift was . . . . . Bitch Boo Bye!

*Shoutout to RockaBye Review for the Lyrics and the MP3*

Real Nigga Shit (c) AK – Vol. 16: Leave Chris Brown tha F*ck Alone

Okay, seriously people.  Enough already.

Feel free not to agree with me.

I really DON’T care.

What I care more about, is the fact that ya’ll are still bring up this shit.  Yes, I will wholeheartedly admit to being a Chris Brown Stan.  I have been pretty much since he came out.  But why am I a Stan? Is it because he is ridiculously sexy? NO.  Is it because the way he licks his lips makes me consistently check and see how old he is? NO.

It’s because the Boy has GENUINE Talent.  Not only does he have a distinct voice, and he’s cute, but that chile can DANCE.  Not Ursher Poppin’ and Lockin’ but DANCE.

In Happier Times . . .

But other than that, why do I think yall should leave him alone? Cuz he has paid his dues. His sentence was 5 years Probation and Counseling. He did his 180 hours of Hard Labor community service, he’s completed his counseling.

He repented.

He has been publically flogged from every media outlet possible. I knew this shit was out of hand when Fox News did a special report on Domestic Violence. I won’t even discuss Oprah and her one-sided ass interview with Robyn Rihanna “Five Head” Fenty. Let that little nigga be.

I'm Sorry America

FACT: Yes, he beat up Riri. Yes we all saw the pictures. It was a stupid thing to do. BUT HE WAS YOUNG AS HELL. He wasn’t even 20 yet. He made a mistake that some TEENAGERS make in their first major relationship. Yall mad cuz it just so happened to be that Umbrella sangin’ Chile’. Whinin ass Snitches.

FACT: R.Kelly peed on a 14 year old girl. On tape. Yall stay bumping 12 Play. For all you know he was talking about the age of his latest girlfriend. But yall still believe that Nigga Can Fly, don’t you? He told yall he’s a Bad Man, he wrote Age aint nothin’ but a Number. But yall steady Steppin’ in the Name of Love.  Hypocrite ass people.

FACT: Kobe Bryant was accused of RAPE. Don’t matter if he did it or she was a heaux. RAPE. Yall folks was wearing Free Kobe T-Shirts and and throwback jerseys from when he was in high school. Yall were on that fools dick harder than a White Girl in Colorado. “But Kobe is gonna take the Lakers all the way…..”

Ya’ll simple mu’fuckas  mad that Chris Brown lost is temper in a confined space with his GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!!! GTFOH. Sho’Be Cryin will cry for 10 minutes when he misses a damn shot.  But we hate Chris Brown cuz that nigga showed emotion while singing Man in the Mirror, a song about changing your life?!?!?!

I'm Just Sayin'

Maaaaaaaaan FUCK Ya’ll.

FACT: Lil Boosie KILLED. A. MAN. He didn’t write a song about it,  he actually killed a man. Yall still talking bout Wipe Me Down. Talkin bout he’s an underrated artist and you don’t know where he came from and why he lived a life of crime. Chris Brown saw his momma get her ass beat on a regular basis, and studies have proven that Domestic Violence is a Learned Behavior. But CB is to be tarred and feathered cuz he made Riri’s five head a SIX?!?!? I guess we love Boosie cuz he taught hood rats how to spell.

Fact: I HATE BLACK PEOPLE.

Seriously. Honestly. She won that fight.

Cuz anytime someone has to bite you during a fight they are losing. Case and Point Michael Damn Tyson. He didn’t bite Evander cuz that nigga tasted good.  He bit him becuz he was tired of losing the damn fight. Yes, I’m mad as hell. I was a HUGE MJJ Fan, and I always thought that all the charges were false, but since his death yall act like he was just a victim of his upbringing. THIS is why I call you Hypocrites. Because your double standard is bullshit.

Its been said for years that Riri used to physically abuse her boyfriends during arguments. But we don’t bring that up huh? That chick aint Mother Teresa. AND she can’t sing. Or Dance. Or even sing an entire song on key.  Listen to the lyrics of Eminem’s new single “Love the Way You Lie” ft the aforementioned Riri. She is signing the hook for a GOTDAMN reason.

In closing. Shut the Fuck Up Already. Let Chris Brown Be Great. Dammit Shit!

(if you don’t agree with me feel free to voice your opinion. Doesn’t mean you’re right.)

Real Nigga Shit (c) AK: Volume 13 – Have You No Couth?!? Things that Pissed me the F*ck Off in 2009

Yes, this is going to be an angry blog. I don’t have any sage advice, or things to think about for you this time. This is all about ME, and why I am always so damn angry. Yes, I have high standards. But in 2009, people went far beyond what I could excuse, and went right into just doing Dumb Shit. These are in no particular order, one is not more important than the other. Enjoy.

Similarities?

1) Nikki Minaj

Her name alone pisses me off. But it’s more what she seems to represent. Sub-par rap lyrics + Half Nekkid Whore Look = Success!

HAVE YOU NO COUTH?!?

I don’t wanna see you squatting spread eagle licking a lollipop. WTF, put that inside your album cover as a poster like Lil’ Kim did. You are trying to be like her right? Take a lesson from your mentor, she did it better. You can’t rap. At least Lil’ Kim has a sick ass flow.

You rap about dumb shit, and you empower dumb hood broads to say they are a Barbie Doll. WTF Dude! Not only did she sample, “I don’t wanna go to Mexico No More More More” {a childhood favorite of mine} in a gotdamn rap, but she she actually rhymed Bestest with the word asbestos. Really Heaux, Fucking Really?????

I hate you. I hope you read this and understand that I hate you. I might email it to you, but that would mean that you actually knew how to use a computer for more than cybersex and googling pics of Lil’ Kim. Sorry, I’ll put it in the mail for you.

Not the Business!

2) Public Displays of Affection

I don’t diss your love. I congratulate you for your relationship. I do not, however, want to pull up into my parking spot and see you and your man dry humping in the building. This is your job heaux!

HAVE YOU NOT COUTH?!?!?

When was it EVER ok to be in front of the counter making out with your man? When!!!! And not only were you sucking his face, but you had the nerve to – on more than one occasion – move into the corner of the store, like I still couldn’t see you. BITCH THE WALLS ARE MADE OF GLASS!!! I F*cking See You! So does everyone else in the complex.

No matter how much you love your man, he should respect you enough to not have you looking like a dime store trick AT YOUR GOTDAMN JOB!!!!! I really had a mind to call corporate, because that shit was just inappropriate. Then he walked out the door when I walked up. Like I didn’t know all about his stroke game after watching him give his girl the dry-hump dick down for 20 minutes. Just dammit man.  Speaking of asshole Boyfriends . . .

HINT HINT HINT!

3) Asshole Boyfriends/Fiance’s/Husbands

The litany, All Men are Dogs, has been run into the ground. Most men aren’t dogs. There are those who have happy relationships without drama. They exist, someone just found them first. But the men/boys/assholes I’m seeing lately are like a whole new breed of man. This is the man that does his dirt, in the open, and doesn’t care who he hurts in the process.

HAVE YOU NO COUTH?!?!

2,457 strangers know all your business and the only girl who doesn’t accept your status as a douchebag is your girlfriend/fiance/wife. These men must have the Dick Game of the New Millennium, because I am truly baffled. Tiger Woods, you fucking IDIOT. The reason your dad got away with it was because your mother was Thai, and it wasn’t in her nature to cause a ruckus {No Relation}. But you go and marry a Swedish girl, and hump every waitress you could on the PGA Circuit, and you thought that was okay?

I blame Kobe’s Wife for starting this shit. Your husband was on trial for RAPE and you stayed. Now you got men humping anything with fake boobs and white teeth, and thinking that offering their wife some form of monetary reward to Stand By Her Man will suffice. I hate you Kobe’s Wife. This is All your Fault.

No Words are really needed . . .

4) Stupid B*tch Girlfriends/Fiance’s/Wives

Let that Nigga GO! I don’t care how much he tells you he will never do it again, he’s going to. Unless he was raped, there was a point when he said to himself, Imma F*ck this girl, and I’m okay with it. She didn’t seduce him, she didn’t trap him, she got the dick down cuz he wanted to give it to her. Stop bitching to your girls about how you just don’t know how to keep your man, and let that nigga go! He don’t wanna be with you. And stop placing all the blame on the half nekkid heauxs at the club.

Have You No Self-Respect?!?! HAVE YOU NOT COUTH?!?!?

Why weren’t you there with him? Why would you let him go out to a club without taking care of him real quick? Why would you NOT question him the first time he lied? Why would you NOT kick his ass out the first time he came in at 4 in the morning, drunk and half dressed. Men do what we allow them to do. Stop blaming the other woman, and think about what you did/didn’t do to make him think you wouldn’t care what he did.

Love your self enough to know that someone else should love you. “Well, you know it’s hard for a big girl…” “Well you know it’s hard for us Dark Skinned Girls….” “Well you know it’s hard for men to date women who make more money than they do….” It’s not hard. Ya’ll don’t expect them to, so they don’t. If you have to change yourself to get him to pay attention to you, HE DIDN’T WANT YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE!

I bet you think this part is about you . . .

5) Internet Whores

In the era of FaceBook, MySpace, Twitter, Linked In, etc. The Rise of the Internet Whore can almost be scientifically charted. I miss the days of BlackPlanet and College Club, when all your business wasn’t out there, and you could pretend that you had self-respect. Now a days, all you need is a Skype, an email account, and a webcam, and you can whore yourself to the next man you meet.

HAVE YOU NO COUTH?!?!?

Not only are you building a reputation, but the internet is NOT the best way to prove your sexual prowess. You just think you sent that pic to @igottadick4u, you actually just got added to a file that he shares with all his friends, fraternity brothers, and twitter followers. I PERSONALLY have a file of FB Peen on my home computer, what makes me think dudes don’t have a file too?

You proving how slutty you can be doesn’t make him like you more. It won’t make him want to date you. All you get out of it is some Textual Seduction or some Fiber Optic Copulation. At the end of the day, you still look like a whore to those around you. Love yourself. Because he dont/won’t. He only talks to you on a regular because it costs $12.99 to get porn On Demand.

PLEASE!

6) Negro Youth & Twitter

I know I already blogged about it, but dammit they keep doing dumb shit. I’m not even going to try to explain half the songs I hear on the radio. I’m not even going to go into how the educational system sets them up to fail. Not even going to pontificate on how Racism has gone from Jim Crow to James Crowe, Esq. Nope, not even going to talk about that.

I can just discuss recent Twitter Trending Topics. Besides the fact that they are often spelled wrong {#younoyourfat}, could the mindset of the youth be more fucked up. Twitter was fun until the niggers discovered it. Now my timeline is flooded with shit like,{ @bowwow614 I wanna be a Kappa, imma pledge next week}. And 40000000000 stupid ignorant females ReTweeting his shit. Not to mention #twitterafterdark

HAVE YOU NO COUTH?!?!?

Did you know that when you apply for a job the FIRST thing they do, before they even check your references, is google your name? They find your MySpace, FB, Twitter pages. Google indexes them. So unless you are smart enough to make all your pages private, there goes that job opportunity. You were wondering why they didn’t call you back, even though you were highly qualified. Could have been that FB Status you had up last night: {Lac3y ISukkGudDick 4MyManzNEm is watching Ghetto Chicks who suck Monster Dick #45. I’m learning alot!}

Get You Mind Right . . . . Just Dammit F*ck!

7) Chris Brown and Rihanna

Yes, this WHOLE THING Pissed me off. I don’t care if you think I’m wrong, it’s my f*cking opinion! Yes, Chris Brown beat her down. He beat her like she stole something. He was wrong, it’s never right to hit a woman, blah blah blah . . . BUT

It’s also never right to hit a man in his face. Or hit a person period. My uncles and Big Brothers all told me, if you hit a man in his face, you lose the right to say, But I’m a Girl. When you hit a man in his face, you are basically saying you are his equal, and he will beat you as such. That is the mindset of most men I know, right or wrong. I don’t care how mad at you I am, I will never hit you in your face { or hit you in the balls}. But really Walmart, REALLY?!?!?

HAVE YOU NO COUTH?!?!?!

Ya’ll can sell R. Kelly’s Albums, but you can’t put Chris Brown on the shelf?!?! R. Kelly PISSED ON AN UNDERAGED GIRL. IN HER MOUTH, ALL OVER HER. But Chris Brown is a horrible person?!? The issue had nothing to do with his talent as a singer. Yeah, the endorsements had to go, but to deliberately sabotage this young mans career. He made a mistake, his temper got the best of him. He apologized, her wore that damn BowTie, what more must he do!!! He was 19 at the time . . . R. Kelly was like 40.

Please Note:If you didn’t have such good deals on the groceries I needed, I would never shop in your stores. And if I bought music, I would never buy it from you. Know that I give your greeters the evil eye every time I walk in your store. And I never put my cart in the little cart thingie when I’m done. So there *insert head/neck/eye roll here*

This was a long one, so thanks for reading! Comments/Questions/Concerns are welcomed