Back in MY day . . .(or) We (too) Old for some of this Shit.

I realized I was an adult the day I said to my child, “Shut all that Hollerin’ Up, I’m trying to watch My Stories!” It was like the spirit of Nana (Miss Alma Jones for the uninformed) had entered my body. I’ve started yelling at my kids to stop leaving the doors open and the lights on. I just bought a new couch, and I am really considering putting plastic over the whole thing. Kids be touching EVERYTHING. With Doritos dust and Chocolate, and God knows what else on their hands. Why are kids like this? Why do they constantly show me how old I am.

I completely understand now.

Unbeknownst to my Nana, I wanted to be like her when I grew up. I wanted to smoke cigarettes, and have the little pouch they fit in – along with my paper money and change – resting on my ample bosom. I wanted to wear the BADDEST corsets around, and be the lady that hummed and sang during church services. I wanted to know why she always called out to the Lord when she stood up after sitting a long time.  I wanted to only want to drink an Ice Cold Pepsi out of a tall glass full of Ice, and just be.

But Nana smoked Newport’s tho

I realized I had turned into her when I had the summer camp in 2022 at my house. I did all those things, every single one of them . . .but not on purpose. I missed growing up. So much was happening in my life, I missed the switch from young adult to Grown Ass Woman. They don’t give you a party? No Parade? No flowers? That’s some bullshit. My whole world view changed, and I didn’t even get a sticker. I just woke up one day – cooking food in a house dress, asking the baby to bring me her sister’s bottle, setting my alarm for 4:30am EVERY FUCKING WEEKDAY and meaning it.

I’m a Grown Ass Woman

That being said, I feel a way about some stuff. Please allow me to get this shit off my chest. If you think what I say is about you . . . it is. Call Me or Fight Me. We Grown.

Stop Lying to Women

If you don’t wanna be faithful to her, tell her that shit. Y’all got girls out here happy as shit, thinking they got the worlds best man, bragging on shit, and you NOT who you keep telling her you are. If you KNOW you a Heaux, just be a Heaux. Or, find you a girl that wants to be a Heaux right along with you. Or, supports your Heaux-like ways. If you have to hide who the fuck you are from your partner, they shouldn’t be your partner. PERIODT.

Stop Being a Shitty Friend

Life has been Lifeing for everyone I know. People’s entire foundations have crumbled in the last 9-18 months. Folks have lost jobs, houses, parents, children, spouses, etc. The one thing that devastated me the most about the last 7 months of my life, are the friends that seemingly fell to the wayside. The minute my life schedule didn’t fit their life schedule . . . GHOST. Because I can’t call you in the brief time you have away from your overbearing partner, you just stop talking to me completely? You not answering text messages? You not responding to messages on Social Media? You can like a picture, but can’t pick up the phone? That shit is annoying, and fucking disrespectful. 

I’m talking about 5, 10, 15 year friendships that have all gone to the wayside in the last year, because I stopped making the effort to keep us connected. GodParents of some of my children, even. It take 3 secs to say, I’m having a tough time right now, but I love you. Make the FUCKING EFFORT. People who have held you down during YOUR crisis, but all of a sudden you can’t help them. I’m not talking about borrowing or giving money. I’m talking about emotional support. I’m talking about making sure people feel seen/heard/acknowledged during their time of crisis. We are at the age when folks can just drop dead at any minute. Don’t be that, “Damn, I wish I would have stayed in touch with her,” ass person.

Words don’t Mean Anything Anymore

I grew up in a time, when your status in the world around you, was based on who you REALLY were as a person. Your reputation was based on your actions, and how they affected other real people, in your real life. If you told someone you were going to do it, you did that shit. If you said to a person, “If you need anything, let me know,” you meant that. You didn’t just do it to look good on the internet. You didn’t commit to something, and then just quit because it required some sacrifice. The time in which I was raised…is officially the ‘Olden Days’ (as I used to call it when I was a kid). Folks don’t have no Honor, all people want is Clout. To be talked about via Social Media. Stuntin’ for the ‘Gram is what the Young Folks call it. How did WE get sucked into it? People MY age? We might be worse than the Young Folk. Cuz let my FB tell it . . .

I’ve decided to live my life in Gratitude. 

God saved my life 3 times last year. I’m alive, and will be forever Grateful that God spared my life and is letting me Raise My Children.

Let me tell you a quick-ish story:

Around this time, 20 years ago, I got my 1st real job since College Graduation. I saw a help wanted sign at a church daycare, and turned in to get an application. I was in shorts and t-shirt, no plans to do anything but hand over my resume and hope for a call back. When I walked in, my initial thought was: PURPLE. Everything had some kind of purple in it. This had to be a sign.

I introduced myself to the lady at the desk, handed over my resume, and thanked her for her time. “Well, let me check if Sister Morman has a quick second to talk.” When she walked in, the Classiest Lady I’d ever seen in person, she looked over my resume. Something she saw made her pause, and she asked me back to her office.

“How do you know James Henry?” That was my Uncle. He was a reference, because I used to work at the funeral home from time to time. What I didn’t know, is that he had JUST joined that church the previous Sunday, and was a personal friend of the Pastor and his Wife. I’m pretty sure 75% of the reason I got that job was because of my Uncle. Yay Nepotism!

That job changed my life in so many ways. I found a family I didn’t even know I was looking for. The families that trusted me with their children, the staff that loved on me while my Mother was sick, the friendships we made, and have continued to nurture for 20 years….that job was a miracle. It’s still the most fun I’ve ever had teaching.

Jan: Thank you for letting me figure out how to teach. I came in guns blazing, and you ran with it. Thanx for being Mama Jan to me, and my little ones. I’m so grateful for our relationship.

Robin, Tanya, Deborah, Shawna, Simone: Thank you for trusting me with your kids. I learned so much from them. They showed me how to listen to children and let them lead the way. I teach the way I do now because of the stuff we did at KKDC. Thank you for allowing me to stay in their lives, even after they left KKDC lol. I’m so proud of everything they’ve all done… so I can’t even imagine how you guys feel. You’ve raised some Beautiful Human Beings. I’m forever indebted to you, for trusting me to be a part of their Journeys.

Chante, Kim, Sheara: I LOVE Y’all. Thank you for welcoming me with open arms and hearts, in all my awkwardness. For going along with my crazy Ideas, even when you weren’t quite sure, they would work. For always answering when I call, be it for work or play. I’m so blessed we’re are still able to find ways to work with each other all these years later. It’s even better because we are all doing our own things.

Kobe, Kyle, Jade, Trin, August, Amari, Maranda, Talia: Ya’ll are the Coolests Freakin’ kids on the Planet. I brag on all of you all the time! If ever you need an Adult…call me. I won’t tell your parents (they can’t even see this message, I Promise). I LOVE You Guys ❤️

Thanx for Reading.

It’s been a while since I shared my words, thoughts, and feelings.

Some Thoughts on Motherhood . . .

I’m developing routines with my daughters. Some of them have nothing to do with me, and EVERYTHING to do with them. Their needs, their little quirks and idiosyncrasies. I have 3 WHOLE ASS CHILDREN. You talk about to Live the Impossible Dream. The last 5 Years have gone by so fast, I can’t even believe they happened half the time. 5 Years ago, I took time off to check on my mom, and the minute I got home, I knew I was going to have to move back.

My whole life, Joyce dropped everything, if I needed something. It was time tot do the same for her. So I packed up the life I was making in Arizona, and my dog, and drove cross country. That road trip was everything I needed to prepare me to be a caregiver. Jobless, I spent most of my time at the gym, cuz why not? I got cute, I started feeling myself. I hopped in a few DMs, getting ready for a summer of Travel and Other Things.

I had some FUN . . . and I Found My Person. I knew he was My Person from the 1st Conversation. It didn’t make any sense, this dude I NEVER spoke to in College . . . now I don’t feel right if I don’t hear his voice before I go to sleep. When he knew my mother’s health was failing, he came to see me. That was when I knew he Loved Me Too.

Then My Mom Died.

I didn’t appreciate her enough. I can admit that now. She was an extraordinary mother. She did everything she could possibly do, to make sure I was taken care of. I didn’t realize how much of a privilege that was, until I became a Parent myself. If she loved me even half as much as I love my girls, WHEW! My Mother was the epitome of “Push Through!” Doesn’t’ matter how you are feeling, what is happening around you . . . Push Through to the Other Side.

At 41 Years old, I have NO Idea how she raised me on the Salary she had. I make decent money, and things are STILL rough from time to time. I understand why she went back to school, and got her masters, so she could make better money . . . but she also gave up a REALLY good job at GM to become a teacher, because her travel schedule stopped her from being the kind of mom she wanted to be. She made sacrifices I can’t even fathom, to be my mother.

My Person . . . changed the kind of Mother I am going to be. I never considered having a Partner to ‘Parent’ with. In all the Impossible Dreams, I was pretty much Joyce . . . but me. Single, Independent, and Fierce. I never considered another personality that would influence decisions, and discipline, and every day things like who makes the bottles and who changed the last diaper. I never saw that, I wasn’t prepared for that. I think that has been the hardest part of Parenting for me . . . sharing it. Letting go of my need to control the outcome of everything . . . letting go of that Joyce part of me that has a PLAN.

Accepting input from another person, and not looking at it as criticism, or as a failure to be the Perfect Mother. Because that’s the goal, right? To be the Perfect Mother. To right the wrongs that were done to you, and raise your kids differently. At least, those of us who didn’t have great parents. I thought Joyce was perfect, but she wasn’t. There are a few things I know I need to do differently. Deal with differently.

In trying to Parent . . .I have to admit my flaws, my areas that need some work. That has been very difficult for me. This Adult shit . . . is HARD. Add to that, I’ve been pregnant since December 2019. Ya’ll don’t even understand the struggle. This is how I know My Person is Really My Person. Because I’ve put him though some shit. Grieving the loss of my Mother, while becoming a Mother.

I really can’t believe my Mother isn’t here making them every dress ever. 3 Girls! She would have been in Heaven. Doing this without her, is the hardest part of trying to be an Adult. I miss her guidance, and her voice on the other end of the phone. I miss her complaining about how I drive, and where I go. Plus, I appreciate the Irony of having 3 girls, who are going to be so fun as teenagers. I was a horrible daughter from ages 12 to 19. I know Joyce is up there laughing at me, and she can’t wait to keep laughing.

5 Years Ago, The Life I Have wasn’t even on my radar. Now I have a Fiancé, and 3 Whole Ass Kids. I’m somebody’s Mommy. It’s the Greatest Gift. The faith my children have in me, in US, is so beautiful. They greet us with smiles, and hugs. Actually, they Greet Daddy with Smiles and Hugs. I only get those if Daddy is at home with Dakota. Something I never Planned for, became the Greatest Blessing. Watching Karma and Dallas play with each other, watching them create a relationship is an experience I can’t even describe as an emotion. They genuinely love each other. I have to make them stop talking to each other, since they share a room now. They give each other hugs for no reason.

Having been raised as an only child . . . sibling love is foreign to me. I’m forever Grateful to My Person, for allowing me to see it form right in front of my eyes every day.

No More Mediocre

I’m tired of mediocre people. I’m tired of mediocre people in power. I’m tired of mediocre people with power and privilege. I’m tired of mediocre people with power and privilege having any sort of say in the everyday workings of my life. 
I’ve spent most of my adulthood, being forced to deal with mediocre people in positions of power. There was a time when I didn’t really care. But it seems that since around January 20th, 2009…this shit has really come to the forefront. My contemporaries elected the first black President, and folks lost their gotdamn minds. 

The people who voted for the Only President I will ever claim, all of a sudden felt all their years of benefiting from their privilege no longer mattered. They felt they should be rewarded for their charity, and race should no longer be a part of any dialogue. 
You shouldn’t be rewarded. No one is going to clap for you. No one cares about your political act of charity. The movie Get Out just solidified some things I’ve been thinking out for the past year. I’m tired of mediocre people in positions of power (both minute and great) demanding respect they haven’t earned. 

I don’t have to respect, like, or care about you (or your feelings) just because you are a liberal (white) woman. I have the right to deny you that respect. Because, my people are free. I am notafraid of you, and in truth never have been. Because you didn’t earn your power, it was handed to you. 
The anger that comes, from knowing I’m better than people and yet I’m not afforded the same access and privilege they are. Some of this I can’t control….but there is a reason I have a therapist. Cuz sometimes that anger can be overwhelming. The difference between them and me…my knowing I’m better than you doesn’t make me address you differently. 

I don’t want your power. I don’t even want your privilege (I mean the good credit yes, but other than that….) I’m good.  
Being black is beautiful. It’s a blessing. At 35 I can say that and understand that phrase. There is nothing better in this world than an intelligent black American woman. Because we have carried the burdens of this country since it’s inception. 

The difference between “Us and Them”, we don’t want your power or your privleges. We just want to be able to create our own, without you trying to take it and make it yours. 

I don’t want your job. I know I can do your job better than you can. So do you, and that’s why you hate me.  I’m starting to believe that it’s some times in the very nature of mediocre people, to ruin any semblance of greatness. LET ME BE GREAT! My greatness doesn’t block your shine…its not meant to. 

I’m great at everything. This country created me to be a jack of all trades. I have to master everything, because survival is key. That’s why I can adapt to everything, because genetically I’m here because my ancestors did the same thing. The strong and resilient ones were the ones that lived. They killed the rest of them. 

I’m so tired of having to dim my light to make mediocre people feel comfortable. I’m so tired of code switching to keep my attitude in check. I’m so fucking tired of being told to stay in my place, because some sensitive ass mediocre bitch is sensitive and feels challenged. 
Wanna know why everyone likes me, cuz I’m honest. I know exactly who and what I am. When I say to them, “We dont judge,” its not empty words. I actually mean that shit. People gravitate towards truth, and those who try to destory it will never win. 

Call this a manifesto of sorts, if you will. My light is finna blind (but not block) these mediocre ass people. 

I am Amazing. I am Beautiful, I am a Genius, and I am indeed Better Than You. This is my truth. I’m living in it. 

Sorry, Not Sorry.

Dear Hip-Hop and R&B . . . I missed you

The best thing about music, is that it’s infinite, right? Music can be anything, sound like anything, mean anything at any given time.  Recently, I’ve found myself stuck in a musical rut.  Only listening to songs ive known for 5+ years, and not really exploring other music.  Possibly because my life has been in such a constant state of turmoil, and I’ve been needing to find my balance.  I’ve felt so off lately, and so out of control. So imagine my surprise when new music is the thing that finally brought me some peace. I’m not quite sure how/why I decided to try new albums and listen to other peoples outlooks on life, but I’m really glad I did.

BJ The Chicago Kid – In My Mind

I’ve been hearing this was a good album from people I trust on Twitter.  3 days ago, I started listening while I was getting ready for work.  The MINUTE i heard Big K.R.I.T’s voice on The Resume, I apporoved this album.  Cuz K.R.I.T is #Bae, and always will be.  Jill Scott had already co-signed him on her most recent album, and the song i’d heard with Chance the Rapper (also #Bae) was good, so I kept listening.  This is an album you put on when you want to write about Love and God and how they intersect in your life.  It’s an excellent album to have playing in the background during a cakin’ session with your new potential boo, or while you are organizing stuff on a Saturday night.  His voice is smooth, and has an underlying soul that has been missing with new artists.  He also samples GOOD soul music. Also, Kendrick Lamar.  Cuz (you guessed it) #Bae. Speaking of Kendrick . . .

Kendrick Lamar – Untitled Unmastered.

1) Kudos for the Surprise Album.  It was well played, and  GOOD album.  Each song is solid, they all sound good.
2) Alicia Key’s Son, Egypt, produced Track 7. Like, he created the beat. HE’S 5 YEARS OLD. The child is clearly already proving he’s a musical genius.  And why not, Homewrecker Keys + Swizz Beats = Musical Talent.  Also, Kudos Kendrick for using the beat, and making it my favorite track on the album.
3) I love that each song sounds like a continuation of a song from either To Pimp a Butterfly or GKMC.  These songs could be put on either of those albums, and still have a lasting impact.  His message is consistent, and when most artists are trying to sound and be different every other day, it’s actually pretty refresshing.
4) Did you see his Grammy Performance? This Man is #WOKE. Whew, he made white folks SO mad and confused at the same damn time!

Tweet – Charlene

I missed this Tweet. This album actually reminds me of her debut album. The reason it was so successful was because we could relate to every song. The same can be said for Charlene. It feels like the diary of a relationship. All those emotions that you go through after you break up, all the songs you need to sing to yourself to heal. The overall tone of the album is, “I’m grown, and I’ve made some mistakes. But don’t get it twisted, I’m still amazing.”

Chris Brown ft. Usher & Zayn – F**k You Back to Sleep (Remix)

Okay seriously, I haven’t even listened to Chris Brown’s new album. I hear it’s good, the cover art is cute. But he looks like too much of a meth addict for me to enjoy his music right now. But this remix right here . . . . Like OMG. Usher and Zayn in one song. Just grrrrr. Ursher . . . Yes Ursher’s verse is the best one. He’s so nasty. Using all those bad words, talking about all that grown up stuff. He done went and got murried, and now he ain’t shamed about his grown up sex life. Also, Zayn could GET IT. Like for Real he could get all the business. He looks like the British guy who’s first girlfriend was a black girl with a cockney accent. Even Chris yelling out Karruche’s name like an ass hole in the middle of the song doesn’t bother me . . .that much. Its a song you can play on repeat when you need to get your mind right, or let your mind go. It can serve a dual purpose. This got added to a FEW playlists.

So yeah, that what I’m currently listening to. I’m also looking forward to some new albums coming out this year. Beyoncé, Fantasia, Anthony Hamilton, KMichelle (judge if you must). A lot of folks are in the studio right now, so I’m excited for the next few months. What are you currently listening to?

A Book Series I Love: The Black Dagger Brotherhood

Here’s the Thing.  The reason I fell in love with this series, was because it provided everything I needed after I moved back to Michigan.  I needed something to think about, so I could stop dwelling on my life and what not.  Thankfully, I joined this great Facebook group, and someone in the group gave me access to all the books.  Let me just share some need to know things . . .

1) These aren’t your average Vampires. 
They are WARRIORS. They have an actually enemy, The Lessers, who don’t die.  They just get recycled back into the main bad guys – The Omega – bloodstream.  Sound Complicated? It so IS. And that’s what I love about it.  It’s a complete world.  Its not just Vampires hiding from humans, its told in real time, and they live in the Boston Metro Area.  Yaaaaaas for the Accents. They have their own slang, and if you spend enough time reading, you will start to talk like them.  Okay, maybe that’s just me. Either way, it’s a really good series to read and fully immerse yourself into.

2) Vishous is #Bae
Every single on of these Vampires is Sexy in their own way.  You will have a favorite, or several favorites.  V is my favorite because . . . Dominant.  All the Kinky Sex.  Him and Butch – Human turned Vampire – have this beautiful sexual tension.  I’m still waiting for something to pop off.  Like a foursome with them and their wives – Shellans – Or just a whole chapter of someone’s Wet Dream.  Speaking of sex . . . It’s SO GOOD in this series.  Very Primal, nothing pretty and cutesy about it. Even the characters that have sexual hang-ups, still have all the good sex. 

3) Each Brother has their own Story
The Best Part of the Series, is you can choose who you read about.  I highly recommend reading all of them in order, tho.  You will become invested easier that way.  You will also get the back story of the Vampire Society as a whole, as well as the fight against The Omega and the Lesser Society.  So far, there are 13 books, plus an off-shoot that JUST came out about their training academy.  Each book is anywhere from 300 – 780 pages, so even if you are a fast reader like me, it might take you an entire day to read some of the books. But it’s totally worth it.

4) It’s kind of a really Big Deal
There are BDB groups all over the place.  There are all over FB.  The Author, J. R. Ward, won’t turn the series into a movie.  But people have been guessing for years what each of the Brother’s looks like.  Some people are stupid, and try to make the Shadows – The Two Black People – white, but even J.R. has called them stupid for that.  Below, I have posted a graphic of who I think would play them in a movie.  Personally, I would like to see a NetFlix Series about them.  Like each book gets 2.5 hours, then they just do another season that has the every day adventures of the Brotherhood.  So J. R., if you read this, you heard it here first.

Enjoy The Series! Please feel free to share your thoughts.

I Think I Might Love Writing Challenges

So, my life is super busy.  I rarely have time to sit down and write an in-depth blog anymore.  Because writing a blog for me, takes about 2 – 3 hours, depending on the topic.  And If I have to search for images, or song lyrics, or some clip or point of reference . . . That’s gonna take even longer.  The problem is, I only sit down at a keyboard 3-4 times a week, and I’m actually working then.  So I think for a while, I’m going to just do some writing challenges, with the occasional deep ass blog thrown in when I have time.

To my new readers, thank you so much for following my blog!  I never expected anyone to follow this thing, and I’ve been for 9+ years.  I hope you find things that amuse, help, make you laugh, etc.  You might also find some things you don’t agree with  (Probably everything written from 2007-2009.  That was my anything goes/Sarcastic Asshole phase.)

And now, for today’s topic: 5 Ways to Win My Heart

1) You Need to Be Dominant
I’ve wholeheartedly accepted that I’m submissive when it comes to relationships.  Seriously, I wrote two blogs about it. So I’m not here for you if you want me to take care of you.  I can be supportive, and affectionate, but I refuse to be in charge in our relationship.  I won’t respect you, and the relationship will end VERY quickly.  This doesn’t mean you should beat the crap outta me, this means I should be able to trust you enough to let you be in charge.

2) You have to have AT LEAST what I Have.
I’m not a parent, I shouldn’t be taking care of you.  If you don’t have at least what I have, we aren’t going to work.  If I’m working two jobs, you have to AT LEAST be working one full time job.  You don’t have to own a Tesla, cuz me and my Buick Century are just fine.  You don’t even have to OWN your house, but you need to have one.  What do i look like introducing you to my friends and family, and I have to explain what you bring to the relationship? I’ve done that, it makes me feel stupid.  I don’t care how great the sex is, if you embarrass me, I shouldn’t be dealing with you.

3) Don’t Woo me, if you can’t keep it up
If i meet you, and every night is eating at fancy restaurants, and movies, and Dave and Busters, Keep That Shit Up.  You set the expectations, if you stop living up to them one of two things is going to happen.  A) I’m going to take it personal, and assume you have started to think less of me or b) I’m gonna get pissed off and break up with you.  If your circumstances change, it’s understandable if some things have to be put on the back burner for a while.  But you have to put in the work consistently. Consistency is Key to keep me focused on you and/or our relationship.

4) Introduce me to something new
Is it bad I need to be Wowed? I’ve seen some pretty amazing things, not gonna lie.  So you are going to have to step my game up. Cuz I like new stuff.  I have new interest ADD.  I like to explore all the things.

5) Be Woke
I can’t be with you if you aren’t knowledgable about societal issues.  You can’t be a Republican.  You can’t be watch Fox News.  You have to know who Chris Hayes and Rachael Maddow are.  You have to be able to tell the difference between an actual news story, and a hoax post. You need to know who Deray, Netta, and Luvvie are.  You don’t have to be Black, honestly.  But if you are White, you need to know what Privlege is, and acknowledge yours.  You have to be able to deal with me being upset when a Black Child Dies.  You need to be able to deal with my anger about another White Man killing innocent people and not being called a terrorist. You Have To Be Woke.

So that’s it.  Not too bad right?  

30 Day Writing Challenge: Your Current Relationship

So this might cause a few phone calls . . . But you know. In for a penny and all that . . .

My Ideal Relationship: Emo, Sex, and a Lil Bit of Both

Emo:

I need an emotional connection with someone.  I need to have someone in my life that I can trust with my deepest, darkest, fears and dreams.  I’ve only had that with two people, TBTLNY and MM.  Because I didn’t know how powerful a true emotional connection  was, I confused those feelings with being In Love with them. I thought all those feelings were supposed to lead to marriage and babies and forever.  I wasn’t sexually attracted to either of them.  Not because they weren’t unattractive, because both of them are beautiful actually.  You saw TBTLNY in my “First Love” blog.  I won’t post one of MM . . .because feelings. Anyway, it wasn’t strange to me that I didn’t want to have sex with them, I figured hey, maybe we will get there in time.

But we never did, and I really didn’t care about that we didn’t. I was completely with the intimacy we had. It wasn’t until recently that I started questioning why that was.  The only two people I’ve considered myself “In Love” with were not sexual partners. It’s because I don’t think emotions and sex should or can be combined.  I’ve never felt a pure emotional connection during sex. This probably mean’s i’ve been doing it wrong.  And that’s okay. But I think I want to keep them separate, for now any way.

Sex:

I need a sex partner.  Someone who understands – and doesn’t judge me for – my sexual needs.  I need someone who makes me want to lick my lips when I think about them, or grin at inappropriate text messages, or send naughty pictures.  Sex is a release of sorts for me, always has been.  A way to deal with the stress in my life at the time, or just to get rid of pent up energy.  This fabled sexual partner, doesn’t just have to be one person.  I’d prefer a roster.  Like 3 people with different skill level or set.

I want a Giver of Monster Head that actually lives in the same state I’m in. Maybe I can find a Big Daddy Long Stroke to keep me on my toes.  I need someone that’s always down for a good full body massge. I also need for Emo and Sex to get along with each other.  It sounds Poly-Amorus . . . Which is like a really white word for “I want my cake and wanna eat it too.  And I want it to be Calorie free, and good for me.  Also i want a very specific buttercream icing.” And that’s fine too.

Lil Bit of Both

I also want a girlfriend.  A nice brown-skinned Soft Stud.  With curly hair, or a short hair cut, or maybe dreads.  Who presents as masculine, likes to wear bowties, and is #ExtremelyWoke.  Maybe her major in college was African American Studies, or the African Disporia.  She goes to poetry readings, and coffee houses in her free time.  But she is rarely free, becaue she spends most of her time attending protests, sometimes leading them.  My girlfriend will be my little bit of both.  She will get along with Emo, be friends with Sex, and complete me.  Filling that space the other two can’t.

Is that too much to ask? How come we have to find everything we want in just one person? Why can’t we pick and choose what we want/need/desire and not hold every person to the various standards we have.  Your needs change, you grow with each life experience.  So what worked in 2011, might not be what you need for 2015.  I’m really tired of setting myself up for failure, because I keep wanting my life to look like what i’ve been told it should.

I am the Master of My Fate, I am the Owner of My Destiny.

And my Fate/Destiny may just happen to be, Two Boys and a Girl. 

30 Day Writing Challenge: A book I liked, and a Book I didn’t like.

Everything I knew about Love, until like 3years ago, I got from Nora Roberts.  That’s not an exaggeration.  Everything I thought I knew about what love felt like, and what love should look like, I got from books written by Nora Roberts.  The first book I read by her was Montana Sky.  It’s this epic sweeping novel based in Montana and the descriptions she used to talk about the land made me feel like I had been there myself. 

Nora is really good at descriptions, like really good.  Almost too good.  She usually has pages and pages of thougths and feelings, and analyzations about the whys and the how’s of every situation.  In Montana Sky, I was emotionally invested in the characters just from their descriptions. 

Before I read Montana Sky, the most risque books i’d read were by Danielle Steele, that’s actually how I found her.  I was at Borders – remember when they existed – and I noticed her section was bigger than Danielle Steel’s.  I was like, well who is THIS heffa.  So i picked a book that started with my name – becasue selfish – and I was lost in it almost immediately. There was Action, and Lust, and Drama, and Fight Scenes.  It was like watching a movie on paper.  It might have been the first time I read a 500+ page novel in one sitting.  

I will always love Nora Roberts, she taught me so much.  About writing, and character development, and creating a back story that made you care about these ficticious people. I’ve taken some of these tools in my own fiction writing, I see it all the time when i re-read books that I have started and never finished.

More like the dumbest book ever.  I don’t get the hype.  All i heard freshman year of college was how amazing Sista Soulja was, and how her book – The Coldest Winter Ever – had helped to guide them in figuring out themselves as people.  They also talked about how it made them look at being a black woman. Maybe it’s because I didn’t grow up in the inner-city and have a crackhead for a mother, or that my “black woman” experience wasn’tlike most peoples.  I’m not quite sure why I hated this book, but I hated it. 

Also, how are you a character in your ownbook.  Like, WHAT?!?!?!? It was Sista Soulja propaganda.  The whole book she was talking about how awesome she was.  I can’t remember if I was going through something at the time, or what.  I just know I felt dumber after readingt the book.  I was not invested at all in the storyline, it might have taken me over a week to finish it, which is unheard of for me.  It’s a stupid book. I also havnen’t re-read it since like 1999.  Maybe I should read it again, see if I get anything out of it this time.  I probabaly won’t though, cuz I have 40+ books in my Kindle right now that haven’t been read yet. 

30 Day Writing Challange: My Tattoos and What They Mean

I have 4 tattoos. 

Those are my first two.  The first one is No More Drama in Arabic. In my defense, I got it before 9/11, in Feb 2000 to be exact.  I was clearly inspired by the Mary J Blige song that came out the year before.  I was going to have a whole story down my back.  The second part of said story was the Drama mask (Comedy + Tragedy).  Following that should have been be a peace sign, then finally a ying/yang when I felt balanced in my life.  But the mask hurt WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too much, so the story ended there. (For Know)

My 3rd Tattoo is a Butterfly on my foot.  That hurt like a Son of a Bitch! Evidently, even if your feet are swollen, it’s still the part of your body with the least amount of fat, thus you are basically tattooing muscle.  I cried so hard y’all. My friends made fun of me. I blogged about it too.

This is my foot. The Left Foot. Sooooooooooo, there is a weird story about this one.  So I was reading 50 Shades of Grey, and going through a massive break-up.  John Mayer’s Born and Raised had just come out, and I heard the song “Love is a Verb.” I MIGHT have called my ex and sang this on his voicemail.  MIGHT is the keyword.  I had been awake for about 48 hours, and getting this tattoo’ed on my body for the rest of my life, was like the greatest Idea I’d ever had.  Sleep deprivation will make you do some CRAZY things. The songstill means a lot to me.  It’s a reminder to Walk theTalk as it were.

My next Tattoo will be the words, “Adulting is Hard;” as inspired by the SemiColon Project, followed by my nephew’s date of death. Hopefully I will be getting this one before the end of the year.

30 Day Writing Challenge: 5 Problems with Social Media

So I’m a day late getting this started, because  . . . Life.  I’m going to try relally hard to stay on point, and do every single day. So without furthur ado . . .

I Miss Her . .

1) Amber is no longer a part of it.
In July, my friend, Soror, Sister Amber Pratcher passed away unexpectedly. I’d gotten so used to seeing posts from her on a daily basis, conversing with in various FB groups, live-tweeting events with her on Twitter, that her absence is felt daily.  I miss her snide comments, her commanding me to Stay Woke and be an active voice.  I just miss her. Social Media isn’t the same.  We became frineds viz Social Media (College Club and BlackPlanet) and she was able to touch so many lives using it as a medium.  Social media just isn’t the same without her.

2) Everyone has access to it.
I see some of the dumbest shit on Social Media being passed off as fact, because dumb people are trying to stay woke too.  #HotepTwitter is running rampant with their memes about false African Facts.  You see quotes being assigned to people that aren’t true, and people are just off believing it.  I’ve lost some hero’s because of Social Media as well. Sometimes, you need the veil between your Idea of an artist, and that artist’s actual personallity.  Jill Scott completely lost me as a fan for about 5 months over that Bill Cosby is innocent series of Tweets.  While everyone deserves to have avoice, Social Media has led me to believe everyone’s voice shouldn’t be heard.

3) It’s Far Too Addictive
My mom has run up my Phone Bill all because of Facebook.  She discovered that it’s an excellent way to pass time.  She watches all the videos, like all of them.  Every single one that ever shows up pn her TimeLine.  When she was staying with me last year, her phone was connected to my WiFi, so she wasn’t using data.  She can go through 2 GB’s of Data in 5 days. She doesn’t even stream music!! Clearly, I’ve been spoiled with my unlimited Data for the last 6 years, but still.

4) It’s really Invasive
If you allow it to be that is.  I used to give people way too much access to me and my life on Social Media.  I wrote a blog about it and everything. {Insert hyperlink} I shouldn’t know about the problems of your relationship because you post it all on FB.  I souldn’t know your ovulation cycle because of Twitter.  We give people access they haven’t earned, and then are upset when they butt into our lives.  The smartest thing I ever did was stop personalizing my Facebook page.  I can share my happiness without sharing the details with the world.  It’s better that way, at least I think so.

5) I don’t know a 5th Bad thing
Because in general I like Social Media.  It’s a way for me to be connect to my friends, most of whom I actually met on Social Media.  They live all over the country, and I can keep up with their lives via Facebook and Instagram and sometimes Twitter.  Social Media is a part of my everyday life.  Less than it used to be, that’s for sure.  But checking in on a daily basis is expected.