Tag Archive | Infidelity

SideChicks: Picking up the Pieces when you stop doing YOUR job . . .

*Editor’s Note: This Blog is going to piss you off.  Just stop reading now.  If you keep reading, it’s your own fault if you feel some kind of way at the end.  I’m not even writing this to piss you off.  I’m writing it to tell MY understanding of SideChick Subculture. It’s better you read you this now, than get a SideChick Declaration of Ownership text message someday.  I’m just trying to help.*

Four Years ago, I wrote about my own experiences as a Side Chick. It’s a good read before you view the rest of this, as my attitude as been altered a little bit by life. Please understand this . . . I’m over SideChick Slander.  Not because I take it personally, but because it’s dumb.  We Slut Shame the SideChick but hail the man as a Pimp/Player/Boss/SexGod. With all the SideChicks who seem to be PROSPERING right now, I think it’s time to look at why.  But First, a Mini-Rant about #BlackTwitter and Scandal.

Scandal is one of the greatest written shows on TV right now.  And the Main Character is a Side Chick. The Presidential Side Chick! She has a job, friends, and a life.  She just happened to fall in love with the soon to be elected Leader of the Free World.  But according to #BlackTwitter, we have to hate her based SOLELY on her SideChick status.  Supposedly, she is breaking up a home, and ruining lives.  Which is a GOT DAMN LIE! Fitz don’t Love Mellie.  He ain’t neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeva gonna love Mellie.  But every Thursday, my TL is full of people (mainly men) bashing women for caring about Olivia’s emotions and thoughts.  For sympathizing with her in her daily struggle to let that Presidential Love go.  STOP IT! They will deal with the consequences of their relationship and be judged by whatever Higher Power their characters worship.  

Back to my original point . . . either I attract the shadiest females/males known to man into my circle, or y’all are some delusional ass people. SideChicks STAY winning.  Stop lying to everyone else on your timeline, and maybe even to yourself.  People cheat every damn day.  SideChicks become Step-Mothers every damn day.  Married Men step out of their house into the arms of another woman every damn day. And they gives not a FUCK about anyone’s feelings.

I’ve never hidden the fact I played that role once or twice in my life.  It wasn’t always on purpose, but it is a title I have held.  What I have hidden, and for good reason, is the amount of times I’ve chosen NOT to play that role.  I’ve been ASKED to be the SideChick more times than I would actually like to count. (7) For every person I’ve turned down, I’ve been asked again.  I’ve been propositioned by people I see on a regular basis, and their significant others have no damn clue. Ya’ll are living in a fantasy world where your man/woman is the most faithful person in the world.  Stop Lying to yourself. I’ll Help You.

1) Why Did I Get Married?

That’s not just a Tyler Perry Movie.  That’s a question you need to ask yourself.  If the answer to the question isn’t because I know this man/woman wants to look at my ashy ass every day, chances are someone in your relationship isn’t happy.  When you said I Do, did you listen to all the Vows? The Love Honor and Obey everyone hears.  Did you pay attention to that Honesty thing though.

A large portion of my male friends from High School/College are married or in serious relationships and have been for years.  Wanna know why 90% of them got married?  Because they felt like they had kept her waiting long enough. {Yeah, they admit that kind of stuff to me, probably because I’m the only person who actually asked.}  People get married for every reason under the sun other than Love.  Love ain’t got nothin’ to do with a better credit score, or a place to live, or them kids that need to be in daycare you can’t afford alone.  Men aren’t the only people who get married for all the wrong reasons. Women do it ALL the time.  The need for security, or at least the illusion of security is real out here in these streets.

This isn’t to say there aren’t any relationships based solely on the love and devotion of two people, but Keep It Real. People who go into a relationship with Rose Colored Glasses, will get those colored lenses broken. {This refers to having an unrealistic expectation of what Marriage/Committed Relationship are actually about}  It might take a few years, but one day you will wake up . . . and you won’t remember why you were in your relationship in the first place. When starting a relationship, we try to put our best foot forward.  Show the best image of ourselves.  We might even try to stay on the straight and narrow path, and ignore our previous patterns of behavior.  But if you are in a relationship with someone and have to hide any part of yourself, that person is NOT for you.  But you know who will accept all your flaws . . . The SideChick.

The SideChick doesn’t CARE that you were a heaux in college. {She might have been too} The SideChick doesn’t care that you have kinky sex fantasies.  The SideChick listens to you complain about your wife that never cooks, and quietly cooks you a meal.  The SideChick picks up her phone every time you call, and makes sure she is ready when you come over. The SideChick doesn’t ask you for money to get her hair done, and she doesn’t usually want anything but your attention.  The SideChick is everything your wife of 5+ years isn’t anymore.  THAT’S why The SideChick is still out here winning.  Because as long as your Wife/Girlfriend/Fiance/Baby Momma is off HER game, she will be on her’s.

2) But Can You Whistle

Place two women side by side.  They have the same exact educational background and general knowledge.  The are similar in build and facial structure.  One can Whistle, the other can not.  Most men will choose the Whistler, because she has a little something extra.  The SideChick is a Whistler.  Her ability to whistle isn’t the sole reason she is usually placed in the SideChick role, but it doesn’t hurt her in any way.  Men usually want to have the best of the best.  They want to have something no one else has –  be it a car, or a house, or a woman.  If the opportunity arises, the SideChick will whistle alllllll around your man if you let her. Examples of SideChick Whistling:

  • Ability to Orally please your man (If you won’t do it, he will find someone who will)
  • Similar opinions regarding sexual freedom (If he can TALK to her about doing it, he will do it with her)
  • Her culinary prowess is unmatched (The quickest way to a man’s heart is the lower half of his body. . . )
  • Silence is Golden (What Happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas)

In this brave new world of Female Sexual Freedom, Whistler’s are EVERYWHERE. The way to deal with this SideChick influx is to FIGHT BACK! Learn a new skill.  Find out who your man is, BEFORE he tells you while he’s over the SideChicks crib.  Talk to your man about his needs. If they don’t fit you, then move on.  But if you are adaptable, adapt.  Cuz SideChicks are the most pliable, malleable, adaptable individuals on God’s Green Earth.

3) Game Recognize Game (Social Networking)

Facebook Messenger and Twitter DM have ruined a MYRIAD of relationship.  I watch it happen everyday.  Guy says something sexual. Girl comments/retweets. Witty TL Banter ensues . . . then they both disappear from the TL/Newsfeed.  It. Has. Begun.  The SideChick will NEVER blatantly approach your man. He will make the first move. The minute he drops those 10 digits (Remember when saying 7 digits was sufficient) and they have that initial, ‘You know I been feeling you, but you got a girl tho . . .‘ conversation, the SideChick has won.

If we have learned nothing else from Kwame, Carlos Danger, Dwyane, and Swizz . . . it’s that men will say ANYTHING to the woman who will listen.  A man will sit at work and text the SideChick all day long. Between meetings, on trips to the bathroom, doesn’t really matter.  He wants attention, and the SideChick is going to give it to him . . . Point. Blank. Period.

It’s also important to know . . . The seasoned SideChick isn’t trying to get caught.  She knows it’s much more stress to have to fight a woman in the street about her man than be a Freak in his Bed.  The seasoned SideChick has an app on her phone that hides messages from certain people, and tells your man about it.  The seasoned SideChick actually has a Google Voice number so that your man doesn’t know her number.  What people fail to understand is that some people choose SideChickery {read: The Act of SideChicking} as their main source of relational interaction.  The reasons behind this are actually irrelevant.  This is a lifestyle, NOT a pastime.

4) Why are you Caping for SideChicks and not calling out men?

If you’ve gotten this far in my blog, and think I’m caping for SideChicks, then you have missed the point.  I’m not making excuses, I’m explaining common behavioral patterns.  I’m trying to put all women up on the game.  Lack of Knowledge = Failure to Succeed.  You might have been raised to be a certain kind of person, and your Man/Husband/Fiance/Baby’s Father might have been raised to seek out and marry that EXACT type of person.  That doesn’t mean people’s needs can’t change and the eye can’t wander.  The Cheating Man is an asshole. So is the SideChick.  Most people are assholes though.

Even after my travels to the Land of SideChickery, I believe in Love.  I believe that Two People can come together, and create a lasting bond that satisfies all their needs.  I believe this because I had for a brief time myself.  I know people who live this kind of life everyday.  Millions of men are tempted to cheat every day, and DON’T. The kind of relationships I’ve just described were achieved by honesty and communication.  If a man can’t be honest and communicate {without fear of judgement} with his mate, he will eventually attempt to find someone who affords him that option. The same can be said for women.  I really just thought someone should share their intimate knowledge of the SideChick Subculture with the masses.

Thoughts?

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Side Chicks: The Musical – An Introduction

Meet the Six People who make up the

Main Cast of Side Chicks: The Musical (SCTM)


DeMarco - The Business Man

DeMarco is married.  According to his wife, they have the Perfect Marriage.  What she doesn’t know, is that as a Sports Manager, DeMarco has his pick of jump-offs every weekend when he travels with his clients.  He never planned to be faithful to his wife, his father was a player and so is he.  He knows what he has going for him.  He’s paid, he looks good, and he has the money to back up anything he says.  His arrogance is going to eventually catch up to him . . . . .

Theme Song: What These Bitches Want from a Nigga – DMX


Camille - The Executive

Camille is an executive Vice-President of a Fortune 500 company.  She handles her business, and doesn’t have time for bullshit.  She barely has time for herself, and definitely doesn’t have time to be in a committed relationship.  The easiest way to satisfy her needs, and still be able to stay on top at work is a No-Strings-Attached type relationship.  The Married/In a Relationship type man gets it all done.  He can’t stay, she won’t be attached, and they can both can go on their merry way at the end of the night. But the story behind her mindset is a doozy . . . .

Theme Song: Love is a Losing Game – Amy Winehouse



Anthony - College Athlete

Anthony is on the brink of National Stardom.  After being Red-Shirted his Freshman Year, he’s finally a starter.  Breaking record after record, he is on the radar of every major news outlet. With the national attention comes the Women.  But Anthony has a girlfriend.  They have been together since they were 15, and he is determined to make it work.  He’s slipped up a few times, and she always took him back.  But how long with that last…..

Theme Song: Number One – John Legend



Samantha - The Loyal Girlfriend

Samantha has been in love with Anthony since she was 11 years old.  She knew him before he was “Terrible Tony.” She understands that Fame has gone to his head a little bit but she thinks that underneath it all, he’s still a Good Guy.  But while she’s trying to make sure she is being all she can be for her man, a blast from the past might just change everything . . .

Theme Song: Is She the Reason – Destiny’s Child



Gavin - The Guy Next Door

Gavin seems to be the All American Boy.  Good Grades, good looks, good background, he’s John Mayer without the hint of DoucheBag.  A chance meeting at the Student Union puts him back in touch with Samantha and begins a series of events that will forever change all of their lives . . .

Theme Song: Follow Me – Uncle Kracker




Tanya - Side Chick Personified

Tanya has been a side chick for a LONG TIME.  Her mother was a Side Chick to a very famous Politician, and she taught her daughter at a very young age, “Anything worth having, is worth stealing from another person.” She doesn’t care who you belong to, if you have something she wants, she will make sure she finds a way to make her give it to you.  She looks at her relationships as business interactions.  Everyone is pleased at the end of the transaction, and they have no reason to complain.  Tanya and her crew, affectionately referred to as “The Gaggle of Bitches,” know exactly how the Side Chick Game is to be played . . .

Theme Song: If Your Girl Only Knew – Aaliyah


Doesn’t it sound all dramatical! Stay Tuned, The Story Begins August 12th (life got crazy)

CSBF Volume 9: Confessions of a Side Chick/Searching For MySelf

Part 1: Confessions of a Side Chick . . .

Hello, My Name is M.J., and I too have slept with Tiger Woods. Okay, not really. But everyone else is saying it, I wanna be famous too!   I have said it before, and I will say it again . . . I have been a Side Chick. I have done it knowingly and even without knowing I had Side Chick status. Either way, I could quite easily wear a Side Chick Badge.

I am not telling you this because I am proud of it, nor am I sharing this part of my life because I am ashamed of it.  It’s a Fact.  My Side Chick status happened based on my own actions, and I can’t be mad forever at the situations I put myself in. As I am sitting here sipping my Eggnog Latte, I am thinking that there might be a few people who read this title and get Shaky Nervous ( . . . I’ll Never Teeeeeeeeeeellllllll)

The Side Chick serves a very important role in society. She lets other women know what NOT to do. The Side Chick is there for your man, when you aren’t. Plain and Simple. Yes, men have a hard time being monogamous, but Love Shoulda Brought Your Ass Home Last Night. Be mad if you want, that is the truth. The Side Chick didn’t Wreak Your Home . . . She just picked up the pieces and/or picked up the slack.

Again, I am not glorifying The Side Chick, because the Side Chick Mentality is a trifling one. The Side Chick sees something that belongs to someone else, and instead of trying to find her own, takes what doesn’t belong to her. The Side Chick is Lazy. Why do the work, if I can get the benefits for free? The Side Chick has all the benefits of why YOUR man is great, without the pressure to make him stay.

The Side Chick also knows what she is doing is wrong. (And if she doesn’t, she has much bigger issues than just being the Side Chick) But more often than not, The Side Chick really doesn’t care how her actions affect others. Obviously her goal is to satisfy herself, or she wouldn’t be The Side Chick in the first place. She knows about his girl, hell she might have met her on occasion. But in that situation, the Pro’s definitely outweigh the Cons.

The Side Chick Mentality: We don’t really have to have a conversation on the phone. Text Messaging works just fine. Crank that Textual Seduction during the work day, and end our convo with, “I’ll be over after I get out of my Meeting @ 10.” We can talk after we take care of business, and even then please don’t try to make it a deep conversation – I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOUR LIFE! Also, I’m not trying to go see a movie, look longingly into your eyes, and cry as we watch Precious together. Let’s both get off, then you can go home.


Part 2: Searching for Myself

That explanation about The Side Chick Mentality is there to give you a clue as to where my head has been for the last 2 years. Because I was a late bloomer (read ??Year Old Virgin) I really wasn’t trying to find a man. I was trying to get all the experience I should have gotten in and after college. I was trying to catch up to all the rest of my friends, and have stories to tell when we all go out for drinks.

So back to my discussion with TBTLINYC. As I am talking about all this, and how whenever I actually start to look for a relationship what I will and will not put up with, He said, “Shut Up and Play Your Role.” EPIPHANY!

My 1st Reaction: Who Bitch What?
My 2nd Reaction: Oh, Cuz Wow.He really made me think. The Side Chick is a role that I played, because it suited me for a long period of time. Because if I meet a single male, whatever happens could possibly develop into a relationship, thus ruining this whole no strings attached thing I have been actively pursuing for the last two years.On June 26, 2000 I stopped looking for my soul mate. I had found him. I lived in a bubble of love and understanding and someone who got me, FINALLY. Even when the bubble was initially burst, I just knew that wasn’t the end. We were meant for each other. So yes, I talked to other people, had bullshit relationships, patiently waiting for the time when he would figure out that we were meant for each other. He got MARRIED, still didn’t make me believe it was over.

Nine+ years later, now that he’s my best friend who gets me before I get myself, I can listen to him explain what I sometimes can’t put into words. I have been comparing every male that I’ve met to how I felt when I met him. Because he is honestly JUST LIKE ME. He is the male version of me. Loving him wasn’t hard, because I was just loving myself with an East Coast Accent. Loving him required no sacrifice, no changing of my opinion, no looking at the world in a different. Our Relationship is/was the equivalent of Emotional/Mental Masturbation

The only child in me had found the PERFECT relationship. Like Amber said, “Being {in a relationship} requires you to dig deep within yourself to step up emotionally and physically through low times & appreciate someone who AIN’T You!” I have been quite lackluster in my search for a mate, because I’m still not ready to do that. So until I can find Myself, I will be Perfectly Lonely/Single .

Will I continue to be a Side Chick? I don’t want to end up being a liar and say, “Never Again will I ever do that.” [ Because he didn’t get the title TGOMH for nothing] I will say, that my goals have changed. Also, all of my co-conspirators live 2096 miles away, so there is that. Let’s just say, there is a very good possibility that I won’t Play That Role anymore.

*Please Note: I am not trying to steal your man. This is a discussion of my past, not my current plans. Also, let’s not forget the man who has a Side Chick or 4 is an asshole.

Comments/Questions/Concerns/Rants Welcomed