Diane Warren Ruined my Life (or, I’m So Sick of Love Songs)

Yes, I blame it all on Diane Warren. She is the cause of like 50% of all the world’s problems. For those of you who don’t know who she is, she is a Song Writer. Actually, just calling her a Song Writer is like calling Michael Jackson just this guy that sang and danced. Diane Warren has written more songs than Jesus at this point. I kid you not. If you don’t believe me, check out the ASCAP Website. Then look at the number of songs she has been given credit for writing. Did you look? Fuggin Told You! That Woman in the Damn Devil!

Evil Love Song Writing Bitch!

Now before you say that I am blaming that white woman for the problems that affect me and my friends, listen to my case okay.

Quick, name the first song you heard that made you think to yourself, “Damn, I can’t wait to be in Love.” That Heffa Wrote it. Was your song I Turn To You when Christina Aguilerra sang it? Or was that song, The Arms of the One Who Loves You . Or maybe, if you don’t listen to R & B, it was How Do I Live (the Trisha Yearwood Version) .

All those songs, She is responsible for. All the Bullshit, that people have been made to believe about what love really is, she wrote it. Just sending those words out into the world all willy nilly. With no warning labels or NOTHING! I wonder how she does it? Does she just sit down at her piano and think, “How can I cause some young girl to think that a random dude is heaven on earth.” She probably does just that. Then she cackles her Evil Succubus Cackle, and begins to write her “Masterpieces of Love.”

She Had Me Messed up on the First Album . . .

For You I Will

Pretty Much the gist of this song is: Regardless of what I think is right, true, or sane – I Will Do Whatever You Ask Me To Do. Like The United States Postal Service before me, I won’t let Rain, Hail, Sleet or Snow stop you from getting what you want in life. Because that is what real loov is all about!

I will be your savior, do things normally impossible, because I Love You. Who the hell is this woman?!?! Like who sits at home like, “I would Do this for someone, I think I will write a song about it.” As a 14 year old girl, if this is what you are hearing on the radio, and you don’t have a solid background to explain that this is FICTION and DayDreams, this is your definition of love! Are you Serious? People wonder why young women stay in Horrible Relationships, long after a sane people would have left . . . DIANE FUGGIN’ WARREN!

Titanic Freezing in the Damn Water Love, cuz that Heffa Rose wouldn’t move her fat ass over!

Because You Loved Me

First of all, this song is great. But that’s beside the point. The real point I am trying to make, is once again, listening to this song fugged up my view of what Love/Relationships should be about. According to this song, when you can’t make it, it’s the job of the person you love, or the person who is in love with you, to make everything better. Because let’s face it, You can’t do anything on your own. You can’t solve your own problems, you need a significant other to fix the broken pieces of your life. How unfortunate for those of us that are single, and alone in the world. We will never be loved the “Right Way.” Never know what “Real Love” is like, until we have someone who loves us. Someone who would go above and beyond the call of duty, just to make us feel loved.

Are you starting to understand why I Hate Diane Warren yet?

No?!?!

Okay, I will give you another example.

Love Him, especially in Fight Club!

I’d Lie for You (and That’s the Truth)

Just to show that I’m not biased, and think it’s only the songs that women sing that are ruining the lives and relationships of the people I know, I’ll use this song for example. It pretty much follows the same vein as the first 2 “Love Songs” I mentioned above. I’ll do anything you ask me to do, because that is what being in love means. But what happens when the man you love, doesn’t do that? What happens when you aren’t his first priority, and he doesn’t move heaven and earth to make you happy?

Then What? . . .

You break up with him. Call him a selfish bastard who doesn’t care about you at all. You make all kinds of mix CD’s with all the Love Songs you grew up listening to, so that you can remind yourself how that man failed you.

Did you ever think that maybe you were the one who was wrong? Of Course Not! Diane Warren and all the rest of these songwriters who write beautiful love songs never tell us we are wrong. Then, just when you think that maybe you were a tad bit harsh, maybe you jumped to the wrong conclusion, maybe you should try talking to the person you love about how you feel and what you expect, Diane Fuggin’ Warren sends you a song that let’s you know you were right all along!

Love Her! See her in Concert, it’s amazing . . .

Bruised, but Not Broken

This is such a beautiful song. It’s all about getting over the person who did you wrong, and rising above all the pain. I have a friend who considers this song part of the reason she was able to get over her 10 year abusive relationship. But for some of us who live vicariously through music, this song subtly tells us that we don’t really need that asshole man. Oh, No. There is someone even better out there. Someone who will love us like Celine, and Monica, and Meatloaf said they should.

This is why I am so sick of Love Songs. Because they don’t tell the truth. Yes, there are songs out there that are realistic about live and love. I suggest all things India Arie. I was going to say Anthony Hamilton, but I recently discovered one of my favorite songs by him, “Do You Feel Me?” from the American Gangster Soundtrack was written by none other than Diane Fuggin’ Warren. She is tainting EVERYONE. Ne-Yo is running a close second though.

Ol’ Lumpy Headed Love Song Writing Negro . . .

How do you create a song CALLED “So Sick (of Love Songs) then spend the next THREE DAMN YEARS writing them for other people. Hypocrite Much? I must say, there are some songs that continue to touch my heart, that will forever hold a place in my heart, even though I know they are complete and utter bullshit. But I think the first step to not being sucked into Diane Warren’s web of Lies and Deceit is the be on guard!

So I wrote this blog for you friends, to make sure I exposed you to the TRUTH. For it shall set you free. Diane Warren has forever skewed my view of Love. Forever made me find songs that match how I feel about whoever I am dating/sexing/crushing. Sing songs while I’m driving because I’m just that in Love. She doesn’t have to do the same for you. There is still hope that you will stop listening to songs, and LIVE YOUR LIFE. Stop letting Love Songs guide you down the Path of MisUnderStanding, and instead embrace Your Heart. Not Diane Warren’s.

Because Face It, it’s probably a dark soulless abyss that leads straight to hell.

Not that I am Judging her, I’m Just Sayin’.

Confessions of a Single Black Female Vol 6: I Shouldn’t Be Better Than You

We all know that I write these based on my life, and how I feel about the world. Because yes, I see people do stupid stuff, and I judge them based on it. And I am fine with that. At times, I also use these to confess my sin’s and shortcomings, and as with the first 2 editions of this, to passive aggressively tell a dude how I feel about him. This note will be no different. Today, we will be discussing women lowering their standards for the sake of escaping Lonely.

Yes Friends, It Shall.

But I Shouldn’t Be . . .

Confession #25: I Shouldn’t be Better Than You.
Call me a snob, or stuck up, or whatever you want. But when I look at myself in the mirror, I tell myself all the time, to Step My Game Up. So why don’t I require that of you? Why is it ok for me to improve myself, but you won’t? If I am trying to go back to school, why can’t you? Why am I settling for your half-ass way of living? If I am ashamed for living with my father at the age of 27, why aren’t you ashamed that you are 29 and you live with your mom? It doesn’t matter if you had a rough period in your life, 5 YEARS AGO. Are you actively pursuing to get out of your mom’s house? Or are you just “Helping Her with the Bills?” Yes, I should be judging you. The problem is you don’t judge yourself. You haven’t set standards for yourself, so I lower mine so that I can feel better about myself for dealing with you. Men will NEVER get it together, if women keep letting them get away being sub-par. Think about it . . .

Is This You . . . Do You Want It to Be?

Confession #26: He’s Not Looking for His Wife at the Club
He’s not. Unless he is the world’s most confused man, he went to the club to chill with his boys, ogle half-naked women, and maybe find someone to get some ass from. Let’s be honest, didn’t you go to the club for the same reasons? So regardless of what he might tell you at 2 in the morning, he’s most likely not serious. { I say most likely, because I do know a few people who found people they ended up with at a club. It wasn’t a regular club night, it was a function, but still.} But if when he met you, you were half naked, half drunk, and half way humping his leg on the dance floor, he has already put you in the category of freak ass girl. Even if that isn’t you, it’s what you are to him. Is that you? Is that what you would be in front of your parents? Don’t let these video “models” make you think that Slut is the new Wifey. It ain’t, and it never will be. Once again, why are you lowering your personal standards, to get some momentary affection? I know that Lonely is a tough place to be, but so is Jump Off, Club Rat, and Freak Ass Girl. Try going somewhere else to find a husband, man, boyfriend, significant other. Now, if you are looking for your next sexual partner, then DO YOU. Because he will.

Maybe He Should . . .

Confession #27: Trust Your Judgment
You have gut instincts for a reason. If he says something off the wall, question him! When did it become okay to avoid the obvious, for the sake of “Happiness”? Are you really happy? Every time he comes home late, or doesn’t call you, are you happy? If he tells you to meet him at the local Circle K (7-11 for my Detroit People) and he then walks over to the passenger side of your car, and you don’t ask why he’s not getting in his car – you look stupid. When he tells you that he lost his car keys, but he works for the same company that makes his car, HE’S A LIAR. If he has enough time to twitter every hour on the hour, but can’t return a phone call from a week ago, He’s Just Not That Into You. How many times can you ignore what’s in your face, before it beats you upside your head? If you can’t name 5 times when he has proven himself worthy, but you can name at least 10 when he’s shown himself to be a flake – Why are you with him again?

I Love This Musical!

Confession #28: Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better
I can do anything better than you. That mindset is KILLING relationships. It’s killing women everyday, trying to be a man. YOU AREN’T ONE! And that’s okay. This is coming from a Single Woman looking at many of the messed up relationships my friends are in. You spent all this time looking for a “Real Man” then you emasculate him at every turn. If you want to get biblical about it, you are supposed to submit to your husband/man/significant other. That doesn’t mean he is supposed to run all over you, but you are supposed to let him be the man. Remember, you aren’t supposed to be better than your man. And if you are, you aren’t supposed to make him feel bad about it.

Example #1: If you are a Lawyer, and your Man is a teacher, respect him for his choice. It’s what he choose to do. It doesn’t make you better than him. He’s not beneath you because of his Salary/Life Choice. As long as he is doing his best, he is still your equal.

Example #2: Looks aren’t everything. Most of the extremely beautiful men I know are complete assholes. People spend so much time stroking their egos, they aren’t worth a damn. He’s not better than you because the Lord chose to put his face together like that, stop thinking that he is. It still stinks when he farts, and occasionally there will still be skid marks in his underwear.

Example #3: “Pretty” women are ruining it for EVERYONE! Ya’ll think every man in the world owes you something, and you treat men like crap. So after you break his heart, and I have to pick up the pieces, he’s bitter and angry. Stop being pretty and get your life right. One day, someone is going to show you just how pretty they are, and ruin your life. Just Sayin’ (And no, I’m not saying that I’m ugly.)

Thank you for letting me get all that off my chest. I hope something I wrote inspired you to leave a comment, because I base my self-worth on how many comments I get on my blogs/notes. Seriously, you don’t want to diminish my self worth do you? DO YOU?

My Soundtrack for Love

Have you ever just heard a song, and wanted to sing it/play it for your husband.  Just like, This song says exactly what I want to feel for the man/woman that I spend the rest of my life with.

I am watching VH1 Soul, watching like every India Arie video every made, and I realized, she is my soundtrack for Love.  There are like 4 songs on every album, that make me happy/sad/wistful about being in love with someone.

To feel the need to say to someone, I am Ready For Love, or just have the need to have someone caress your Brown Skin. Hearing, You’re Always In My Head.  Telling me that I am Beautiful.  Asking that person, Can I Walk with You, and making sure they always get The Truth from you.  Letting all your friends know that you finally found a Good Man. Living together, and making a Complicated Melody singing in the shower.  Maybe even focusing on the Little Things, or seeing a Beautiful Surprise of flowers or candy when I get to work.

Everyone deserves that in their life, don’t you think?  That would be great! Any Takers?