30 Day Writing Challenge: Catch Up Post (Place to Live & Someone who Fascinates Me)

So Like, LIFE has been taking up a lot of my time lately. So I had to double up today in order to catch up . . .

London

A Place to Live that I Haven’t Visited.

London! I love British everything! The accents, the countryside, the TV Shows.  Plus, if i move there, I won’t have to learn another language.  Also, it’s a metropolitan place with access to lots of different countries.  I could head to Rome for the weekend, or hop on a train to Paris like it’s NOTHING.

I always wanted to backpack through Europe when I was in high school, then my mom reminded me that I was Black, and poor, and I couldn’t do everything my white friends did.

That’s okay though, cuz the summer after I turn 40 . . . this is the plan. Not to move there, but to at least spend a month exploring Europe.

Someone who Fascinates Me

Honestly, all people fascinate me.  I can’t really pick just one person.  My Top Five: Jill Scott, Dave Chappelle, Bill Gates, Oprah, and Jesus.

Jill Scott – Because her music has always spoken to me, but her life views have been off putting in the past.  I’d love to pick her brain.

Dave Chappelle – Cuz I think he’s a genius.  I love the way he thinks about the world, and we have the same taste in music.

Bill Gates – I just wanna talk him into giving me money.  That’s it.

Oprah – Yeah, I gots some bones to pick with her.  Cuz she can educate African Girls, but she can’t answer all the letters i sent her in high school about helping me building a child care center in the hood.

Jesus – I just need to know his stance on Homosexuality, Poly Amory, and Racism. That’s it. I need him to verify that the Bible is JUST  a book, not a way to govern our life.  Yeah, that’s all I would need from him 🙂

Real Nigga Shit (c) AK – Vol. 16: Leave Chris Brown tha F*ck Alone

Okay, seriously people.  Enough already.

Feel free not to agree with me.

I really DON’T care.

What I care more about, is the fact that ya’ll are still bring up this shit.  Yes, I will wholeheartedly admit to being a Chris Brown Stan.  I have been pretty much since he came out.  But why am I a Stan? Is it because he is ridiculously sexy? NO.  Is it because the way he licks his lips makes me consistently check and see how old he is? NO.

It’s because the Boy has GENUINE Talent.  Not only does he have a distinct voice, and he’s cute, but that chile can DANCE.  Not Ursher Poppin’ and Lockin’ but DANCE.

In Happier Times . . .

But other than that, why do I think yall should leave him alone? Cuz he has paid his dues. His sentence was 5 years Probation and Counseling. He did his 180 hours of Hard Labor community service, he’s completed his counseling.

He repented.

He has been publically flogged from every media outlet possible. I knew this shit was out of hand when Fox News did a special report on Domestic Violence. I won’t even discuss Oprah and her one-sided ass interview with Robyn Rihanna “Five Head” Fenty. Let that little nigga be.

I'm Sorry America

FACT: Yes, he beat up Riri. Yes we all saw the pictures. It was a stupid thing to do. BUT HE WAS YOUNG AS HELL. He wasn’t even 20 yet. He made a mistake that some TEENAGERS make in their first major relationship. Yall mad cuz it just so happened to be that Umbrella sangin’ Chile’. Whinin ass Snitches.

FACT: R.Kelly peed on a 14 year old girl. On tape. Yall stay bumping 12 Play. For all you know he was talking about the age of his latest girlfriend. But yall still believe that Nigga Can Fly, don’t you? He told yall he’s a Bad Man, he wrote Age aint nothin’ but a Number. But yall steady Steppin’ in the Name of Love.  Hypocrite ass people.

FACT: Kobe Bryant was accused of RAPE. Don’t matter if he did it or she was a heaux. RAPE. Yall folks was wearing Free Kobe T-Shirts and and throwback jerseys from when he was in high school. Yall were on that fools dick harder than a White Girl in Colorado. “But Kobe is gonna take the Lakers all the way…..”

Ya’ll simple mu’fuckas  mad that Chris Brown lost is temper in a confined space with his GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!!! GTFOH. Sho’Be Cryin will cry for 10 minutes when he misses a damn shot.  But we hate Chris Brown cuz that nigga showed emotion while singing Man in the Mirror, a song about changing your life?!?!?!

I'm Just Sayin'

Maaaaaaaaan FUCK Ya’ll.

FACT: Lil Boosie KILLED. A. MAN. He didn’t write a song about it,  he actually killed a man. Yall still talking bout Wipe Me Down. Talkin bout he’s an underrated artist and you don’t know where he came from and why he lived a life of crime. Chris Brown saw his momma get her ass beat on a regular basis, and studies have proven that Domestic Violence is a Learned Behavior. But CB is to be tarred and feathered cuz he made Riri’s five head a SIX?!?!? I guess we love Boosie cuz he taught hood rats how to spell.

Fact: I HATE BLACK PEOPLE.

Seriously. Honestly. She won that fight.

Cuz anytime someone has to bite you during a fight they are losing. Case and Point Michael Damn Tyson. He didn’t bite Evander cuz that nigga tasted good.  He bit him becuz he was tired of losing the damn fight. Yes, I’m mad as hell. I was a HUGE MJJ Fan, and I always thought that all the charges were false, but since his death yall act like he was just a victim of his upbringing. THIS is why I call you Hypocrites. Because your double standard is bullshit.

Its been said for years that Riri used to physically abuse her boyfriends during arguments. But we don’t bring that up huh? That chick aint Mother Teresa. AND she can’t sing. Or Dance. Or even sing an entire song on key.  Listen to the lyrics of Eminem’s new single “Love the Way You Lie” ft the aforementioned Riri. She is signing the hook for a GOTDAMN reason.

In closing. Shut the Fuck Up Already. Let Chris Brown Be Great. Dammit Shit!

(if you don’t agree with me feel free to voice your opinion. Doesn’t mean you’re right.)

Confessions of a Single Black Female Vol. 11: Just My Imagination?

In the previous installment of  CSBF – Vol 10: What These Bitches Want from a N*gga, I talked about what SOME women want a man to be.  Most of my female friends said it was a great read, but I don’t know of very many men who read it, which is fine.  It’s my hope that one day, a man will stumble across my Joyful Words of Wisdom, and realize how stupid he has been all his life towards women.  It could all be a pipe dream, but it’s MY dream, so I will stick to it.

Speaking of Dreams, lets talk about having expectations.  Those things that you want for yourself, and believe that you deserve just because you are you.  Most women say, “I just want the man who is perfect for me,” and that is a noble statement.  But I call Bullshit.  You want the Perfect Man.  You want women to want to be you because of the man you have.  You want to be able to feel the regret of all your ex’s when you and your new man walk into the room.

Is there a difference between having Standards and Unrealistic Expectations?

My Classified ad for my future husband would look like this:

Wanted:

• 35 years or older Black Man. College educated (BA/BS preferred).
• Member of BGLO preferred, but not required (D9 affiliation is a must)
• No Children, or STD’s.
• Must have credit score of 600+ (exceptions will be made if student loans are involved)
• Must have CAREER not a job.
• Fidelity is a must, please have sown all your wild oats.
• Must have a relationship with your family (either the one God gave you, or the one you have created for yourself)
• Must have a strong relationship with God (Jesus Freaks need not apply)

• Must be taller than 5’8″ and in decent health.
• Must be attractive to me, and must be ATTRACTED to me.
• Should be able to hold conversations with groups of various ethnic/religious/social backgrounds.
• Must have clean criminal record. No felonies or misdemeanors. (Speeding tickets accepted.)
• Must live alone. No roommates, family members, ex-girlfriend/best friend/occasional love interest allowed.
• Must be ready to commit to a stable loving and committed relationship within the next year.

Finding this man in today’s world is like – Finding a Leopard Print, Purple Unicorn on the Isle of Altantis.  In the middle of a Catergory 7 Hurricane on February 31th.

Yes, this is what I want.  He may actually exist, somewhere in this world.  What is the probability of me finding him? Unless Oprah or Ellen finds my blog, and posts it on their websites, Slim to NONE.  We all have that picture in our head of who and what we want in life.  It’s okay to have hopes and dreams and thoughts about what would make you happy. But are they really just delusions of grandeur?

Cleaning out my DVR today, I actually watched “What Chili Wants,” and part of me wanted to just send her and email and say,” Bish Please!”  The other part of me wanted to say, “Why is it so bad to know what you want?” In the fight to find your mate, you have to know what you WON’T accept.  Somethings will be a deal breaker, and that is okay.  But, are you sticking to your guns because you want to control every aspect of your man/relationship, or because there is some logical explanation as to why you can’t have A, B, or C in your life?

Even after you have established your rules/guidelines, God has a way of laughing at you.  He might send you the exact opposite of everything you ever thought you wanted, and it might end up perfect for you.  Set your rules ladies, have them in the forefront of your mind.  Just don’t let them stop you from finding happiness.

1. Finding a man who meets every requirement on your list, but he eats pork, doesn’t mean you ditch him.  You just introduce the man to Turkey Bacon and go on about your day.
2. Finding a man who isn’t college educated, but can hold a conversation and reads more books than you, doesn’t mean you get rid of him.  It means you try to motivate him to take some online classes and maybe he can introduce you to some authors other than Omar Tyree and Eric Jerome Dickey.
3. Finding a man who makes you laugh, smile, and generally enjoy life, but he’s not Black, doesn’t mean you should let that go.  It means that maybe you need to open your mind and see where that path will take you.

There is a difference between CHANGING your expectations,

and LOWERING them.

Is This You?

2010 seems to be the “Year of Settling for What the Hell I Can Get.”  Every time I see someone who settled, it just grates my nerves.  WOMEN!!!!!! Stop taking what you can get, start demanding that these men step up and be MEN.  loneliness is a Bitch, but so is Self-Loathing.  If you choose a man because he took up space, that is all he will ever do.  Take up space.

Everybody needs love, but maybe they don’t need love from YOU.  Yes, he may be fine, but can he hold a job? Did he move in with you because he got evicted from his studio apartment? Does he have 5 kids, but doesn’t see any of them.  What is he bringing into the relationship? In the biblical sense, he is supposed to be the head of your household. Can he do that? Does he have the potential to do that? Is he motivated enough to do it?

As long as we put up with, Whatever We Can Get, we will continue to deal with, Ain’t Shit Dudes.  Because you put up with his bullshit, he makes the assumption that anyone will.  As previously stated, I am NOT that one.  I refuse to let you get away with anything, if I can’t do the same.  The relationship rules must apply on both sides.  Ladies, if we don’t start making men live up to the most #Basic of standards, there will be all types of shenanigans happening as we look the other way.

So yes, I have standards and goals and guidelines and deal breakers, but I also know . . .

What you want might make you cry
What you need might pass you by
If you don’t catch it, (If you don’t catch it)
And what you need ironically
Will turn out what you want to be
If you just let it,  (If you just let it)

As always, Questions/Comments/Concerns are welcome.  Thanks for reading Guys!

Late Night Ramblings of 2010 #6: I Just Wanna Be Successful

Today seems to be an important day in my life . . . It means something, even if I don’t know what yet.  But as I reflect on this date, I am thinking about the things I have done that have gotten me to the place I am right now.  Sitting in my apartment, in the State of Arizona, I can honestly say, 17-year-old me would NOT approve of my life choices.

17 year old me entered college with no set goals.  My Major was Computer Science, because I spent a lot of time on the PC.  I didn’t have a goal path, I just figured it would be pretty fun to play with computers all day.  17 year old me was looking to re-invent herself.  Find a boyfriend who liked to give her hugs, and eventually have 4 kids named Taylor, Kennedy, David and Xavier.  She was going to have a very rich husband, preferably Jewish, and have a butler named Phillips. {If his name wasn’t actually Phillips, we were going to call him that anyway.}

I used to look at the houses in my neighborhood, and think about where my garden would be, and where my children would play.  Everything was planned around the fact that I wouldn’t have to worry about money, or my health, or the economy, or anything that an Adult would worry about.  So yes, they were the thoughts of a child, but they were what I wanted for me.

If I had lived out my dreams at 17-year-old, I don’t think  I would have been proud of myself.  I want to be successful.  I want to have a business card, and a company car, and my name being nationally recognized.  But because of my drive to have that, I have given up a lot.  I have lost friendships, and relationships because they just couldn’t follow my path.

Seemingly, I am focused on some ultimate goal.  The question I am starting to ask myself is what exactly do I plan to do after I reach that goal.  After I no longer have to worry about money, and I can buy my mother the Ferrari I promised her at the age of six.  After the numerous appearances on Oprah, and the national book tours, what then?

The sacrifices that we make, on the road to that Ultimate Goal are many.  The casualties are great.  The wounds take a lot of time to heal.  Is the Fame/Success really all it’s cracked up to be?  Why do I want this success? What’s My Motivation?

I want people to envy me.  I want my family to look at me and say wow, she’s awesome.  I want strangers to want to be my best friend.  I want to impact the lives of millions.  These are all facts about my Motivation.  Is that my only Motivation, no.  Is that the base that my Drive was built on, yes.

I want to Change the World, One Child at a Time . . . then I want everyone to praise me for doing it. And at the end of the day,

I Just Wanna Be Successful . . . .

Why I am Boycotting Oprah

This whole Don Imus thing has gotten out of control. She had “a Panel” about how the Black man is downing the woman, and that all rappers need to take responsibility for all of their actions . . . I now realize that Oprah is out of the loop. She has gotten too far removed from the every day struggle, because she has decided that Russel Simmons, and Kevin Lyles are responsible for Don Imus’ ignorant statement.

Yes, people, I am boycotting Oprah . . . She is no longer a part of my “Uplift the Young People Plan.” I thought she was going to help me change the world, but now, I just don’t know. I am sure you are wondering why I say that. It’s because when Russel Simmons told her the answer to her question, she wasn’t listening. When a lady in her audience gave her the answer again, she wasn’t listen.

Oprah is blaming the music and Hip-Hop for everything. Hip-Hop didn’t raise me. My Momma raised me. BET didn’t raise me, My momma raised me. Russel Simmons and DEF JAM didn’t raise me, MY MU’FUCKIN MOMMA DID. Everybody in this world has a momma, and your momma is in charge of raising you. The problem is, everybody’s momma didn’t do their mu’fuckin job.

The Job of the Hip-Hop and black community is to pick up the slack. If the first word that a child hears is their “father” calling their mother a hoe, then they are going to think that all women are hoes. Stop placing the blame on the outside sources, and bring that shit right on home.

Educate the children, don’t sit them in front of the TV, and think that they might learn something. I tutor 5th graders on the east side of Detorit, and everyday I come home and think, the Lord is trying to tell me something. It is about to become my goal to save one child. To make a difference, to give a child the tools they will need to understand that rap and basketball aren’t going to get you out of your hood, you brian will.

It’s not until things like this are brought up in the media, that I realize how lucky we are, those of us who are college graduates. We had parents who instilled in us the importance of uplifting ourselves. They instilled in us the need for knowledge, the need to better ourselves, the need to KNOW HOW TO PRESENT OURSELVES.

At work last week, they heard me talking on the phone, and were so impressed at my phone voice, I am now the Voicemail message . . . BECAUSE I KNOW HOW TO SPEAK . . . And yes, they were super ass shocked that I spoke so eloquently, because I am a big black girl.

And yes, I know how to “go ghetto.” I have called people bitches and ho’s, but ti has nothing to do with Hip-Hop. Stop blaming the Hip-Hop, and blame the parents. Blame the schools, BLAME MU’FUCKIN GEORGE W. BUSH for letting poverty continue . . .

And Oprah, I blame you . . . I blame you because you see the things in Africa that happen everyday in Detroit. I blame you for creating a college campus for the children in Africa but not matching that by creating new Early Childhood Centers in every city. I blame you for having a panel of some of the only Black men in America that are doing things to uplift the race, and not giving them a chance to speak. I blame you Oprah for dropping the ball on your task . . . Which used to be changing the world One Person at a Time . . . and is now giving up on your own people, and moving on to Africa . ..

And that Is why I am boycotting Oprah!

What do you think?

My feelings about the Election of President Obama

I am quite sure that everyone was waiting on what I have to say about Obama being the Future President. I almost did it in RNS fashion, but Obama deserves more than that. (Curiously, Obama’s name comes up as a misspelled word on Mozilla, wonder how long it’s going to take to fix that?)

Let me first just say, it hasn’t hit me yet. I have moments, when I am almost there. When I almost understand the significance of what I saw my country do on Tuesday. To all my friends that were shouting, and crying, and speaking in tongues, I applaud you for being much more in tune with your feelings than I. The only time I got close was when my boss, who I don’t really know at all, spoke about how she used to drink out of water fountains that said Colored Only, and today she stood in line to vote for a Black Man.

That is when I realized that this election was never really about us in the first place. This election is for our aunts & uncle, nanas & paw-paws, for our children yet born, and the students I teach. This election, this movement, this man is going to change the world in the best way possible . . . By making us as a people (not just blacks but everyone) better. For the men who died so that we could vote, and the women who marched so that we could have a better education, and the single mothers who fought to have their kids on the same level as everyone else.

I had my students vote on Monday, and it was HIGHLARIOUS. They all knew who Obama was, a few actually knew who McCain was. But half the “ballots” were invalid. They circled both names, colored in the faces, wrote letters on the back. Out of 20 children, only 7 actually voted, and 3 of those were for McCain. What made me realize that they are the future was when one of my kids actually told his mother he voted. He believed that his ballot meant that Obama was going to be president. His mom said that was all he could talk about, that he had voted. And he couldn’t understand why his mother hadn’t voted yet.

He made his mother go vote, because he thought it was mandatory. Because someone told him that EVERYONE had to vote in order for Obama to win. For the children who will be born while Obama is in office, that will be the norm. And unless the history books get better, they won’t understand the significance of Obama being voted President of this great Racist ass Nation. Because I didn’t appreciate being able to go to whatever college I want to attend. Fortunately, I had to mother who made sure I watched Eyes on the Prize every year, and took classes about African American History.

My generation has been portrayed as lethargic, lazy, selfish, stupid, ignorant, and most other things that society (and often times most of the world) has used to refer to African Americans as a whole. But this man, this movement, this PHENOMENON Barack made us get off our asses. He made us want to volunteer at campaign offices, and knock on doors, and make phone calls. And drive 8 hours just to see him, and stand outside in 80 degree weather just to see him at a rally.

The truth is, WE OWED THIS to our ancestors. We owed the last forty years that we as a people have wasted. We owed this for Soulja Boy, and Sagging Pants, and BET, and half the shows on VH1. We owed not going to class, and dropping out of school, and not voting or even knowing if we were registered to vote. We owed half the garbage that we call Hip-Hop, and most of the videos that we put out, and all the glorification of violence in Grand Theft Auto.

People died for us, to have the lives that we squander. People were attacked by dogs so that women could fight on TV for Flavor Flav. People were hung in trees in front of their families so that Soulja Boy could give a shout out to the Slave Masters. (Please read Robert Donigan’s note Dear DeAndre way for more Info) We have literally fucked up so many chances, that at this point, if we hadn’t stepped up our game we would have never really counted again.

So yes, I am so excited that President Barack Obama will take office on January 20, 2009, I will be there to see it happen. But don’t get pissed off when the hood niggas are blasting My President is Black. Because that is all they know. It’s what they have been doing for almost 60 years. The change isn’t going to come overnight. Black folks are not suddenly going to realize that THE WORLD is watching us now. They aren’t going to stop using broken english, and stop wearing baggy clothes. Half these folks don’t know that he’s not in office yet. Obama doesn’t have a magic stick (Michelle might say different) he can’t change everyone.

It’s up to the same people that were knocking on doors to start knocking on heads. To start expecting more of themselves and others, and recognizing that if someone can’t do it because they don’t know how, it’s our job to guide them. Those same people who stood in line for 4 hours to vote need to sit at the feet of someone older than them to learn about what worked in the past, so they can make it work for the future. Obama is a beacon of hope, but he will never be the savior of his people. He is just a man, who understood what was expected of him and actually did it.