Tag Archive | Self Help

30 Day Writing Challenge: A book I liked, and a Book I didn’t like.

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Everything I knew about Love, until like 3years ago, I got from Nora Roberts.  That’s not an exaggeration.  Everything I thought I knew about what love felt like, and what love should look like, I got from books written by Nora Roberts.  The first book I read by her was Montana Sky.  It’s this epic sweeping novel based in Montana and the descriptions she used to talk about the land made me feel like I had been there myself. 

Nora is really good at descriptions, like really good.  Almost too good.  She usually has pages and pages of thougths and feelings, and analyzations about the whys and the how’s of every situation.  In Montana Sky, I was emotionally invested in the characters just from their descriptions. 

Before I read Montana Sky, the most risque books i’d read were by Danielle Steele, that’s actually how I found her.  I was at Borders – remember when they existed – and I noticed her section was bigger than Danielle Steel’s.  I was like, well who is THIS heffa.  So i picked a book that started with my name – becasue selfish – and I was lost in it almost immediately. There was Action, and Lust, and Drama, and Fight Scenes.  It was like watching a movie on paper.  It might have been the first time I read a 500+ page novel in one sitting.  

I will always love Nora Roberts, she taught me so much.  About writing, and character development, and creating a back story that made you care about these ficticious people. I’ve taken some of these tools in my own fiction writing, I see it all the time when i re-read books that I have started and never finished.

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More like the dumbest book ever.  I don’t get the hype.  All i heard freshman year of college was how amazing Sista Soulja was, and how her book – The Coldest Winter Ever – had helped to guide them in figuring out themselves as people.  They also talked about how it made them look at being a black woman. Maybe it’s because I didn’t grow up in the inner-city and have a crackhead for a mother, or that my “black woman” experience wasn’tlike most peoples.  I’m not quite sure why I hated this book, but I hated it. 

Also, how are you a character in your ownbook.  Like, WHAT?!?!?!? It was Sista Soulja propaganda.  The whole book she was talking about how awesome she was.  I can’t remember if I was going through something at the time, or what.  I just know I felt dumber after readingt the book.  I was not invested at all in the storyline, it might have taken me over a week to finish it, which is unheard of for me.  It’s a stupid book. I also havnen’t re-read it since like 1999.  Maybe I should read it again, see if I get anything out of it this time.  I probabaly won’t though, cuz I have 40+ books in my Kindle right now that haven’t been read yet. 

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Can I….Can I…..Save You From You?

Drake is real good for having one line in a song that just makes me want to cry. The title of this blog is that line.

I am a fixer. I haven’t always been that way. I used to be a follower, just kind of going with the flow. Until i started to spend the majority of my time taking care of people that were falling apart. Its like i started attracting messed up people. For a while, I was fine with that, because it gave me something to do. If i was fixing everyone elses problems then I didn’t have to focus on my own.

Recently, I see myself falling into that pattern again. The two most important people to me are slowly, in my opinion, falling apart. Its really killing me to have to see this happening to them, and not be able to make a difference. If you talk to both of them, nothing is wrong that they can’t fix when they are ready to, and all I want to know when are you going to be ready?

The companion piece to this blog – Fix Your Shit – wont be this vague. But tonight, I continue to think to myself “Tell me why, I always fall for your type?……Cuz I Believe in people like You”

The Aquarian in me wants to be Captian Save a Heaux and just take over. I want to do things the right way – my way. It frustrates me to no end that people can’t see things the same way I do. This internal knowledge that my way is the best, nay, only way is the reason I Hate My Father. So even though I want to fix people because what they are doing is something i think is wrong, I hate myself for judging people that I expect not to judge me.

Its that internal conflict, this fight to do what’s right in MY eyes that has me at odds with my current employer. It what keeps me awake at night trying to come up with solutions to my problems. It’s what has made me cut off friend for extended periods of time. Why wont you just take my advice?  Im trying to make things better not worse.

Yet, it doesn’t work. I don’t say what I want to say, or do what I want to do. Im still unhappy because as much as I want to change my own situation fear stops me. Adult responsibilities like rent and car notes and phone bills and student loans and health insurance stop me from saying what i want to say.

I can’t even save myself from myself, so who the hell am i to be trying to save you? But I really want to save us all….Because its enough for me to see someone else better themselves.

Its enough. If I could just get back to something being enough, and not too little or too much. But enough. “I’ve had ENOUGH to drink,” “I’ve had ENOUGH of sitting on my ass,” “I’ve had ENOUGH of being ashamed of my actions…”

So can I….can I…..save you from you? Or will you…will you…save me from myself?